In And Out Of Love

I was listening mom going on and on about her trip while she was preparing some light dinner for us and I all I could do was stay in the kitchen with her. I glanced at the clock and noticed that over 30 minutes had passed. Shit, Harry was probably getting a little angry waiting upstairs and not knowing what was going on.

"Yeah, sounds really nice mom. Can I use your bathroom tonight, I'd really like to get a bubble bath. Long day." I asked mom as casually as possible.

"Well don't you sound like an adult, honey. Of course you can. How's things with Harry?" She smiled at me and stopped chopping the salad. Her question caught me a little off guard.

"Oh, just fine. Working on things." I could feel my cheeks blushing. I wanted to tell her the whole story and that we were actually together but there was no time for it.

"Glad to hear. I do really like him. You know, you need to invite him here Tuesday evening. Johnny is coming as well. Okay?"

"Sure, sounds good. So, could you take a shower now yourself? I can continue with the salad. Saves a bit of time." I tried to be reasonable.

"Well... You sound a little funny dear but if you insist, I can go first. Add some olives in there!" Mom yelled as she made her way to the downstairs bathroom.

This was my chance to get Harry out of the house without mom noticing him. I waited for a few minutes and when I heard mom turning the tap on, I ran upstairs and opened my door. Harry was laying in my bed, reading a book I was currently reading. His expression appeared to be a little shocked first but when his brain realised it was only me, he smiled sweetly at me.

"This one is a real tear-jerker. How's it going downstairs?" He asked and opened his arm to welcome me next to him as I walked towards him.

"I got her to go to the shower just now. So... This is your chance to get going. But you look so adorable with that book in your hands that I'm not sure if I want to let you go." I smiled and kissed his cheek.

"I know mom is going to flip if I don't go home because it's school tomorrow... And because I didn't tell her before that I would spend the night. If I could choose, I'd stay. But hey, can I give you a ride tomorrow? We have same class, right?"

"Yes silly. Be early, okay?" Harry nodded and smiled. "Let's go." I got up from the bed and pulled a little hesitant Harry up from the bed. We went downstairs quietly although mom would probably not hear even if we were talking loudly. He pulled me in for a tight hug and kissed my cheek before he left.

2 weeks before summer holiday

Harry and I had been together for roughly three months and we were pretty much perfect together. I laughed with him more than with anyone else before and he made me feel like the prettiest girl in the whole wide world by always reminding me of it. He got never tired of complimenting my hair or my clothes and I loved how great he made me feel.

We had been able to spend some nights together as mom was still travelling a lot and also spending more and more time with Johnny. But I had decided to ask mom about the whole "can Harry spend the night" -thing in the near future. Mom was absolutely crazy about him anyways and they got along very well. I was pretty sure she had nothing against him and I sleeping under the same roof. And she knew it happened when she wasn't around, she had to.

The boys were playing more and more together and they had more gigs as well. I hanged a lot with them as they were rehearsing together and sometimes I felt like I was a Yoko Ono -character and thought if I should be there a little less. But none of them ever complained straight to my face or even to Harry so I figured it was okay for me to be there. And at least I got to play the piano some more when I was with them.

School was going good as well and the summer holiday was almost here. The closer it got, the more me, Harry and everyone else talked about everything we were going to do together during the holidays. It was definitely going to be an amazing summer together, especially because I got to spend it with Harry.

I was cleaning my room and sorting out different pieces of clothing that were scattered on my floor when I found a book I had borrowed from Naomi right before our Easter break underneath everything. I picked it up and gave it a quick flip through before pressing it to my chest. I looked out of the window and felt the sun stinging my eyes so I shut them tightly, still holding the book.

"Gracie, there's something... Honey, are you okay?" Mom came to my room and asked a little confused as she saw me sitting on the floor with the book pressed to my chest.

"Oh... Yeah. I just found a book I borrowed from Naomi a few months ago. I'm alright." I said and got up from the floor. Mom walked over to me and placed her hand to my shoulder.

"You still haven't talked with her?"

"Nah... And probably never will. She acts as if I don't even exist."

"I'm sorry honey... I don't know how you two could mess things up so bad that you won't even talk to each other and fix things. I remember when you were little and..."

"Yeah yeah mom. I don't want to hear about the same things all over again. It hurts enough without remembering them. I just miss her... I miss her a lot." I said and felt my voice getting a little thicker. It had been a long while when I last cried about our friendship, or more like the lack of it. Mom hugged me and kissed my temple before she left my room.

I was glad she never pressed me about the problem with Naomi any more than I was ready to talk about it. There was not much that I could really even say; everyone knew why we weren't friends no longer and there was nothing I could do to change how things had went. Besides, you can't really un-love someone like Harry, who loves you with everything he is. And I didn't even want to change the fact that we had fallen for each other the way we had and as strong as we had.

I placed the book, which was ironically about a girl falling for a guy that was taken, to my desk. My brain started immediately reminding me of the last time that I had spoken with Naomi.

Her eyes were looking at me fiercely and her look made me feel extremely small. Like I was naked and without any armour facing a mad soldier. She had asked me if I chose our friendship or Harry. And it was my time to speak, to give her an answer.

After me and Harry had finally decided to go on with our relationship and take everything that came along with it as it was, I had decided to talk with Naomi and tell her the truth and that I didn't think she was being fair towards me. But the only thing she had to say was that was I going to choose her or Harry. I had no idea how she could act so cold towards me and like she was the one with the right to give ultimatums to her friends. I couldn't believe she was going to make me choose between her and Harry.

"You can't ask me something like that, it's not fair. It's not fucking fair!" I was starting to get a little pissed off because she was acting so childish. "Can't we just figure this out? And can't you try to see things from my point-of-view as well, not just your own. I have tried to do the same and you are not giving anything back here!" I raised my voice and tried to put some sense into her. She just shrugged her shoulders and shook her head slowly.

"Whatever. You are only thinking about yourself and how you got the hot guy at last. I'm sure all of this newfound confidence is because of him, am I right?" She asked, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Are you kidding me right now? What the hell..."

"Oh shut up. You did shit behind my back, okay? Nothing's going to change that. And I'm pretty sure catching him was your mission all along and you just worked your magic right after we broke up. Just answer my question. Him or me?" She asked strongly, not giving me any room. And she had obviously not understood my explanation in the first place.

"I'm not going to answer an insane question like that. If you seriously think that I had planned this and somehow wanted to show you and give you a lesson or whatever, you are delusional. And obviously you don't even know me if you think I could ever do something like that to you, or to anyone." I was really starting to loose it, she was making absolutely no sense.

"Then we have nothing to talk about. It was nice knowing you, for what, like ten years. I hope you two live happily ever after. You definitely deserve each other." She smiled sarcastically, turned around and walked away.

I was fuming with anger and wanted to hit someone. Or something. How could she be so crazy about this whole thing? I had been nothing but sorry about the whole incident and explained everything truthfully to her. But she couldn't get over the fact that they had dated for a few days, she just couldn't. I couldn't believe she was ready to end our friendship because her pride just couldn't give in and accept that this had happened and no one intended to hurt anyone.

For the first time, I felt like it was truly over with her. This conversation would be our last.

Tears were streaming down my cheeks, every drop burning a little. Our last conversation still felt very real, like it happened just yesterday. It was still a little hard to believe our friendship was truly over, even after a few months. I had a lot of good friends and some great girls were a part of my everyday life. And there was Liam. But no one was like her and knew me as well as her. And no one could ever take her place. That's why I missed her so much - still.

I had no idea how she was doing and who she was hanging with. Or if she and Max were still together. She had stopped coming to the same parties we went to and she had been skipping school a bit more as well. She had made it pretty clear, that she wanted nothing to do with me.

I got up and threw the book inside a drawer where I kept miscellaneous things. I thought that if I just didn't see it, it wouldn't remind me of her in the near future. My cheeks were still wet from the tears so I wiped them to the back of my sweater and took a deep breath. Stay positive, I thought to myself.

Thankfully, it was Friday and there was a party at Zayn's house. Naturally, we were all going. Harry was going to come over in an hour so I started to get ready for the evening. But first, I wanted to confront mom and ask her about Harry spending the night.

"Mom, can I ask you something? And please listen and don't interrupt me, okay?" I asked mom, who was watching TV while doing her make-up.

"Of course. Is everything alright?" Mom asked, put her blusher down and already had a worried look on her face.

"Well Harry and I, we would like to spend a night together every now and then. You know, if he could come here tonight for example. It would be nicer after the party and well... You know." I didn't know how to properly finish my sentence without it sounding like we wanted to have sex. Although now it did sound like that. Crap.

"I don't know honey... You're still young and I just don't want you... I don't want anything bad to happen. Like you getting pregnant." Mom said worriedly.

"Well, that is not going to happen."

"Oh, I know what happens behind closed doors. Don't try to tell me otherwise." Mom then said and got a little frustrated.

"Yes, I am sexually active and I'm not a little kid anymore. There you go. This is so embarrassing... Anyways, I'm on the pill. You know that."

"And you must also know that it is not a 100%... It doesn't completely protect you. Oh dear..."

"Mom! We are in a serious relationship with Harry. And I do find this quite normal. I don't want babies and neither does he. It is taken care of as well as it is possible." I started to get frustrated as well. Why was this always such a hard topic?

"Well... But I'm staying with Johnny tonight. It would be just you two... I'm not happy about this, just so you know. But... You have been great at school and taking care of responsibilities and I do trust you. It's just that you will always be my little girl, my only girl. I guess I just don't want you to grow up just yet." Mom then said, a little sad and it was easier for me to understand her.

"So..." I asked quietly.

"Fine then. But if any trouble appears because of this, it will end. No sleepovers. So, be responsible and act accordingly. I cannot believe this is happening..." Mom sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you!" I smiled from ear to ear and went to give her a big hug before I ran back upstairs.

Notes

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PS. How amazing is the boys' new song, Fireproof??? On repeat the whole time :)