In And Out Of Love

Not soon after, we decided to get back home since it was getting way past midnight and we still had school the next day. Naomi didn't want to leave home yet so she decided to spend the night there and appear to school at some point tomorrow.

I left out an extremely long and distressed sigh as I sat inside Liam's car. Harry came to sit next to me and put his hand on my leg, trying to get me to look at him. No matter how much I wanted to feel his touch and respond to it, I pushed his hand away and held back tears. I was not someone who could just easily lie to their best friend, or to anyone for that matter. I felt ashamed of myself, my feelings and my behaviour.

I swallowed hard, still managing to hold the tears away by some miracle. I looked out of the window into the darkness that was hoovering over the streets. I didn't know what was the right answer to this situation. This was just not something that one would do to their best friend. I even felt like Liam was being way too cool about the whole thing and not seeing the reality in it and what the outcome could possibly be, if me and Harry would actually date each other. I thought they would have some kind of a 'bro-code' and he would understand, but no.

"Thanks for the ride Liam. I'll see you two tomorrow then..." I said and tried to sound as normal as possible. Liam turned to look at me and just nodded. Maybe he finally understood my feelings since he was so quiet.

"I can walk home from here. See you bro." Harry suddenly said and got out of the car with me. Liam drove off quickly so I didn't have the chance to tell Harry to stay with him. I was so not feeling like talking about this with him. Not now.

"We really need to talk. Can we go inside?" Harry pleaded and sounded worried.

"Harry, I'm exhausted and just want to go to bed. Tonight was awful and I'm not happy with myself. I just need to collect my thoughts for a bit." I said shaking my head and looking at the ground.

Harry wasn't having it and he lifted my head up by placing his fingers on my chin. He forced me to look at him and as our eyes met, I felt shivers going through me. And then came the tears. Fucking perfect. I felt so vulnerable and stupid, crying in front of him.

"C'mon, let's go. We don't have to do this outside." Harry said and escorted me to our front door.

I couldn't speak unless I wanted to sob like mad. And I didn't want to. I unlocked the door slowly and let us in. The house was dark and I didn't want to turn the lights on. Somehow the darkness felt kinder. I guess Harry read my thoughts as he was fine with me just standing in the dark hallway. I took a deep breath, wiped my eyes and sighed.

"I want to get out of this dress. Let's talk upstairs." I said and walked the stairs Harry following me. He almost tripped once we got all the way up and mumbled something. I went to my bedroom and turned on my night lamp as I felt a bit sympathetic for him trying to get around in an unfamiliar house that was dark.

"Thanks." Harry said as I turned the lamp on. I told him to wait as I went to change my clothes. I put on my pyjamas and tied my hair up to a bun.

Harry had sat down on my bed as I came back. He looked at me with sad eyes and his long fingers were crossed and resting on his lap. As my feelings had been going up and down these past weeks, I suddenly felt like I wanted to wrap my arms around him and tell him everything was going to be okay. But I knew, things were not going to be okay.

"So... I lied to her. She asked me to tell the truth about us and I lied. I said we are nothing more than friends and that was it. She believed me and said she didn't think she was ever going to be okay with me dating you in the first place. So, whatever we decide here, the end result is not going to satisfy everyone." As I told Harry what I had talked with Naomi, I realised I had to either lose him or her. And it hit me hard. I had never felt more attracted to anyone else before Harry came along and I felt like we had known each other forever. I didn't know how I was going to let him go.

"Right. I don't want to separate you two. She is your best friend and I respect that. This is a shitty situation and like you said, there's no winners here. But obviously, you can not choose between her and me. She is your best friend." Harry answered. For some reason, I was deeply disappointed. I wanted him to fight for me. For us being together. I wanted him to want this as much as I did. He didn't.

"Um... Yes, she is. So... I guess this is it then. We better stay away from each other for a bit and let things cool down. You okay with that?" I said coldly and wanted to make him feel something, feel bad. The way I felt right now.

"Sure, I get that. You're a great girl Gracie. Surely, we can be friends?" Harry continued. I just wanted him to leave at this point.

"Whatever." I blurted out sounding more irritated than I had meant to.

Harry looked down to his lap and lifted his hands to his head. I felt tears appearing to my eyes again and felt sad and angry at the same time. Harry sighed and got up from the bed. He put his hands to his jeans' back pockets and looked out of the window, not moving or saying anything. I had no idea why he was still in my bedroom.

"You can go now. Please, just go." I said first harshly and then more sadness filled up my in my voice. Harry turned to look at me but didn't make a move.

"Fine!" I yelled, not exactly sure how I was going to proceed after this. I walked past him, turned my night lamp off and went to bed throwing the blanket on top of me.

I looked at Harry for about ten seconds and saw his figure in the darkness before I turned to face the other direction. I felt my bed sink a bit lower as Harry sat on the edge of it.

"Gracie, I like you. I like you a lot. And for that reason, I have to do what's best for you. I can't be the reason you and your best friend break apart. I just don't want to be that person. Trust me, I've been there before. And it's not a great feeling at all."

I thought about his words for a bit and wanted to ask him to tell me more, but I didn't say a word. Harry wasn't leaving, he was actually kicking his shoes off as I heard them drop to the floor. He laid down beside me but didn't touch me. I collected some courage to turn around and face him. As I finally managed to turn towards him, I saw him looking at me intently.

"I like you a lot too. I don't want to lose her. But I don't want to lose you either. I don't think being just friends with you would work for me." I said quietly.

"It wouldn't work for me either. But if that's the only way to keep you in my life, then so it will be." Harry responded sounding almost poetic, not really making any sense.

I gave in to my exhausted mind and body and closed my eyes. I felt like I was over thinking about the whole scenario 24 hours a day and I had to give it a rest. Naomi would never speak to me again if I decided to give me and Harry a chance. Besides, what if it wouldn't work out between him and me? It would still be too late to get Naomi's friendship back after that.

"Should I go?" Harry asked with a small voice a little later.

"Stay here, please. Let's just sleep. First and last time." I said and wiped a lonely tear escaping the corner of my eye. This was it.

Notes

Short and sweet update this time around! Well, not so sweet considering the end result :(

Would really, REALLY like to hear some comments from you guys, please! :)

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