Forgive Your Past
You've been on my mind
She knew who he was, before all of the fame and screaming girls. The real him, the one so many people assumed that they knew because of a magazine profile, or a "biography".
They were everywhere, cheap money grabs from right to left. She had no idea who the other four were, she never gotten the privilege, she so bitterly thought. It was selfish of her, to be so disagreeable with the notion of his success, she knew that much. That part wasn't to blame for where they had ended up.
He seemed so happy, not that she had gone out of her way to look. How could she not see the expression on his face, even if it was all for the cameras, someone shouting to him from behind it to give a little more teeth.
The thought sent a shiver down her spine, a tingle prickling at her bottom lip. She had to shake the memory from her mind, they were both so young. Maybe that was why this felt like it did. Barely able to grasp the reality of those so called emotions then, making it all the more difficult to do so now.
It wasn't just the sight of him in every shop window or the sound of him on every radio station, there was a text message. She didn't know how he had gotten her number, her mother wouldn't have obliged since the scatterbrained woman could barely remember her own if it wasn't keyed into the directory. Her brother would have been harder to get in touch with, and probably less than enthusiastic to oblige some boy who practically ripped his sister's heart in two over the same device not that long ago.
So the mystery remained, would remain since she would not be seeking him out for an answer.
She thought they were in love, whatever that word meant to two teenagers. They had made it through the audition process, so the next step would be easy right?
Sighing loudly, Kate flew back from the jolt of a shoulder hitting her own. She had been so lost in thought she wasn't watching where she was going, the crowded common area of the campus a dangerous trap for a distracted mind. Her books flew to the ground, her bag sliding off of her shoulder tugging at her earphones and popping them out of her ears.
"I am so sorry," she stammered, her cheeks hot from embarrassment. Clamouring to her knees, she began to scoop up her books, waving off the helpful hand of the person who had shook her from the depths of her own brain.
As she gathered up the last book, pushed the strap of her bag back over her shoulder and placed one earphone back in her ear, she caught a glimpse of curly hair. She was convinced it was brown, her eyes shooting in the direction she had just seen it.
The sea of people were no help, jumbled together like the puzzle pieces in a box, none of them more distinguishable than the next. Blinking her eyes a couple of times, she willed her feet to move but there it was again.
It felt like all of the air in her lungs had been sucked out by a vacuum, fast and unforgiving. It was impossible, surely, that he would be at her school. Her mind was just playing tricks on her, she was in need of a serious coffee fix, any excuse her feeble mind could muster up right at that moment was one she would take.
"This is insane," she muttered to herself, putting her head down far enough so that the group of people were out of her line of sight.
Rushing towards her building, fearing that if she even stopped for one brief moment her feet would never move again, the mad search for the source of floppy, brown curls that she had adored so much would never end. She would stand there, all night yelling at the sky and every passerby, begging them to tell her where he was.
She would not look like a mad woman, she had done everything she could to blend in, fly under the radar, keep cool when someone foolishly mentioned his name, their name.
The first time someone had, Kate was taken by such surprise. It wasn't that they were known, she had an inkling of that happening almost two years ago, it was that a bunch of college students were practically wetting themselves over that stupid song.
Pushing those intrusive thoughts from her mind, insisting to herself that she pay complete attention to what was in front of her, she pulled the door to her dorms open. Racing up the steps to her room and bursting through the door to her room.
"Katie?" Her roommate Charlotte affectionately asked, probably concerned by the look on the poor girls face.
"Hey…what's up?" She was trying to seem as okay as possible, which was hard to do these days and Charlotte had taken notice.
Shaking her head, the other girl just held up her hand. "There's some mail for you, I think it's from your parents." Her long, slender finger was pointing towards Kate's bed, one single piece of post sitting on the grey comforter.
Tossing her bag to the floor, her books bouncing off the springy mattress as she set them down. Kate picked up the envelope, running her thumb along her name without studying it. Flipping it over she tore the back open, lifting the stiff material out of its confines.
Hotel paper? She thought, not connecting the dots until it was too late.
"Kate?" Charlotte asked again, her voice distant this time.
If only the girl could see her own reaction, the paleness of her sun kissed skin, her big blue eyes growing four sizes and scanning the sheet with such quickness trying to make sense of what she was reading.
It wasn't because the writing was abysmal, the chicken scratch something she had always made fun of, or the nickname that made her stomach tighten up so hard she felt like she was going to be sick. The thought that he knew where she was now didn't bother her either, she just couldn't believe this was real.
Part of her wanted to call her family and ask if this was some kind of joke, message everyone she had on Facebook from back home and rip into them for being so cruel to her.
She read it over again a few more times, swallowing harder with each pass of the ink.
You're a hard girl to track down Tiny, you'd think you were avoiding me. Give me a ring sometime, would love to catch up.
Harry x
No, this was real. Harry Styles wasn't just the cardboard cut out sitting in the record shop down the street that taunted her day in and day out, he was ink and paper, he was flesh and blood. And he had just initiated something he knew she couldn't walk away from, because she knew he wouldn't let her.
They were everywhere, cheap money grabs from right to left. She had no idea who the other four were, she never gotten the privilege, she so bitterly thought. It was selfish of her, to be so disagreeable with the notion of his success, she knew that much. That part wasn't to blame for where they had ended up.
He seemed so happy, not that she had gone out of her way to look. How could she not see the expression on his face, even if it was all for the cameras, someone shouting to him from behind it to give a little more teeth.
The thought sent a shiver down her spine, a tingle prickling at her bottom lip. She had to shake the memory from her mind, they were both so young. Maybe that was why this felt like it did. Barely able to grasp the reality of those so called emotions then, making it all the more difficult to do so now.
It wasn't just the sight of him in every shop window or the sound of him on every radio station, there was a text message. She didn't know how he had gotten her number, her mother wouldn't have obliged since the scatterbrained woman could barely remember her own if it wasn't keyed into the directory. Her brother would have been harder to get in touch with, and probably less than enthusiastic to oblige some boy who practically ripped his sister's heart in two over the same device not that long ago.
So the mystery remained, would remain since she would not be seeking him out for an answer.
She thought they were in love, whatever that word meant to two teenagers. They had made it through the audition process, so the next step would be easy right?
Sighing loudly, Kate flew back from the jolt of a shoulder hitting her own. She had been so lost in thought she wasn't watching where she was going, the crowded common area of the campus a dangerous trap for a distracted mind. Her books flew to the ground, her bag sliding off of her shoulder tugging at her earphones and popping them out of her ears.
"I am so sorry," she stammered, her cheeks hot from embarrassment. Clamouring to her knees, she began to scoop up her books, waving off the helpful hand of the person who had shook her from the depths of her own brain.
As she gathered up the last book, pushed the strap of her bag back over her shoulder and placed one earphone back in her ear, she caught a glimpse of curly hair. She was convinced it was brown, her eyes shooting in the direction she had just seen it.
The sea of people were no help, jumbled together like the puzzle pieces in a box, none of them more distinguishable than the next. Blinking her eyes a couple of times, she willed her feet to move but there it was again.
It felt like all of the air in her lungs had been sucked out by a vacuum, fast and unforgiving. It was impossible, surely, that he would be at her school. Her mind was just playing tricks on her, she was in need of a serious coffee fix, any excuse her feeble mind could muster up right at that moment was one she would take.
"This is insane," she muttered to herself, putting her head down far enough so that the group of people were out of her line of sight.
Rushing towards her building, fearing that if she even stopped for one brief moment her feet would never move again, the mad search for the source of floppy, brown curls that she had adored so much would never end. She would stand there, all night yelling at the sky and every passerby, begging them to tell her where he was.
She would not look like a mad woman, she had done everything she could to blend in, fly under the radar, keep cool when someone foolishly mentioned his name, their name.
The first time someone had, Kate was taken by such surprise. It wasn't that they were known, she had an inkling of that happening almost two years ago, it was that a bunch of college students were practically wetting themselves over that stupid song.
Pushing those intrusive thoughts from her mind, insisting to herself that she pay complete attention to what was in front of her, she pulled the door to her dorms open. Racing up the steps to her room and bursting through the door to her room.
"Katie?" Her roommate Charlotte affectionately asked, probably concerned by the look on the poor girls face.
"Hey…what's up?" She was trying to seem as okay as possible, which was hard to do these days and Charlotte had taken notice.
Shaking her head, the other girl just held up her hand. "There's some mail for you, I think it's from your parents." Her long, slender finger was pointing towards Kate's bed, one single piece of post sitting on the grey comforter.
Tossing her bag to the floor, her books bouncing off the springy mattress as she set them down. Kate picked up the envelope, running her thumb along her name without studying it. Flipping it over she tore the back open, lifting the stiff material out of its confines.
Hotel paper? She thought, not connecting the dots until it was too late.
"Kate?" Charlotte asked again, her voice distant this time.
If only the girl could see her own reaction, the paleness of her sun kissed skin, her big blue eyes growing four sizes and scanning the sheet with such quickness trying to make sense of what she was reading.
It wasn't because the writing was abysmal, the chicken scratch something she had always made fun of, or the nickname that made her stomach tighten up so hard she felt like she was going to be sick. The thought that he knew where she was now didn't bother her either, she just couldn't believe this was real.
Part of her wanted to call her family and ask if this was some kind of joke, message everyone she had on Facebook from back home and rip into them for being so cruel to her.
She read it over again a few more times, swallowing harder with each pass of the ink.
You're a hard girl to track down Tiny, you'd think you were avoiding me. Give me a ring sometime, would love to catch up.
Harry x
No, this was real. Harry Styles wasn't just the cardboard cut out sitting in the record shop down the street that taunted her day in and day out, he was ink and paper, he was flesh and blood. And he had just initiated something he knew she couldn't walk away from, because she knew he wouldn't let her.
