Holding Us Back
settle down with me
“We'll never know what it's like to be free
how do you show, what can't but should be
there's no explanation only what we cannot change
so we'll leave how we met
with nothing the same.”
Holding Us Back; Katie Herzig
* * *
“I still can’t believe you just let him walk away. I would have marched right up to him and punched him square in the face. No. Not the face, that is even too kind for that vile little fuck! I would have walked right up to him, tapped him on the shoulder and—”
“Liv,” Marilyn Rogers muttered, eyeing her roommate in vague amusement. “I get it. You would have hit him.”
The brunette widened her eyes and immediately shook her head. “No, I would have nailed the bloody bastard in the balls just to hear him scream!”
With a small smile, Marilyn chewed her potatoes and shrugged. She had lived with Olivia Bennett, a twenty year old Londoner for just over a year. She was used to the fiery brunette and her foul mouth, but loved her for it. She couldn’t have found a better roommate. But living so close to London, the two barely managed the tiny Camden flat, scrounging up just enough cash per month to maintain their stay.
Marilyn had moved from Toronto to England as a twenty-year old solely interested in working for a fashion magazine. Unfortunately, life had other plans. A whole year had passed, the girl was now twenty-one and though she had managed to get an internship with a b-rated magazine called ‘Whirl’, working up to twelve hours a day with nothing to show for it but a bruised ego day in and day out got a little tiring.
“Seriously, Mare, how did you not hit him though?” Liv watched Marilyn drop her fork in frustration as her shoulders dropped forward in pure exhaustion. “I know, I know, you want me to drop it but the bloke basically asked for a lay in return for a job. That’s disgusting!”
Because rent was so tight more often than not, both Marilyn and Olivia took in whatever jobs they could when they had the time. Today in particular, Marilyn had brought in an article she had written to a local newspaper in hopes to get something out of it, but all she received was an uncomfortable leg caress and an offer that she refused faster than anything. The ‘casting’ couch was not only in the entertainment world as she was finding out, but it never got an easier to deal with.
“It doesn’t matter, Liv,” she mumbled, pushing her plate away. “Honestly, he didn’t get very far in his advances before I left the room. Any further and I might have lost it, but I got myself out of there.”
Liv eyed her friend in concern, her brown eyes raking over the blonde’s features carefully. They were both young, pretty girls in the prime of their lives and men often took advantage of that – but it still bothered Olivia to hear it had happened to her dear friend.
“You’re too gorgeous for your own good, ya know? Too nice, too.”
And she was. She had long dirty blonde hair with a pair of sharp hazel eyes that often looked grey because of her sun-kissed skin. She was tall, too. Standing tall at five foot nine, the girl was all leg and that reason alone caused men of all ages to stop and stare. All that paired with a set of high cheekbones and a warm smile, the girl had looks that got attention.
“And you’re too much of a liar to take seriously.” Marilyn joked, standing up to her full height to do the dishes. “You finished?”
Liv nodded and allowed the blonde to take her plate. “You know there was an advert at work for something today,” she began, treading carefully. Olivia worked for Sony Music, working as an apprentice to Nigel Rutherford, one of the creative directors of the company. She dealt with a lot of bands which would result in the girls being able to attend various shows around the city – but this time it was something a little different. “It was a model casting call. For a music video.”
“Oh yeah?” Marilyn said, letting the sink fill up with hot water. “What band?”
“I’m not sure,” Liv said. “But I did see it was for girls between the ages of seventeen to twenty-one.”
“That young?” Marilyn laughed and furled her brow. “Who was it for? Justin Beiber?”
“This isn’t your native land, you brat.” Olivia laughed and moved to the couch. “Anyway, I saw the ages and, I mean, well – you’re in that age group.”
Marilyn rolled her eyes as she began to scrub away at the dishes. “I thought you said it was a model casting call.” She glanced over her shoulder to look at Olivia who was sprawled out on the loveseat. “I’m not a model.”
Olivia groaned. “You could be! You’re all bloody leg and have such pretty hair, Mare! Honestly, you’d look twenty times better than any of those sticks they choose!”
Prior to moving to England, Marilyn had played volleyball and was on a swim team from the time she could walk. She was fit from all the years of sports, healthy and slim, but nowhere near as thin as the models they often chose. She was by no means a model, not in any way shape of form. “I’m tall, Liv. That’s about the only correlation between a model and I.”
“It’s for a music video!” Liv cried out. “A music video! How disgusting would it be to have a stick-thin model acting all cute and girly? They belong in editorials for a reason, Mare. Just try it out!”
Marilyn placed the black plate in the dryer beside the sink and shook her head. “That’s uncomfortable, Liv. When they say they’re looking for models they’re at least looking for girls with experience.”
“Fine.” Liv grumbled, grabbing her IPhone off the table. “Look at me.” She said, walking over to the taller girl. “Now! Look at me you little bug.”
“Please, Liv, continue boosting my ego with those kind words.”
“Look at me!”
Marilyn laughed and, with a huff, turned to face the brunette. “Yes, my love?”
“Smile.” Olivia demanded.
With another quiet chuckle, Marilyn furrowed her eyebrows. “What?”
“Smile!”
Doing as she was told, Marilyn shot Olivia a goofy smile just as Olivia snapped a picture of it from her IPhone. “Oh, you bitch!” Mare laughed. “I look like a cow; I didn’t know you were taking a picture.”
Olivia grinned and shrugged her thin shoulders. “You smiled though. And in front of a camera. Look! You’re halfway to becoming a model!”
The two girls laughed as Marilyn pushed Olivia away from her. “Get away from me, it’s still a no!”
Liv sighed. “You don’t even know the best part yet though!”
“What’s the best part? I get told I look too old or too fat for the job?”
“In what world are you fat?! You’re fit as hell!” She shook her head. “But that doesn’t even matter, that’s not the point.”
Marilyn turned her attention back to the dishes. “And what is your point, Liv?”
“It’s only one day of filming and its twenty-five hundred quid.”
The blonde’s eyes widened in shock before she slowly turned to face her once more. “Twenty-five hundred quid? What band pays that much for a video girl?”
“Like I said, I didn’t see who it was but for one day of filming that kind of pay is just—”
“Where is it?”
A slow smile played along her lips. “Why? You interested?”
“I’m curious.”
Olivia laughed. “You’re so doing it.”
“I’m not, I’m just curious!”
“Okay well since you’re so curious, I brought home the details. They’re in my purse. But I mean, since you’re only curious—”
“Oh, shut-up!” she muttered, walking away from the sink to peer into her bag. Sure enough, folded up into a messy pamphlet was the information for tomorrow’s meeting. Reading over the words quickly, she looked up only to find Olivia smirking at her knowingly.
“So did you want to ride in to work together tomorrow?” she asked with a stifled laugh.
“It says here I need headshots – what, am I going to take them from my Facebook?”
Slowly both girls turned their attention over to the iPhone before Olivia broke out into a small smile. “I’ll take few shots and we can print it out, yeah? It’s a laser printer – that’s gotta mean something, right?”
12/12/12