The Setup

Here I am sitting watching the guys go through their set list again. Eleanor, who I now know is Louis's long time girlfriend. She seems pretty nice. She's been babbling to me about something. I don't know I'm not really listening. I have my own problems to worry about. Like this huge one known as I may be falling for Niall Horan. This is beyond trouble for me. But hopefully I can make it through this damn tour and just leave him in the dust. But I don't like the sound of being without him. But its for the best. Ugh I hate feelings. They just ruin lives. It must be break time because I see Niall walking over with Louis. "Look it! Both our ladies watching us. How lovely isn't it Nialler?" Nialler…oh my gosh. He still went by that? He comes over and sits down by me. I have to admit he looks hot all sweaty. Stop it Cleo. Louis and Eleanor go and join the other boys. Leaving Niall and I alone in this hallway. He was getting a water bottle so I joined him. Following him like some puppy dog. God how lame. "Do you like the music? You seem to not be enjoying yourself Cleo…" I look at him while he studies my face. "You still let people call you that…silly name I gave you?" He smiles and looks down. "Yea…I like it. It was like you were always with me when someone called me that. Mostly just the boys call me that though." He was taking a sip from his water. I just watched him. My arms were crossed. "You thirsty?" He was holding out the water bottle. Like I was going to take it. "No thanks. You drank from it…"
"We shared drinks all the time growing up." Niall was smirking at me. I hate that he knew my past. He could use it to push me around. Not like forcefully but I have a huge ego so I take the bottle. I take a sip from it and pass it back. "You were never this stubborn growing up."
"I'm not the same girl Niall." Then suddenly I heard them yelling that break is over. He downs the rest of the water. He pushes me up against the door and puts his lips by my ear. "I am going to break down your walls…I'm going to get my redhead back." I shiver and I can feel him smirk. He kisses my cheek and then my neck. He leaves through the doors. I just stand there. I sink down to the ground. I collect myself and go back to my spot beside Eleanor. "Oh you seem a bit flustered? You and Niall do a quickie?"
"A what?! GOD NO! What?" I was gaping at her. She was just smiling and winked at me before turning her gaze back on the boys. I look and see that Niall is staring at me. He sends me another wink. I feel my face blush and Eleanor doesn't make it better. "Right you guys didn't…okay. He seems to really like you though…even for someone management threw at him." Her words shockingly sting me. I stand up and walk out to the hallway. I find his dressing room and I go inside. I look at the mirror and I see a girl I barely know. She looks afraid…she looks like she has given up. I know that girl…I am that girl. I am the broken, wounded, hallowed out shell of the girl that Niall wants back. I can't be that girl though. That girl let her emotions show…I now know that hiding what you feel is the best way to survive. The door flies open and Niall comes over to me. "Cleo are you--"
"Shouldn't you be practicing? I'm fine Niall. I can take care of myself." Niall steps back as if I pushed him. Maybe that is what I am doing…pushing him away. "Cleo. You don't have to anymore. That’s why I am here."
"And I'm only here because I was forced to. Just go back out there I'll be fine." I say the words but I'm not entirely sure I mean them. I don't know if I will ever be fine. Its been nine years. Nine years of constant nightmares. I've tried to get past it…I even went through therapy last year…nothing helped. I didn't even hear Niall leave me. I just sit there in some dressing room. I know I shouldn't push him away…he is only trying to help but I don't need help. Well I do but no one can help me now. I'm too far gone. I take a couple of deep breaths then leave the dressing room. I run right into Eleanor. "Um I'm sorry for what I said earlier…you probably don't even want to be here. But um…I hope we can be friends. I really only get along with Perrie and she isn't here…"
"Yea okay. That’s fine. Niall told you to apologize didn't he." Eleanor just nodded. I sighed and walked back to our spot. We were just in time for the boys to sing 'Through the Dark' for the third time. I really liked this one since it spoke to me. Niall stares at me the whole time. My heart is racing. They get done and we head back to the hotel. "You hungry? I'm going to order room service."
"Um yea…what are you getting?" I look at him for an answer. He hands me the little sheet thing. I see cheeseburger and know that's what I want. "Get me a cheeseburger and a diet pop. I'm going to change into comfier clothes." I grabbed my pajama's and headed to the bathroom. I changed and threw my hair up into a ponytail. I looked into the mirror again. I looked at my arms, at the little scars that smattered my pale skin. I sigh and look back at my reflection. I stare into my grey eyes. There was a knock on the door. "Cleo the food should be here soon…and um I have to pee so could you hurry up." I sigh and open the door letting Niall into the bathroom. The food comes and we eat in silence. I was really tired. So I climbed into bed and played on my phone. Niall tweeted something…a picture of…me. "Niall!!"
"Hmm?"
"You are mean! Why would you say that?" I faked being hurt. The tweet said that I was being a buzzkill by going to bed early. He smiles at me and jumps on the bed. He looks at my arms. Well he more like stares at them. Which makes me uncomfortable. I cross them over my chest. He moves over by me. "Cleo I am so sorry…I didn't mean to stare. I just never noticed them before…"
"Yea well don’t worry about it. I survived."
"But did you really?" I look at him. I don't know how to respond. I suppose I didn't really survive…if I did then I wouldn't still be plagued with those nightmares. "Its not about surviving…its about getting by. Which I do." Then he pulls me into his chest. His arms wrapped around me. He plants a kiss on my head. "Its okay to admit that you have never gotten over it Cleo. I'm here now…like I should have been all those years ago." His words make my heart sink. Why does he feel like he should have been there? There wasn't anything he could've done. "It doesn't matter Niall…it happened and now its over."
"So why are you still so broken from it? Let me help you. Talk to me." He was playing with my hair. It felt really nice. No guy has ever been this worried. Even Mickey has given up trying to help me. "I don't even know where to begin…its better if I just leave my past alone. Hidden from everyone." I feel him sigh. He is still playing with my hair and that pretty much lulls me to sleep. I hear him sing 'Through the Dark' to me. He really does have a voice of an angel. Hopefully I won't have a nightmare. I want to untangle myself from him but for some reason I feel safer in his arms. Like he will fend off my nightmares for me. So I stay.

Notes