The Setup

I got to our spot and slumped down onto the bench. I was crying just as hard as I did when my dad tried to take me back home. God why did this have to happen. Why did she think she could just waltz back into my life like she cared. She didn't care. That was made obvious when she gave me up. God I probably looked pathetic. I was sobbing but the kind where you can't really breathe so you are like gasping for air. Yep that’s me right now. I'm the pathetic loser on the park bench crying her eyes out. I can't even call Mickey because I left all my shit in the car. I remember coming here often with Niall. We would laugh and play around. This is where he asked me to the Fall Formal back in 7th grade. I never got to go since I was in Dublin waiting for my mom to come back for me. But Rachel was like my angel sent to rescue me. I really love Rachel like a mother. She was the best mom ever. She built me up even when I felt so low. She never pushed me to be a model. I wanted to…I don't know why but I did. Rachel was happy when I told her I wanted to. She got me into Seventeen Magazine. Rachel was always so good to me, kind, caring, loving. Everything a mother should be. The tears have stopped. I look down at my scarred up arms. My dad was a monster sent straight from hell. He found me somehow last year and almost kidnapped me if it wasn't for Mickey. Then I went to court and testified against him. I spilled everything. I saw Lina there but I didn't talk to her. I did what I had to then left. Now my dad is in prison for life. I sigh and look at the trees. I hear my name being called. I turn around to see Niall running towards me. "Cleo! Thank god you are okay." I stand up and look at him. "I um…I'm sorry if I ruined everything. I just…" I felt more tears roll down my cheeks. He came over and wiped the tears away. Then he hugged me. "Shhh Cleo. Please stop crying. I hate it when you cry." That only made me cry more. God here I am in the middle of the park crying my fucking eyes out. I bury my head into his neck and just continue to sob. "Cleo please stop. Everything is okay now. I'm here. Shhh baby please stop." His words soothe me…like they always have. I stop crying. But I stay in his arms. Why because I just like him holding me. I sniffle a bit before looking up at him. "Suppose we should go back?" I sigh and lean my head back on his shoulder. "I guess so…"
"Cleo…if you ever want to talk I'm here for you. I will always be here." I just nod my head. God he's perfect. But I can't be with him…I'm too damaged, broken. I'm better off alone. "Thanks Niall…"
"I mean it Cleo. I know you're hurting on the inside. I just want you to tell me why."
"Its better if you don't know." I feel him sigh then lets go of me. He takes my hand and we walk back to his place. I see that Lina has gone back inside. Good. I don't have the energy to deal with her again. Maura comes running out and hugs me. "You hungry? I made a lot of food." She lets me go and looks into my eyes like she's trying to see into my soul. Well I don’t have one left really…ha get it because red heads don’t have souls…anyways. I'm all damaged and I bet my soul reflects that. In ancient Greece they used to say that eyes were the gateways to your soul. I notice that Niall has gone inside. Maura speaks up again. "You know how badly you hurt my son when you left?"
"I um…no…listen I didn't have a choice."
"He was a wreck for about three years. Three years Cleo." Its not my fault he couldn't get over it.
"I'm sorry? I didn't have much of a say in the matter." I snapped at her. She furrowed her brows and looked at me again. "I just don't want to have to pick up the pieces when you leave again." Then she left me standing on the driveway. I didn't go inside I just sat down on the steps of his porch. I looked down at my scar and traced it. Then I get up to get my stuff from the car. I grab my phone and call Mom. "Hey honey! How is everything going? I miss you." I felt tears go down my cheek. "I miss you too Mom. And its okay…could be better though. He took me back to Mullingar…I just don’t want to be here."
"Oh…darling listen. Everything will be fine. I'm sure his family will love you." God sometimes I wish I told Rachel the whole story. But I just wanted a clean slate. She knew I was from Mullingar but that’s about all she knows. "I saw her today…and she tried to be nice…but it hurt…" I was sobbing again. Oh Rachel knew that Lina gave me up when I was 12…she doesn’t know I was abused or anything though. "OH Cleo! Oh darling its okay…shhh its okay baby girl. Shhh don't cry…"
"Mom I just…I want to go home…" I hear the door open behind me but I don’t even care. "Cleo darling when you come back I promise to never make you do anything again. Just please stay strong…just like I taught you to. I love you more than anything in this world. Oh I hate it when you cry. Honey please stop. Everything will be okay."
"I love you too Mom. And I will…"
"That’s my girl. I have to go but call me soon okay? Love you and I miss you terribly."
"Okay…I will. Love you too." I hang up and put my phone back in my purse. I don't want to go inside and all this crying made me lose my appetite. Then someone sits down by me. It was Niall. I sigh. I just wanted to be left alone. "Hey I brought you some food…um I didn’t know what you wanted…"
"I'm not hungry." I bring my knees into my chest and hug them. I rest my head on my arms and just look ahead. "Baby…please--"
"Don't call me that. And I said I'm. Not. Hungry."
"Cleo come on…just eat something. Here have the--"
"Niall. I am not hungry. So just stop and go back inside."
"Not without you." I turn my head and look at him. He moves closer to me and leans his head on my shoulder. My heart starts to race. "Niall please I just want to be alone."
"Cleo…you can't just stay out here the whole time." I know he's right but honestly I don't want to go in there. "Cleo come on. You have been out here for like 2 hours." His head was still on my shoulder. These are the moments I used to live for with him. Now I don't really know. He stands up and I just stay on the steps. Then suddenly I am in his arms. "Niall! Put me down RIGHT NOW!"
"Not happening babe. You can be all mopey on the sofa." He plops me down on the couch then goes back outside for the plate of food he brought me. He comes back and puts the plate on a table by me. It looks good…maybe I’ll just have the bread. I grab the bread and start to eat it. Maura comes in and smiles at me. "Good I thought maybe you were one of those models that starved herself." I just snort and continue to eat. I end up finishing the plate of food. Niall comes back from clearing the table and looks at my plate. "Where'd your food go?"
"I ate it." He smiled and shook his head while he grabbed the plate. I look at the time its almost 9pm. Holy shit have we really been here that long? Maura got up off the couch. "Well I'm going to bed. Greg and Denise are coming for breakfast tomorrow morning before you two shove out. See you in the morning."
"Yea alright night Mum." What? We were staying here? He sits down next to me and I move away. He moves closer. I move away. "Cleo. Come here." His voice is husky. I stop moving. Niall never sounded like that. Ever. I look at him…right into those icy blue eyes that makes so many girls swoon. He moves closer to me and slides his hand on my thigh. I can't move. I am literally stuck in my place. His other hand pulls my head towards his. Our lips meet and he kisses me. I push him off of me real fast. "What the hell do you think you are doing?!" I stand up and move away from him. "Uh kissing my girlfriend…"
"I am not your girlfriend! This is fake. FAKE!" God what the fuck was he thinking? Clearly he wasn’t thinking. No one can like me like that. Yea sure I am a model…which means I am good looking I guess. But I am so damaged. Why do you think I put on such a hard exterior? Protection. To keep myself from loving ever again. "Maybe I don't want this to be fake…"

Notes