Love In Lights

My feet were crying in the high heels that were just a little too tight around my toes. I sat down on the chair designated for me and kicked them off with a sigh. I inspected my toes but saw no immediate damage.

Lucinda sauntered over to me in her high heels without even wincing. I glared at how easy it was for her.

“No matter how many times I wear heels I cannot get used to them.” I whined to her when she sat on the seat next to me that had Kate printed across it.

She laughed and kicked her feet out, if the heel wasn’t big enough the point on her toes could certainly do damage if aimed right.

“You’re just a baby.” She grinned at me.

I scoffed and slumped in my chair. “How long is the break?”

“Twenty minutes then a half hour in hair and makeup. Unless it takes them longer to change the set.” Lucinda gestured towards the set that we had been filming the music video to ‘Higher’ on.

“We could sabotage so the break is longer.” I suggested, staring down at the heels and hoping that maybe a wardrobe change would be necessary. Although the wardrobe change will probably just consist of more heels.

“That sounds like a lot of work.” Lucinda said and I took that as a no, she was not onboard with my sabotaging idea.

Kate scrambled over to us, not even staggering in the skyscraper heels they had put her in.

“Hey,” Lucinda yelped, “were did you get the doughnut?”

Kate grinned around a mouthful of chocolate icing. “Louis brought us some.”

She gestured behind her and Lucinda and I both stretched trying to find Louis in the crowd of people on set.

I sunk back in my chair when I spotted him heading straight towards us with a carton of coffees in one hand and a box of doughnuts in the other. Lucinda shot up to meet him and grabbed the coffee Louis nodded at, and then took the box of doughnuts to sit down next to me.

Louis scoffed in annoyance and pouted at her until she grinned and kissed his cheek. Kate smacked a sticky kiss to his cheek as well when he walked past her.

He winked at her before presenting the coffee carton to me, a slight dip in his legs like he was bowing. “My lady,” he grinned nodding at one of the two cups that was left.

I grabbed the coffee and shot a small, nervous smile at him. “Thanks.” I crowded my hands around the still warm coffee and didn’t meet his eye.

“What no kiss?” He pouted at me, his demeanor so calm and confident while I had spent the last couple of days ignoring his calls and texts and going out of my mind in panic.

I surged up and pressed a kiss to his cheek almost on autopilot before shoving my hand into the doughnut box to at least give me something to do.

“How is the video coming along?” Louis said, sitting in the chair next to me, his left arm coming up to rest against the back of my chair. I hated how aware and unnatural I felt just from his closeness. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, this wasn’t how I usually felt around Louis.

“Over it.” Frankie grumbled, choosing to sit on the floor as Louis had taken her seat. Her long tan legs stretched out in front of her while she sipped at her coffee. “We have to get changed again.”

“In princess dresses.” Gracie piped in; a lot more excited than Frankie reacted. The dresses had looked amazing.

“Princess dresses?” Louis asked.

“Big puffy ones.” I explained, waving my hand out around me, trying to communicate exactly how large the skirt of my dress was.

“Can you all fit in one screen if they’re that big?” Louis asked, a cheeky smirk crossing his features when Frankie kicked out at his leg. “Be nice to the one who brought you coffee and doughnuts!”

“Why did you bring us nice things Louis? You’re generally not a nice person.” Frankie grinned.

Louis’ chest puffed out. “Excuse me, I am an extremely nice person. Ask my Mum.”

“Your Mum wouldn’t even agree.” I cut in, knowing if I let Louis and Frankie go they wouldn’t stop.

Louis deflated next to me while Frankie laughed, throwing her head back, the length of her hair brushed against the concrete below her.

“That was just rude.” Louis muttered and I found myself smiling at him, despite the awkwardness only I seemed to be feeling.

“We’re getting called to make up.” Gracie said, waving at the woman heading towards us, her hair frazzled while she spoke into her phone.

“Off you ladies go.” Louis pulled his phone out of his pocket.

We stood up and I grabbed my shoes off the ground before hesitating. “Are you going to be staying?” I asked Louis.

His smile was soft, genuine. “Course love, I’ll be here.” He said it like a promise and I wanted to hold him to that. I wanted him to always be here.

Satisfied I headed off after the others and dropped the shoes into a corner of the room before falling into the last empty seat awaiting the transformation.

Mia was tying up the corset on the back of my dress when Johnson walked in with a pair of shoes in his hand. I eyed them wearily.

He grinned and held up the gold shoes, showing off their very small heel. “Think you can manage these.” He asked and set them down in front of me. I grabbed onto the front of my dress and bunched it up enough to see where my feet were going. Mia grabbed onto my arm for stability while I slid into them.

They weren’t as tight as the other pair and not as high. “I think I can manage.” I nodded to Johnson. He laughed and left the room probably to fix up the girls.

“You look very beautiful. Like a princess.” Mia smiled at me like a proud Mum.

I laughed and looked in the mirror at the white and gold trimmed dress I wore. The corset had a sweet heart neckline and stayed tight to halfway down my torso before spilling out into a multilayered skirt that looked to be embedded with the lights from the stars. I wanted to get married in this dress and that thought surprised me more then anything else.

“I look alright.” I tried to move the tension from the room.

“Don’t put yourself down honey.” Mia smiled in the mirror at me before leading me out of the changing room and into the main room where the other girls were waiting.

We were all in different stiles of dresses, a ballroom theme adamant in them all. Frankie’s was slimmer then mine though, no puff but her baby blue dress was covered in gold lace. Gracie’s dress puffed out at random intervals the further it twisted its way around her legs. It was silver and sparkled as much as mine. Lucinda’s was pure white with no back, instead a simple gold chain ran straight down the middle of her back. Kate was having the most trouble with her dress. The blue and silver dress had a trail that she held in her hand to the side ignoring Johnson’s stress on creases. It was too hard to walk or sit while the trail was on the ground.

“I don’t even think my dress for The Grammy’s next year is going to be this formal.” Lucinda commented, staring around at all of us.

We were herded out of the room and onto the set that was ready. There was a platform in the middle that we had to climb on. It was hard, seeing exactly where I was going or even where the steps were with the skirt of the dress billowing out in front of me but I managed with Lucinda’s help. The shoes weren’t killing me yet and I took that as a good sign.

Once we were all on the platform and arranged in the right order, the cameras began rolling around us and the music started playing distantly.

I spotted Louis behind the producer, his eyes staring intently at the screen that would be showing us.

“I’m doing nothing;
Cause then at least I’m doing nothing wrong.”

Lucinda was moving next to me, her lips mouthing to the song.

“And I’m gon’ stay on my own,
And turn of my telephone
If nothings gained then nothing’s won.”

There were flashes starting up from behind us that were supposed to symbolize paparazzi.

“Yeah, you can tell them,
Yeah, you can say whatever;
I don’t care, yeah
And if you wanna play it cool,
Then I got news for you,
It’s getting hotter, hotter in here.”

I opened my mouth ready to pretend to push the words out of my mouth.

“So, when I speak listen,
This is my decision
And you keep on missing out the words
So when I speak listen
Cause you keep on pushing,
Like I need permission to be heard.”

The cameras in front of us were moving down giving the impression that the platform was rising, that we were moving higher. The flashes were becoming more prominent and from every side. There were blinding but at least it blocked the view of everyone around us.

“I’m gonna lift it, lift it higher!
I’m gonna lift it, lift it higher!
So when I speak listen,
This is my decision,
And you keep on missing out the words.”

It took several takes before anyone was happy with what had been performed.

We then had to pile off so we could do individual shots. I stayed on the platform prepared to do my parts first.

This was harder, without the girls around to keep me in character I instead had to push myself to ignore the people around me. To ignore the cameras and act like I was on a stage for the world to stare at, to judge and to pick apart. I had to stand tall and tell them that what I did had nothing to do with them. They didn’t get to put me in the spotlight and strip me down so I was no longer Annabelle Blake. They didn’t get to pick me apart and demand me to be better or worse. They didn’t get to demand anything of me.

I sung the song, strong and with my head held high. I understood the wardrobe choices when the power of the dress kicked in, the ability, for a second, to feel like a royal to feel important made it all that much easier to not care what other’s thought. I could be untouchable if I refused to let them touch me.

Frankie took over from me after I was done and I headed over to where the others were waiting with Louis.

“You were amazing.” Katie complimented.

“Girl power.” Gracie held her fist up in the air while she gauged on another doughnut.

“You look beautiful.” Louis said, bringing tension into the relaxed atmosphere around us.

He laughed at the stiffness in all four of us girls, and rolled his eyes. “It’s not like I said I love you.”

I felt sick to my stomach, staring at this boy who laughed and pretended that this didn’t matter but I knew that it mattered the world to him. Me not being able to say those words to him meant a hell of a lot.

“Don’t do that.” I said frustrated. “Don’t brush it off and pretend that it’s nothing.”

“I didn’t know you understood it’s importance.” Louis said flippantly and I hated when he got like this. He pretended that he didn’t care, that he was above it all and that was fine when strangers surrounded you but not one it was people that you care about that know you. It wasn’t okay when it was Louis and I.

“Of course I know that it’s important.” I growled at him. “Why do you think it’s so hard for me to say it?” The girls not so subtly began to move away from us, probably trying to give us privacy but we were talking loud enough that it didn’t matter.

“Look can we not do this?” Louis sighed out, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t want to fight with you. I wanted to come here and spend time with you and hopefully take you out for dinner?”

“No.” I said firmly, ignoring his surprised reaction. “No I can’t go to dinner with you, no I can’t pretend that this isn’t festering in between us. I’m not going to ignore it like last time.”

“And last time I lost you.” Louis yelled, I flinched at his raised voice. “I lost you and I don’t want to lost you again. I hated living without you. I hated hating you.”

Louis eyes were glassy and I felt my own eyes burn. I wanted to reach out and hold him but I didn’t. “But we can’t be together if I don’t say it.” I stated plainly.

Louis shook his head and held a hand over his eyes, breathing deeply before looking back at me, the redness of his eyes were still evident.

“I’ve already decided to wait.” Louis said softly.

“For what? What are you going to wait for?” I snapped at him and his foolishness. I wasn’t worth waiting for. I wasn’t something to be valued; I was broken and not worthy of him and what he could give me.

“For you to grow up.” He spat out, his eyes all fire and controlled anger. I bristled at his words causing him to roll his eyes.

“Whatever Belle.” He turned on his heel and left, marching through the people that were pretending not to be watching us. I watched him leave before stomping in another direction, needing air.

-

I felt safe, comfortable lying between two warm bodies. Kate’s hands played gently through my hair, as I stayed buried between her and Liam’s chest. A movie played in the background but I hadn’t paid it any attention since I came in here and pushed my way between the two. They welcomed me easily, accommodating my space but staying close enough so I felt warm and at home.

I felt myself drifting off when Kate’s bedroom door opened again and someone began to climb on the bed. I rolled over as Harry crawled onto the gap I had made so he was laying half on Liam and half on me.

“How did you even get in here?” I asked, annoyed that I would now have to share Liam and Kate.

Harry held up his set of keys that had an alarmingly large collection of keys on it. Kate didn’t seem surprised that he had her key.

“Do you have a key to everyone’s house?” I asked, remembering him using his own key to get into Louis’ house.

“I got a copy of yours when we stayed over.” Harry held up another key. I glared at the key and then glared at him.

“You’re supposed to ask people before you do that Harry.” I scolded him.

He only shrugged and turned his eyes to the movie that was playing. “So why are you sulking in here?” He asked, without taking his eyes away.

“Louis.” Liam and Kate both answered.

Harry huffed and rolled over so he was facing directly at me. “Still haven’t told him you love him?”

“This has nothing to do with you.” I ignored his question.

“Please this has everything to do with me. Has everything to do with all of us. We’re all so badly intertwined that it most definitely affects us. And you love him and you’re afraid, I get that.”

I didn’t want to talk about this. I came in here so I wouldn’t have to talk about it and now Harry was going to force me to because I couldn’t run from him when he wanted to talk. He had a way of making you do things you never wanted to do.

“It doesn’t have to be terrifying you know.” I met Harry’s honest eyes as they begged me to understand. “It can be magical and overwhelming and beautiful and every good feeling in the world. And it can hurt. It can really fucking hurt but it doesn’t have to be terrifying. And if you want it to be, Love can be easy. It can be the easiest thing you decide to do, loving someone, loving Louis will be the easiest decision you will ever make.

Notes

Song title Easy To love - The Jezabels.
Song mentioned in fic is Higher by the Saturdays!

Guess whose going to 1D's concert tomorrow night!! Brisbane showing :D!!!!!! xx