Love In Lights

“Harry Styles turns 22 today and to celebrate our favourite heartthrob is apparently throwing a star studded party. All of his ‘closest’ celebrity friends will be making appearances and we can only imagine the type of gold encrusted presents that the young star might get. All four members of his band, One Direction, have been seen flying into London to ensure they would be here for their youngest members birthday.

On the guest list we are only half-surprised to see international girl band Purity set to make an attendance and rumoured to perform that night as well (along with other famous people that are apparently less worthy to mention to the press!). The girls have recently been talking about their new album and getting back on track after their last year being splashed all across our headlines. This is the first party any of the girls have been sighted at since Kate Hernahm (20) and Frankie Lavarda (22) ended up in rehab at the end of last year.

Flick through the album below to see photos of 1D and Purity together through the years.” – February 2016

It wasn’t until halfway through the movie when I realised that Frankie hadn’t come back from her toilet break. Pulling my legs off of Gracie’s lap, I moved through Kate’s apartment in Central London looking for her.

“Frankie?” I rapped my knuckled against the bathroom door and was met with quick, loud jerky noises behind the door before Frankie’s face appeared on the other side of the door, she had red swollen eyes and her hair was knotted and oily like she had continuously been running her hands through it.

I pushed past her and hurriedly glanced around the room. I couldn’t find anything incriminating and she hadn’t flushed the toilet to hide anything. Calming down I turned back to see her eyes wide, hands shaking rapidly in front of her, sighing I reached out and held onto her hands, holding tightly tried to prevent them from shaking. Her shoulders hunched and I hated how I had become accustomed to this broken picture of her.

“I-I d-didn’t…” I cut her off and rubbed her back, guiding her towards the sink to wash her face.

“I know. I believe you. It’s okay.” I spoke soothingly and calmly while she washed her face, she wouldn’t be able to hide her red eyes but at least she didn’t look quite as frenzied. I grabbed a brush off the counter and lightly ran it through her short blonde hair missing the way it used to hang wildly down her back.

Once she was done we walked calmly and quietly back out to the girls. They barely spared us a glance when Frankie and I sat back down on the couch but we all moved closer, touching and enjoying each other’s comfort. Showing Frankie that we were there for her, we will always be there for her.

She let out a slow breath before dropping her head onto my shoulder and closed her eyes. Her hand stopped shaking, sniffles became less frequent. Gracie curled up in Frankie’s lap and my eyes found Lucinda’s over her head. Her eyes were empty but her mouth set in a frown. It pained me to realise how numb and abled we had become to watching and holding each other while we scraped along rock bottom.

-

I blinked the tears away furiously while Mia continued to try and apply eyeliner to my bottom eyelid. It was my least favourite part of getting my makeup done and I could see Mia’s lip curl in frustration.

“I don’t understand why you won’t let me do it.” I stubbornly told her when she moved to the other eye and out of reflex my lid completely closed. She made an annoyed noise and forced my eye open.

“Because you are not a make up artist and honestly Annabelle after this long you think you would be used to this by now.” I refrained from rolling my eyes at her, only because she had a black lethal stick too close to my retina for me to try.

“Johnson is much more understanding.” I replied snippily and I could hear Johnson’s amused snort from next to me where he was fixing Kate’s dark brown curly hair that she had finally grown past her shoulder until it was almost reaching mid-back.

I eyed my own hair, it had changed drastically over the years, from streaking it with every colour under the sun, the horrible month when I had turned it blonde and when I mistakenly decided to cut it off at my shoulders. It had thankfully grown back since then and now sat comfortably halfway down my back at its natural brown colour that lightened and ended in blonde tips. It was a hairstyle that both Mia and Johnson had approved of and I had grown to love.

“They’re fighting again.” Gracie fell onto the seat next to me and I spared her a glance before Mia yanked my chin back to facing her. Sure enough we could hear Frankie and Lucinda’s elevated voices coming from somewhere within Kate’s apartment.

“I’m just saying you don’t have to go if you don’t want to!” Lucinda was exasperated and annoyed. I could just imagine her arms flying wildly around trying to emphasise her point.

“And I’m saying that I can handle it. I’m not a child Lucinda, I am perfectly capable of looking after myself.” Frankie was angry and stubborn.

“Yeah well you haven’t been looking after yourself for the past year so excuse me for worrying.” I winced at Lucinda’s words and there was a short silence before Frankie replied.

“I’m not going to drink tonight.” She sounded hurt by what Lucinda said.

“I know Franks,” Lucinda just sounded tired now, “but I’m just worried that being around alcohol and people drinking will make it harder for you.” Lucinda had a point and Frankie knew she did. She had had too many relapses for us to be too trusting of her restraint.

“I need to do this sometime and I’m choosing to do it tonight. All I’m asking is that you will freaking support me.” Their voices were getting closer so it was easier to hear.

“I’ll always be here for you Frankie.” Lucinda eventually replied before they both walked into Kate’s living room that had been easily turned into a makeup station. It was actually scary the amount of tools that Mia and Johnson had brought with them and set up within a matter of minutes.

We stayed mostly quiet from then while Mia and Johnson worked effortlessly and on time to have us ready for Harry’s birthday party tonight. The silence was uncomfortable and unfortunate common occurrence that had begun happening with us these last few months.

None of us had figured out how to end them or finally be comfortable with them, not that I ever wanted to be comfortably silent around people who I had spent the last two years being extremely loud and enthusiastically energetic with. Now silences made us feel broken and forced.

“And we’re done just in time.” Mia stepped back from spritzing my high-straightened ponytail one last time before smiling at me and dropping the can back in her bag.

I stood up and slipped on the high heels standing next to my chair before straightening the strapless black jumpsuit I was wearing for tonight. Mia stepped forward again to fix the gold jewelry that layered my neck, wrists and the gold circlet around my head.

Smiling gently at Mia in thanks I stepped towards a frenzied Lucinda who tried to rush us all out the door. I grabbed onto her shoulder and squeezed tightly as I passed, wanting her to calm down and enjoy the night, something we hadn’t been able to do in a long time.

I chatted softly with Gracie while the other three stayed silent on the ride there. Gracie was quieter then usual, chewing her pink stained lip and wearing the lipstick off. It had become a nervous habit of hers but I let her carry on, not having the calmness to stop her at this point. Frankie’s hands were shaking next to me again and I held them tightly while listening intently to Gracie.

Tony wanted to take them both away for a weekend soon. I agreed with him that it would be good for Gracie but she worried for all of us, didn’t want to leave us for too long in case we needed her again. I assured her that we could all look after each other to give her a break for the weekend. She smiled indulgently but still seemed unsure by the time we pulled up outside of the venue. Camera flashes coming through the car to alert us that we were there.

I took a deep breath and Frankie briefly squeezed my hand before carefully hiding her emotions and taking the first step out of the car, Lucinda followed her, then me. The flashes were only disorientating for a few moments before we adjusted easier then we used to be able to and made our way further away from the car, following security into the hotel that had been hired. There were shouts and screams from every direction but we stayed close together, smiled, waved, posed for a few photos and looked entirely like our life was fully together before making our way inside where we would have to continue the façade for the rest of the night. It was almost easier to pretend to be these successful well-put together people then it was to be completely honest with everyone.

There were even more people inside and the music was loud and pounding through my bones. The type of music that you can feel stronger then you can hear. Lucinda gently linked her arm through Frankie’s and I could see the way she held on tightly in return. Both Kate and Gracie pressed in closer to me on either side while we walked further into the room, glancing around in the dark flashing lights. I jumped, startled when Harry appeared in front of us.

“You girls made it.” He grinned wide and pulled us tightly in, he already smelled like he had drunk half the bar, and his small giggles and stumbles gave away how much he had drunk tonight. I grinned anyway and helped to support him properly when Liam appeared by Kate’s side.

“Li-li, have I told you lately how much I love you.” Harry leant over me and grabbed onto Liam, squishing both Kate and I between them. Liam huffed and pulled Harry around us shaking his head but there was a smile on his face.

“I’m going to make him sit for a bit.” Liam told us nodding, Kate moved forward when Liam went to leave, her hand enclosing around his forearm.

“I’m going to go with Liam.” She said to us quietly before turning and disappearing into the crowd with him. Liam played a big part in getting Kate to go to rehab and want help. They had always stayed in touch and talked more then any of us had with the One Direction boys. There relationship was close but quiet and I didn’t know how to read it. But I was honestly grateful that Liam had wanted to help when I called him.

“Louis’ here.” I turned at Lucinda’s voice and saw where she pointed. Louis was in a small crowd of boys talking and laughing, Zayn and Perrie were there as well. I glanced back to Lucinda, Gracie and Frankie.

“I’ll be fine you go.” Lucinda assured me, pulling Frankie tighter against her. I hesitated again. “You wanted to do this tonight Annabelle, so go do it.”

“I can come with if you want.” Gracie stepped up but I shook my head.

“Stay with those two, I’ll come find you guys later.” I smiled at her before turning and worming my way through groups of people milling around the place, making a beeline straight for Louis and the small group he was a part of. He hadn’t noticed me yet and I honestly had no idea what I was going to say but I knew I wanted to talk with him tonight.

Zayn saw me first and he frowned deeply, leaving Perrie’s side to meet me halfway. I frowned and stopped when he grabbed my arm.

“What are you doing?” He hissed at me. I looked at him shocked, glancing between him and Louis. Perrie was watching us and I waved receiving a weak smile in return.

“I wanted to speak with Louis.” I told Zayn pulling my arm out of his grip. He looked pained, sighing heavily.

“Why now? Why tonight?” He questioned and I gaped at him slightly. “It’s been two years and you want to talk to him tonight at Harry’s birthday part.”

“I stuffed up Zayn and I wanted to fix things.” I told him firmly, watching as Louis glanced to Perrie confused. His eyes searched around for Zayn and I grinned the moment his eyes met mine. He stilled and Zayn groaned loudly.

“I swear Annabelle don’t hurt him anymore then you already have.” I frowned at Zayn.

“I didn’t want to hurt him.” Louis was walking towards us now, Perrie as well, both looking unhappy.

“Hi.” I smiled at Louis when the both stopped next to us he shot me a bewildered look before motioning Zayn and Perrie away. Zayn stood stubbornly and Perrie just looked awkward and confused. Rolling his eyes Louis wrapped his arm around my bicep and dragged me away from the other two. I let him pull me through the dance floor where sweaty, drunken bodies pressed at us from all sides before we were on the other side and making our way into an abandoned hallway.

“What do you want Annabelle?” Louis words were hard and his face blank. I breathed deeply, expecting this.

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“It’s been two years.”

“So everyone keeps reminding me.” I grumbled, crossing my arms over my chest at how difficult he was being. “I wanted to apologise.”

“It’s been two years since you left me standing in the rain without replying at all to my stupid heartfelt confession and you want to apologise. Now. You want to apologise two years later.” His words were laced with sarcasm and his eyes practically rolled out of his head but I could hear the hurt in his voice. I nodded anyway.

“I’m sorry Louis.” I told him honestly, stepping closer but he only took a step back, an annoyed grunt ripping from his throat. His glare was narrowed and his breathing heavy before he shook his head.

“Your life and your career are falling apart so what? You think that I’m just going to take pity and forgive you? Pity you because two of your friends idiotically ended up in rehab, that you threw your reputation in the trash all for a few wild nights and some alcohol.” I flinched at Louis words, taking a step back. I didn’t think he would forgive me so easily but I didn’t imagine he would be so harsh. I wrapped my arms tighter around myself, feeling suddenly cold in the barely lit hallway.

We were silent for a while, neither of us speaking but neither of us leaving as well.

“I-I, I didn’t mean, just-” Louis paused and his face screwed up in frustration. “Are Frankie and Kate okay?” He asked eventually, his voice exceptionally soft compared to moments ago.

“No.” I answered truthfully, letting it roll of my tongue and my shoulders sagged from the tension relief. “They’re not, they really aren’t but we’re trying. We’re all trying to cope I guess.” I rubbed my arm up my bicep continuously trying to work warmth back into my body. Louis sighed and his eyes found mine again.

“Are you okay?” he asked gently, biting his lip like he hadn’t really intended to ask.

“No, not really.” I admitted again. My eyes catching on tears but I willed them to stay. Louis nodded slowly and his head turned around suddenly like he just remembered there was still a party going on.

“We should probably…” He trailed off and gestured behind him. My stomach deflated at the realization that I really wasn’t going to fix this. I waited for Louis to leave but he stayed standing there, his hands pushing into the pockets of his tight jeans.

“Look I’m not accepting your apology and I’m certainly not forgiving you at all. You were a bitch Annabelle.” I didn’t flinch this time, I had been called worse as of late. “But thank you for saying it anyway. Even though it was exceptionally late.” I looked up at Louis in surprise. He hadn’t accepted anything but this was still more then I thought I would get from him.

“I’m going to head back.” He hesitated, half-turned. “Try to have fun tonight, you don’t have to drink or go to far. Just go dance or something. Just have fun.” I nodded slowly as Louis let out an almost cautious smile before disappearing down the hallway and back out into the loud room.

I followed after a moment, the warmth seeping back into my bones while I searched around for the girls.

Frankie was sitting with Gracie, both looking awkward and unhappy in the surrounding loud space and I sighed in annoyance. There was a time where we would be in the center of it all. Having fun and not caring what anyone thought and I missed that dearly. Taking Louis’ advice I marched over to both girls and grabbed their hands.

“Let’s dance.” I said firmly but Frankie shook her head.

“I don’t feel like it.” She sounded tired already and we had barely been here an hour. I glared at her and tugged Gracie up off the couch.

“I don’t care. We are going to go dance because we don’t need alcohol to have fun, Francesca. So get your sorry ass off the seat and please just come have some fun.” My voice turned pleading towards the end and I almost gave up before Frankie slowly stood up, her hand holding on tightly to mine, shaking slightly.

“Don’t call me Francesca.” She bit out, her eyes narrowing on mine but a small smile played across her features. I grinned and yanked both her and Gracie out onto the dance floor. We were going to have a fun night because I was sick and tired of caring about every bad event that had happened in the last two years.

Notes

Title: Gravity by Sara Bareilles

So just a warning, I've officially gone back to Uni, so although I'm only like a day late with the once a week updating that I usually do, sometimes this might happen and more frequently as the semester goes on. But I'm trying to keep ahead of it all, but this is just a warning if I'm late again! :)
xx