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No Regrets

41-Surgery

Charlotte’s P.O.V.
*Three Weeks Later*
The past three weeks have been pretty hard. I’ve had to get adjusted to being on a cannula all the time and sleeping with a BiPap machine, I get tired extremely easily, my body has lost a lot of weight and I am now underweight, and on top of that there has been some hate towards me recently saying that I’m not pretty enough to be with Niall, or that I should at least attempt to “Cover up that wrinkle space you call a head”. Niall has been extremely supportive and helpful but the band is working on a new album and they have been busy almost every day the past week and a half. I try to remain happy and lively when I am around everyone, and Niall makes it feel like I’m not acting anymore, but it’s hard to hide the pain. I’m not scared of death. I’m scared of leaving everyone behind to deal with my death. I can barely stand the thought of what is going to happen to Niall, and imaging the pain that Harry, Zayn, Lou, Liam, Perrie, El, and Dani would go through as well makes me so sad.
Not to mention my family. My mom, my dad, my brother, my best friend. They’ve been with me for so long; it’s selfish of me to keep craving their presence when soon enough they won’t be able to talk to me at all. My thoughts get worse when I’m alone. I just get so sad, and in the words of John Greene “I am a grenade”. I have been filling my time with reading lately and “The Fault in Our Stars” is one of my favorites. It explains my situation perfectly. I don’t want to give anyone false hopes of me living, because when I am gone it will be like a grenade went off. “Depression isn’t a side effect of cancer; it’s a side effect of dying.”—John Greene.
I was currently at home, lying in my bed and trying to stay awake to watch the movie. Niall was lying next to me, his hands wrapped around my waist and my head on his chest. I kept trying to distance myself from him but he came and talked to me saying he knew what I was doing, and that it wasn’t going to work. I was already too apart of his life to be able to change it. I gave up trying to push him away and gladly accepted his comfort. I had missed him dearly and he could tell I had been holding back.
I was just slipping into unconsciousness when I jolted upright. My breathing became shallow and strained as I fought to get air even though I had the cannula in. There were pangs in my chest and it felt like my chest was slowly being torn apart. Niall was staring at me with concern in his eyes.
“Hospital.” I choked out and he immediately grabbed his phone in one hand and picked me up with the other. I quickly grabbed my oxygen tank as he sprinted out the door. He was talking to Harry as he helped me into the front seat of his car before running to the driver’s side and quickly pulling out of the parking space. He ended his phone call with Harry and grabbed my hand, drawing gentle circles on it. I managed to smile at him. I swear, he was the only thing keeping me from going completely insane from depression. He was the only sun in my life. My parents, the boys, and the girls were all more like LED lights, they helped, but they weren’t as powerful. The ride to the hospital was quick but the pains in my chest kept getting worse. I was thrashing in my seat and scraping my chest, as if I could rip the pain out.
Niall parked in the emergency entrance and quickly hurried to get me. He carried me in and there was already a team of nurses waiting for me, Harry must have called to let them know I was coming. I was wheeled through the halls with Niall still holding my hand before he was forced to let it go as I was wheeled into a room. I looked Niall in the eyes as the door shut and it broke my heart to see the pain in them.
* * *
I woke up and the pain in my chest had dulled, but it was still lurking. Niall was holding my hand, his head buried in his other hand. Harry was in the other chair by the window, knees folded up and his head resting against them. I squeezed Niall’s hand and he quickly looked up, his eyes were slightly red but his face lit up when he saw my eyes.
“Princess!” Niall said breathlessly and then got up and gave me a gentle kiss on my cheek, cupping my chin lightly in his hand. I heard Harry get up and come over but I only had eyes for Niall.
“Ni! What’s happening?” I asked, glad that it didn’t hurt to talk. Niall’s face quickly dropped and he exchanged a glance with Harry. I looked to Harry’s face and he looked away but not before I caught a look of his face. His eyes were red and there were tears in them. I looked back at Niall and he took a deep breath.
“The tumor came back; it attacked your lungs again. The medicine didn’t work like it was supposed to, so they have to perform surgery. They are prepping the room for you right now.” Niall said, sadness I his voice, but I could tell there was something he wasn’t telling me.
“What else Niall?” I asked, trying to look in his eyes but his face was pointed down. “Niall?” He still wouldn’t look at me. “Harry?” I asked, turning to face him and his head whipped towards me. He looked at Niall then quickly back at me.
“Um, well the tumor grew more quickly than they had originally thought, and the medicine only slowed it down. The tumor has almost completely destroyed your lungs.” He said quietly and I sucked in a breath, realizing the information. “The surgery may not help. The doctors said you only have a 20 percent chance of living through it.” He continued and his voice cracked on the last sentence. My breathing froze as I registered what he was saying.
“I was supposed to have another month to say goodbye, not another few minutes.” I said sadly. “How long until surgery?” I asked Harry, seeing as Niall had tears streaming down his face and I knew he wouldn’t be able to answer.
“A half hour.” I inhaled and nodded. I saw Harry turn away and saw the glint of tears starting to run down his face.
“Where is everyone else?” I asked, grasping Niall’s hand in both of mine and rubbing it.
“They’re outside; they wanted to give you your privacy.” He said in a strained voice.
“Can you bring them in? I want to say good… I want to talk to them.” I said, catching myself as Niall started sobbing hearing what I was about to say. Harry nodded and headed out the door. “Niall, I’m sorry, I never wanted you to have to go through this…” He quickly cut me off with a passionate kiss. I quickly regained from my shock and kissed him back as much as I could before I was out of breath. He pulled away and rested his forehead on mine. Both our eyes were closed but he pulled away when we heard the door open. In filed Harry, Zayn, Liam, Lou, Dani, El and Perrie. The room was quite big so everyone easily fit but it was heart wrenching to see all the expressions on their faces. Tears were running down the girls faces and all the guys were trying to hold their own tears in.
“Hey guys. Can I talk to each of you?” I asked and they all nodded. I gestured and Liam and Dani came up first. I smiled at them and they smiled weakly back.
“Liam, thank you for being such a good friend, and for becoming like an older brother to me. I really appreciate it.” He smiled and nodded. “Dani, thanks for being a great friend. I really wish you guys will all keep those phone cases and make sure I have mine when I’m…gone. You two really do make an adorable couple.” I said, glancing at Niall who was still weeping by my side and grasping my hand. She nodded and a tear fell through her eyelashes.
“You are the best thing that has ever happened to Niall. Thank you for that, and thanks for being my little sister.” Liam said and I smiled, tears in my eyes.
“I promise I’ll make sure you have the case. You will always be one of the sweetest, kindest, best friend I’ve ever had.” I sniffled at her words. She leaned down and gave me a gentle hug. Liam followed suit and then gave me a gentle kiss on my cheek. They both backed away from the bed and went to stand by the door. Lou and El approached next.
“Lou, your jokes and sassiness always puts a smile on my face, and it really has helped me. Thanks for making me smile.” He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and nodded. “El, I love the fact that you are Lou in a female body. When we were having a girl’s night you would always make me smile and laugh and I love that about you. You and Lou truly are soul mates.” A tear escaped onto her cheek.
“Char, I love how you would always flip me off whenever I tried to break off a kiss or hug, and I am truly going to miss that. I’m going to miss you.” He said and his voice cracked. El reached to grab his hand and squeezed. “My goal was to make you smile, and it seems like I’ve succeeded and I’m glad to hear that. Thank you, about me and Lou. It means a lot to me.” She said and she reached down and gave me a hug. Lou followed suit, and like Liam placed a kiss on my cheek. Perrie shuffled forward as they moved to join Liam and Dani.
“Hey Perrie. I’m sorry I never got to go to your concert. I really wanted to. I know all your songs and I would’ve been screaming the loudest. I will still be cheering for you though; I wish you and Little Mix all the best. Thank you for being such an amazing friend.” I said and she whimpered.
“Char, I… thank you. Just thank you, for everything. I’ve never seen Niall happier than when he was with you, and you always make me smile. No one will ever be able to replace you in our lives.” She said, and then gave me a gentle hug. She headed over to the others and they all left with one last wave, leaving only Niall, Harry and Zayn, the people I had connected with most. Oh how was I supposed to say goodbye to them? How was I supposed to say goodbye to Niall? I Loved him for Pete’s sake.

Notes

I am SO SORRY for taking so long to post!! I have been pretty sick the last ew days and the last thing I felt like doing was writing! I'm extremely sorry for that but hopefully this makes up for it!
Let me know what you think! What do you wand to happen??
COMMENT~RATE~SUBSCRIBE

Comments

@livingmylifeUKbackup
Awesome!:) and I know exactly how you feel!=]
@Khloe Styles
Thanks!! I'm trying to writ some of it right now, I already have the whole thing planned out, it just takes so long to transfer the words from my head to a page!
@livingmylifeUKbackup
You should totally right a new one!:)
your a really great author and a lot of people would read it!:)
@Khloe Styles
I'm thinking about writing a new one, I already have the whole story line down, I just dont really have any motivation to actually write it down :/ but I will definetely let you know if I write a new one!! And whenever Carry On comes on I get very emotional too! I;m happy that you can relate things to my story!! You rock!
@HopelessDream
I am the author of this story, my account wont let me log in anymore so I had to make a new one.
This link has teh last few chapters on it. http://www.harrystylesfanfiction.com/Story/8931/No-Regrets-ORIGINAL-ACCOUNT-NOT-WORKING-WILL-BE-POSTING-LAST-TWO-CHAPTERS-HERE/
Hope you enjoy!