No Regrets
38-I Needed This
Niall’s P.O.V.
I closed the door on Char’s retreating figure, leaned against the door and slid down it. I couldn’t contain it anymore. I burst into tears, sobbing my heart out. I had tried to hold it in today and last night for her but I just couldn’t do it anymore. I had my knees pulled up and my head was buried in them, my arms wrapped around my legs and slightly rocking. All the anger, fear, worry and guilt just spilt out of me.
The guilt that I hadn’t noticed.
The anger that all the other lads knew before me.
The fear that next year she may no longer be in my life.
The worry about the next two months.
I didn’t know what to do. My girlfriend who I think I loved was dying before my eyes, and I couldn’t do anything about it. A fresh wave of tears fell through my eyes as a inhuman noise came out of my mouth. Shaking, got off the floor and stumbled into my bedroom. It was rather messy but I just fell on the bed and curled up in a ball, trying to stop the shaking. Why did this have to happen to me? To her? I can’t believe what she has to go through, and now I understand why she had originally wanted to remain just friends with all of us.
I was so angry with all the fans that had said she looked bad without the hair, or who asked her. Obviously something had happened that cause her to lose her hair, why couldn’t they just leave it at that? Why did she have to have such a sad life? First she was diagnosed with cancer, then her best friend killed her when she need her the most, and now she only has two months to live?
The pillowcase I was lying on was soaking wet from my tears and the front of my shirt was plastered to my chest too. I could feel my tears start to run out and I started dry heaving, attempting to cry when there wasn’t anything to cry. My thoughts were jumbling inside my brain, I had too many emotions to think clearly. I thought I heard the door creek open but ignored it and kept trying to stop heaving. I felt my bed shift and a hand was placed on my shoulder. I turned quickly, scared that it was Char and she would see me in all my pity. But it wasn’t Char, it was Zayn. He had sympathetic eyes and a pained look in his face as I broke into a new wave of tears, my water restore finally coming back. I turned my head back down and placed it onto the pillow.
Zayn sighed and went around to the other side of the bed so I was facing him. I closed my eyes and dug my face into the pillow but he reached out to me and made me sit up.
“What the hell do you want? I just want to be alone.” I said, my voice cracking, unable to keep anger in my words. His face looked even more pained at my expression and he reached out and pulled me into a hug. I froze at first but soon found myself hugging him back and put my head on his shoulder, even more tears escaping my eyes. I couldn’t contain myself and Zayn understood. He just stood there hugging me tight, not saying anything. I sobbed into his shoulder for a long time, until my tears finally started to run out.
After about a half hour of just pure crying my eyes ran dry and I pulled away from him. I could feel my eyes being puffy and I knew I looked like shit but I didn’t care. Zayn was still looking at me with sympathetic eyes and I couldn’t bear to look him in the eyes.
“Niall?” Zayn asked and I reluctantly looked up at him. His eyebrows were raised, asking a silent question.
“I’ll be fine. I just needed to get it out.” I said in-between sniffs. He nodded.
“Do you want me to leave?” He asked and I almost nodded. I did want to be alone, but I knew that if I did I would be crying all night, and I knew I couldn’t do that to myself. I shook my head.
“No. Can you stay?” Zayn half smiled and nodded. He jerked his head towards the door and we both walked out into the living room. I grabbed a blanket, wrapped it around myself and plopped myself on the couch. Zayn put in a movie and then went to make some popcorn. We watched the movie in silence and it helped to get my thoughts off of Char. She was always in my mind, but it had taken my mind off of the cancer side of her. We kept watching movies for about three hours before Zayn said he was tired and was gonna head back to his flat. He made sure that I wasn’t crying anymore and then left. “Thanks.” I called out to him just before he closed the door. He nodded and smiled at me then left.
I stayed on the couch and started another movie but soon sleep overcame me, luckily my dreams didn’t make me want to cry.
I closed the door on Char’s retreating figure, leaned against the door and slid down it. I couldn’t contain it anymore. I burst into tears, sobbing my heart out. I had tried to hold it in today and last night for her but I just couldn’t do it anymore. I had my knees pulled up and my head was buried in them, my arms wrapped around my legs and slightly rocking. All the anger, fear, worry and guilt just spilt out of me.
The guilt that I hadn’t noticed.
The anger that all the other lads knew before me.
The fear that next year she may no longer be in my life.
The worry about the next two months.
I didn’t know what to do. My girlfriend who I think I loved was dying before my eyes, and I couldn’t do anything about it. A fresh wave of tears fell through my eyes as a inhuman noise came out of my mouth. Shaking, got off the floor and stumbled into my bedroom. It was rather messy but I just fell on the bed and curled up in a ball, trying to stop the shaking. Why did this have to happen to me? To her? I can’t believe what she has to go through, and now I understand why she had originally wanted to remain just friends with all of us.
I was so angry with all the fans that had said she looked bad without the hair, or who asked her. Obviously something had happened that cause her to lose her hair, why couldn’t they just leave it at that? Why did she have to have such a sad life? First she was diagnosed with cancer, then her best friend killed her when she need her the most, and now she only has two months to live?
The pillowcase I was lying on was soaking wet from my tears and the front of my shirt was plastered to my chest too. I could feel my tears start to run out and I started dry heaving, attempting to cry when there wasn’t anything to cry. My thoughts were jumbling inside my brain, I had too many emotions to think clearly. I thought I heard the door creek open but ignored it and kept trying to stop heaving. I felt my bed shift and a hand was placed on my shoulder. I turned quickly, scared that it was Char and she would see me in all my pity. But it wasn’t Char, it was Zayn. He had sympathetic eyes and a pained look in his face as I broke into a new wave of tears, my water restore finally coming back. I turned my head back down and placed it onto the pillow.
Zayn sighed and went around to the other side of the bed so I was facing him. I closed my eyes and dug my face into the pillow but he reached out to me and made me sit up.
“What the hell do you want? I just want to be alone.” I said, my voice cracking, unable to keep anger in my words. His face looked even more pained at my expression and he reached out and pulled me into a hug. I froze at first but soon found myself hugging him back and put my head on his shoulder, even more tears escaping my eyes. I couldn’t contain myself and Zayn understood. He just stood there hugging me tight, not saying anything. I sobbed into his shoulder for a long time, until my tears finally started to run out.
After about a half hour of just pure crying my eyes ran dry and I pulled away from him. I could feel my eyes being puffy and I knew I looked like shit but I didn’t care. Zayn was still looking at me with sympathetic eyes and I couldn’t bear to look him in the eyes.
“Niall?” Zayn asked and I reluctantly looked up at him. His eyebrows were raised, asking a silent question.
“I’ll be fine. I just needed to get it out.” I said in-between sniffs. He nodded.
“Do you want me to leave?” He asked and I almost nodded. I did want to be alone, but I knew that if I did I would be crying all night, and I knew I couldn’t do that to myself. I shook my head.
“No. Can you stay?” Zayn half smiled and nodded. He jerked his head towards the door and we both walked out into the living room. I grabbed a blanket, wrapped it around myself and plopped myself on the couch. Zayn put in a movie and then went to make some popcorn. We watched the movie in silence and it helped to get my thoughts off of Char. She was always in my mind, but it had taken my mind off of the cancer side of her. We kept watching movies for about three hours before Zayn said he was tired and was gonna head back to his flat. He made sure that I wasn’t crying anymore and then left. “Thanks.” I called out to him just before he closed the door. He nodded and smiled at me then left.
I stayed on the couch and started another movie but soon sleep overcame me, luckily my dreams didn’t make me want to cry.
Notes
Ok sorry for the crap chapter and the shortness. I don't really know how to write this type of scenario from a guys point of view, so cut me some slack! Next chapter will be longer to make up for it! Sorry!! Tell me what you think!COMMENT~RATE~SUBSCRIBE
Awesome!:) and I know exactly how you feel!=]
7/21/13