Beautiful Agony

"The most dangerous creation of any society is the man who has nothing to lose."
-James Baldwin

Chapter Five

I could not focus all weekend. After Friday morning, my mind has been in a different place. I can't stop thinking about that man. Harry Styles. It's a name that I have been repeating in my head ever since I first saw it written on that notebook. He doesn't look like a Harry. I was expecting something a little more hardcore like Axel, Xander, Ryder, or Stone.

I haven't seen him since then. Not that I could because I haven't left my flat all weekend. I didn't want anyone to see the cuts and bruises that still cover my face and body. That's an explanation that I do not want to say. I'd rather just forget about it and move on. I'm safe. I'm alright and that's all that matters. I'm not going to mope around and feel sorry for myself when I have been through much worse. I wouldn't look for him anyways. So he saved my life. Okay, but that doesn't mean that I'm hopelessly in love with him. I don't even know him. The only thing that I know is his name. I also know that I love the way my name rolls off of his tongue, but I won't ever admit that to anyone. I'm fine on my own and I don't need anybody coming into my love life, which has always been non-existent, and I plan for it to stay that way. There is nothing that I need from any man. They're all the same and I don't need that now. I'm the last person in the world who would ever want to fall in love.

Love. Is it even real? No it isn't. It's a fake emotion that people use to take advantage of other people. I have never seen or felt love because there is no such thing as love. It's a myth—a story that has been told for thousands of centuries. It's all just a lost hope that can never be saved.

I take a break from my painting that I started yesterday to grab my phone that just buzzed with a text message.

Liv 20:20
What are you doing?

20:21
Painting. What about you?

Liv 20:21
Watching Downtown Abbey. How are you feeling? Have your bruises faded yet?

20:22
No but they're not as bad as they were. I can cover them with makeup for tomorrow.

Liv 20:22
So you are going in tomorrow?

20:23
Yeah. I can't afford to miss any days. I'm already working five sometimes six days a week and I need the money for rent.

Liv 20:23
You know if you ever need any help you can come to me right?

20:24
I know that Liv, but I'm fine. I don't need any help.

Liv 20:26
How many times have I heard that spiel?

20:26
It doesn't matter, I'm fine. :)

Liv 20:27
Putting a smiley face only tells me that you're not, but since you're way too stubborn for your own good, I'll let it go.

20:28
I'm sorry we missed Chinatown yesterday.

Liv 20:28
It's alright. We can go this coming Saturday if you want?

20:29
Yeah that sounds good. Meet me here at 17:45.

Liv 20:29
Okay Konnichiwa.

20:30
You do realize that means good afternoon in Japanese right?

Liv 20:30
I know what it means Ari! :O

20:30
You're so weird sometimes.

Liv 20:31
Yeah look who's talking! I'll let you get back to your painting now. See you tomorrow. Paint me something pretty!!

20:31
Bye Liv. I always do. ;)

I put my phone back in my pocket and shake my head. Liv's such a nut sometimes but she's my nut and I love her. She's done so much for me that I can never repay her for. She's a great friend, my only friend.

I grab my paintbrush, dip it into the pallet and continue on my 'pretty' painting into the rest of the night

~*~

"Hey! How are you?" Right when I walk through the door of the bakery, Liv rushes over to me and wraps her arms around me. "Are you feeling okay?"

I pull away and smile at her. 'I'm fine Liv really.'

"Good. Everyone was wondering where you were on Friday. I told them you caught a cold and would be in today."

I smile in appreciation. 'Thank you Liv you're a lifesaver.'

She flips her hair dramatically behind her like a model on a runway. "I know."

I roll my eyes at her silliness and go back to the langue to get ready for the day. Once I walk into the kitchen everyone says hello and asks if I'm feeling better. I nod and smile at them all to thank them for their thoughtfulness and then wait for Christina to tell us what we have to make. 200 Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip cupcakes for a birthday party and a red velvet wedding cake. It's a slow day today.

"Aria and Liv, you two will make the batters for the PBCC cupcakes while Julia and Arthur start on the frostings. I'll start on the red velvet." Jacob tells us and we immediately get started on the batters.

We work for a while in silence and then Liv turns to me. "So what happened with that one guy after I left on Friday?"

I turn on the mixing bowl and the ingredients starts to rotate in a smooth circle.

'We talked for a minute and then he left.'

"What did you talk about?" Now both of our mixers were going so we had a little time to talk.

'I thanked him for saving me and asked why he was still here.'

"What did he say?"

'He stayed to make sure that I was alright.'

"That was nice of him. I still think he's an arsehole though." She smirks and I chuckle at her.

'Liv you're the one who yelled at him first and almost bit his head off.'

"Well what did you expect Ari. My best friend opens the door looking beat up and in her knickers and an unknown man is laying on her couch."

'He was being nice.' I turn my attention the batter that is now smooth and ready to be poured into the pan.

"Do you like him Aria?" She gets that mischievous smirk again that is always on her face.

My eyes widen at her ridiculous question and shake my head fast. 'No! Why would you ask that?'

She shrugs. "I don't know. Whenever he wasn't glaring at me he was looking at you with those eyes." She squints her eyes in an intense stare that makes me chuckle at her folly.

'You're insane.'

"Maybe, but I know a love stare when I see one." We both pour batters into the pans simultaneously and I wait until my hands are free to write.

'It wasn't a love stare. He was making sure that I was okay.'

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with a love stare. It's the perfect scenario. A shy, innocent girl gets rescued by the strong, tattooed and pierced bad boy and they fall in love." We walk towards the ovens and place the pans on the top and middle racks.

'It's a cliché scenario that will never happen.' I write when we get back.

She groans out and throws up her hands. "Why can't you just let me live out my fantasies for once?"

'Because they're all ridiculous and apart of your imagination. Those things don't happen in real life.'

"They could if you allowed them to." She tries to justify but I shake my head.

'Yeah if.'

"You never know. Life throws some tough things at you."

Oh ain't the truth.

"What's his name anyways. You haven't told me yet." She returns to her bowl and places it in the sink and starts to get out clean bowls and utensils.

'Harry Styles.'

Her bright blue eyes widen and she gasps, dropping the clean equipment that was in her hands and they fall to the floor with a loud thud that alerts the other bakers. "What!"

"Everything okay Liv?" Jacob asks, looking up from his large bowl of cake mix. The other two bakers turn their attentions to us and my cheeks redden from their curious states.

"Yes everything's fine." Liv mumbles and kneels down to get the things she dropped.

"Harry Styles!" She hisses to me when she stands up and turns her back to the others.

I nod at her, wondering why she is acting like this.

"Oh shit. Oh shit I yelled and cussed at Harry Styles," she rants and puts her hands over her face in distress.

She keeps mumbling to herself and I look at her like she is going crazy.

"Harry Styles." She keeps mumbling and whimpers.

I grab her arm to calm her down so she doesn't get the others' attention and turn her towards me.

'What is going on? Who is Harry Styles?'

She gapes at me. "You don't know."

I shake my head at her. I have no idea what she is talking about. I've never heard of a Harry Styles in my life until three days ago.

"How do you not know? Everyone knows who Harry Styles is?" Liv questions and I shrug my shoulders. Need I remind Liv that I was extremely isolated in my life up until last year.

She puts her hands on my shoulders and looks me dead in the eye. "Aria. All you need to know is that Harry Styles is a man that you do not want to get involved with. He's built up quite a reputation."

'That doesn't give me much to go on Liv. What has he done?'

Liv snickers and fiddles with the mixing bowl. "What hasn't he done? He does one night stands and just throws women around like they're nothing. He gets into fights all the time and treats people like shit. He has way too many tattoos and piercings for anyone's liking. People say he does drugs and gets pissed almost every night. I even heard he used to abuse his old girlfriend. Her name was Lily. Oh my god Aria she was so gorgeous and sweet! Nobody understood why she was with him and what she saw in him. I'll never understand that. She was always so friendly with everyone she met and we saw her almost everyday. She came in this bakery a lot. And then one day we stopped seeing her. That same day she was found dead in an alley."

'What happened to her?' Why would someone do that to a person like her?

"She was beaten and stabbed to death. And you want to know who probably did it? Harry. He does have anger issues so it does add up. The police questioned him and kept him overnight but they couldn't find anything that tied him to her murder except that he had her blood on him. Everyone around here is afraid of him. They always have been and since Lily died, he's been even more cold and ruthless than before. Whenever he walks around, you look the opposite way, never make eye contact and get away from him. I'm serious Aria. He's nothing but trouble. He's dangerous."

'He seemed nice though. A little cocky but still nice.'

"I'll admit, I had never seen him before Ari. Other people told me that he has brown curly hair and green eyes and is covered in tattoos in piercings, but I never even thought about that guy being him. He didn't look cold. Intimidating and strong yeah, but I guess looks can be deceiving. I just hope he doesn't come after me for what I said to him." She explains.

'I doubt he'd come after you Liv.'

"But still, now that I know what he looks like, I'll be sure to steer clear of him. You should too Ari. I have talked with people who have met him and seen him fight and they say he's a monster. I don't want you to end up like Lily did or worse. Anyone that comes into contact with him either ends up dead or they wish they were dead. It's best if you stay away Ari."

I nod at her warning. 'I doubt I'll ever see him again.'

"Good. Let's hope it stays that way." She replies and both of us get back to work, both of our thoughts occupied by the recent revelation.

Harry didn't look scary to me. He looked intimidating but he was nice somewhat. He also seemed very cocky and sexually aware of himself like he always got what he wanted and is always the one in control. I'm having a hard time believing all of the things said about him. He never gave me a reason to hate him. He saved my life. The least I could do is not listen to the rumors right? I don't know though. I can't deal with more pain and suffering from a man. I've had enough of that to last me a lifetime. Maybe I should stay away. That shouldn't be a problem since I've gone this long without knowing who he is and I've never seen him out before. I don't ever want to cross paths with him. I don't need anyone like that in my life. I can't handle it. We're two people who will never work in this world. We're way too different and I will never let a man get that close to me to find out who I really am. I will never be vulnerable again. I've learned my lesson on that. Never again.

~*~

On our walk home from work, Liv does all the talking as usual, but I'm not even paying attention. My head is too clouded with what we talked about earlier. I can't stop thinking about Harry and what Liv told me. How could that man be a ruthless monster?

"Aria? Are you okay?"

I snap out of my daze and look up and find Liv staring at me. I nod at her question and she frowns.

"What's wrong? Are you still thinking about what we talked about with Harry?"

I nod shamelessly.

"Ari, I know that you don't understand everything. I don't either. But it's better if we listen to the people that have met him than trying to find our own conclusions and get hurt." She tries to reason but I don't know what to think.

"Don't stress yourself over it. You'll most likely never see him again. Don't let your gratitude cloud your reasoning and judgement."

She's right.

I don't write anything back and we keep walking down the sidewalk towards our flats.

"I'll see you tomorrow okay?" Liv says when we get to her building.

I nod and try to smile at her but it comes out as a grimace.

She sighs and pats my shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow Ari."

I watch her go into her building and then continue on my walk towards my flat. Thinking about Harry the entire time.

Notes

Sorry some of these chapters are fillers. After this chapter the story starts to pick up and you'll see more of Harry. Thank you for reading and feel free to leave a comment.