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Lots of One Direction short stories

One Direction Interview


“So we are here today with the lovely One Direction boys.” I say into the camera with a big fake smile. The boys all smile and say hi.

“So the fans seem to know a lot about you, but after this interview they will hopefully know a lot more.” I fake laugh.

“Ok so the first question….. the readers want to know, who is single and who is in a relationship?” I ask, starting them off gently.

“Well me, Liam and Zayn are in a relationship. Harry and Niall are single pringles” Louis laughed.

I asked a few more normal questions to ease the guys in but had no choice but to continue with more personal ones.

“So how many times a day do you masturbate?” I couldn’t believe I was asking this, I should really be used to it though as I had asked so many people these type questions in interviews, and written about much worse in some articles.

Liam’s eyes widened. “Umm…”

“Well I don’t think any of us count, but it sure does relieve tour bus boredom” Joked Niall.

“We wrote an article last week about different sex positions….so what are your favourite positions?” I asked, giving an ‘I’m sorry’ look.

“Well I’m sure our girlfriends wouldn’t want us sharing that information… but I have to say I’m a fan on the traditional missionary.” Louis giggled.

“So how about those that don’t have girlfriends….do you have any favourites?” I asked Harry and Niall. This was not me being nosy, it really said to ask them in my cards.

Harry laughed while Niall shifted in his seat uncomfortably. “Well I’m quite an imaginative guy so I like a surprise!” Harry said with a smile. I turned to Niall but he looked at me as if to say ‘please don’t ask me that’.

“Well we all like a surprise don’t we harry” I joked making Niall visibly relax.

“So… what’s your favourite Lisa?” Harry asked with a smirk.

I laughed. “Well I’m sure this interview isn’t about me… but I must say I have tried several and am open to suggestions.”

The guys all smirked.

“So have you guys heard of fan fiction?” I asked
They all nod.

“Have you read any?” I continue.

“Um ye we have, some of them are very graphic.” Liam says

“What is the weirdest ones you have read?” I ask

“Well there are lots, but the ones that make us most uncomfortable are probably the ones that involve all of us in some way. We’re not like that.” Louis says looking serious. I got what Louis was referring to as I saw some Larry stories. I assumed they didn’t want to talk about that as it was weird.

“Ahh ok, so a threesomes off the cards then….shame” I laugh.

“Sorry to disappoint” Liam laughs

“Afraid so” giggles Harry.

I read the next question, I turned to Maggie, “I can’t ask that!” she just glares at me.
“Don’t worry love ask us, we can decide to answer it or not” Louis says smiling.


I put on my fake interviewer smile…. “So guys everyone clearly wants to know… who has the biggest dick and how big is it?” I say dying inside.

The guys just laugh.

“Umm… well Niall here is quite lucky” Harry laughs as he hi fives Niall.

“I’d be telling if I said how big though.” Niall laughed.

“Ye some lucky girl will just have to find out for herself.” Liam said smiling.

“Ok so being 20/21 year olds I’m sure you have seen your fair share of porn?” I ask as I read my cards.

“Ummm…….” The boys all look at each other.

They look at me strangely, so I stop the camera.

“Thanks Lisa… do we really want to promote porn to our fans?” Liam asks the rest of the boys.

“Well we have all seen our fair share. We should be honest but make it clear that it’s not realistic and people shouldn’t aspire to be like what they see.” Harry says seriously.

“Ok. Thanks Lisa we’re ready again” Zayn says.

“You sure, we can skip that question?” I ask seriously not wanting to know that they watch porn.

“Ye its fine” they all say in unison. Aww they are actually really hot….
I start the camera again.

“Um… ye we have. As you said we are 20/21 after all.” Zayn laughs.

“Ye but porn is….um quite…. degrading, and people shouldn’t aspire to be like that because it’s not at all realistic.” Harry states.

“But on the positive side it is also good to relieve tour bus boredom.” Niall laughs.

“Ok it’s officially the tour bus is now the wank bus” I laugh.

“Well it gives us something to do… maybe you should come on tour with us sometime. We’d give you a tour” smirks Harry.

“Ye I’m sure you would.” I laugh.

“So you guys might not be new to porn but I assume none of you have stared in porn?” I ask
They all laugh “No!”

“So have you seen the porn blog of you guys?” I ask

“Ummm… no?” Liam looks confused.

I pause the camera and show them the blog on my tablet.

“Oh my god that actually looks like me!” Harry said looking at the picture.

“Liam! What the fuck that has to be you?” Niall laughed

“No it really isn’t!” Liam said shocked.

I un-paused the camera.

“I have just shown One Direction the porn blog. What are your reactions?” I ask

“Well um… I don’t think we really know what to say. Some of the pictures and videos are uncanny and do really look like us, it’s really not though….. Mum honestly it’s not me!!” Harry laughed.

“Ye we find it odd that the fans do that sort of thing, I guess it makes them feel close to us…” Liam said

“….Ye very close, almost in” Louis laughed as he cut Liam off.

I actually giggled at this.
“So last couple questions guys, have you ever had an unwanted erection in public before?” I ask

“Harry here has!” Zayn laughs, as Harry punches him on the arm.

“Care to tell Harry?” Louis asks

“Well….umm…..during a concert before I guess I was pumped up on adrenaline and it just kind of happened. Guess you could say the front row got their money’s worth.” Harry laughed shyly.

“Ye it’s kind of hard to miss in his super tight jeans” Niall joked

Niall then burst into a fit of giggles, clearly proud of his accidental ‘hard’ pun.
Once Niall calmed down I asked my last question.

“Ok last question guys….. have you ever moaned someone else’s name accidently during sex?” I directed my question at everyone but Niall as I could tell he wasn’t comfortable talking about sex. I assume he is a virgin or something?

“Umm… I don’t think so?” said Liam, then followed by zayn and Louis.

Harry then turned to me and winked.

“Harry?” I ask.

“Ye I have….. it was a heated moment and I moaned…. Lisa!” Harry smirks.

I laugh nervously, aware of what Harry was trying to do.

“Well thanks guys…. I’m sure the readers will be thrilled to know more about you all. One Direction everybody!” I said smiling and signalling the camera to be turned off.

“Well done guys, I know that was a bit too personal and awkward. And Harry I’m editing that last bit out.” I say standing up and smoothing out my tight wet look leggings.

“Awww…. Shame I’m sure I could make it true, especially since you’re up to try different positions and so am I.” Harry laughed as he kissed me on the cheek.

“Stop flirting Harry!” Louis teased.

“But seriously Lisa, thanks, you actually made that easier on us, you seemed to know when we didn’t want to talk about something and didn’t mention the gay crap when Louis mentioned fan fiction.” Niall said as he gave me a tight hug.

“It’s ok. I didn’t think you knew what you were getting yourself into, plus I’m not a complete bitch I get when people are uncomfortable.” I said with a smile.

“Thanks Lisa, hopefully we will meet you again soon, you seem really cool” Liam says kissing me on the cheek.

“Ye Lisa, you should come hang out with us, you know too much about us now, plus we owe you a tour of our tour bus.” Zayn laughed.

“Ye I’ll pass on the tour thanks, I don’t think I want to see where you guys relieve boredom.” I giggled.

They all laughed.
“Thanks guys, see you again soon.” I say as I leave the room.

“You definitely will.” Louis smiled.

Harry rushed up to me before I left; he pulled me into a hug and slipped something into the back of my leggings. I pulled it out slightly annoyed; it was a piece of paper with a phone number on.

“Call me” Harry smirked as he let me leave to go edit the film.

Wow that was a different interview. ‘One Direction talk about masturbating, porn and favourite sex positions’ I can see the heading already. Well if this goes well I’m sure I’m due a raise!




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