Isabelle's P.O.V

January 1st

“Happy New Year, and to all, a good night!” Louis screamed out drunkenly into the darkness as he stood on my front porch. I giggled as Eleanor rolled her eyes, leaning up against the doorframe. “I’ll bring him to my flat. I doubt he’ll be able to drive.”

I nodded, giving her thumbs-up, “Smart thinking, El.”

She giggled, “I’m pretty sure he won’t remember anything in the morning. He can barely stand.” I laughed and held out my arms, pulling her in for a hug. I know that I’d only met Eleanor a short while ago, but I already felt as though she were a second sister. “Thank you,” I murmured in her ear, “For…everything. I’ll see you soon.” She pulled back and smiled at me, “That’s right. See you later today.” I smirked and waved.

They were the last to leave. Perrie and Zayn had left about thirty minutes earlier, Niall and Liam following suit. They were all very tired. I wouldn’t blame them; it was two o’clock in the morning. We were seeing them again tomorrow anyways. Or was it today? Whatever the case, I smiled and waved goodbye.

“Belle?” Kate called out, poking her head out from in the kitchen, where she was finishing up doing the dishes, “I’m going to crash at a friend’s flat. You and Harry will have the place to yourselves.” I nodded, staring upstairs. Harry had disappeared up the steps a few minutes before.

Kate dried off her hands with a rag and walked over to me, “Just don’t be too loud,” she whispered, smiling at me naughtily, “I don’t want the neighbours calling to complain.” My cheeks immediately heated up, and I slapped her arm lightly, “Kate!”

She just laughed, shrugged on a pair of boots and a jacket, before blowing me a kiss, and stepping outside. “Have fun!” she yelled, and I giggled, closing the door after her. I leaned against it, pressing my cheek to the cool wood, and I sighed, thinking about what she’d said.

Don’t be too loud? Really Kate?

I mean, sure, I’d love to have sex with Harry. He was just…Harry. But I was afraid that I’d disappoint him. I was afraid that I’d let him down. What if we had sex, he wasn’t satisfied, and then he decided that he just wasn’t interested in me anymore? I didn’t think I could handle that.

I was also afraid. What if Harry was just like Cameron? What if he was just using me to get what he wanted? My mind reeled at the thought. Cameron had done something unforgivable.

My eyes immediately welled up, but I blinked the tears back. I swore that I would put that awful part of my life behind me. I wasn’t going to begin reminiscing now.

I couldn’t deal with thinking about all of this right now. I had enough going on.

But my mind wouldn’t let go of it. I could still remember what he’d done to me, how awful, and used I’d felt afterwards.

Stop thinking about this!

It had been horrible

You’re going back to it!

I sobbed quietly; I couldn’t start this. I’d been doing so well, so why did I have to go ahead and ruin my streak.

You need to move on.

Ugh, that voice in my head—my conscious—was always right. I wanted to rip it out of my head and stomp on it. Fuck you, Conscious.

Wiping away a rogue tear, I took a deep breath and began climbing upstairs. I didn’t feel like changing into my pajamas, so I just decided to strip down into my underwear and sleep like that. On the top step, I pulled off my top and my pants, and I threw them into the laundry bin that stood beside the door to my bedroom. Pulling my hair out of its ponytail, I shook it free, letting it cascade in waves down my back. I opened the door to my room…and stopped in my tracks.

My room was only illuminated by the faint lamp on my dresser. It cast a low hue, and I found it very romantic. I stared around my room. My bed was fixed. Scattered along the floor, on top of my furniture, and even on my bed, there were beautiful red rose petals. Soft music streamed from somewhere.

But my eyes were on the main attraction. Standing there, in only his boxers, looking extremely nervous, was Harry. My jaw dropped as I took him in. His hair was in its usual doing; wavy in some places and curling in others. His green eyes sparkled in the faint light. He chewed on his bottom lip. And then my eyes wandered to his body. Ink littered his chest, and I swooned. His toned stomach looked so inviting. My gaze fell to the V-line above his hips, but I quickly tore away before I decided to look lower. I took my bottom lip in between my teeth.

“Hey,” I said, trying to not make my voice sound clogged. “Hey,” he said, and his eyes raked up and down my body, “Did you know about this?” Quickly realising what it looked like, my eyes flicked down to my torso, only covered by my bra, and I barked out a laugh, “Oh, no. I just…I—um,” I trailed off, suddenly feeling extremely nervous. I think I knew what was happening here.

“Okay,” Harry said, and he took a step towards me. I almost flinched, and he continued, “I guess I should just come right out and say it, right?” I looked up at him, nodding slowly,

“Right,” I whispered.

He nodded, “Alright, here goes. Isabelle Foster,” he looked at me with those piercing green eyes, and I could not fight the smile that found its way onto my lips. He took it as a good sign, because he smirked and went on, “I feel so weird when I’m around you. I feel happy. Whenever I’m near you, I just want to pull you into my arms and kiss you. I never want to let you go. And being without you, even though it was only three days, was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I missed you like crazy. And it’s because I love you,” he took a deep breath before saying what I was waiting for, “I love you Isabelle. And I want to show you. I want to make love to you.”

***

Even though I was expecting it, the words still hit me like a ton of bricks. My throat suddenly closed off oxygen. I felt as though I couldn’t breathe. He loved me. But I already knew that. He wanted to make love to me. That was the concept that frightened me. I knew that I should’ve been overjoyed. The Harry Styles wanted to make love to me. But my thoughts kept on racing back to Cameron.

“Harry, I—,” I wanted to just come clean and tell him about Cameron, but he cut me off. He stepped forward, only to receive a step back from me, which I instantly regretted when I saw hurt flash across his face. He carried on with what he was going to say, “I know that we’re moving fast. Lightning fast. But I can’t even begin to describe what I feel around you. I just love you, Isabelle, so, so much. And I felt as though it was time I showed you.”

“Harry—,” I tried again, but just like last time, he cut me off. “Are you a virgin?” he asked, his eyebrows creasing, “Because I don’t mind. I love you, and I’ll go slow.” I shook my head again, feeling tears prick at the back of my eyes.

"N-no, I’m not a virgin,” I said shakily, trying not to break down. I loved him so much. But he didn’t know about Cameron. He didn’t know about the fact that he cheated on me and then did…something else.

“Oh,” Harry smiled tenderly at me, and I wanted to fall into his arms, kiss him, tell him everything was alright, tell him I desperately wanted him to make love to me too, and just tell him the truth about everything. I hated how hypocritical I was being. I’d told Harry that if this relationship was going to work, we’d have to be honest with each other. He’d come clean about things; I hadn’t. And I felt like shit.

“I—I can’t,” I blurted, and I immediately put my fingers to my mouth, shocked at how blunt that was. Harry looked surprised too, because he shuffled his feet and stared at me nervously.

“You can’t?” he asked, biting his lip, and I wanted to cry. It looked like he had really tried to set the mood, and he had prepared that wonderful speech for me, and here I was, declining bluntly. The sad thing was that I really wanted to, but memories of Cameron held me back. I couldn’t help but to doubt Harry, and think that he was just like Cameron.

Goddammit, Cameron!

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, before I whipped around and rushed from the room. Harry called after me, but I didn’t stop. I ran into the bathroom and closed the door swiftly, locking it. I turned, leaned my back against the door, and slid down, burying my face in my hands. I heard the sound of footsteps, and a moment later, someone pounded against the wood.

“Isabelle, please!” Harry pleaded, and that just made me cry harder. I sniffled and tears continued to flow from my tightly-shut eyes. “Isabelle!” Harry yelled, and then he lowered his voice, “Did I do something wrong?” he asked, his words cracking. Knowing that I made him feel bad, even after he’d gone through all of that preparation made more tears form and slip out, running down my cheeks.

“I’m sorry Harry,” I said quietly, my voice thick, “I’m so sorry.” The knocks were cut off abruptly, and I figured that he had given up. I waited a few more minutes, crying silently, just to make sure that he was gone. He was probably getting dressed and taking off. I’d ruined it. I always ruined it.

Notes

Let me just start off by saying that I'm so grateful for all of the subscribers, votes, and comments I've received on this story! I'm at 100 subscribers? You guys have no idea how happy that makes me, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you all so much for that!

Okay, enough with my cheesiness. The answer to the question in my previous chappy is d)! My birthday is in November. It's a long time away -.-

That awkward moment when you only know one part to a song so you just keep on singing that line for the whole day...

P.S. Don't forget to keep on commenting, voting and subscribing! Can we make it to 80 votes? You should all be nodding right now and declaring, "Challenge accepted!"

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