December 30

Being in New York with Harry has been absolutely perfect. We've actually managed not to argue, surprisingly enough, and he's been treating me like a princess. He pays for everything, despite my constant protesting, opens doors for me, and so many other little gestures that make me feel all giddy inside. And then there's the best part. Not the amazing hotel he booked for us, not the incredible scene that is New York and not all of the incredible things he's been doing for me. The best part of all of this: holding his hand in public.

And that's what we're doing right now. Bundled up in coats, scarves and hats while we walk through snowy Central Park hand in hand after an amazing dinner at a fancy restaurant. It's such a small thing but it means the world to me right now. I'm freezing my ass off, but I just want to walk around out here for hours and let everyone see Harry holding my hand.

"What are you thinking about?" Harry asks quietly. I sigh and wrap my free hand around his arm, leaning my head on his shoulder.

"I'm happy," I breathe. "I'm so happy right now."

"I was thinking the same thing." He pulls his arm away from me and wraps it around my shoulders, kissing my forehead. My smile grows and I wrap my arms around his middle. I knew that what Harry and I had was special, but being able to be in public just makes it so real for me. He was my secret fairytale before, but this feels like real life. I had this horrible feeling like maybe real life would ruin us, like we could never live up to the expectations and that the pressures of a relationship would ruin us. But it hasn't. It's even better.

When we exit Central Park we walk on the sidewalk for a few minutes before Harry attempts to hail a cab. I tug on his arm and shake my head.

"Let's walk," I suggest.

"Are you sure? You look like you're freezing," he says, his face etched with worry.

"I don't care." I reach for his hand and he obliges, walking with me down the street. Our hotel isn't far from the park, so it's not like I'll get frost bite or something. "I can't believe you've never come to New York."

"Why?" he laughs. "It's not exactly close to where I'm from."

"Did you forget the six hour flight we took here?"

"Fair enough. I don't know, I never really had a reason to come before. I love it, though." He looks around with a smile on his face and I beam up at him. My mom has taken me to New York a bunch of times for one of her companies, a fashion line that she is the main investor for. I always go shopping and do some of the tourist stuff, but I'm usually left to enjoy the city by myself. Having Harry with me is amazing; this is one of my favourite places in the world.

Harry as me laughing so hard as we walk back to the hotel that I can barely stand up straight. He is of course beaming with pride that I find him so funny and that only encourages him more. I literally could not get any happier right now. He finally gives me a break when we get into the lobby; I was laughing so loud when we got inside that everyone turned and stared at us. Harry's face turned red and he quickly pulled us into the elevator. Once the doors closed we both start laughing again.

"There are so many rich snobs here," I observe when I can speak again.

"You should feel right at home then," he teases. I shake my head and he laughs at his own joke. Typical.

Back at the room Harry disappears into the bathroom without a word. I unbundle myself and flop onto my back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. I jump when I feel the bed move on either side of my body. Harry looks down at me, one hand on either side of me so he's leaning over me.

"Come on," he says lowly.

"Where are we going?"

"In the bath."

He takes both my hands and pulls me off the bed, reaching for the buttons of my shirt. He slowly undoes them all and gently pulls the fabric from my shoulders. He takes my hand again and leads me into the bathroom, which is equipped with one of those vintage-style free standing tubs. There are already bubbles floating on the surface and I hear material hit the floor. When I turn around Harry is topless and reaching for my jeans. He stares all over my face while he slowly undoes the front of my pants, proceeding to pull them off my legs. I step out of them with shaky movements.

This isn't heated and I don't think the idea is to have sex in the tub..but this moment feels infinitely intimate. He starts undoing his jeans but I remove his hands and do it for him, pulling his clothes from his body the way he did mine. He reaches around my back and unclips my bra, letting it fall to the floor. He leads me to the edge of the tub and steps in, sliding into the water and sitting back against it. I climb in too and sit between his legs, my back leant against his chest. His arms immediately wind around my body and his face leans down beside his mine so his lips are against my cheek.

My eyes flutter closed and I link my fingers with his. Somehow close is never close enough when I'm with Harry. I need to feel all of him, all the time. And I just can't get enough. I'm constantly craving him, even right now when he's so close to me.

My body temperature returns back to normal from it's previous cold state, then continues to rise with the heat of the water and the feeling of Harry's body against mine.

"Can I ask you something?" I whisper.

"Sure. Why are we whispering?" he asks, matching my volume.

"It's so quiet in here," I whisper back. "I feel like I have to."

Harry laughs behind me and I smile to myself, playing with the bubbles in front of me. He kisses my cheek.

"You're too adorable," he whispers. Apparently he's playing along. "What do you want to ask me?"

"Why don't you ever talk about your mom?" I feel his body tense up a bit, but he takes a breath and it goes back to normal. He tightens his grip on me.

"I try not to think about everything I left behind," he explains.

"Why?"

"Can we be done with the whispering?"

I laugh and nod my head, clearing my throat before speaking in a normal tone. "Why don't you think about it?"

"Is this your way of asking to know what happened to my family?" he asks. He doesn't sound mad or annoyed, just amused at how I'm trying to be coy about it. "It's a long story. You sure you want to hear it?"

"Yes," I say softly, linking my fingers with his again. He lifts one of his hands out of the water with mine and fiddles with it while he starts to tell me his story. For a moment he doesn't say anything and I'm sure he's going to say he doesn't want to talk about it, but then he does.

"When my mum got pregnant with my sister she was only eighteen. My dad was a few years older, so he was already working and stuff. They moved in together and had the baby and they made it work. Three years later I came along and after I was born they finally decided it would be a good idea to get married. Not because they were in love, but because they wanted their family to be together. Gem and I were both in the wedding. It was actually...nice," he says, saying the word like it's wrong to use in this context. "Money was tight when I was a kid. My dad got really stressed out, but he acted like everything was fine. Suddenly everything turned around and we started doing really well. My mum was worried, but she didn't ask questions because whenever she did my father just got angry. Really large amounts of money started coming in and me and Gemma thought it was normal. We didn't know that having huge stacks of cash was a bad thing. Then one night we heard them fighting about it. My mum was finally demanding to know where all of the money was coming from."

He pauses for a moment and I start feeling nervous for some reason. I could make a few guesses but...that's extreme.

"I was fourteen at the time, so I didn't know much about drugs but I knew enough to know that's what they were talking about. He was dealing a bunch of stuff, but he mostly handled cocaine. Gemma started crying like crazy and I knew that this was a lot more serious than I understood it to be. They fought that entire night, but nothing changed. The next day it was like nothing had happened at all. The money kept coming and we all just acted like everything was fine. And it was...for a while."

"Did your dad....did he ever..." I struggle to get the words out.

"Did he use?" Harry finishes for me. I nod my head. "Yeah. He managed to stay away from it for a while, but by the time I was seventeen he was completely addicted. It was...terrifying. When he was high he was so happy, to the point where it was creepy. He would make all these huge promises and make big plans for us to get away from everything. For the first few months when he would come down from it, it wasn't that bad. He would get irritable and I guess kind of depressed. After a while, though, the highs got more intense and so did the withdrawal. He would throw furniture around and punch holes in the walls. It was terrifying. Me and Gemma would hide in her closet. We were teenagers, but I felt like a child again. I felt like I had to protect my mum and my sister, but I had no idea how, so I started fighting and working out. My dad didn't exactly take care of himself, so it didn't take too long before it got to the point where I knew I'd be stronger than him if it came down to it."

"You fought? Like...on purpose?" I know that's probably not the part I should be concerned about right now, but I just hate the idea of Harry having to take such drastic measures to protect himself and his family. He nods. "Sorry. Go on."

"Gemma tried to convince my mum to leave him, to take us away, get out of town or the country even. We could take a small chunk of the money and start over somewhere else. But she wouldn't leave. I don't know if she had fallen in love with him or if she just liked the security he provided, but she refused to leave. Then in one night everything changed."

He takes a deep breath and I brace myself for what's coming next. I can't imagine going through any of this.

"I was eighteen at the time. My dad brought one of his friends home- I guess they were probably colleagues. Anyway, they were doing lines on the kitchen table and Gemma got angry. She yelled at them and told the guy to leave. I hadn't been home, but as I got to our front door I could hear them yelling at each other. I walked in at the moment when the the guy shoved Gem backwards and sent her flying against the wall. She just..crumpled onto the ground. I ran over to her to help but she wouldn't wake up. My dad just sat there staring. He wouldn't do anything to help her. I got so angry that I punched the guy, but he was a lot bigger than my dad and I wasn't ready for it. The next day when I woke up Gemma and I were both in the hospital."

"He beat you up?" I ask. I feel him nod. Why...how could someone do that? I have a feeling this isn't the worst part of the story. I sit up and turn so I'm facing him with my legs on either side of him. He looks completely haunted right now.

"He didn't even try to help us," Harry whispers. He's looking at me but his mind is seeing something else. "He watched that guy beat his own children and he did nothing. A neighbour ended up calling the cops and they had to stop him. We were both unconscious at that point. When we were both awake we did everything we could to convince my mum to leave, but she wouldn't hear it. It was his friend that hurt us, not dad, so she wouldn't blame him. After that Gemma moved out; she moved in with her boyfriend and left me with them. She tried to take me with her but I felt like I needed to stay in case anything happened to my mum. It was obvious that my dad wasn't going to protect her, either."

"You stayed?" I ask. He nods. He kept himself in a dangerous situation to protect his mother. I could only hope for that kind of courage.

"Everything just kept getting worse after that. He was on so many things that I probably don't even know the names of and he started pushing me around. It wasn't anything major, just smacking me around a bit. I could handle it and I knew that if he wasn't hitting me he'd be hitting my mum. I was in university at the time and my friends started to notice that I was getting bruises. I think most of them could tell that he was on drugs, but they didn't know he was a dealer or that it was so bad. Eventually Louis and Eleanor called me out on it and I told them everything. Most of it, anyway. They wanted to report him to the cops, but I wasn't sure if my mum would get in trouble or not so I didn't let them. I stayed home the entire time I was in school with the plan of graduating, getting a job, and taking my mother away from there. But it was harder than I thought. I got a job at a school in London but she still wouldn't leave. I have no idea why. It made me so angry; I wanted her to be able to get out, but I was so sick of dealing with all of it. I didn't want to keep taking punches and lying to everyone and I didn't want to worry about her getting hurt anymore. But she wouldn't leave, so I stayed too."

"So you weren't teaching last year?"

"No, this is my first job."

"I don't understand why your mother stayed," I say honestly. He sits forward so our bodies are closer, foreheads almost touching.

"I don't either."

"You said they're getting divorced..."

He nods. "About six months ago Gemma came by the house for the first time in months. My dad wasn't home, so she felt safe to come inside. She told us she was pregnant and getting married. I was surprised she wanted to get married after everything we'd seen, but she was so happy so I didn't say anything. Mum started crying and she showed us a picture of the baby. It was the first really happy moment I had in a long time. Then dad came home and ruined everything. He was on something, who knows what, but he took one look at Gemma and turned into a raging lunatic. He started screaming about how she abandoned us and that she had no right to be in his home. I was so stunned by him screaming at her that I didn't react fast enough. He slammed her against the wall and kneed her in the stomach a few times."

I get chills down my spine. This is so horrible. I lean my forehead against Harry's and he takes a few deep but shaky breaths before continuing.

"I lost it. Long story short, he was in pretty rough shape by the time my mother was able to stop me. Gemma was coughing up blood, so I picked her up off the ground and raced her to the hospital. My mum was a mess, crying and pulling her hair and begging the doctors to help her. I couldn't comfort her, though. I knew it wasn't her fault, but we didn't need to be in that house anymore and she made the decision to stay. I couldn't even look at her." He sighs and shakes his head a bit.

"Gemma was okay. She had some bruised ribs and they had to remove her spleen. By some miracle she didn't lose the baby. I wouldn't let my mum see her, though. I finally had enough. I told her she needed to choose: him or us. I wasn't about to let him into the baby's life, there was no way in hell. As long as they were still married and living together he would always be a threat and I couldn't let that be a problem anymore. I moved in with Gemma and Brad and we didn't hear from her for a while. We were both devastated; we thought she chose him. Turns out she was setting him up, making sure that he made mistakes and stuff. She stopped hiding the money and when she had the evidence she needed, which didn't take very long, she called the police and turned him in."

Wow. "So he's..he's in prison?" I ask.

"His trial isn't over yet, but it should be soon. There's no way he can get off. He's been in a treatment facility since he got arrested. My mum arranged all of that somehow; she wanted him to be functional when he goes to jail. That's what the letters have been about; the court has been trying to make a decision, but they want me to testify before they do and Gemma has been updating me and asking me to go back. I left at the beginning of it all and gave a statement to the cops, but I just couldn't go through all of it again. So I left and came here to stay with Liam."

I guess that brings us full circle. Now he's here and...what about the baby? What about his mum, did she get in trouble? There's so many things I want to talk about, but that was clearly a lot for Harry to get off his chest. I don't need to grill him with questions.

We sit in silence for a few minutes and Harry continually hugs me closer to him. He's so strong and amazing; I would have never thought that he could be so broken. How could someone so incredible have such a horrible past? It breaks my heart that he had to go through all of that. I have no idea what to say to him. I've never been through something remotely close to what he's had to deal with in his life.

The water is cold by now and we're both shivering. I slowly stand and step out of the tub, taking Harry's hand and pulling him out as well. He watches me carefully while I dry him off and then myself, not bothering with clothes or towels. I lead him to the bed and pull back the covers, crawling to the middle and patting the spot next to me. He lays beside me and pulls the covers over us. Our limbs tangle together and I press my forehead against his, noses touching and mouths breathing the same air. I don't know what he needs right now; all I can think of is just being here with him.

"I've never told anyone all of that," he whispers. He hugs me tighter against his body.

"I'm so sorry." He pulls his face away from mine so he can look at me. "I'm so sorry you've had to go through all of that."

"It's not your fault, love. Why are you apologizing?"

"I know it's not, I just feel so horrible for you. You don't deserve any of it." I place my palm against his cheek. "You're so amazing."

"I've never felt this close to someone," he says quietly, placing his hand over mine. "I never felt like I could tell anyone all of that. When I told my friends they basically forced it out of me. I feel...lighter somehow."

"That's good right?" I ask with a small smile. He nods.

"Now you know my secrets," he says, laughing dryly. "I'm kind of messed up."

"No." I shake my head. "Everyone has a past, Harry. Maybe yours is a little dark, but you're so incredible for all of it."

"What?"

"You protected your family, even though it put you at risk. You managed to finish your education and you have amazing friends. You helped your mum finally get out of that situation. You're so strong and despite everything you've been through you're an amazing person," I say quietly. He closes his eyes and a single tear rolls down his cheek. I wipe it away with my thumb. "It's okay," I whisper.

He doesn't say anything else, just holds me tighter. I shift my position so I can hug him closer and bury my face against his chest. He kisses the top of my head a few times. I've never felt more peaceful than I do at this moment. I want a lifetime of this.

After a while Harry's breathing has become much slower. I lift my body and place my face next to his again, moving a few curls away from his eyes. His mouth is slightly parted and he looks so peaceful and young right now. As if sensing that I'm further away his pulls me closer in his sleep. I smile to myself. I never want to be without this man. The thought of not having him sleeping next to me makes me want to cry. He's amazing.

"Harry," I whisper, testing to see if he's actually asleep. He doesn't move or respond, so I take that as my answer.

"I love you," I whisper, quieter this time. I smile and close my eyes, moving even closer to him before falling asleep.

Notes

i bet you weren't expecting THAT now were you. i was going to wait to reveal harry's past but it seemed like a good time to do it.
she finally said she loves himmmm but of course he didnt hear it. but it's out there in the universe so. yeah.

i frikken LOVE you guys. seriously, the comments have been amazing, ive gotten more votes and subscribers and i loooooove it. seriously, it makes me so happy that you guys like the story :')

just a little thing...vote!!! so many of you are subscribing bu haven't...so please do both :)

thanks so much for reading everyone.