"Sav, you seriously need to get up. We need to leave for school in like fifteen minutes. Why are you still in bed?"

I hide my face against my pillow as Mason sits down on my bed. I barely slept last night as a result from my fight with Harry and the realization that I'm not sure I can give him what he wants. I've spent the last four years running from real relationships. I'm not a slut, I don't sleep around or anything like that. I just move on before I can get attached or too involved.

But I have a feeling I'm already far too involved with Harry. There's no denying that. I'm already in a lot deeper than I ever wanted to be with anyone. I've never been the kind of girl to want to fall in love and get married and all that. I just don't see the point I guess. Harry, however, is challenging all of that. I care about him way too much for my own good and it scares the hell out of me. I don't know how to handle any of these emotions I'm feeling and seeing him at school today isn't going to do me any good. Plus he's obviously angry with me. Answering the question of how many people I've dated opens this entire can of worms. I'm going to have to explain to him that I don't really believe in love and I've never been in any serious relationship before. I never wanted to be either. This is the first time I've ever thought that it might be worth it, but look at us now. We haven't even been together a full day and we're in a fight. This has heartbreak written all over it.

"I don't feel well, Mase. I think I might just stay home."

"As if. You're going to school."

I lift my head and squint at him, completely annoyed with his little habit of telling me what to do. "No I'm not. And since when are you my father? You've been acting so controlling lately, you need to back off just a tad."

"Alright, what's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"You are clearly upset about something." He lays down on his side next to me. "Talk to me. Did something happen with Ryan?"

"I guess. I kind of ended things with him."

"That sucks. Is that...are you avoiding him?"

"I'm not worried about Ryan, Mason. We went on one date, it's not a big deal." Shit. That would have been a good chance to lie....

"Then what's going on?" He asks kindly. I sigh and roll onto my back so I don't have to look him in the eye.

"Nothing. I just didn't sleep at all last night and I'm just not in the mood to deal with people or learning."

"Do you really want to skip a day? You'll be behind."

"We're taking the same classes, Mason. Well, except creative writing but that's easy to catch up on. For the rest you can just help me." I smile up at him like a little kid and he rolls his eyes.

"Alright, fine," he agrees, getting up off my bed. "I will catch you up after school. But this better not become a usual thing." He points a scolding finger and I give him a thumbs-up as he walks out of the room. That was surprisingly easy. I have a feeling that won't be a regular thing.

I lay in my bed for a while, trying to fall back asleep but failing miserably. I can't stop thinking about Harry. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. I like him a lot. A scary amount. I've never felt this way about anyone. Then there's the fact that he's a teacher. To add terror to terror, not only am I like...falling in love, I'm having these feelings for my teacher. My bloody teacher. That's just unnatural. If I can't be with someone this way with someone my own age, how am I supposed to deal with feeling like this about someone I can't even have? We can't be together, why even bother? I'm just trying to avoid some unnecessary heartbreak. For both of us.

Yeah...breaking up would be the best thing for us. Harry is jeopardizing far too much for this. I can't do this to him. It can't work, I'm too damaged. Why go through all the trouble for something that's never going to last?

I decide to take a long, hot bubble bath, blaring my music to drown out my own thoughts. The hot water relaxes my body but my mind just won't quit. I decide to read a book to try to keep my mind away from that dark curly hair. Once the water is cold and my body is a giant prune, I finally climb out of the tub. I put on a bikini and head downstairs with my phone and a few magazines. On my way to the kitchen I reply to the texts I have from Mason, Troy and Kylie who are all wondering what I'm doing and if I'm okay. I don't know how to answer the second one.

I make myself a smoothie and decide today is a good day for comfort food. Cookies should do. I take all of my stuff outside and get comfortable on one of the lounge chairs so I can tan. I must have been in that tub for a really long time; it's almost noon already. After about a half hour I get a call from Kylie.

"Hello?"

"Savannah! What's up, are you okay?" she asks frantically. I don't skip school much....ever.

"Yeah I'm just not feeling that great." A little depressed, actually.

"Do you want me to come over? I can keep you company. Missing two periods isn't a big deal."

I contemplate the offer for a moment while she lists off a bunch more reasons for her to come see me. I'm about to tell her to come when someone steps through the back door and out onto the patio. My mouth drops open and he just stares at me.

"Kylie I umm...I'm alright, you can stay at school. I'll talk to you later. Bye." She quickly starts protesting but I hang up before I can hear anything she's saying. I drop my phone on the chair and get up from my spot, wrapping a towel around myself so that I'm not so exposed.

"You don't look sick," Harry says slowly.

"What the hell are you doing here? How did you even get inside?" I ask, walking past him and into the house. I head straight for the stairs and hear harry behind me as I walk up the marble staircase. It's lunch time at school right now. That's how he's able to be here. I didn't even think of that. He stays silent as he walks behind me to my bedroom. I don't know why he's following me or why he's being so quiet....

He waits in my room while I get a cover-up for myself, one that's white and a little see-through. I pull it over my head and go back into my room where he's still waiting. His eyes rake down my body and back up to my face.

"Are you going to tell me why you're here?" I ask impatiently, folding my arms.

"I figured you'd want to wait to talk until you were a bit more covered up," he explains. I keep the emotion off my face but his respect for me is such a turn on. Damn it. I nod and he steps closer to me slowly.

"How did you know I wasn't at school? I don't have you until last period." My voice is shaky and my heart rate gets fast and faster as he gets closer to me.

"Your friend Kylie is in my first period English class. She was standing outside my classroom talking to your brother about it." He stops dangerously close to me. "It took everything in me not to ditch and come see you. Why'd you stay home?"

I look down at his chest and stay silent. He doesn't seem angry at me anymore, so I guess that's a good thing. After a moment he puts his finger under my chin and lifts my face back up to his.

'You're avoiding me, aren't you?" he asks quietly. I shrug and he sighs as his fingers trail lightly up my jawline. "We had a little spat, Savannah. It's nothing to worry about."

It's not that we fought, it's what we fought about that makes me nervous. I basically just spent all morning convincing myself that this can never work and I need to end things with him. But now that he's here and standing so close to me the only thing I can think about is kissing him.

"Talk to me," he says kindly.

"I don't know what to say."

"Why did you stay home?"

"I thought you'd still be upset with me and I didn't sleep at all last night. I wasn't sure if I could handle seeing you," I admit quietly.

"You can't just skip school every time something happens between us."

And I won't have to anymore. Because nothing else can happen between us. We need to break up.

Well, that's what I should have said. Instead I wrap my arms around his neck and press my lips against his. He stumbles back slightly in shock but soon enough he's kissing me back with his arms tight around my waist. My mind is screaming at me to stop and make him leave for good, but I refuse to listen at this moment in time. Kissing him gives me the best feeling in the world, from my head to the tips of my toes. I eagerly open my mouth and he sighs into it as his tongue works against mine. He slides his hands down over my bum to the top of the back of my thighs. He tugs on them a bit and I break the kiss for a split second so I can jump. My legs wrap his waist and I hold myself as tight against him as possible as he turns and pushes me up against the wall. Harry's hands push under the thing fabric of my skimpy dress while mine tangle into his curls. My body feels like it could explode from the extreme amounts of pleasure, desire and frustration cursing through my body. His mouth finds my neck and I take the time to catch my breath, or try to, while he leaves a mark just above my collar bone.

"Harry." My voice is shaky and he just hums against my skin in response, apparently taking it as encouragement instead of the warning I meant for it to be. "Harry, stop."

He sighs and kisses my neck a few times, leaving a trail of kisses up the side and across my jawline. He presses a sweet kiss to my lips before finally stopping and looking me in the eye. I can feel how turned on he is, which is just as much as I am apparently, and it makes me really not want to stop this, but I can't go there with him. Not anymore. Not ever.

"We need to talk about something." Both of our chests are rising and falling rapidly and I slowly untangle my fingers from his curly hair, resting my hands on his shoulders and unwrapping my legs. He keeps his body firmly pressed against mine as I slide down the wall and his front to rest my feet on the floor. I low sound leaves his mouth in the process and I pull his face back down to mine for one last kiss. When the kiss ends I can already feel myself missing him, craving him.

"What's on your mind, love." He gently tucks some hair behind my ear and I close my eyes at the gesture. He can be so caring....

No. Don't think about that now. You need to do this. For him.

"You're scaring me, you look like you're about to pass out or cry or something," he says, stepping back a bit and taking my face between his hands. I feel like I could do both. "What's wrong?"

I blink back a few tears and stare at his chest. I can't look him in the eyes when I say this.

"I can't do this," I whisper. I look back up at him and his eyes bore into mine, his expression moving from concern to confusion to realization and, finally, sadness.

"Can't or don't want to?" he asks quietly. I look away again, a tear spilling over and rolling down my cheek. His hands drop from my face and hang at his sides. The last thing I want to do is hurt him, but he's going to be hurt either way.

"We don't work, Harry. You're risking way too much for me and I can't let you do it."

"That's my decision to make, Savannah. I care about you, don't push me away."

But that's what I do. I don't do love or relationships. It's not possible. I can't let him put everything he's worked for at risk for me when it won't end well anyway. He could lose everything and have a broken heart on top of it. At least this way something stays in tact.

"I know you do. You can't see it, but I do. This won't work. I'm not good enough for you, Harry. I can't give you what you want, what you need. It's better for both of us if we just end this."

"What does that mean? How do you know what I want? If you did you wouldn't be saying this because there's only one thing that I want." He lightly trails the back of his fingers along my cheek, my eyes closing at his touch. "I only want you."

My heart sings at his words, encouraging me to stop this and let him have me, to give him every part of me. But I can't do that. I'm not capable of being in the kind of relationship he's envisioning; one where we share all our secrets and tell each other everything, where we spend all our time together and fall in love and give ourselves over to one another. I can't do that. He thinks that he wants me, but he doesn't. My own parents don't even want me, why would he? He'll realize that I'm not good enough and he'll leave, just like they did. I can't be good enough for him. He just doesn't see it yet.

"Just trust me. Please. This can't work and I-"

"How can we know that if we don't try?" he interrupts. We've completely switched places in the last week. It wasn't even a week ago that I was convincing him to just give us a chance and now look where we are. I can't and he wants to. What is wrong with me?

"You're scared," he continues. "I am too. I've never felt like this. Don't distance yourself form me, Savannah, please. I'm not going to hurt you. I need you to believe me."

"I can't," I whisper, stepping out of his reach and walking out of my bedroom. When I'm at the stairs I finally hear him chasing after me. When I get to the bottom he grabs my arm and spins me around so I collide with his chest.

"You can. I'm sorry I got so angry last night, I just want you to feel like you can trust me. You can trust me. Don't run away."

"But that's what I do," I admit, laughing humourlessly. "I push people away before they can hurt me. Or before I can hurt them."

"And I'm not going to let that happen." His voice is sure and his eyes are full of adoration as he gazes down at me. "You can't walk away any more than I can. This can't be the end for us."

"Then how come it is?"

"Savannah don't-"

"Please just go," I whisper, stepping away from him and wrapping my arms around myself. I feel like I'm about to fall apart at any minute. He stares at me with the most heart-breaking expression I've ever seen in my life and in that moment I almost wrap my arms around him and take him back. Almost.

"You want to give up? Fine. But I'm not going to. One of these days you're going to realize that we're perfect for each other and you'll come back to me. And I'll be waiting for you. As long as it takes." With that he steps forward and takes my face firmly between his hands, kissing me passionately.

"I'll wait for you," he whispers against my lips. He kisses me once more and walks out of my house. I stay frozen in place, my lips tingling from our kiss and my heart shattered by what I just did.

He won't wait for me. I'm not worth it. I collapse onto the floor, hugging my knees to my chest and sobbing violently. I haven't cried like this in years. I don't think I've ever felt this broken.

After who knows how long, I slowly stand up. I feel extremely lightheaded from all of the crying I just did. A few more light sobs leave my mouth as I go to the kitchen for some water. I take the glass up to my bedroom and finish it, setting it on my bedside table before crawling under the covers. I pull them completely over my face, willing to darkness to swallow me up.

---

"Sav, wake up," a low voice coos. The blankets are pulled from over my eyes and the sudden on-pour of light makes my squeeze my eyes shut even tighter.

"Go away, Mason," I groan, reaching down for the blankets. I'm not ready for life right now.

I hear a low chuckle. "It's not Mason." I can feel confusion on my face as I open my eyes, allowing them to adjust to the light before turing to my left to see who is actually sitting on my bed. Troy.

"What are you doing here?" I groan, turning away from him and pulling the blankets up to my shoulders.

"I have a spare last period so I figured I would come check on you. What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing. Go away."

"Right. Move over." I just grunt in response, keeping my eyes closed and my body turned away from him. After a minute I feel the bed dip on the other side and when I open my eyes Troy is now lying on his side facing me.

"What do you want, Troy?"

"Girl talk." I can't help but smile, tho I keep it minimal. He's my favourite. Besides Mason, of course. "Tell me what's bothering you. Talk to me."

Talk to me. Those words echo through my head and slowly turn to Harry's voice, the way he said it when he was here earlier. Tears well up in my eyes and Troy moves closer to me, wrapping his arm around my waist and allowing my to cry silently against his chest. Troy is like my big brother, just like Mason but less judgmental. He's protective without being overboard about it and he actually listens to me. Sometimes Mason doesn't do that.

"Come on, Savannah. Tell me what's wrong. You're too pretty to cry." He rubs his hand against my back and I laugh a little at his kind words.

"I don't want to talk about it." More like can't.

"Okay, but you're not spending any more time in this bed." He stands up and throws the blanket back from my body, laughing when he sees I'm in my bathing suit. "What kind of weirdo sleeps in a bikini?"

"Shut up, Troy. I'm not getting up."

"Yes, you are. Get up and get dressed. We're going out."

"Out? Do I really look like I want to leave this house?" I ask with as much sass as I can muster.
"Yep. It's really hot out, just so you know." With that he leaves my room, shutting the door so I can change. I know Troy and he's not going to leave me alone, so I get up with a huff and get dressed in a simple tank top and shorts. I throw my hair up in a messy bun and put some Ray-Bans on top of my head, sliding my phone in my pocket as I walk down the stairs to where Troy is waiting for me.

"I hate you," I say lowly as he opens the door for me. He just laughs and we both walk to his car. We drive in silence and I immediately recognize the route to the beach. You could say he knows me pretty well. I get out of the car when we get to the pier and decide to go to the right today, not in the mood to take a trip down memory lane and sit in the spot where Harry and I finally decided to try only a few days ago.

"I know you took me here so I'd spill out all my secrets," I call behind me to Troy. I get a reasonable distance from the pier and sit down in the sand, legs laid out in front of me and leaning back on my hands. He sits beside me and copies my position.

"Actually I didn't. If you're going to talk I know this is where you'd want to do it, but if you really don't want to tell me what's going on that's fine. I just didn't like the idea of you laying in that bed all day feeling depressed and pitying yourself."

"That is not what I was doing," I argue weakly. Maybe a little bit.

"Sure it's not. I talked to Ryan. He said you broke up with him yesterday."

"We weren't dating so that's not really what happened. I just said I didn't see it going anywhere."

He laughs dryly. "You never do. What was it this time? His breath? Maybe his clothes? Oh, maybe it was like that one guy, remember? You said his hair was too crunchy."

"Shut up," I laugh, punching his arm. "I admit I've given some questionable excuses. But with Ryan I honestly just wasn't into it anymore."

"What happened? You were into it like a week ago."

"I don't know what to tell you." Actually I do, I just can't. I started falling for my teacher and then got freaked out so I broke up with him and now I"m a fucking mess. But I can't tell him that. I can't tell anyone. I just look like an overdramatic emotional freak.

"Sav, you have to stop doing this," he says, leaning forward and staring out at the water. "You did it with me, too."

"Are you saying you.."

"What? No, no." He laughs nervously and shakes his head. "But I did. I liked you but after that one night you obviously didn't want anything more with me. You push guys away before they can get close enough to hurt you or leave. And I get it, but eventually you need to let one in. They're not all bad. Yeah, maybe you'll get hurt once or twice, but isn't it worth it to find someone that isn't going to hurt you? And you deserve that. You deserve to be happy with someone that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated." He turns and looks at me, puling his legs up a bit and leaning his forearms on his knees ."But you need to let someone in and stop being so afraid."

I look away from him and out at the water. I know he's right, but it's easier said than done. Relationships and love..that's based on choice, it's based on two people caring about each other and actually wanting to be together. Fighting to make it work no matter what and just being there. What happens when one person doesn't make that choice? Or if they make it and change their mind?

"Troy, my own parents don't even want to be around me for more than a few days. I don't know how you expect me to trust some guy to want that," I say quietly.

"What about me? Or Mason? We've always been there for you and last time I checked we haven't left your side once. Even after we slept together I stuck around," he jokes, nudging my arm. I laugh and shake my head.

"You really like talking about that, don't you?" I tease. He laughs and shrugs.

"It was a good night," he says, winking at me. I just laugh again. It's nice that things aren't awkward between us. We were both really drunk and we just decided it wasn't going to ruin our friendship. Mason was more weird about it than either of us.

"I'm not saying you need to go fall in love with Ryan. I don't really like the idea of you two, to be honest, but you need to try with someone. Do you want my theory about your little pity party today?"

I shrug. "Sure."

"There's someone else, someone you like a lot more than you've ever like anyone before. But you ended things just like you always do and now you're a mess over it."

I stare at him more a few minutes in shock. How the hec could he guess something like that? I know he knows me pretty well but....damn. Might as well get his take on it..

"I don't know how to let him in," I admit quietly. "I've never felt like this before."

"Then you need to at least try. You owe that to yourself and whoever this guy is."

"Maybe. But it's so complicated."

"Then uncomplicate it," he says simply. "You never know unless you try. You're going to regret it if you don't. Can I ask who he is?"

"Nope." He laughs and I lean my head on his shoulder. "Thank you."

"Anytime."

Notes

sorry it took so longg :s ive been struggling on where to go with this story cuz i was planning on prolonging the beginning for a lot longer than i actually did...i just got way too excited :P

also, if you guys have read my other stories Misfit and Fix me, i just want to say that I'm actually so excited right now. I watched a video today and Harry said that his favourite TV show is Friends and I had them watch it together a lot in those stories and i dont know why that made me so happy but it did. cuz i didn't know that before today. so yea. im a loser i dont know why that made me so happy. ANYWAY


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thank you so much for reading, i really hope you guys like it