A life of Payne
Chapter 42 - Part Two.
Silence was all I heard. No door opening and closing, no feet moving. And that's how I knew I made a mistake by telling him to leave.
"Katie you don't want that. I know you don't." I wasn't in the mood for this but took a deep breathe before talking.
"What makes you think you know what I want? We aren't a couple so what do you know huh? Do you even know the whole story of how I became a Payne because it was a lot different then that bullshit Liam feed everyone!" He was silent but I could tell he was moving closer to me even though I still had my back turned to him.
I opened my mouth to say more but paused when I felt two arms snake around my waist from behind. I was turned around and instantly saw the hurt in his eyes caused by my words. Even when I was unnecessarily mad I still wanted to kiss him until the happiness in his eyes returned.
I resisted the urge to comfort him over the sad puppy dog eyes and continued with what I was trying to say.
"You barely know me Calum." He leaned closer to me again so our lips were almost touching.
"I'm all ears." I had to smile at how cute he was even after I went all bitchy for no reason. Sometimes I really don't deserve him, or anyone this amazing for that matter.
"If you're leaving tomorrow then why are you still here when it's nearly one in the morning?" A look of hurt flashed through his eyes, at first I didn't understand why but then picked up that I pretty much just ignored his offer to go with him, and quite rudely.
"You don't want to come?" I paused trying to find the best way to answer his question without sounding ungrateful.
"It's not that I don't want to. I just need to start my life and I really need to learn how to be more independent which I can't do if I'm around you or Liam all the time." He didn't seem upset by my words, in fact he smiled one of those proud mixed with happy smiles.
"Maybe I should go home then. Not because you want me to though but because the faster I leave, the faster I can come back for that date of ours."
Calum began to turn away from me but I grabbed his hand so he stopped and turned to me again.
"You never told me how long you will be gone for." He refused to look in my eyes after I said that and I knew the answer would not be what I wanted to hear.
He kept quiet like he thought if he didn't say anything long enough that the question would go away but it's not going to.
"Answer the question Calum. Now." I crossed my arms and held my ground as long as I could.
"It's just for a month! Maybe two." I felt betrayed as soon as he said that. How could he not tell me how long he was leaving or the fact that he was leaving at all.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I tried to hide how sad I was but he let his sudden burst of anger take over.
"Because I didn't okay! If I told you sooner you would've got mad then run off to Niall and there is no way I'm loosing you to him."
His sudden mood change scared the crap out of me so I kept my mouth shut for once.
After a few minutes I walked over to my bedroom door and opened it all the way before tuning back to Calum.
"You can't loose something that you never really had Calum."
He looked blankly and me for a moment before walking towards the opened door.
"I will fix this Katie."
And just like that I was left alone, as usual.
I couldn't handle the fact that everyone else was still partying and being happy, and as per usual I wasn't. I am so damn sick of this and I'm about one week away from breaking point with no one to help.
Even though this party was for me I decided not to go back out there once Calum left but instead I snuck over to Liam's room without anyone seeing me and searched for a good ten minutes before I found a pack of smokes hidden in his nightstand draw. I really should have looked there first.
Walking back across the hall my door was slightly open but I just shrugged it off and pushed it open to walk in.
I fumbled with the small box until I managed to open it. At this point I had nearly forgot that I had alcohol in my system and didn't understand why these simple tasks like opening a box were so damn difficult.
"Need some help?" I squealed pretty much like a little coward when I heard the sudden sound of talking coming from inside my room. I looked up to see Niall of all people, sitting comfortably on my bed like he owned the freaking thing.
"Piss off Niall." I snapped so hurtfully that I was surprised it was even me saying it. But he could have ruined everything earlier tonight and I don't see why I should let him off the hook just because I'm mad at Calum. He kissed me when he still had the taste of that skanks lip gloss on his lips. No girl should have to taste another girls cosmetics on the lips of a guy. It's disgusting!
"Katie I know you're mad at me, and judging by the way Cal left I'm guessing you two had a very heated make out season then most likely a fight? Am I right?" I couldn't look at him, I was so angry that I wanted to punch something but with the little restrain I do have I managed to contain my anger.
"That's none of your fucking business and you're just lucky you didn't ruin things, the fight had nothing to do with you." He smirked and stepped closer towards me. He had this knowing look on his face like he picked up something I didn't but if I was just the slightest bit more sober then I probably would have picked it up.
"So you two did actually have a fight? Well I'm sorry to hear that." He gave me this puppy dog look that actually made me believe that he cared.
"Oh um thank you? I guess." His smirk stayed perfectly plastered on his face and I began to search my brain for any reason or anything really that he might be thinking about but nothing came to mind. What the hell is he planning?
"You know if you need someone to talk to about it then I'm here for you." He kept up his 'I actually care' act and it clicked to me, that's why he's trying to be all understanding and nice! He think's being the shoulder to cry on will get him somewhere like it did when he comforted me about Louis.
"I don't feel like talking about it." I shut down his offer in the calmest way possible then began to walk towards my balcony of my room but Niall's voice was heard again making me stop in my tracks.
"Wait! Uh I know Liam doesn't like you going outside on your own so I will come outside with you." His smirk was replaced with an uneasy smile as he waited for me to reply.
"Niall it's just the balcony. It's not like I'm going halfway across town." I couldn't help the sarcasm that found it's way to my voice. It's not like I'm stupid enough to jump off the balcony and run away, we live on the highest floor for gods sake.
He just shrugged and opened the sliding down walking out into the cold and pitch black London night.
I followed behind him and sat down next to him, not that I really had much of a choice since there is only two chairs out here.
"So what happened between you and Calum?"
I don't want to talk about it!
"Nothing worth talking about." I shrugged off his attempt to make conversation and light a smoke. Slowly inhaling I felt myself relax.
"You know smoking isn't good for you right?" Sometimes Niall talks way to much.
"I don't care." I didn't even look at him when I talked but I knew he was staring at me.
I almost asked him to repeat what he said just to make sure I heard him correctly but decided against it.
"I thought you didn't." I spoke mainly to myself but knew he heard me.
Niall leaned towards me and I tried my hardest to keep my eyes on the view of London rather then the view of him.
He gently grabbed the smoke out of my hand and pushed it into the ashtray before standing in front of me and holding his hand out.
I looked up at his face then his hand before very carefully placing my hand in his. He pulled me onto my feet with ease then adjusted his hand in mine so our fingers were intertwined.
"I miss this, the feeling of your small hand in mine. The warmth your hand has compared to mine and how soft they are." He ran his thumb over the back of my hand and for some reason I let him, I just stood there and stared at our hands. The slightly familiar sight before me just memorizing me but I'm not sure why.
"You know what else I miss?" I tore my eyes away from our intertwined hands and looked up to his eyes signalling for him to continue.
"Those days we cuddled for hours, and your hair always smelt like vanilla." I let out a small laugh while my cheeks turned slightly pink making Niall know that he was doing something right.
I didn't tell him to stop or let go so he took it as a good sign and slowly walked back inside my room and over to my bed.
I let go of his hand as he sat down, I went to sit next to him but he pulled me onto his lap and used one of his hands to rub circles on my back.
"I may not be the first person you want to talk to about you and Calum but I can tell that you're really upset. Don't hold it in Katie, just let it out."
I didn't even noticed I was crying until Niall's hand reached up and brushed a tear away.
Despite how irritated Niall made me, he was always good at comforting me so I leaned my head on his chest and closed my eyes.
The sound of everyone else in the lounge room was starting to die down and I could tell that people probably going to go clubbing or something because Liam and his friends don't do parties half heartedly
I thought Niall might want to go out with everyone else so I slowly slid off his lap and crawled up to the pillows to lie down properly.
"What's wrong?" Niall's face was filled with confusion.
"I thought you would want to go out with everyone else. I'm going to sleep now anyway." He softly shook his head at my words and leaned over to place a kiss on my forehead.
"I just want to stay here with you. I'll just go and tell them I'm staying. Be right back."
He walked off before I had the chance to say anything.
The slight sound of buzzing was coming from the floor so I leaned over the edge of the bed to see Niall's phone laying on the floor.
The bright screen was hurting my eyes so I leaned a bit further to pick it up but before I locked it I noticed it was a twitter post from Calum.
"Calum5SOS: Only a idiot like me loses the girl before he even has her."
I was confused as to why Niall received notifications whenever Calum updates his status but that wasn't really important right now.
I locked Niall's phone and placed it on my night stand just as Niall walked back into my room.
He walked over and climbed into bed with me. Straight away he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to him.
It was silent and peaceful but my mind kept racing in many different directions.
I knew now that I regret the petty fight I had with Calum but the terrible part of all this is that I don't regret who I choose as a shoulder to cry on.
Woah. Yeah that just happened.
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