Mistreated
Personal
(A/N: Pay attention to the dates, otherwise the beginning will be confusing)
Wednesday October 17th 2012
Iris’s POV:
“Are you okay?” I asked, placing my ear onto the bathroom stall. I already peed and washed my hands and the poor girl that is in the stall next to mine was still heaving into the toilet.
I heard the toilet flush and waited a few minutes before the girl walked out of the stall. She was a petite girl who stood a good five inches taller than me. She had long natural wavy blonde hair and maple brown eyes that were covered by black framed glasses which were sitting on her small nose. I noticed her face was paler than the rest of her white skin as she looked into the mirror before using the sink to rinse her mouth out.
“Do you want some water?” I pulled a water bottle out of my backpack. “I didn’t drink any of it. You should really hydrate.”
“Thanks,” she smiled as she took it from me.
I grinned, “No problem. Got a stomach bug or something?”
She shook her head and frowned, “I wish.”
“Well, I hope you feel better,” I said sincerely. “Have a good day.” I started for the door until I heard her sniffle. I turned around to find her leaning against the wall, sliding herself down to the floor as she quietly sobbed into her knees. I felt sorry for her. Whatever’s wrong with her must really be effecting her. I joined her on the floor and gently rubbed her back, “Do you want to talk about it? It’s always easier to rant to strangers.”
She pulled her shaky knees into her chest as she raised her head to look at me, her face breaking my heart. Her lip trembled as tears streamed down her pale cheeks, causing her mascara to run. “I’m really scared. My whole life is over.”
I continue to soothingly rub her back as I tried to figure out what she means. Does she have cancer? Is she dying? Why’s she at school in her condition?
She rubbed the tears away from her cheeks, smearing her makeup even more. “My boyfriend will probably leave me when he finds out.”
“I’m sure that’s not true,” I stuck my bottom lip out. “If he really cares for you, he’ll stand by your side during whatever this is you’re going through.”
“You’re really sweet,” she slightly smiled. “But you obviously don’t know my boyfriend. He’s not one to stick with one girl for a long time, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he left me soon.”
“Well, then fuck that guy,” I joked, making her giggle a little. “Why do you care so much about what he thinks then?”
“Because I need him,” she said as she softly looked down at the cold tile below us. “I need him more than he’ll ever know.”
Ah, young love. It’s written all over her face: she’s in love with this guy. It’s sad she doesn’t think he feels the same way for her, and that only worries me about things with Andrew. Since the beginning of the year, I’ve been flirting with Andrew, trying to impress him. I like the guy a lot, but what if he doesn’t feel the same way? I could end up like this poor girl.
“You don’t have anyone else who will be there for you?” I asked curiously.
She sighed, “No. He’s pretty much my best and only friend.”
“Is he there for you whenever you’re going through rough times?”
“Yeah,” she nodded.
“Do you trust him?”
“Yes,” she answered.
I genuinely smiled, “If everything you told me was true, then he’ll be there for you. He sounds like a great guy. Just tell him what it is that’s bothering you, and if he walks away, then he’s not worth your time. If you feel like you have no one, you have me. I hang out in the back of the cafeteria. Just search for a girl with red hair, my friend Quinn, she’s usually a good landmark,” I chuckled.
“I think maybe I will,” she bit her lip. “I’m going to tell him and if I need a friend, I’ll come find you.”
“Good,” I said as I stood to my feet, helping her up as well. I pulled a tissue out of my backpack and soaked it with tap water from the sink. Then, I began dabbling the ruined makeup away from the girl’s face.
“Thanks,” she whispered loud enough for me to hear.
I shrugged, “Not a problem. Can I ask you something?” She nodded. I debated whether I should ask her what her problem was or not, but I settled on a different question. “What’s your name?”
“Miracle,” she smiled.
“Miracle? That’s a beautiful name,” I cooed. “It’s nice to meet you Miracle, I’m Iris.”
It turns out Miracle’s major problem was that she was pregnant. She told her boyfriend that same day and brought him to meet me at lunch. I was shocked to find out it was Scott who I actually already knew. Scott and I met Freshmen year in our English class. Those were the good days, screwing around with him and not at all paying attention to the teacher. When it came to acting out Shakespeare, we’d be the most dramatic about our lines, taking nothing seriously and laughing about how terrible we were.
Miracle and Scott started hanging out with my group for the longest time. Scott was really sweet with her, doing anything and everything she asked of him. She never asked for much other than for him to get her food since she was always hungry once the morning sickness was over with.
Towards the end of the year, she couldn’t even finish school due to being on bed rest and was forced to do homeschooling. I guess that’s when Scott really started to change, especially knowing Miracle wasn’t around the school anymore. Scott became careless about his hygiene and his looks before his personality began to change as well. I always just pushed those thoughts away, thinking maybe he was just stressed out about the baby being on the way.
I had only seen Miracle once since she left, and that was when she was in the hospital after having Allie. I hadn’t seen her since because Andrew and I got together and broke up. That was also when Riley began bullying me worse than ever before. She used to just give me snarky comments, but that was before she and Andrew hooked up behind my back. Then, she started telling people I manipulated him. Yada, yada, yada. The point is, I didn’t really even think about Miracle due to my own personal problems.
Then came the beginning of this year, when it happened: Scott raped me. Miracle and Allie immediately rushed back to my mind. Miracle’s beautiful smile shattered my heart as the memory flashed before my eyes.
He hurt her. I wonder if she even knows what he did. I wonder if she even noticed he’s changed. I wonder if they’re happy together. I wonder…
Tuesday February 4th 2014
“Thank you so much,” I beamed at Mr. Myers. He had just helped me with my history work since I didn’t understand it one bit. “Now, I totally get it.”
He chuckled, “The class is easier than it sounds.”
I playfully rolled my eyes, “I don’t like studying. I know that’s a problem especially because that’s all I really have to do in this class.”
He nodded, “Really. I give you all of the answers. Just study them.”
“Okay, okay,” I laughed and held my book tightly to my chest. “We’ll see, but no guarantees.”
“Find a study group or something,” he suggested.
“Now you’re just pushing it,” I joked.
He shook his head and laughed, “I expect at least a B from you on the next test.”
“Yes Sir,” I playfully saluted him. Mr. Myers is cool. I wish I would’ve known this before. He’s like the male version of Mrs. Clark: funny, nice, and easygoing. Now I have a third teacher on my list of favorites.
I shot him one last smile before leaving his classroom and entering the school hallway. It’s now lunchtime, so I just had to put my books away before heading to the cafeteria to get my food and eat with my friends. When I shut my locker, a familiar haunting face was revealed, making me jump backwards.
“Fuck Scott!” I yelled as I tried to level out my breathing. “You scared the shit out of me.”
“Sorry,” he frowned. He’s frowning? Why is he sad? This is weird. He almost looks like the old Scott. I took a good look at him, noticing his appearance has actually changed: His face is free of stubble, he actually looks like he took a shower, he’s wearing nice clothes, the strong scent of his cologne is hitting my nose, and his hair is nicely done with a small quiff in the front.
“This is weird,” I furrowed my brows and quickly turned away. I began fast walking towards the cafeteria doors in hopes of getting to Harry before Scott can do anything to me. I was stopped by a hand gently gripping my wrist. Gently. He’s being gentle with me. What the fuck is happening?
He lightly tugged at my wrist, trying to get me to face him, but I wouldn’t. “Please let me talk to you,” his voice was so calm and collected.
“No,” I shook my head as I stared at the cafeteria doors that were only a couple feet away from me. “You don’t deserve to talk to me.” Fuck. I shouldn’t have said that. What if he hurts me? I’m such an idiot. I feel my hands shaking as he holds me there. I’m so scared and more than anything, I wish someone would walk through those doors and push him away from me.
“I know I don’t deserve a thing. I just…” he pauses. I could hear the pain in his voice which he seems to be trying to keep under wraps. “I’m so sorry, Iris.”
Anger boiled in my veins as those words sunk into my brain. “You Son of a Bitch,” I growled. “You aren’t sorry. I don’t know what kind of trick you’re trying to pull, but it’s pissing me off. Nothing you do or say will ever make me forgive you for what you did. I can’t get the pain out of my mind or remove the pictures in my brain of the things you can’t undo. I hate you for raping me and then hanging me up to dry when we were each other’s only friends. I hate that you did that and then you go home to your fiancé and baby like nothing ever happened.” I yanked my wrist away from him, still not turning to face him. “Now leave me the fuck alone.”
“Please don’t bring Miracle and Allie into this,” he begged.
“Maybe I will,” I threatened before walking through the cafeteria doors. He’s fucking sorry? He should be, but I doubt he’ll ever feel that way. He’s lying to me. That’s why he’s been acting weird: not touching me or punching Harry’s brains out. He’s plotting something against me. Maybe he’s trying to break Harry and I up by pulling me onto his side. I’m too smart for that shit though. I’ll never forgive that Dickhead for what he did. Never.
“Hey,” Harry smiled as I sat at the table with my tray of food.
“Hey,” I returned the smile. “Where is everyone?”
He shrugged and picked up a grape from his tray, “Busy I guess. Eleanor and Louis probably ditched since Eleanor has her modeling gig. As for everyone else, I’m honestly not sure.”
“Fine by me,” I kissed the corner of his mouth. “So where should I work?”
He groaned, “Shit.”
“What?” I pouted. He’s about to tell me he can’t go, I can already tell.
“I know you wanted me to help you job hunt, but my mum, Gem and I were gonna go look at houses today,” he sighed. “Preferably a house closer to your’s,” he added, attempting to make me feel better.
I chuckled, “Why? So you can sneak in through my window?”
“I can already do that,” he teased. “I’ll do it tonight after you get back.”
“Hm, no thanks,” I smirked.
“Jerk,” he chuckled and kissed my cheek. “And by the way, I don’t care what job, just don’t work at Hooter’s.”
I giggled and popped one of his grapes into my mouth, “Why? You don’t want me to dress up like a hooker?”
“Perfectly reasonable,” he nodded.
“Well, you drive a hard bargain Mister,” I waved my finger at him. “I’ll think about it.”
He snorted, “Or you just won’t do it.”
“Fine,” I pretended to cave in. I wasn’t seriously planning to get a job there. I don’t want to work at any restaurant like that, it’s repulsive really. Just like Scott. Speaking of the Devil, should I tell Harry about what just happened? Nah, it’s not really worth his time since I was able to escape without being harmed by the boy in any way. It is really strange how he didn’t try to make a move or slam me into a locker. His voice even remained small during the whole two minute conversation we shared. Strange.
Job hunting has been awful. No one wants to hire me because I don’t have any experience, but isn’t that the point of giving people some jobs: so they can get experience? I tried Taco Bell, McDonalds, Starbucks, Kohl’s, Albertsons, WinCo, and Target. They all either had no positions to fill or didn’t approve of me being inexperienced. I decided to try one more place today: U-HAUL. I heard they were in need of someone to clean up their storage, meaning I’d have to sweep, vacuum, take out the trash, and mop. It’s only a part-time job, but hey, it pays.
“You don’t have any custodial experience?” the manager asked as we walked through the storage hallways. Well, I was raped in the janitor’s closet. Does that count?
I sighed, “No, but I actually like to clean. I honestly think this would be the easiest job for me since I won’t have to worry about talking to customers and not being able to hear them.”
“Because of your hearing aids?” he asked and I nodded in response. “Well, even though experience is preferred, you’ve got to start somewhere. I’d love to hire you.”
“Really?” my eyes widened along with my agape smile.
He chuckled, “Yes. I just want you to meet the head of the cleaning crew and he can decide whether you’re qualified or not. I can assure you he’s the best. He started working here on Friday and has already received a promotion. He’s a very dedicated and hardworking guy. He’s a big softy too, I think you’ll like him.”
“When can I meet up with him?”
He stopped in front of a storage unit and pointed inside of it, “Right now. Mr. Warner!” The name made me flinch. Please don’t be who I think he is. There’s got to be tons of Warners in this city, right? There has to be.
I closed my eyes as I heard the sounds of footsteps inching closer to us. “Mr. Warner, I’d like you to work with Miss Mercer here. Report to me after an hour and give me the details on how it went. I’ll call you if you get a good review Miss Mercer.” I nodded, keeping my eyes shut and listened to his feet shuffle away.
“Iris?” Fuck me. I know that voice anywhere.
I bit my lip and opened my eyes to find Scott standing before me. He wore the company shirt, which was tucked into his khakis, and dirty brown work boots. He hand just pulled a headphone out of his ear and let it hang from the collar of his shirt. I let out a sigh knowing the one job I could get, I suddenly don’t want anymore. I can’t work with him, let alone work for him.
“I should go,” my voice was barely audible as I turned away from him.
“No,” he spoke gently. “Stay. I’ll teach you no problem.” How can he act like this is okay? Why is he acting like he’s never done anything to me?
“I can’t,” I shook my head. “I can’t even look at you, so why should I work for you? I’ll just look somewhere else.”
He didn’t say one more word as I made my way out of the building. I was hoping to run into the manager along the way and let him know that I’m not interested in working here anymore, but he was nowhere to be seen. I just can’t work around Scott. Not just because I don’t want to, but because Harry would be furious and my parents would be too. Around Scott, I’m just living in fear. I need to stay away from him in order to feel safe.
Wednesday February 5th 2014
“Hey Angel,” Harry greeted me with a quick kiss before opening the car door for me.
“Hey,” I smiled and climbed into the car. He closed the door and walked over to his side. “How was house hunting?” I asked as he climbed into the car.
He shrugged and placed his seatbelt on, “Alright. Most of the houses sucked. They were unfinished or had lots of problems that needed to be fixed.”
“You had just as much luck as I did,” I chuckled. “No one will hire me because I haven’t worked before.”
“Well how are you supposed to get experience if they won’t let you work?” he snorted as he backed out of my driveway.
“That’s what I’m saying,” I threw my hands up. “I only found one place that was willing to take me, but I won’t work there.”
“Where?”
“U-HAUL,” I sighed. “They needed someone to clean.”
He chuckled and gazed at me for a quick second before locking his eyes back onto the road. He placed one of his hands on my knee and gave it a tight squeeze, “Oh come on, Mercy. I know girls don’t like breaking their nails and stuff but the job can’t be that bad,” he joked.
“That’s not exactly the problem,” I said, biting my lip nervously. “Scott works there.”
“Oh.” That was the last thing he said to me all morning. I couldn’t tell if he was upset with me or if he just didn’t want to risk speaking to me in case I’d bring up Scott’s name again. In a way, this makes me happy I didn’t tell him about the encounter I had with Scott yesterday. I have to say I’ve been handling things quite successfully without Harry’s help anyways.
The last bell of the day rang, indicating school was finally over. Thank the Lord. Now, I have to go to the locker room and change for dance lessons with Eleanor. Of course, with my luck, Scott was leaning on the locker room door.
“Are you stalking me?” I asked harshly.
He ran his fingers through his hair, messing up his small quiff, “I know you’ve been doing dance with Harry’s friend. I just needed to talk to you.”
“Please move,” I demanded politely.
“No,” he shook his head. “Not till you listen to me.”
“You’ve never given me a good reason to listen to you,” I spat. “Leave me alone, Scott. I swear to God I’ll go to the principal’s office and file a complaint.” That’s a stupid threat. He’d never be scared of that shit.
“Don’t,” his eyes widened. Or not.
I raised my brows, “That actually scares you?”
“Yeah, it does,” he admitted and licked his lips out of habit. “Look, Iris, if you tell the principal, Miracle will find out and I just can’t let that happen.”
“Oh stop it with this, ‘I’m changing act’,” I rolled my eyes.
He rubbed the back of his neck and leaned himself against the door again, “But I am. You believed Andrew, why can’t you believe me?”
“I don’t believe Andrew,” I huffed. “I still don’t trust him one bit, and don’t you dare compare yourself to him. The things he did to me are nothing compared to what you did.”
“What about Riley?” he curled his lips. “You forgave her.”
I let out a shrill groan into my hands, “Scott, fucking move!”
“Fine,” he stepped away from the door. “But only because you gave me the conformation I needed. If you forgave Riley, you can forgive me.”
I stomped towards the door with gritted teeth. As soon as my hand touched the handle, I faced the boy one last time. “I’d rather die than forgive you,” I growled before entering the locker room.
“Why were you talking to Scott?” Eleanor asked as I entered the gym. “I saw you out there with him. Are you okay?”
I sighed as I collected my hair into a ponytail, “Not really. He won’t leave me alone.”
“What does he want?” she furrowed her brows.
“He’s convinced I’ll forgive him for raping me. He’s seriously been everywhere I go. It’s incredibly annoying,” I rolled my eyes before sitting on the floor and beginning my stretches.
“Does Harry know about this?”
I shook my head, “At first, I thought it wasn’t worth mentioning since I figured I had a handle on it. I suppose I need to tell him now. I just don’t want him to do something stupid.”
“Yeah, I think Harry should know Scott's been stalking you,” she nodded. “I just don’t want him to hurt you and I know Harry wouldn’t let that happen.”
“Even if he won’t speak to me when I mention Scott’s name?” I mumbled more to myself.
She crinkled her nose, “What?”
“Nothing,” I shook my head. “Let’s just talk about something else. How was your modeling gig yesterday?”
She sighed, “Awful. My mum seriously doesn’t realize how much I hate it, no matter how many times I tell her.”
Eleanor spent a few minutes telling me about her experiences with her mom. I guess Harry already knew El has been having a terrible time with it, and Eleanor had told Louis shortly after Harry found out. Her mom practically starves her, which is just awful. She went to the doctor and he said she just needed to slowly work her way back into eating the unhealthy foods if she really wants to eat it. That explains why she ran off at the Christmas party: it’s because she threw up the whipped cream and gummy bears she forced herself to eat. Poor girl. She said the only thing she wants to do is confront her mother about it.
Confronting problems. Does that work? Does it make things better? Maybe I should just let Scott talk to me. Better yet, Scott should listen to what I have to say. There’s so much I need to get off my chest.
Thursday February 6th 2014
“Are you mad at me or something?” I asked Harry. It was lunch time and we were the firsts at the table, so I figured I’d bring it up now. He hasn’t spoken more than six words to me since yesterday morning.
He furrowed his brows, “No. Why would you ask that?”
“Maybe because that’s the first sentence I’ve heard out of your mouth since yesterday,” I tried hiding the frustration in my voice, but I’m sure it showed well.
“I’m not mad,” he sighed. He set his pizza down onto his tray and wrapped his arms around my waist. “I’m sorry if I made you feel that way. You know how I feel about him.”
“I know, but all I said was that I wasn’t going to work at U-HAUL because he works there. It’s not like I said, ‘Hey Harry, I’m gonna work for Scott, deal with it’,” I rambled.
He fluttered his eyes closed and nodded his head, “You’re right. I’m sorry, Angel. From now on, you have my full undivided attention, and I promise to speak back.”
I smiled and gave him a short but passionate kiss. “Thank you, that’s all I ask of you.”
Fuck. Now I can’t tell him about Scott. I basically told him there was no reason to worry about me since I want nothing to do with Scott, but I actually want to talk to Scott today. If I told Harry that, I’d be a hypocrite and he’d be furious at my possibly dumbest idea. What if it’s not a bad idea though? What if I finally get the closure I need to help me cope with things?
Once the bell rang, telling us to go to class, I quickly went to my locker to gather my things. As I pulled out some books, I spotted Scott. Finally. Where has that fucker been all day? I slammed my locker closed and speed walked over to the boy.
I gripped his shoulder, “You want to talk? Fine!”
He immediately grabbed my hand and led me somewhere all too familiar. He gently pushed me into the room and closed the door behind us. This is it. It’s going to happen all over again. Maybe I shouldn’t have wanted to talk to him.
“Shit,” he cursed once he realized where we were.
“Why did you bring me here Scott?” I growled. “So you can rape me in here again?”
“No, I was just finding the nearest room, I swear,” his words were rushed, evidence of his anxiety.
“Let’s just find somewhere else,” I rolled my eyes and reached for the door handle.
“Attention students,” the principal’s voice was heard on the intercom. Shit, that’s never good when he’s making an announcement; mostly because he never makes announcements. “We are on lock down. Teacher’s lock all of your doors. This is not a drill. I repeat, this is not a drill.”
I pull my hand away from the door handle and throw it in the air, “Well, this is just fucking fantastic.”
Scott sighed and turned the lock on the door handle before sitting himself on the ground, “I’m really sorry, Iris.”
“I don’t know what’s worse,” I began pacing in the room. “The fact that there’s a possible gunman on the campus, or that I’m trapped in the janitor's closet with my rapist.”
I watched Scott cringe at my words, “Please don’t think of me like that.”
“And why the fuck not?” I snapped. I stepped closer to him, being sure to tower over him. “You are a rapist and you always will be.”
“Just like Riley will always be the girl who beat the shit out of you,” he pointed out. “You still forgave her though.”
“I didn’t forgive her,” I grumbled, running my hair fiercely through my hair. Now’s the time to get everything off my chest. “Her’s, your’s, and Andrew’s presence are a reminder of what you all did. There’s a difference between forgiveness and acceptance. I accepted that what happened, happened and she’d fix it if she could. With you, I’ll never accept that. I’ll always fear you’ll do it again. I’ll always have those images in my mind. I’ll always remember the pain I felt. I’ll always feel disgusted with myself for not trying harder to stop you. I’ll always be scared to have sex with my own fucking boyfriend.”
Okay, so I shouldn’t have said that last part, but it’s true. What if I’m always like this? Sure Harry and I shared an intimate moment not that long ago, but what if I can never do the real thing? I feel like the uncomforting thoughts are permanently burned into my mind. I’m scared and it’s all because of Scott.
“I’m sorry, sincerely sorry. I’m not that guy anymore. Please forgive me,” he sniffled. Are you fucking kidding me? He’s crying? Why the fuck is he crying?
“Sorry? You fucking ruined me! You made me weak and you left me to get torn to shreds! I trusted you once! You were such a good friend! And now I hate you,” I said sternly. “I hate the sight of you, the sound of your voice, and the fact that you’re trying to be a better person now. I blamed Riley and Andrew, but it was you that made me sick of myself. I figured if my only friend would turn against me, then I shouldn’t even exist. I figured dying was the only answer. I was alone. I needed this Scott. Where was he then? Huh? What did I do wrong? Why did I deserve that? Why did you do that? Why?” my voice shrilled as I shoved him every time I asked a question.
When he didn’t say a word, I glared at him and clenched my fists at my side, “So no, I’ll never fucking forgive you, you Bastard.” I finally sat down to calm my heaving chest. None of that helped as much as I hoped it would. That’s all I wanted it to do: make me feel better. I guess it was just nice to finally let that all off my chest. Too bad I'm fucking stuck in here with him.
“I’m so sorry,” he sobbed. “Please believe me. I wish I could take it all back. I want to be a better person for myself, for Miracle, and for Allie. Allie deserves a good dad.”
I scoffed, “She deserves a different dad.”
“You’re right,” he rubbed his temples. “She’s going to be stuck with a horrible father who did awful things. That’s why I need to clean up my act. I need to change for her sake. I don’t want her to grow up knowing her dad literally screwed over his best friend. I don’t want her knowing I cheated on her mother with two different girls who both wanted nothing to do with me for different reasons. Mostly, I don’t want to hurt Miracle more than I already have. I just thought you forgiving me would give me some sort of peace, but even I know you shouldn’t ever forgive me.”
“I shouldn’t,” I shook my head in agreement as I sat on my knees.
“I’m still so very sorry,” he sobbed harder as he wrapped his arms around me. He buried his head into my shoulder and cried and cried and cried. I sat there, limp and unable to move. I will never forgive him, but in this moment I couldn’t find it in my heart to make him stop hugging me. I’m still searching for reasons why I wouldn’t push him away. I just didn’t. I sure as hell didn’t hug him back either, and I never will show him any sign of affection, especially since I feel nothing of that sort for him. He’s no longer that friend I once had. But I know someone who is, and I think it’s about time I paid her a visit.
Present Day - Friday February 7th 2014
“I don’t understand,” Harry shakes his head in confusion as we speak in my driveway.
“What’s there not to understand? I’m not going to school,” I shrugged.
He ran his fingers through his curls and scratched his neck, “But you’re fine. You’re not sick, no broken bones, nothing.”
“Harry,” I whisper, feeling defeated. I don’t want to tell him where I’m going because I know it’ll only infuriate him. “I’m just worried about what happened at school yesterday.”
He chuckled, “Iris, it was a bear. We had a lockdown because a bear walked onto our campus. You’re telling me you’re scared of a bear attacking you?”
I didn’t really think that one through. “It’s a reasonable fear,” I argued.
“Oh Angel, I won’t let a bear attack you,” he teased as he wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly against him.
“Shut up,” I pouted as I looked up at his goofy smile.
“Come on, just come to school,” his beautiful dimples popped out, the ones I can never resist. Not this time, Styles. I can’t.
I let out a huge sigh, “Harry, there’s something I need to do, and you’re going to have to trust me. Please?”
“Should I be worried?” he bit his lip nervously as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
“No,” I answered honestly. “I’ll be just fine.”
“Promise me you’ll call me if you need anything?” he asked, his eyes practically begging me to say yes.
I nodded, “I promise.”
“Okay,” he smiled. He leaned down and planted a soft kiss on my lips, one that I happily returned. “Hm, now you’re making me want to stay with you,” his warm breath tickled my lips.
I playfully rolled my eyes and pushed him away, “Goodbye, Harry.”
“I’ll see you later?” he raised his eyebrows as he opened his car door.
“Of course,” I smiled widely. “Come cuddle and watch a movie with me.”
“Looking forward to it,” he winked and climbed into his car. “Later, Angel.”
I blew him a kiss as I watched him back out of my driveway. I’m so thankful he didn’t offer me a ride or investigate any further. He's really turning things around for me, becoming the greatest boyfriend anyone could ever ask for.
Just last week, I was struggling to find myself. Harry had finally snapped me out of it and showed me who I really am, yet I still have a dark hole in me. I’m still that same person I was when he first met me: broken, lost, and sad. It may not be as clear as it used to be, but that’s because I’m slowly getting better. I’m slowly becoming that person I once was again. Being with Scott yesterday made me realize that I just needed to conquer my fears all along.
Fast forward a week and you'll see me doing the unimaginable. I never thought I'd be standing on her doorstep, and I highly doubt anyone else would've ever guessed I'd come here. Then again, nobody knows about her since I haven't told one person. One thing I do know for sure is that no one would be happy I'm here.
Here goes nothing. I take a deep breath and hold back all the true emotions I’m feeling just before I knock on the door. I don’t want her to see me and begin pitying me for everything I’ve been through. I just wish she’ll look at me differently than everyone else does. I want her to see a normal person when she answers this door. I want her to see her old friend and feel excited to see me. I don’t need her to know what happened. Not yet anyways.
A familiar face opened the door and beamed as soon as she saw me. “Hello Miracle,” I smiled genuinely at her.
“Iris!” she gasped and threw her arms around my shoulder. I returned the gesture and giggled at her excitement. I forgot how bubbly she was. “What are you doing here?” she smiled as she pulled away to look at me.
“Can’t a girl visit an old friend?” I laughed. “It’s been forever.”
“I know!” she jumped, making me laugh some more. Out of nowhere, the sky began growing dark. “Dang, it looks like it’s going to rain. Come in," she pressed her hand to my back and guided me into her house. I examined the place, noticing baby toys everywhere, and I mean everywhere: on the couch, the floor, on top of the fireplace, on the stairs, and in the fake plants. Allie must really love her play time.
“Do you want something?” Miracle asked as she cleared off the couch for me to sit on. “Something to drink or eat?”
I shook my head, “No thanks.”
“Gosh, it’s so good to see you,” she beamed as she joined me on the couch. “You’re still as beautiful as ever. How’s life?”
“Boring,” I snorted. “I’m sure your life is a lot more exciting than mine.”
She shrugged, “Well I already graduated.”
“You did?” my voice went high pitched. “Oh my gosh, congratulations.”
“Thank you. Homeschooling ended early, which sucks for you, huh? How’s the hellhole?” she joked.
I laughed, “As terrible as always.” I would tell her about trying to get the principal fired, but Mrs. Clark gave us strict instructions not to tell anyone other than the people who were signing the petition. “How’s Allie?”
“Amazing,” she smiled. “She may not have been planned, but she’s definitely changed my life for the better. I’d show you her but she’s still asleep.”
I rested my elbow on the head of the couch, “Oh lucky you that she’s a good sleeper.”
“Right?” she adjusted herself so her legs were in a pretzel. “How’d you know I was here? Did Scott tell you?”
“You still live in the same house,” I shook my head. “I just figured I’d try here first and then ask Scott if you didn't live here.” Lies. If this was the wrong house, I would’ve just gone home.
“Well, I’m glad you came. I have something I want to give you.” She stood up from the couch and left the room for a minute. I twiddled my thumbs as I tried to figure out why I came. It’s nice to see her, but it hurts. It hurts that someone so bubbly is dating someone so cruel. That same cruel guy put me through hell and by the looks of it, she doesn’t even know. I want to tell her. She needs to know. She deserves that.
“Here,” her pretty voice snapped me out of my thoughts. She held out an envelope with gold trims on it.
“What’s this?” I furrowed my brows as I began opening it up.
She plopped back onto the couch, “An invitation to Scott and I’s wedding.” I stopped trying to open it and froze in place. They’re really going to do it. They’re really going to marry each other.
“Miracle,” I sighed and put the envelope in my lap. I looked up to find her frowning.
“He did something to you, didn’t he?” she curled her lips. I placed my face into the palms of my hands and nodded as my answer. Is it hot in here? I'm sweating up a storm. “I’m not surprised, really. He would come home with bruises all over his face or he’d be drunk. He’d ditch Allie and I for parties and would claim he’s too stressed out to come home. I wouldn’t be shocked if he slept with anyone. Did he?”
I slid my hands up my face and through my hair, “It’s not my job to say.”
“He’ll never admit it,” her words broke my heart because she’s right. “Remember what I told you when we met? 'He’s not one to stick with one girl.' I expected him to do all these things. Yeah, it hurts, but he’s still the father of my child. I can’t just push him out of Allie’s life. She needs a father figure. He’s not the best example, but have you noticed him lately? He’s beginning to look a lot like the man I fell in love with a year ago. He’s dressing nicer, he finally got a job to help support Allie and I, he's looking to join the military, and he’s trying to patch up things with a few people. Friday was the first time he told me he loved me in so long. I was waiting to hear those words for what felt like an eternity, and I can't be any happier.”
I rolled up my sleeves and stood up, “I shouldn’t have come here.”
Her eyes widened, “Is that a tattoo?” Fuck. “Fighter?” She stood up from the couch and grabbed my wrist, studying it further. “You cut?” she ran her fingers along my scars.
I pulled my arm away from her and rubbed my sweaty hands against my jeans, “I’m sorry I came here."
“No, Iris, talk to me,” she pleaded and pulled me into a hug that I didn’t give back. “Is he the reason you cut?”
“I’m okay,” I lightly pushed her away. “I’m happy you’re happy, Miracle. Really. It was good to see you.”
I left her confused in her doorway as I walked out into the pouring rain. I walked through the neighborhood as I thought over what I had just heard, not caring how soaked I got.
She knows he’s been going behind her back and he hurt her, but she doesn’t care because regardless, he’s the father of her child. Listening to her talk about the old Scott triggered the unwanted memories of that guy. The guy who he claims to have changed back into, the guy I still despise. The old Scott still never helped me when I needed him, even after all I did for him and Miracle. I was there for them, through all their struggles and he still left me to drown in mine. Not only that, but he made it worse.
I pulled out my phone to send Harry a text. I know he told me to call him, but it's raining and I highly doubt I'd be able to hear him over the phone. Besides, he's at school and it'd be stupid to call him in case he's in class. I looked at the street sign and sat my butt down on the sidewalk as I finally tapped my fingers against the keyboard:
To Mr. Four Tits:
I need you. Please come pick me up. I’m on Evergreen Drive in the neighborhood next to your’s.
I placed my phone back into my pocket after using my sleeve to wipe the raindrops off of it. I covered my ears with my hands to shield my hearing aids from the rain and shivered as the cold rain continued to patter.
I thought going to Miracle’s would help somehow. I thought maybe telling her what happened would make me feel better, but it turns out that if I would’ve told her, I would’ve just tore them apart. I would’ve made that still bubbly girl not so happy anymore. I don’t want to do that.
She’s Miracle, the girl everyone would want to be, the girl who finds the light of every situation, and the girl everyone loves after hearing her say one simple word out of her mouth. Her knowing about the rape would change her. I know she deserves to know, but if Scott’s really cleaning up his act like she says he is, I’m sure nothing like this will happen again. I’m promising myself this: If he ever does something horrible again, I will tell her for sure next time, regardless of how much she'll hate me for not telling her before.
Dear God, don’t let Scott make another mistake. Let him be the man he’s supposed to be. Help him be a better role model for his daughter. Help him because he’s going to need a lot of it.
I suddenly felt a dry jacket wrap around my shoulders and a hood rest loosely on my head, allowing me to put my hands down now that my hearing aids are protected. I looked up to find a concerned Harry trying to figure out why I’m just sitting in the rain. “Are you okay?”
I nodded and shot him a real smile, “Better.” Harry nodded and sat down with me, wrapping his strong arms around my waist and pulling me close to him so I could rest my head onto his chest.
I was better. One thing I noticed was that I wasn't crying when I left Miracle's house. I was actually...okay. Seeing her and knowing what Scott has put her through only makes me view things differently:
I’m lucky to have Harry in my life. He’d never cheat on me like Andrew did, he’d never hurt me like Riley did, he’d never leave me like Georgia and Quinn did, and he’d never do anything I’m not comfortable with like Scott did. Harry is perfect in every way. Harry is nothing like them all. He makes me happy, he makes me forget about all the pain I’ve ever been caused, and he doesn’t treat me like the broken person I am anymore. He respected my privacy when I asked him to today, and that makes me so proud of him. Harry and I have been through so much in the past five months. Seriously, it's only been five months and it feels like we've been together for five years, but that's probably because everything we've gone through in such a short period of time, we stuck by each other's sides for. It makes me realize just how serious we are and in this moment I learned the biggest thing of all…
I lifted my head from his chest and looked into his quizzical emerald green eyes. I ran one of my hands through his damp hair as I took in his beauty. I tilted my head up and closed my eyes as my lips brushed his. I trapped his plump bottom lip in between my lips and slowly detached them. I opened my eyes to find him trying to figure me out, making a slight smile form on my face.
“I love you, Harry,” I stated, putting my whole heart out there. I'm no longer scared to feel this way for him. I trust him more than I've trusted anyone in my life. He's my everything.
A huge grin formed on his face, flashing his beautiful dimples I love so much. “I love you too, Angel,” his words made my heart flutter. In fact, I squealed when I heard them, earning a chuckle from his lips. Never have I ever imagined those words coming from his mouth.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him again. He wrapped his arms securely around my waist and pulled me closer to kiss me back harder. He slid his tongue across my bottom lip, and I happily allowed it to slip into my mouth to dance around with my own. His sweet mouth tasted like a mixture of rain and mint. The mint tells me he totally planned on kissing me, silly boy.
The rain started coming down hard, forcing us to end our kiss. Instead of rushing to his car like normal people would do, I stood to my feet and pulled him up with me so we could dance in the rain. He’s not the best dancer, but he’s the cutest thing ever. I decided to dance like a dork along with him since it’d be no fun if I showed off. We laughed, enjoying every minute of this moment: the moment that’ll forever be cherished in our hearts.
I’m in love with this boy and I couldn’t be happier.
Wednesday October 17th 2012
Iris’s POV:
“Are you okay?” I asked, placing my ear onto the bathroom stall. I already peed and washed my hands and the poor girl that is in the stall next to mine was still heaving into the toilet.
I heard the toilet flush and waited a few minutes before the girl walked out of the stall. She was a petite girl who stood a good five inches taller than me. She had long natural wavy blonde hair and maple brown eyes that were covered by black framed glasses which were sitting on her small nose. I noticed her face was paler than the rest of her white skin as she looked into the mirror before using the sink to rinse her mouth out.
“Do you want some water?” I pulled a water bottle out of my backpack. “I didn’t drink any of it. You should really hydrate.”
“Thanks,” she smiled as she took it from me.
I grinned, “No problem. Got a stomach bug or something?”
She shook her head and frowned, “I wish.”
“Well, I hope you feel better,” I said sincerely. “Have a good day.” I started for the door until I heard her sniffle. I turned around to find her leaning against the wall, sliding herself down to the floor as she quietly sobbed into her knees. I felt sorry for her. Whatever’s wrong with her must really be effecting her. I joined her on the floor and gently rubbed her back, “Do you want to talk about it? It’s always easier to rant to strangers.”
She pulled her shaky knees into her chest as she raised her head to look at me, her face breaking my heart. Her lip trembled as tears streamed down her pale cheeks, causing her mascara to run. “I’m really scared. My whole life is over.”
I continue to soothingly rub her back as I tried to figure out what she means. Does she have cancer? Is she dying? Why’s she at school in her condition?
She rubbed the tears away from her cheeks, smearing her makeup even more. “My boyfriend will probably leave me when he finds out.”
“I’m sure that’s not true,” I stuck my bottom lip out. “If he really cares for you, he’ll stand by your side during whatever this is you’re going through.”
“You’re really sweet,” she slightly smiled. “But you obviously don’t know my boyfriend. He’s not one to stick with one girl for a long time, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he left me soon.”
“Well, then fuck that guy,” I joked, making her giggle a little. “Why do you care so much about what he thinks then?”
“Because I need him,” she said as she softly looked down at the cold tile below us. “I need him more than he’ll ever know.”
Ah, young love. It’s written all over her face: she’s in love with this guy. It’s sad she doesn’t think he feels the same way for her, and that only worries me about things with Andrew. Since the beginning of the year, I’ve been flirting with Andrew, trying to impress him. I like the guy a lot, but what if he doesn’t feel the same way? I could end up like this poor girl.
“You don’t have anyone else who will be there for you?” I asked curiously.
She sighed, “No. He’s pretty much my best and only friend.”
“Is he there for you whenever you’re going through rough times?”
“Yeah,” she nodded.
“Do you trust him?”
“Yes,” she answered.
I genuinely smiled, “If everything you told me was true, then he’ll be there for you. He sounds like a great guy. Just tell him what it is that’s bothering you, and if he walks away, then he’s not worth your time. If you feel like you have no one, you have me. I hang out in the back of the cafeteria. Just search for a girl with red hair, my friend Quinn, she’s usually a good landmark,” I chuckled.
“I think maybe I will,” she bit her lip. “I’m going to tell him and if I need a friend, I’ll come find you.”
“Good,” I said as I stood to my feet, helping her up as well. I pulled a tissue out of my backpack and soaked it with tap water from the sink. Then, I began dabbling the ruined makeup away from the girl’s face.
“Thanks,” she whispered loud enough for me to hear.
I shrugged, “Not a problem. Can I ask you something?” She nodded. I debated whether I should ask her what her problem was or not, but I settled on a different question. “What’s your name?”
“Miracle,” she smiled.
“Miracle? That’s a beautiful name,” I cooed. “It’s nice to meet you Miracle, I’m Iris.”
It turns out Miracle’s major problem was that she was pregnant. She told her boyfriend that same day and brought him to meet me at lunch. I was shocked to find out it was Scott who I actually already knew. Scott and I met Freshmen year in our English class. Those were the good days, screwing around with him and not at all paying attention to the teacher. When it came to acting out Shakespeare, we’d be the most dramatic about our lines, taking nothing seriously and laughing about how terrible we were.
Miracle and Scott started hanging out with my group for the longest time. Scott was really sweet with her, doing anything and everything she asked of him. She never asked for much other than for him to get her food since she was always hungry once the morning sickness was over with.
Towards the end of the year, she couldn’t even finish school due to being on bed rest and was forced to do homeschooling. I guess that’s when Scott really started to change, especially knowing Miracle wasn’t around the school anymore. Scott became careless about his hygiene and his looks before his personality began to change as well. I always just pushed those thoughts away, thinking maybe he was just stressed out about the baby being on the way.
I had only seen Miracle once since she left, and that was when she was in the hospital after having Allie. I hadn’t seen her since because Andrew and I got together and broke up. That was also when Riley began bullying me worse than ever before. She used to just give me snarky comments, but that was before she and Andrew hooked up behind my back. Then, she started telling people I manipulated him. Yada, yada, yada. The point is, I didn’t really even think about Miracle due to my own personal problems.
Then came the beginning of this year, when it happened: Scott raped me. Miracle and Allie immediately rushed back to my mind. Miracle’s beautiful smile shattered my heart as the memory flashed before my eyes.
He hurt her. I wonder if she even knows what he did. I wonder if she even noticed he’s changed. I wonder if they’re happy together. I wonder…
Tuesday February 4th 2014
“Thank you so much,” I beamed at Mr. Myers. He had just helped me with my history work since I didn’t understand it one bit. “Now, I totally get it.”
He chuckled, “The class is easier than it sounds.”
I playfully rolled my eyes, “I don’t like studying. I know that’s a problem especially because that’s all I really have to do in this class.”
He nodded, “Really. I give you all of the answers. Just study them.”
“Okay, okay,” I laughed and held my book tightly to my chest. “We’ll see, but no guarantees.”
“Find a study group or something,” he suggested.
“Now you’re just pushing it,” I joked.
He shook his head and laughed, “I expect at least a B from you on the next test.”
“Yes Sir,” I playfully saluted him. Mr. Myers is cool. I wish I would’ve known this before. He’s like the male version of Mrs. Clark: funny, nice, and easygoing. Now I have a third teacher on my list of favorites.
I shot him one last smile before leaving his classroom and entering the school hallway. It’s now lunchtime, so I just had to put my books away before heading to the cafeteria to get my food and eat with my friends. When I shut my locker, a familiar haunting face was revealed, making me jump backwards.
“Fuck Scott!” I yelled as I tried to level out my breathing. “You scared the shit out of me.”
“Sorry,” he frowned. He’s frowning? Why is he sad? This is weird. He almost looks like the old Scott. I took a good look at him, noticing his appearance has actually changed: His face is free of stubble, he actually looks like he took a shower, he’s wearing nice clothes, the strong scent of his cologne is hitting my nose, and his hair is nicely done with a small quiff in the front.
“This is weird,” I furrowed my brows and quickly turned away. I began fast walking towards the cafeteria doors in hopes of getting to Harry before Scott can do anything to me. I was stopped by a hand gently gripping my wrist. Gently. He’s being gentle with me. What the fuck is happening?
He lightly tugged at my wrist, trying to get me to face him, but I wouldn’t. “Please let me talk to you,” his voice was so calm and collected.
“No,” I shook my head as I stared at the cafeteria doors that were only a couple feet away from me. “You don’t deserve to talk to me.” Fuck. I shouldn’t have said that. What if he hurts me? I’m such an idiot. I feel my hands shaking as he holds me there. I’m so scared and more than anything, I wish someone would walk through those doors and push him away from me.
“I know I don’t deserve a thing. I just…” he pauses. I could hear the pain in his voice which he seems to be trying to keep under wraps. “I’m so sorry, Iris.”
Anger boiled in my veins as those words sunk into my brain. “You Son of a Bitch,” I growled. “You aren’t sorry. I don’t know what kind of trick you’re trying to pull, but it’s pissing me off. Nothing you do or say will ever make me forgive you for what you did. I can’t get the pain out of my mind or remove the pictures in my brain of the things you can’t undo. I hate you for raping me and then hanging me up to dry when we were each other’s only friends. I hate that you did that and then you go home to your fiancé and baby like nothing ever happened.” I yanked my wrist away from him, still not turning to face him. “Now leave me the fuck alone.”
“Please don’t bring Miracle and Allie into this,” he begged.
“Maybe I will,” I threatened before walking through the cafeteria doors. He’s fucking sorry? He should be, but I doubt he’ll ever feel that way. He’s lying to me. That’s why he’s been acting weird: not touching me or punching Harry’s brains out. He’s plotting something against me. Maybe he’s trying to break Harry and I up by pulling me onto his side. I’m too smart for that shit though. I’ll never forgive that Dickhead for what he did. Never.
“Hey,” Harry smiled as I sat at the table with my tray of food.
“Hey,” I returned the smile. “Where is everyone?”
He shrugged and picked up a grape from his tray, “Busy I guess. Eleanor and Louis probably ditched since Eleanor has her modeling gig. As for everyone else, I’m honestly not sure.”
“Fine by me,” I kissed the corner of his mouth. “So where should I work?”
He groaned, “Shit.”
“What?” I pouted. He’s about to tell me he can’t go, I can already tell.
“I know you wanted me to help you job hunt, but my mum, Gem and I were gonna go look at houses today,” he sighed. “Preferably a house closer to your’s,” he added, attempting to make me feel better.
I chuckled, “Why? So you can sneak in through my window?”
“I can already do that,” he teased. “I’ll do it tonight after you get back.”
“Hm, no thanks,” I smirked.
“Jerk,” he chuckled and kissed my cheek. “And by the way, I don’t care what job, just don’t work at Hooter’s.”
I giggled and popped one of his grapes into my mouth, “Why? You don’t want me to dress up like a hooker?”
“Perfectly reasonable,” he nodded.
“Well, you drive a hard bargain Mister,” I waved my finger at him. “I’ll think about it.”
He snorted, “Or you just won’t do it.”
“Fine,” I pretended to cave in. I wasn’t seriously planning to get a job there. I don’t want to work at any restaurant like that, it’s repulsive really. Just like Scott. Speaking of the Devil, should I tell Harry about what just happened? Nah, it’s not really worth his time since I was able to escape without being harmed by the boy in any way. It is really strange how he didn’t try to make a move or slam me into a locker. His voice even remained small during the whole two minute conversation we shared. Strange.
Job hunting has been awful. No one wants to hire me because I don’t have any experience, but isn’t that the point of giving people some jobs: so they can get experience? I tried Taco Bell, McDonalds, Starbucks, Kohl’s, Albertsons, WinCo, and Target. They all either had no positions to fill or didn’t approve of me being inexperienced. I decided to try one more place today: U-HAUL. I heard they were in need of someone to clean up their storage, meaning I’d have to sweep, vacuum, take out the trash, and mop. It’s only a part-time job, but hey, it pays.
“You don’t have any custodial experience?” the manager asked as we walked through the storage hallways. Well, I was raped in the janitor’s closet. Does that count?
I sighed, “No, but I actually like to clean. I honestly think this would be the easiest job for me since I won’t have to worry about talking to customers and not being able to hear them.”
“Because of your hearing aids?” he asked and I nodded in response. “Well, even though experience is preferred, you’ve got to start somewhere. I’d love to hire you.”
“Really?” my eyes widened along with my agape smile.
He chuckled, “Yes. I just want you to meet the head of the cleaning crew and he can decide whether you’re qualified or not. I can assure you he’s the best. He started working here on Friday and has already received a promotion. He’s a very dedicated and hardworking guy. He’s a big softy too, I think you’ll like him.”
“When can I meet up with him?”
He stopped in front of a storage unit and pointed inside of it, “Right now. Mr. Warner!” The name made me flinch. Please don’t be who I think he is. There’s got to be tons of Warners in this city, right? There has to be.
I closed my eyes as I heard the sounds of footsteps inching closer to us. “Mr. Warner, I’d like you to work with Miss Mercer here. Report to me after an hour and give me the details on how it went. I’ll call you if you get a good review Miss Mercer.” I nodded, keeping my eyes shut and listened to his feet shuffle away.
“Iris?” Fuck me. I know that voice anywhere.
I bit my lip and opened my eyes to find Scott standing before me. He wore the company shirt, which was tucked into his khakis, and dirty brown work boots. He hand just pulled a headphone out of his ear and let it hang from the collar of his shirt. I let out a sigh knowing the one job I could get, I suddenly don’t want anymore. I can’t work with him, let alone work for him.
“I should go,” my voice was barely audible as I turned away from him.
“No,” he spoke gently. “Stay. I’ll teach you no problem.” How can he act like this is okay? Why is he acting like he’s never done anything to me?
“I can’t,” I shook my head. “I can’t even look at you, so why should I work for you? I’ll just look somewhere else.”
He didn’t say one more word as I made my way out of the building. I was hoping to run into the manager along the way and let him know that I’m not interested in working here anymore, but he was nowhere to be seen. I just can’t work around Scott. Not just because I don’t want to, but because Harry would be furious and my parents would be too. Around Scott, I’m just living in fear. I need to stay away from him in order to feel safe.
Wednesday February 5th 2014
“Hey Angel,” Harry greeted me with a quick kiss before opening the car door for me.
“Hey,” I smiled and climbed into the car. He closed the door and walked over to his side. “How was house hunting?” I asked as he climbed into the car.
He shrugged and placed his seatbelt on, “Alright. Most of the houses sucked. They were unfinished or had lots of problems that needed to be fixed.”
“You had just as much luck as I did,” I chuckled. “No one will hire me because I haven’t worked before.”
“Well how are you supposed to get experience if they won’t let you work?” he snorted as he backed out of my driveway.
“That’s what I’m saying,” I threw my hands up. “I only found one place that was willing to take me, but I won’t work there.”
“Where?”
“U-HAUL,” I sighed. “They needed someone to clean.”
He chuckled and gazed at me for a quick second before locking his eyes back onto the road. He placed one of his hands on my knee and gave it a tight squeeze, “Oh come on, Mercy. I know girls don’t like breaking their nails and stuff but the job can’t be that bad,” he joked.
“That’s not exactly the problem,” I said, biting my lip nervously. “Scott works there.”
“Oh.” That was the last thing he said to me all morning. I couldn’t tell if he was upset with me or if he just didn’t want to risk speaking to me in case I’d bring up Scott’s name again. In a way, this makes me happy I didn’t tell him about the encounter I had with Scott yesterday. I have to say I’ve been handling things quite successfully without Harry’s help anyways.
The last bell of the day rang, indicating school was finally over. Thank the Lord. Now, I have to go to the locker room and change for dance lessons with Eleanor. Of course, with my luck, Scott was leaning on the locker room door.
“Are you stalking me?” I asked harshly.
He ran his fingers through his hair, messing up his small quiff, “I know you’ve been doing dance with Harry’s friend. I just needed to talk to you.”
“Please move,” I demanded politely.
“No,” he shook his head. “Not till you listen to me.”
“You’ve never given me a good reason to listen to you,” I spat. “Leave me alone, Scott. I swear to God I’ll go to the principal’s office and file a complaint.” That’s a stupid threat. He’d never be scared of that shit.
“Don’t,” his eyes widened. Or not.
I raised my brows, “That actually scares you?”
“Yeah, it does,” he admitted and licked his lips out of habit. “Look, Iris, if you tell the principal, Miracle will find out and I just can’t let that happen.”
“Oh stop it with this, ‘I’m changing act’,” I rolled my eyes.
He rubbed the back of his neck and leaned himself against the door again, “But I am. You believed Andrew, why can’t you believe me?”
“I don’t believe Andrew,” I huffed. “I still don’t trust him one bit, and don’t you dare compare yourself to him. The things he did to me are nothing compared to what you did.”
“What about Riley?” he curled his lips. “You forgave her.”
I let out a shrill groan into my hands, “Scott, fucking move!”
“Fine,” he stepped away from the door. “But only because you gave me the conformation I needed. If you forgave Riley, you can forgive me.”
I stomped towards the door with gritted teeth. As soon as my hand touched the handle, I faced the boy one last time. “I’d rather die than forgive you,” I growled before entering the locker room.
“Why were you talking to Scott?” Eleanor asked as I entered the gym. “I saw you out there with him. Are you okay?”
I sighed as I collected my hair into a ponytail, “Not really. He won’t leave me alone.”
“What does he want?” she furrowed her brows.
“He’s convinced I’ll forgive him for raping me. He’s seriously been everywhere I go. It’s incredibly annoying,” I rolled my eyes before sitting on the floor and beginning my stretches.
“Does Harry know about this?”
I shook my head, “At first, I thought it wasn’t worth mentioning since I figured I had a handle on it. I suppose I need to tell him now. I just don’t want him to do something stupid.”
“Yeah, I think Harry should know Scott's been stalking you,” she nodded. “I just don’t want him to hurt you and I know Harry wouldn’t let that happen.”
“Even if he won’t speak to me when I mention Scott’s name?” I mumbled more to myself.
She crinkled her nose, “What?”
“Nothing,” I shook my head. “Let’s just talk about something else. How was your modeling gig yesterday?”
She sighed, “Awful. My mum seriously doesn’t realize how much I hate it, no matter how many times I tell her.”
Eleanor spent a few minutes telling me about her experiences with her mom. I guess Harry already knew El has been having a terrible time with it, and Eleanor had told Louis shortly after Harry found out. Her mom practically starves her, which is just awful. She went to the doctor and he said she just needed to slowly work her way back into eating the unhealthy foods if she really wants to eat it. That explains why she ran off at the Christmas party: it’s because she threw up the whipped cream and gummy bears she forced herself to eat. Poor girl. She said the only thing she wants to do is confront her mother about it.
Confronting problems. Does that work? Does it make things better? Maybe I should just let Scott talk to me. Better yet, Scott should listen to what I have to say. There’s so much I need to get off my chest.
Thursday February 6th 2014
“Are you mad at me or something?” I asked Harry. It was lunch time and we were the firsts at the table, so I figured I’d bring it up now. He hasn’t spoken more than six words to me since yesterday morning.
He furrowed his brows, “No. Why would you ask that?”
“Maybe because that’s the first sentence I’ve heard out of your mouth since yesterday,” I tried hiding the frustration in my voice, but I’m sure it showed well.
“I’m not mad,” he sighed. He set his pizza down onto his tray and wrapped his arms around my waist. “I’m sorry if I made you feel that way. You know how I feel about him.”
“I know, but all I said was that I wasn’t going to work at U-HAUL because he works there. It’s not like I said, ‘Hey Harry, I’m gonna work for Scott, deal with it’,” I rambled.
He fluttered his eyes closed and nodded his head, “You’re right. I’m sorry, Angel. From now on, you have my full undivided attention, and I promise to speak back.”
I smiled and gave him a short but passionate kiss. “Thank you, that’s all I ask of you.”
Fuck. Now I can’t tell him about Scott. I basically told him there was no reason to worry about me since I want nothing to do with Scott, but I actually want to talk to Scott today. If I told Harry that, I’d be a hypocrite and he’d be furious at my possibly dumbest idea. What if it’s not a bad idea though? What if I finally get the closure I need to help me cope with things?
Once the bell rang, telling us to go to class, I quickly went to my locker to gather my things. As I pulled out some books, I spotted Scott. Finally. Where has that fucker been all day? I slammed my locker closed and speed walked over to the boy.
I gripped his shoulder, “You want to talk? Fine!”
He immediately grabbed my hand and led me somewhere all too familiar. He gently pushed me into the room and closed the door behind us. This is it. It’s going to happen all over again. Maybe I shouldn’t have wanted to talk to him.
“Shit,” he cursed once he realized where we were.
“Why did you bring me here Scott?” I growled. “So you can rape me in here again?”
“No, I was just finding the nearest room, I swear,” his words were rushed, evidence of his anxiety.
“Let’s just find somewhere else,” I rolled my eyes and reached for the door handle.
“Attention students,” the principal’s voice was heard on the intercom. Shit, that’s never good when he’s making an announcement; mostly because he never makes announcements. “We are on lock down. Teacher’s lock all of your doors. This is not a drill. I repeat, this is not a drill.”
I pull my hand away from the door handle and throw it in the air, “Well, this is just fucking fantastic.”
Scott sighed and turned the lock on the door handle before sitting himself on the ground, “I’m really sorry, Iris.”
“I don’t know what’s worse,” I began pacing in the room. “The fact that there’s a possible gunman on the campus, or that I’m trapped in the janitor's closet with my rapist.”
I watched Scott cringe at my words, “Please don’t think of me like that.”
“And why the fuck not?” I snapped. I stepped closer to him, being sure to tower over him. “You are a rapist and you always will be.”
“Just like Riley will always be the girl who beat the shit out of you,” he pointed out. “You still forgave her though.”
“I didn’t forgive her,” I grumbled, running my hair fiercely through my hair. Now’s the time to get everything off my chest. “Her’s, your’s, and Andrew’s presence are a reminder of what you all did. There’s a difference between forgiveness and acceptance. I accepted that what happened, happened and she’d fix it if she could. With you, I’ll never accept that. I’ll always fear you’ll do it again. I’ll always have those images in my mind. I’ll always remember the pain I felt. I’ll always feel disgusted with myself for not trying harder to stop you. I’ll always be scared to have sex with my own fucking boyfriend.”
Okay, so I shouldn’t have said that last part, but it’s true. What if I’m always like this? Sure Harry and I shared an intimate moment not that long ago, but what if I can never do the real thing? I feel like the uncomforting thoughts are permanently burned into my mind. I’m scared and it’s all because of Scott.
“I’m sorry, sincerely sorry. I’m not that guy anymore. Please forgive me,” he sniffled. Are you fucking kidding me? He’s crying? Why the fuck is he crying?
“Sorry? You fucking ruined me! You made me weak and you left me to get torn to shreds! I trusted you once! You were such a good friend! And now I hate you,” I said sternly. “I hate the sight of you, the sound of your voice, and the fact that you’re trying to be a better person now. I blamed Riley and Andrew, but it was you that made me sick of myself. I figured if my only friend would turn against me, then I shouldn’t even exist. I figured dying was the only answer. I was alone. I needed this Scott. Where was he then? Huh? What did I do wrong? Why did I deserve that? Why did you do that? Why?” my voice shrilled as I shoved him every time I asked a question.
When he didn’t say a word, I glared at him and clenched my fists at my side, “So no, I’ll never fucking forgive you, you Bastard.” I finally sat down to calm my heaving chest. None of that helped as much as I hoped it would. That’s all I wanted it to do: make me feel better. I guess it was just nice to finally let that all off my chest. Too bad I'm fucking stuck in here with him.
“I’m so sorry,” he sobbed. “Please believe me. I wish I could take it all back. I want to be a better person for myself, for Miracle, and for Allie. Allie deserves a good dad.”
I scoffed, “She deserves a different dad.”
“You’re right,” he rubbed his temples. “She’s going to be stuck with a horrible father who did awful things. That’s why I need to clean up my act. I need to change for her sake. I don’t want her to grow up knowing her dad literally screwed over his best friend. I don’t want her knowing I cheated on her mother with two different girls who both wanted nothing to do with me for different reasons. Mostly, I don’t want to hurt Miracle more than I already have. I just thought you forgiving me would give me some sort of peace, but even I know you shouldn’t ever forgive me.”
“I shouldn’t,” I shook my head in agreement as I sat on my knees.
“I’m still so very sorry,” he sobbed harder as he wrapped his arms around me. He buried his head into my shoulder and cried and cried and cried. I sat there, limp and unable to move. I will never forgive him, but in this moment I couldn’t find it in my heart to make him stop hugging me. I’m still searching for reasons why I wouldn’t push him away. I just didn’t. I sure as hell didn’t hug him back either, and I never will show him any sign of affection, especially since I feel nothing of that sort for him. He’s no longer that friend I once had. But I know someone who is, and I think it’s about time I paid her a visit.
Present Day - Friday February 7th 2014
“I don’t understand,” Harry shakes his head in confusion as we speak in my driveway.
“What’s there not to understand? I’m not going to school,” I shrugged.
He ran his fingers through his curls and scratched his neck, “But you’re fine. You’re not sick, no broken bones, nothing.”
“Harry,” I whisper, feeling defeated. I don’t want to tell him where I’m going because I know it’ll only infuriate him. “I’m just worried about what happened at school yesterday.”
He chuckled, “Iris, it was a bear. We had a lockdown because a bear walked onto our campus. You’re telling me you’re scared of a bear attacking you?”
I didn’t really think that one through. “It’s a reasonable fear,” I argued.
“Oh Angel, I won’t let a bear attack you,” he teased as he wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly against him.
“Shut up,” I pouted as I looked up at his goofy smile.
“Come on, just come to school,” his beautiful dimples popped out, the ones I can never resist. Not this time, Styles. I can’t.
I let out a huge sigh, “Harry, there’s something I need to do, and you’re going to have to trust me. Please?”
“Should I be worried?” he bit his lip nervously as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
“No,” I answered honestly. “I’ll be just fine.”
“Promise me you’ll call me if you need anything?” he asked, his eyes practically begging me to say yes.
I nodded, “I promise.”
“Okay,” he smiled. He leaned down and planted a soft kiss on my lips, one that I happily returned. “Hm, now you’re making me want to stay with you,” his warm breath tickled my lips.
I playfully rolled my eyes and pushed him away, “Goodbye, Harry.”
“I’ll see you later?” he raised his eyebrows as he opened his car door.
“Of course,” I smiled widely. “Come cuddle and watch a movie with me.”
“Looking forward to it,” he winked and climbed into his car. “Later, Angel.”
I blew him a kiss as I watched him back out of my driveway. I’m so thankful he didn’t offer me a ride or investigate any further. He's really turning things around for me, becoming the greatest boyfriend anyone could ever ask for.
Just last week, I was struggling to find myself. Harry had finally snapped me out of it and showed me who I really am, yet I still have a dark hole in me. I’m still that same person I was when he first met me: broken, lost, and sad. It may not be as clear as it used to be, but that’s because I’m slowly getting better. I’m slowly becoming that person I once was again. Being with Scott yesterday made me realize that I just needed to conquer my fears all along.
Fast forward a week and you'll see me doing the unimaginable. I never thought I'd be standing on her doorstep, and I highly doubt anyone else would've ever guessed I'd come here. Then again, nobody knows about her since I haven't told one person. One thing I do know for sure is that no one would be happy I'm here.
Here goes nothing. I take a deep breath and hold back all the true emotions I’m feeling just before I knock on the door. I don’t want her to see me and begin pitying me for everything I’ve been through. I just wish she’ll look at me differently than everyone else does. I want her to see a normal person when she answers this door. I want her to see her old friend and feel excited to see me. I don’t need her to know what happened. Not yet anyways.
A familiar face opened the door and beamed as soon as she saw me. “Hello Miracle,” I smiled genuinely at her.
“Iris!” she gasped and threw her arms around my shoulder. I returned the gesture and giggled at her excitement. I forgot how bubbly she was. “What are you doing here?” she smiled as she pulled away to look at me.
“Can’t a girl visit an old friend?” I laughed. “It’s been forever.”
“I know!” she jumped, making me laugh some more. Out of nowhere, the sky began growing dark. “Dang, it looks like it’s going to rain. Come in," she pressed her hand to my back and guided me into her house. I examined the place, noticing baby toys everywhere, and I mean everywhere: on the couch, the floor, on top of the fireplace, on the stairs, and in the fake plants. Allie must really love her play time.
“Do you want something?” Miracle asked as she cleared off the couch for me to sit on. “Something to drink or eat?”
I shook my head, “No thanks.”
“Gosh, it’s so good to see you,” she beamed as she joined me on the couch. “You’re still as beautiful as ever. How’s life?”
“Boring,” I snorted. “I’m sure your life is a lot more exciting than mine.”
She shrugged, “Well I already graduated.”
“You did?” my voice went high pitched. “Oh my gosh, congratulations.”
“Thank you. Homeschooling ended early, which sucks for you, huh? How’s the hellhole?” she joked.
I laughed, “As terrible as always.” I would tell her about trying to get the principal fired, but Mrs. Clark gave us strict instructions not to tell anyone other than the people who were signing the petition. “How’s Allie?”
“Amazing,” she smiled. “She may not have been planned, but she’s definitely changed my life for the better. I’d show you her but she’s still asleep.”
I rested my elbow on the head of the couch, “Oh lucky you that she’s a good sleeper.”
“Right?” she adjusted herself so her legs were in a pretzel. “How’d you know I was here? Did Scott tell you?”
“You still live in the same house,” I shook my head. “I just figured I’d try here first and then ask Scott if you didn't live here.” Lies. If this was the wrong house, I would’ve just gone home.
“Well, I’m glad you came. I have something I want to give you.” She stood up from the couch and left the room for a minute. I twiddled my thumbs as I tried to figure out why I came. It’s nice to see her, but it hurts. It hurts that someone so bubbly is dating someone so cruel. That same cruel guy put me through hell and by the looks of it, she doesn’t even know. I want to tell her. She needs to know. She deserves that.
“Here,” her pretty voice snapped me out of my thoughts. She held out an envelope with gold trims on it.
“What’s this?” I furrowed my brows as I began opening it up.
She plopped back onto the couch, “An invitation to Scott and I’s wedding.” I stopped trying to open it and froze in place. They’re really going to do it. They’re really going to marry each other.
“Miracle,” I sighed and put the envelope in my lap. I looked up to find her frowning.
“He did something to you, didn’t he?” she curled her lips. I placed my face into the palms of my hands and nodded as my answer. Is it hot in here? I'm sweating up a storm. “I’m not surprised, really. He would come home with bruises all over his face or he’d be drunk. He’d ditch Allie and I for parties and would claim he’s too stressed out to come home. I wouldn’t be shocked if he slept with anyone. Did he?”
I slid my hands up my face and through my hair, “It’s not my job to say.”
“He’ll never admit it,” her words broke my heart because she’s right. “Remember what I told you when we met? 'He’s not one to stick with one girl.' I expected him to do all these things. Yeah, it hurts, but he’s still the father of my child. I can’t just push him out of Allie’s life. She needs a father figure. He’s not the best example, but have you noticed him lately? He’s beginning to look a lot like the man I fell in love with a year ago. He’s dressing nicer, he finally got a job to help support Allie and I, he's looking to join the military, and he’s trying to patch up things with a few people. Friday was the first time he told me he loved me in so long. I was waiting to hear those words for what felt like an eternity, and I can't be any happier.”
I rolled up my sleeves and stood up, “I shouldn’t have come here.”
Her eyes widened, “Is that a tattoo?” Fuck. “Fighter?” She stood up from the couch and grabbed my wrist, studying it further. “You cut?” she ran her fingers along my scars.
I pulled my arm away from her and rubbed my sweaty hands against my jeans, “I’m sorry I came here."
“No, Iris, talk to me,” she pleaded and pulled me into a hug that I didn’t give back. “Is he the reason you cut?”
“I’m okay,” I lightly pushed her away. “I’m happy you’re happy, Miracle. Really. It was good to see you.”
I left her confused in her doorway as I walked out into the pouring rain. I walked through the neighborhood as I thought over what I had just heard, not caring how soaked I got.
She knows he’s been going behind her back and he hurt her, but she doesn’t care because regardless, he’s the father of her child. Listening to her talk about the old Scott triggered the unwanted memories of that guy. The guy who he claims to have changed back into, the guy I still despise. The old Scott still never helped me when I needed him, even after all I did for him and Miracle. I was there for them, through all their struggles and he still left me to drown in mine. Not only that, but he made it worse.
I pulled out my phone to send Harry a text. I know he told me to call him, but it's raining and I highly doubt I'd be able to hear him over the phone. Besides, he's at school and it'd be stupid to call him in case he's in class. I looked at the street sign and sat my butt down on the sidewalk as I finally tapped my fingers against the keyboard:
To Mr. Four Tits:
I need you. Please come pick me up. I’m on Evergreen Drive in the neighborhood next to your’s.
I placed my phone back into my pocket after using my sleeve to wipe the raindrops off of it. I covered my ears with my hands to shield my hearing aids from the rain and shivered as the cold rain continued to patter.
I thought going to Miracle’s would help somehow. I thought maybe telling her what happened would make me feel better, but it turns out that if I would’ve told her, I would’ve just tore them apart. I would’ve made that still bubbly girl not so happy anymore. I don’t want to do that.
She’s Miracle, the girl everyone would want to be, the girl who finds the light of every situation, and the girl everyone loves after hearing her say one simple word out of her mouth. Her knowing about the rape would change her. I know she deserves to know, but if Scott’s really cleaning up his act like she says he is, I’m sure nothing like this will happen again. I’m promising myself this: If he ever does something horrible again, I will tell her for sure next time, regardless of how much she'll hate me for not telling her before.
Dear God, don’t let Scott make another mistake. Let him be the man he’s supposed to be. Help him be a better role model for his daughter. Help him because he’s going to need a lot of it.
I suddenly felt a dry jacket wrap around my shoulders and a hood rest loosely on my head, allowing me to put my hands down now that my hearing aids are protected. I looked up to find a concerned Harry trying to figure out why I’m just sitting in the rain. “Are you okay?”
I nodded and shot him a real smile, “Better.” Harry nodded and sat down with me, wrapping his strong arms around my waist and pulling me close to him so I could rest my head onto his chest.
I was better. One thing I noticed was that I wasn't crying when I left Miracle's house. I was actually...okay. Seeing her and knowing what Scott has put her through only makes me view things differently:
I’m lucky to have Harry in my life. He’d never cheat on me like Andrew did, he’d never hurt me like Riley did, he’d never leave me like Georgia and Quinn did, and he’d never do anything I’m not comfortable with like Scott did. Harry is perfect in every way. Harry is nothing like them all. He makes me happy, he makes me forget about all the pain I’ve ever been caused, and he doesn’t treat me like the broken person I am anymore. He respected my privacy when I asked him to today, and that makes me so proud of him. Harry and I have been through so much in the past five months. Seriously, it's only been five months and it feels like we've been together for five years, but that's probably because everything we've gone through in such a short period of time, we stuck by each other's sides for. It makes me realize just how serious we are and in this moment I learned the biggest thing of all…
I lifted my head from his chest and looked into his quizzical emerald green eyes. I ran one of my hands through his damp hair as I took in his beauty. I tilted my head up and closed my eyes as my lips brushed his. I trapped his plump bottom lip in between my lips and slowly detached them. I opened my eyes to find him trying to figure me out, making a slight smile form on my face.
“I love you, Harry,” I stated, putting my whole heart out there. I'm no longer scared to feel this way for him. I trust him more than I've trusted anyone in my life. He's my everything.
A huge grin formed on his face, flashing his beautiful dimples I love so much. “I love you too, Angel,” his words made my heart flutter. In fact, I squealed when I heard them, earning a chuckle from his lips. Never have I ever imagined those words coming from his mouth.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him again. He wrapped his arms securely around my waist and pulled me closer to kiss me back harder. He slid his tongue across my bottom lip, and I happily allowed it to slip into my mouth to dance around with my own. His sweet mouth tasted like a mixture of rain and mint. The mint tells me he totally planned on kissing me, silly boy.
The rain started coming down hard, forcing us to end our kiss. Instead of rushing to his car like normal people would do, I stood to my feet and pulled him up with me so we could dance in the rain. He’s not the best dancer, but he’s the cutest thing ever. I decided to dance like a dork along with him since it’d be no fun if I showed off. We laughed, enjoying every minute of this moment: the moment that’ll forever be cherished in our hearts.
I’m in love with this boy and I couldn’t be happier.
Notes
Your support means the world to me. VOTE and SUBSCRIBE if you haven't already. Be sure to leave me a COMMENT as well. LOVE YOU GUYS<3Random Fact:
To be honest, I was sexually harassed by a guy in my Junior year of high school. Just like Scott, he had a fiance and a kid. I only met his fiance once and I was friends with him for years. It took me by surprise when he held me against a wall and tried to kiss me, but failed miserably. Then he squeezed my ass and tried to touch my boobs, but I wouldn't let him feel me up. I mostly write to get this frustration out, so that's why I created Scott in this story and that's why I'm able to know exactly how Iris feels. Just like her, I never told the guy's fiance what happened and mostly for her benefit. My friend told me his fiance already knew he was feeling up other girls, so I figured there just was no point. She wanted to marry him anyways, and she did. Now, they're together with their almost three year old baby, looking happy in every picture they post. Sometimes I wonder if I should've told her since if I was engaged to someone who was feeling up others, I'd want to know. The thing is, she has a daughter, a daughter who they're probably never going to talk to her about her dad being a complete Bastard. A daughter they're going to want to protect from people like her father.
I wasn't raped, but what he did still makes me cry and feel disgusted with myself. I know it wasn't my fault, but I didn't prevent him from touching my ass, pressing me against the wall, or putting his arm around my waist. Although, most of those were sneak attacks since I didn't see them coming. I was so scared that I literally couldn't tell him no. In fact, I barely spoke. I shook like a leaf and pushed him away whenever I saw him trying to make a move. I'll never understand why he did it, and I'll never understand why he tried to act like we were friends after it. The only thing I do know is the words he asked me that haunt me in my mind, "Did you have fun?" Fuck no I didn't have fun. He is sick and twisted, and I hope I never see him again. The worst part is, their kid is really cute and I wish she was ugly. She's beautiful and she obviously gets that from her mother. I hope she only has her mother's traits. Poor girl.
Actually, the worst part was having to go to the office three times the next day to relive that moment and report what he did to me. I had to tell the story three different times. They said since there were no witnesses and the cameras didn't catch him touching me, they had to just give him a warning. Then, they said if they get another harassment report about him, they'd expel him. I cried because they turned it into a fucking CSI episode: "There's no evidence of him touching you." It pissed me off because they made me go to the office three times that day, write down what happened, and cry about it, all for nothing. That was fucking horrible for me. Then, I had to go to class like nothing happened. They told my teacher to position the guy away from me in class, and he did, but the kid still sat by me anyways and the teacher didn't do anything about it. It was always me who had to move myself. My friends told me what he did was no big deal: "It could be worse," they'd say. I felt alone in that situation. The kid did homeschooling for his last year of high school, which I'm thankful for, but I was still haunted by what he did. The events of everything still replay in my mind from time to time. To help cope with it, I started writing stories, depressing ones like "Mistreated."
So when I tell you your support means the world to me, I mean it. Because Iris is me: Hard of Hearing, alone, mistreated, and misunderstood. So seriously, thank you all so much for your support<3
I love this story so much!!!
11/18/17