Mistreated
Lost
Friday December 13th
Iris’s POV:
“Sleepover at mine tonight,” Perrie said as she passed me in the hall.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” I frown. I’ve successfully been avoiding Harry for days, trying to give him peace and quiet. At lunch, I’d go with Niall to Mr. Chavez’s classroom instead. Mr. Chavez is pretty chill and he even plays movies for us while we eat our food. Turns out, Niall is a food lover, always eating tons and snacking when there’s no meal in front of him. I call him Porky because of it since Pig is just plain mean.
Every day after school, I’d go on a new adventure with Niall. We’ve gone to the beach a second time, we actually bowled at the bowling alley, and we’ve gone ice skating. Ice skating was my favorite since I was new to it, but actually sort of pro at it. Niall kept falling onto his ass, so I had to hold his hand the whole time. What a baby.
“Come on,” Perrie pouted. “It’ll just be Zayn, me, you and I could invite Nialler.”
I nervously play with my fingers, “But Harry-“
She interrupted, “Will be upstairs. It’ll be like he’s not there and if you do see him, just smile. Don’t let him bring you down.” I sigh. “Please?” she shoots me her famous puppy dog eyes and pouts. “I’ve been dying to have a sleepover with you.”
I bit my lip and nodded, “Okay.” I looked over Perrie’s shoulder to find people glaring at us, making me instantly frown.
“What are all of you looking at?!” Perrie barked at them. “Get out of here!” That made people start running to their classrooms. As petite as Perrie is, she sure is very intimidating. “Unbelievable,” she rolled her eyes. Her expression softened, “You okay?”
“I’m fine, I should get to class.”
“Okay, see you later?”
I laughed, “Yes Perrie, I’ll be there.”
She smirked, “Just making sure you won’t back out and if you do, I will find you.”
“I’m so scared,” sarcasm rolled off my tongue as I waved my hands in the air.
She stepped closer and raised her eyebrows, “You should be.”
“Do you talk to Zayn like this?” I chuckled.
“Only in the bedroom,” she winked.
“Oh God. Perrie!” I covered my ears.
“Later Darling,” she laughed as she skipped down the hallway. Remind me why I’m friends with her. Just kidding, she’s pretty amazing. I’m glad to have found myself some good friends, even if I did kind of steal them from Harry.
Turns out, he’s pushing them away again, just as he was with me. He wasn’t exactly better when I got back, just worse. Sadder, angrier, and blander. He was better for like two days but he’s still the same bitter Harry. There’s still something very off about him. I can’t figure it out why he’s being this way, and I feel like I can’t help him. It can’t hurt to give it one last try, can it? I’ll try smiling like Perrie said, and maybe even trying to talk to him. I can’t give up on him, I refuse to.
“You’ve never been to a sleepover?” Zayn raised his eyebrows at me. “Even I have been to a sleepover, and that’s not manly.”
I laughed, “Yeah, I thought only girls did that kind of thing.”
“Boys can too!” Niall defended Zayn. “We still do.”
Zayn punched Niall in the chest, “You’re not supposed to admit that!” Niall pouted and rubbed his chest.
Perrie laughed, “Let’s make some popcorn and watch a movie.”
I hummed, “Mmm, popcorn.”
“I want a hot chocolate,” Niall waved Perrie to the kitchen. “There better be marshmallows in there.”
“You’ve got arms and legs, use them,” Perrie glared to him.
“Oh I do,” Niall winked, receiving a slap on the back of the head from Zayn. “Ow!”
“Prick,” Zayn muttered. Perrie and I giggled.
I stood up, “I’ll make it for you, Porky.”
“Thanks, Flower,” Niall grinned.
As I walked to the kitchen, I shouted, “You owe me a foot massage now!” He gave me one after ice skating and now I can’t stop asking for them. His hands are like magic, healing every knot and sore spot on my feet. The only problem is he tends to tickle my feet as he does it because he ‘can’t help himself’. Butthead.
“Fuck,” I heard him mumble which had me laughing.
Perrie came in the kitchen and put the popcorn in the microwave and helped me find the stuff I needed for Niall’s hot chocolate. As I made it, I noticed Perrie leaning on the counter, curiously staring at me.
“What?” I laughed.
“I’ve never seen you so happy,” she grinned. “I like this side of you. You seem so…”
“Normal?” I finished her sentence.
She made a popping noise with her lips, “Yes, but I thought it’d be rude to say.”
“No biggie,” I shrugged. “It’s nice to finally feel that way.”
“Niall definitely has an impact on you," she pulled the popcorn out of the microwave.
“What do you mean?” I stirred Niall's drink and placed it in the microwave to heat up.
“Well he did loosen you up,” she said before hugging me from behind. “I’m really proud of you.”
I grin, “I don’t think I’ve heard those words since I got in honor roll in fifth grade.”
“Well I am,” she poured the popcorn into a bowl. “Now hurry up and help me pick out a movie before they put something stupid on.”
I laughed and watched Perrie run over to the DVDs she had on the living room floor. Zayn soon joined her on the floor, wrestling with her over a movie. They were giggling messes as Zayn tried to hold his movie choice out of her reach. It was cute. Why can’t Harry and I have that? Why can’t Harry just be happy with me? Or happy at all?
“You okay?” Niall asked as he walked over to me, bored of Perrie and Zayn’s show.
I nodded and removed his coco from the microwave, “Yeah, just thinking.”
“Wanna talk about it?” he offered.
I slid his drink over to him, “Nope, it's okay. Warm up those hands with that drink before my foot massage.”
“I regret ever massaging them,” he pouted before wrapping his free arm around me. “Let’s go watch the movie, shall we?”
“We shall,” I curtsied and he bowed afterwards. He twirled me on the way to the living room. “You’re going to spill the drink I just worked so hard to make,” I joked.
He shook his head, “Nah, I got stealth moves. Check this out.” He literally just walked in a circle and still managed to spill some of the hot chocolate onto the tile.
“So sly,” I said sarcastically while chuckling a little.
“Niall!” Perrie growled.
“At least I didn’t get it on your carpet,” he snaps his fingers to emphasize his sassiness.
Perrie crossed her arms, “Clean it up.”
“Fine,” he sighed and handed me his drink. “Hold this while I clean it up.”
“Don’t mind if do,” I grinned evilly and took a sip of the coco. Look at me, living a little. I never share shit with people.
“Hey,” he whined.
I shrugged, “I made it.”
I noticed Zayn snickering at the corner of my eye. Perrie noticed too and squealed when she realized he placed a movie into the DVD player.
“We’ve seen The Hangover like ten times already,” Perrie moped.
“Yeah! I love that movie!” Niall yelled as he cleaned up his mess. Perrie shushed him afterwards since her parents are sleeping.
“I’ve never seen it,” I hid my smirk behind the mug.
Zayn got up and high fived me, “Alright! Listen to Iris go!” I laughed and hid my burning cheeks. “She’s so shy,” Zayn said as if I were a baby. Then, he started poking my ribs.
“Stop!” I laughed. “You’re gonna make the drink spill more! Help!”
Perrie suddenly tackled him from behind and pulled him to the floor. Niall ran over and just casually laid across the both of them.
“Niall, get off!” Perrie squealed.
“Never!” he chuckled. Oh these people, I adore them so much.
Harry’s POV:
Another long day at Riley’s. Unfortunately, I stayed later than I intended too, leaving me more exhausted than I usually am. Her mum dropped me off at Perrie’s house and helped me get situated in my wheelchair before thanking me and driving off. She’s a nice lady and all, but I wish she’d stop giving me rides. I like being alone and thinking.
I sigh and roll up the driveway to Perrie’s front door. I could see a flickering light behind the blinds of her front window. She’s probably watching telly or something, which is good for me because I know I’ll need help upstairs. I open the door and push it in before rolling into the room and closing the door behind me. I turn to see four people sat before the telly, three heads turning to look at me.
Perrie was sat in Zayn’s lap, and both were giving me weird looks like they weren’t expecting me or something. Niall was on the other couch with a passed out girl next to him. Of course, it wasn’t just any girl…it was Mercy. Her legs were covered with a blanket and her arms laid in her lap as her head rested peacefully on Niall’s shoulder. Her eyes were closed and lips were parted, drooling on his shoulder no doubt.
“Hey Haz,” Zayn finally smiles.
“You didn’t tell me she was coming,” I whispered angrily at Perrie. I wasn’t sure if I was happy to see her or not, but a heads up would’ve been nice.
“I wasn’t planning on you finding out,” she rolled her eyes. Bitch.
I rolled to the stairs, “I’m too tired to deal with this shit. Help me up the stairs.” No one says a thing or even moves a muscle. “Help. Me.” I say through my teeth.
Niall sighs, “Haz.”
“Don’t speak to me,” I growl. That made him shut up. “I’ll just sleep in Perrie’s room if no one’s going to help.” And to her room I rolled. No one even opposed. God, everyone hates me right now. Who could really blame them? They’ve been trying to help and I’ve been so snarky towards them. I wouldn’t want to help me anymore either.
Mercy. I couldn’t believe she was here, especially knowing that I’d be here. I can’t help but feel jealous of Niall: his shoulder, rather than my shoulder, being used as her pillow. I trust that he’d never make a move on her, but it still gives me the chills knowing she’s happy by his side.
I was the one who told him to take her out. After she left me at lunch, I went up to him and gave him permission to take her anywhere. I told him about how I really liked her, but I can’t make her happy right now. He really does want to be her friend though, I didn’t even have to make him hang out with her: he was already planning on it, just as Iris said.
I climb out of my chair and hopped till I was at Perrie’s bed. I laid down, resting my head on her pillow and getting lost in my thoughts again. This will be another sleepless night, even if I know Mercy is near. I still feel so alone, and it’s all my fault. I’m pushing everyone I care about away. I don’t want them to really look at me and see how torn up I am. I’m going through so much shit. Only Mercy would understand.
Saturday December 14th
I was able to fall asleep about three hours ago. That’s more sleep than I have been getting. Nobody has noticed how shitty I look but Riley. Sleepy Perrie would help me get up in the morning, I’d leave, and I’d come home when no one else was here. I didn’t want people to see the mess I am. Baggy eyes, unbrushed hair, stubbly face. Point is, I look like shit since I’m not even taking good care of myself.
I spotted some clothes on the end table next to me. Perrie must’ve brought them for me to change into. Why does she even put up with me? I slid out of her comfortable sheets and slowly changed myself. At least it’s getting easier to do this. I take my dirty clothes and I toss them into her hamper that sat next to the end table. I hopped over to my wheelchair and I headed to the kitchen for some breakfast.
On the way to the kitchen, I was stopped by a scream that came from outside. Curious, I rolled over to the front window which had its blinds pulled up. Turns out its snowing. Snow. It may be winter but it doesn’t snow here. It’s so beautiful.
I examine Niall, Perrie, Zayn and Iris as they all are outside playing in the snow. Perrie and Iris were building a snowman while Niall and Zayn appeared to be looking for something. I notice Zayn pick up a rock and show it to Perrie who then places it as the snowman’s eye. Niall picks up a chuck of snow and throws it at Iris who was already covered in snow, probably for that same reason. She laughed and grabbed two chunks, throwing one at Niall and one at Zayn. Soon, a snowball fight had erupted between the four of them.
Iris suddenly stopped and it took me a second to figure out why. She saw me staring at them. Instead of turning away or even running like she normally would, she smiled at me. Smiled. Why the hell did she smile after the way I treated her? I notice she’s wearing some flower headband, borrowed from Perrie no doubt since Perrie’s into that shit. It suites Iris well though, complimenting her pretty blonde hair.
Mercy’s smile turned to confusion as she continued to gaze at me. Shit. I didn’t want to be seen because of this. Now she’s going to be fucking worried. Great going, Styles.
I suddenly booked it, rolling as fast as I could back to Perrie’s room. Fucking wheelchair. I hate this piece of shit. I wanted to walk again. This is all my fucking father’s fault.
“Harry?” Well fuck. I don’t turn around, continuing to face Perrie’s wall. “Harry, please look at me.”
“No.”
“I already saw,” Iris sighed. “You look terrible.”
“Gee thanks.”
She huffed, “Talk to me, please.”
“Go away.”
I hear her footsteps stomping towards me, “Don’t you dare get stubborn with me!” She walked in front of me, her blue-green eyes immediately becoming sad. “Harry-“
“Please go,” I begged.
She shook her head, “No. I’m tired of you pushing me away. I’ve been giving you your space and it’s about time you talk to me.”
I stare at my lap, “Don’t you see? I don’t want to talk.”
“Obviously,” she scoffed. “I’m not leaving until you do.”
My eyes widen, “I’m getting sudden déjà vu. Weren’t the rolls switched though?”
She nods, “Yes, and you got me to eat. Now, I’m gonna get you to talk.”
“Nope,” I smirked. I’m an ass.
“Harry please,” she sighed and knelt in front of me.
“Don’t do that,” I scrunched my face. “Don’t kneel down to my stupid fucking height.”
She stood up straight, “Is that what this is about?”
“Don’t pity me.”
“Harry…”
“I have to go see Riley,” I turn my chair around.
“HARRY!” her voice made me jump. For some reason, that was my undoing. My eyes became wet and my breath began to shake. She walked over to Perrie’s door and shut it before walking over and sitting in my lap.
I whispered, “I’m just so tired.”
She held my head against her chest, “I know, Babe.”
“I hate this fucking chair,” my voice cracked. “I hate that I can’t play with you in the snow. I hate that I can’t go on walks with you. I hate that I can’t stand at the school hand-in-hand with you. I hate that I can’t make you happy.”
“Har-“
“When you found out about the lies Riley spread, I kept trying to tell myself you deserved better. ‘She’ll be happy without you, Styles.’ I kept telling myself I’d be okay with it if you moved on. I still feel like I can’t make you smile,” I sniffle like a fucking baby.
“I wanted to hold you, but I didn’t want to say a word. The funeral broke my heart, Angel. What if that was you? What if you were being lowered into the ground? What if my dad went farther than he did and I was the one in the casket? I don’t want to break you again.”
She starts brushing my curls with her fingers, “I thought the same.”
I shake my head against her chest, “But you haven’t seen Riley. I can’t get her to eat, I can’t get her to sleep, I can’t get her to laugh or smile, I can’t get her to do anything. She just stays laying on that fucking couch her dad loved, torturing herself. I try to help her but I can’t.”
“You can’t help everyone, Harry,” her voice was so gentle. “Take your mom for example. She hasn’t wanted your help at all and it’s hurt you, yet you kept helping her. You were crying Harry, just like you are now. Why would you put yourself through that again?”
“I helped you.”
“But I wanted help, they don’t,” she said truthfully. “Your mom will get it eventually and if she doesn’t, it’s her loss. She just needs to learn for herself. Same with Riley. You’re babying her. She just needed a shoulder to cry on and now that she’s had that, she doesn’t want guidance. She wants to think about him. She needs space. She’ll come around, Babe.”
I nod, “I’m just so lost.”
“Then let me help you. You’re so worried about helping everyone else that you’re not even worrying about yourself. You just need to relax, okay?”
“Okay,” I whisper.
She lifts my head so her gaze meets mine, “Let’s just sleep for now, yeah?” I nod. She smiles and removes herself from me. She helped me hop to Perrie’s bed and laid me down first, pulling the covers over me. Then she kicks off her shoes and pulls of her jacket before joining me under the covers.
“I missed you,” she smiled. “Don’t push me away again.”
I nod, “Never.”
Then for once, I got sleep…next to my baby.
Iris’s POV:
“Sleepover at mine tonight,” Perrie said as she passed me in the hall.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” I frown. I’ve successfully been avoiding Harry for days, trying to give him peace and quiet. At lunch, I’d go with Niall to Mr. Chavez’s classroom instead. Mr. Chavez is pretty chill and he even plays movies for us while we eat our food. Turns out, Niall is a food lover, always eating tons and snacking when there’s no meal in front of him. I call him Porky because of it since Pig is just plain mean.
Every day after school, I’d go on a new adventure with Niall. We’ve gone to the beach a second time, we actually bowled at the bowling alley, and we’ve gone ice skating. Ice skating was my favorite since I was new to it, but actually sort of pro at it. Niall kept falling onto his ass, so I had to hold his hand the whole time. What a baby.
“Come on,” Perrie pouted. “It’ll just be Zayn, me, you and I could invite Nialler.”
I nervously play with my fingers, “But Harry-“
She interrupted, “Will be upstairs. It’ll be like he’s not there and if you do see him, just smile. Don’t let him bring you down.” I sigh. “Please?” she shoots me her famous puppy dog eyes and pouts. “I’ve been dying to have a sleepover with you.”
I bit my lip and nodded, “Okay.” I looked over Perrie’s shoulder to find people glaring at us, making me instantly frown.
“What are all of you looking at?!” Perrie barked at them. “Get out of here!” That made people start running to their classrooms. As petite as Perrie is, she sure is very intimidating. “Unbelievable,” she rolled her eyes. Her expression softened, “You okay?”
“I’m fine, I should get to class.”
“Okay, see you later?”
I laughed, “Yes Perrie, I’ll be there.”
She smirked, “Just making sure you won’t back out and if you do, I will find you.”
“I’m so scared,” sarcasm rolled off my tongue as I waved my hands in the air.
She stepped closer and raised her eyebrows, “You should be.”
“Do you talk to Zayn like this?” I chuckled.
“Only in the bedroom,” she winked.
“Oh God. Perrie!” I covered my ears.
“Later Darling,” she laughed as she skipped down the hallway. Remind me why I’m friends with her. Just kidding, she’s pretty amazing. I’m glad to have found myself some good friends, even if I did kind of steal them from Harry.
Turns out, he’s pushing them away again, just as he was with me. He wasn’t exactly better when I got back, just worse. Sadder, angrier, and blander. He was better for like two days but he’s still the same bitter Harry. There’s still something very off about him. I can’t figure it out why he’s being this way, and I feel like I can’t help him. It can’t hurt to give it one last try, can it? I’ll try smiling like Perrie said, and maybe even trying to talk to him. I can’t give up on him, I refuse to.
“You’ve never been to a sleepover?” Zayn raised his eyebrows at me. “Even I have been to a sleepover, and that’s not manly.”
I laughed, “Yeah, I thought only girls did that kind of thing.”
“Boys can too!” Niall defended Zayn. “We still do.”
Zayn punched Niall in the chest, “You’re not supposed to admit that!” Niall pouted and rubbed his chest.
Perrie laughed, “Let’s make some popcorn and watch a movie.”
I hummed, “Mmm, popcorn.”
“I want a hot chocolate,” Niall waved Perrie to the kitchen. “There better be marshmallows in there.”
“You’ve got arms and legs, use them,” Perrie glared to him.
“Oh I do,” Niall winked, receiving a slap on the back of the head from Zayn. “Ow!”
“Prick,” Zayn muttered. Perrie and I giggled.
I stood up, “I’ll make it for you, Porky.”
“Thanks, Flower,” Niall grinned.
As I walked to the kitchen, I shouted, “You owe me a foot massage now!” He gave me one after ice skating and now I can’t stop asking for them. His hands are like magic, healing every knot and sore spot on my feet. The only problem is he tends to tickle my feet as he does it because he ‘can’t help himself’. Butthead.
“Fuck,” I heard him mumble which had me laughing.
Perrie came in the kitchen and put the popcorn in the microwave and helped me find the stuff I needed for Niall’s hot chocolate. As I made it, I noticed Perrie leaning on the counter, curiously staring at me.
“What?” I laughed.
“I’ve never seen you so happy,” she grinned. “I like this side of you. You seem so…”
“Normal?” I finished her sentence.
She made a popping noise with her lips, “Yes, but I thought it’d be rude to say.”
“No biggie,” I shrugged. “It’s nice to finally feel that way.”
“Niall definitely has an impact on you," she pulled the popcorn out of the microwave.
“What do you mean?” I stirred Niall's drink and placed it in the microwave to heat up.
“Well he did loosen you up,” she said before hugging me from behind. “I’m really proud of you.”
I grin, “I don’t think I’ve heard those words since I got in honor roll in fifth grade.”
“Well I am,” she poured the popcorn into a bowl. “Now hurry up and help me pick out a movie before they put something stupid on.”
I laughed and watched Perrie run over to the DVDs she had on the living room floor. Zayn soon joined her on the floor, wrestling with her over a movie. They were giggling messes as Zayn tried to hold his movie choice out of her reach. It was cute. Why can’t Harry and I have that? Why can’t Harry just be happy with me? Or happy at all?
“You okay?” Niall asked as he walked over to me, bored of Perrie and Zayn’s show.
I nodded and removed his coco from the microwave, “Yeah, just thinking.”
“Wanna talk about it?” he offered.
I slid his drink over to him, “Nope, it's okay. Warm up those hands with that drink before my foot massage.”
“I regret ever massaging them,” he pouted before wrapping his free arm around me. “Let’s go watch the movie, shall we?”
“We shall,” I curtsied and he bowed afterwards. He twirled me on the way to the living room. “You’re going to spill the drink I just worked so hard to make,” I joked.
He shook his head, “Nah, I got stealth moves. Check this out.” He literally just walked in a circle and still managed to spill some of the hot chocolate onto the tile.
“So sly,” I said sarcastically while chuckling a little.
“Niall!” Perrie growled.
“At least I didn’t get it on your carpet,” he snaps his fingers to emphasize his sassiness.
Perrie crossed her arms, “Clean it up.”
“Fine,” he sighed and handed me his drink. “Hold this while I clean it up.”
“Don’t mind if do,” I grinned evilly and took a sip of the coco. Look at me, living a little. I never share shit with people.
“Hey,” he whined.
I shrugged, “I made it.”
I noticed Zayn snickering at the corner of my eye. Perrie noticed too and squealed when she realized he placed a movie into the DVD player.
“We’ve seen The Hangover like ten times already,” Perrie moped.
“Yeah! I love that movie!” Niall yelled as he cleaned up his mess. Perrie shushed him afterwards since her parents are sleeping.
“I’ve never seen it,” I hid my smirk behind the mug.
Zayn got up and high fived me, “Alright! Listen to Iris go!” I laughed and hid my burning cheeks. “She’s so shy,” Zayn said as if I were a baby. Then, he started poking my ribs.
“Stop!” I laughed. “You’re gonna make the drink spill more! Help!”
Perrie suddenly tackled him from behind and pulled him to the floor. Niall ran over and just casually laid across the both of them.
“Niall, get off!” Perrie squealed.
“Never!” he chuckled. Oh these people, I adore them so much.
Harry’s POV:
Another long day at Riley’s. Unfortunately, I stayed later than I intended too, leaving me more exhausted than I usually am. Her mum dropped me off at Perrie’s house and helped me get situated in my wheelchair before thanking me and driving off. She’s a nice lady and all, but I wish she’d stop giving me rides. I like being alone and thinking.
I sigh and roll up the driveway to Perrie’s front door. I could see a flickering light behind the blinds of her front window. She’s probably watching telly or something, which is good for me because I know I’ll need help upstairs. I open the door and push it in before rolling into the room and closing the door behind me. I turn to see four people sat before the telly, three heads turning to look at me.
Perrie was sat in Zayn’s lap, and both were giving me weird looks like they weren’t expecting me or something. Niall was on the other couch with a passed out girl next to him. Of course, it wasn’t just any girl…it was Mercy. Her legs were covered with a blanket and her arms laid in her lap as her head rested peacefully on Niall’s shoulder. Her eyes were closed and lips were parted, drooling on his shoulder no doubt.
“Hey Haz,” Zayn finally smiles.
“You didn’t tell me she was coming,” I whispered angrily at Perrie. I wasn’t sure if I was happy to see her or not, but a heads up would’ve been nice.
“I wasn’t planning on you finding out,” she rolled her eyes. Bitch.
I rolled to the stairs, “I’m too tired to deal with this shit. Help me up the stairs.” No one says a thing or even moves a muscle. “Help. Me.” I say through my teeth.
Niall sighs, “Haz.”
“Don’t speak to me,” I growl. That made him shut up. “I’ll just sleep in Perrie’s room if no one’s going to help.” And to her room I rolled. No one even opposed. God, everyone hates me right now. Who could really blame them? They’ve been trying to help and I’ve been so snarky towards them. I wouldn’t want to help me anymore either.
Mercy. I couldn’t believe she was here, especially knowing that I’d be here. I can’t help but feel jealous of Niall: his shoulder, rather than my shoulder, being used as her pillow. I trust that he’d never make a move on her, but it still gives me the chills knowing she’s happy by his side.
I was the one who told him to take her out. After she left me at lunch, I went up to him and gave him permission to take her anywhere. I told him about how I really liked her, but I can’t make her happy right now. He really does want to be her friend though, I didn’t even have to make him hang out with her: he was already planning on it, just as Iris said.
I climb out of my chair and hopped till I was at Perrie’s bed. I laid down, resting my head on her pillow and getting lost in my thoughts again. This will be another sleepless night, even if I know Mercy is near. I still feel so alone, and it’s all my fault. I’m pushing everyone I care about away. I don’t want them to really look at me and see how torn up I am. I’m going through so much shit. Only Mercy would understand.
Saturday December 14th
I was able to fall asleep about three hours ago. That’s more sleep than I have been getting. Nobody has noticed how shitty I look but Riley. Sleepy Perrie would help me get up in the morning, I’d leave, and I’d come home when no one else was here. I didn’t want people to see the mess I am. Baggy eyes, unbrushed hair, stubbly face. Point is, I look like shit since I’m not even taking good care of myself.
I spotted some clothes on the end table next to me. Perrie must’ve brought them for me to change into. Why does she even put up with me? I slid out of her comfortable sheets and slowly changed myself. At least it’s getting easier to do this. I take my dirty clothes and I toss them into her hamper that sat next to the end table. I hopped over to my wheelchair and I headed to the kitchen for some breakfast.
On the way to the kitchen, I was stopped by a scream that came from outside. Curious, I rolled over to the front window which had its blinds pulled up. Turns out its snowing. Snow. It may be winter but it doesn’t snow here. It’s so beautiful.
I examine Niall, Perrie, Zayn and Iris as they all are outside playing in the snow. Perrie and Iris were building a snowman while Niall and Zayn appeared to be looking for something. I notice Zayn pick up a rock and show it to Perrie who then places it as the snowman’s eye. Niall picks up a chuck of snow and throws it at Iris who was already covered in snow, probably for that same reason. She laughed and grabbed two chunks, throwing one at Niall and one at Zayn. Soon, a snowball fight had erupted between the four of them.
Iris suddenly stopped and it took me a second to figure out why. She saw me staring at them. Instead of turning away or even running like she normally would, she smiled at me. Smiled. Why the hell did she smile after the way I treated her? I notice she’s wearing some flower headband, borrowed from Perrie no doubt since Perrie’s into that shit. It suites Iris well though, complimenting her pretty blonde hair.
Mercy’s smile turned to confusion as she continued to gaze at me. Shit. I didn’t want to be seen because of this. Now she’s going to be fucking worried. Great going, Styles.
I suddenly booked it, rolling as fast as I could back to Perrie’s room. Fucking wheelchair. I hate this piece of shit. I wanted to walk again. This is all my fucking father’s fault.
“Harry?” Well fuck. I don’t turn around, continuing to face Perrie’s wall. “Harry, please look at me.”
“No.”
“I already saw,” Iris sighed. “You look terrible.”
“Gee thanks.”
She huffed, “Talk to me, please.”
“Go away.”
I hear her footsteps stomping towards me, “Don’t you dare get stubborn with me!” She walked in front of me, her blue-green eyes immediately becoming sad. “Harry-“
“Please go,” I begged.
She shook her head, “No. I’m tired of you pushing me away. I’ve been giving you your space and it’s about time you talk to me.”
I stare at my lap, “Don’t you see? I don’t want to talk.”
“Obviously,” she scoffed. “I’m not leaving until you do.”
My eyes widen, “I’m getting sudden déjà vu. Weren’t the rolls switched though?”
She nods, “Yes, and you got me to eat. Now, I’m gonna get you to talk.”
“Nope,” I smirked. I’m an ass.
“Harry please,” she sighed and knelt in front of me.
“Don’t do that,” I scrunched my face. “Don’t kneel down to my stupid fucking height.”
She stood up straight, “Is that what this is about?”
“Don’t pity me.”
“Harry…”
“I have to go see Riley,” I turn my chair around.
“HARRY!” her voice made me jump. For some reason, that was my undoing. My eyes became wet and my breath began to shake. She walked over to Perrie’s door and shut it before walking over and sitting in my lap.
I whispered, “I’m just so tired.”
She held my head against her chest, “I know, Babe.”
“I hate this fucking chair,” my voice cracked. “I hate that I can’t play with you in the snow. I hate that I can’t go on walks with you. I hate that I can’t stand at the school hand-in-hand with you. I hate that I can’t make you happy.”
“Har-“
“When you found out about the lies Riley spread, I kept trying to tell myself you deserved better. ‘She’ll be happy without you, Styles.’ I kept telling myself I’d be okay with it if you moved on. I still feel like I can’t make you smile,” I sniffle like a fucking baby.
“I wanted to hold you, but I didn’t want to say a word. The funeral broke my heart, Angel. What if that was you? What if you were being lowered into the ground? What if my dad went farther than he did and I was the one in the casket? I don’t want to break you again.”
She starts brushing my curls with her fingers, “I thought the same.”
I shake my head against her chest, “But you haven’t seen Riley. I can’t get her to eat, I can’t get her to sleep, I can’t get her to laugh or smile, I can’t get her to do anything. She just stays laying on that fucking couch her dad loved, torturing herself. I try to help her but I can’t.”
“You can’t help everyone, Harry,” her voice was so gentle. “Take your mom for example. She hasn’t wanted your help at all and it’s hurt you, yet you kept helping her. You were crying Harry, just like you are now. Why would you put yourself through that again?”
“I helped you.”
“But I wanted help, they don’t,” she said truthfully. “Your mom will get it eventually and if she doesn’t, it’s her loss. She just needs to learn for herself. Same with Riley. You’re babying her. She just needed a shoulder to cry on and now that she’s had that, she doesn’t want guidance. She wants to think about him. She needs space. She’ll come around, Babe.”
I nod, “I’m just so lost.”
“Then let me help you. You’re so worried about helping everyone else that you’re not even worrying about yourself. You just need to relax, okay?”
“Okay,” I whisper.
She lifts my head so her gaze meets mine, “Let’s just sleep for now, yeah?” I nod. She smiles and removes herself from me. She helped me hop to Perrie’s bed and laid me down first, pulling the covers over me. Then she kicks off her shoes and pulls of her jacket before joining me under the covers.
“I missed you,” she smiled. “Don’t push me away again.”
I nod, “Never.”
Then for once, I got sleep…next to my baby.
Notes
I've said it before and I'm gonna say it again. Stop saying 'update' in comments. It doesn't make me want to update any faster. I appreciate the excitement and support, but seeing 'update' frustrates me. I don't mean to be rude, but I'm trying to update as soon as possible already. I don't wish to feel rushed, so please, please stop.
Leave me a different comment if you have to, like 'cottage cheese' or 'lollipops', answer my questions, or comment on my random facts. Anything but 'update' please.
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Question Time:
Can Iris help Harry?
I love this story so much!!!
11/18/17