Lacey

I ran my fingers down the white dress that was hanging on the door to my closet. It was beautiful I couldn’t deny that. It was a dream dress maybe a little to over the top for me. I could probably do with the long train. And the skirt was too wide for my liking but that didn’t not mean it wasn’t beautiful. This dress would make anyone look stunning on there wedding day.

I would be wearing this dress tomorrow. The feeling still hadn’t hit me entirely. That I would be married tomorrow sounded ludicrous in my mind but I knew it was true. By tomorrow night I would be leaving with Edmund to Hawaii for our honeymoon. Not the place I personally would have chosen for a honeymoon. Someone more remote, romantic and less cliché would have been nice. But then again it’s not like it was my choice.

“You’re going to look stunning tomorrow.” My mother announced from behind me. I turned away and shot her a small smile before taking a seat on the bed. I heard her sigh before she sat next to me.

“If you gave him a chance Lace, you could grow to love him. I love your father now.”

“I’m not you mum. I can’t accept the fact that I might love him when I’m marrying him tomorrow. Edmund is nice to me but I don’t think I can ever love him.” I told her honestly. She grabbed my hand and patted it soothingly.

“We’ll see. Not all love is fiery and passionate. People learn to settle for less.” She told me. I shook my head at her. I would never tell my children to settle for less. I knew that more than anything, if they wanted a fiery passionate love then I would encourage them to get it. I would never encourage them to settle for less.

“I’m going to be okay right mum?” I asked her nervously. She pulled me into her arms as I enjoyed the warm embrace.

“Of course sweetie. Everything is going to go perfect tomorrow. You won’t have to worry about a thing.”

“Except getting married.” I muttered. She sighed and ran a hand through my hair.

“You know when you have a baby and you see them for the first time, you want to give them the world. But you also want to hide them from the world. There are so many bad things out there, bad people. I’ve seen a lot and I wanted to keep that all away from you. I never wanted to see you cry. I promised myself that I would give you the best life I could. Anything you wanted or needed you had. Tomorrow isn’t just scary for you. It’s scary for me too. I have to let you go someone else can look after you. Can you blame me for wanting to choose the person that takes you away from me? Edmund can look after you and keep you safe.” I heard the emotion her words and I knew she was genuine.

“You can’t protect me forever mum. You’re not supposed to. Eventually I have to protect myself.” I tried to reason.

“Perhaps. But that’s why we chose Edmund so you never will have to.” She told me lovingly. I sighed at the ignorance she was showing. She was barely listening to a word I was saying. She was too stuck in her beliefs and her ways to see any other point.

“I know why you say this stuff. You sound like your friend Skye. She said some interesting things the other day.” My mother mused. I sat up straighter.

“She did?” I questioned, receiving a nod.

“She has some strong views.” She commented, I laughed softly agreeing with my mother. “She seems like a sweet girl though. I may have misjudged her. She seems like a good friend to have.”

“She is.”

“Well you should go to bed. Don’t want you tired for your big day.” Mum said, suddenly standing up. I could see the tears in her eyes. I stood up and climbed into bed under the warm covers.

“Did you really love that boy, Zayn?” My mother asked as she neared the door, my heart beat rose rapidly at the sound of his name.

“Does it even matter now?” I asked her softly. Not wanting to talk about it.

“I guess not. You’re doing the right thing Lacey. You’ll see. Goodnight sweetheart.” She turned the light off and shut the door behind her.

I sunk further into the bed letting the sheets cocoon themselves around me. I felt warm but still alone. This wasn’t what I wanted. This was the farthest thing from what I wanted with my life. But tomorrow I was going to be married and I wasn’t okay with that. I had hoped by now I would be okay about that.

I couldn’t help as the tears slid down my cheeks to soak into the pillow below me. I couldn’t do this. I didn’t want to do this. I felt like everything was closing in on me and it was getting harder to breathe. I needed out but I couldn’t get out. This was going to be my life and I had to deal with that. No matter how much it hurt.

I pulled the blankets tighter around myself and tried to stop the fresh batch of tears fall. Instead pretending that the blankets warmth was Zayn holding, whispering comforting things to me. Being here for me. I needed that. I needed him. But he was the one thing I was never going to be allowed to have.

I think that’s what hurt the most knowing that after tomorrow I would never be able to see or speak to Zayn again. The moment I married Edmund Zayn would be permanently removed from my life. That hurt more than anything else. Saying goodbye to him. Properly this time, with no hope that maybe everything would sort itself out.

I was going to be married to a man I didn’t love tomorrow. It was time I accepted that.

Notes

Next chapter is the wedding ;)