Skye

I couldn’t sleep. I sat there in the dark listening to Harry’s slow breathing from next to me. But I couldn’t sleep.

I pushed myself off the bed and headed out into the kitchen grabbing a drink before sitting down on the bar stool.

I felt like a failure. I failed at being a woman. I didn’t even know how to feel, I just felt numb. I glanced down, placing my hand against my stomach wondering what it would be like to have something still growing in there. Sighing I pulled my legs up to cover my stomach as I wrapped my arms around them and rested my chin on my knees.

“What are you doing out here?” Harry’s voice broke through the darkness. I glanced towards the archway to see Harry standing there completely naked, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

“Go back to bed Haz, you have to get up early,” I muttered to him turning away. I heard his footsteps come closer before I felt his arms wrap around me from behind.

“Come back to bed love,” he whispered into my ear placing a kiss to my shoulder. I sighed, accepting the warmth and comfort of his body before releasing my legs and standing up. Harry took my hand and led me back upstairs past the bedrooms towards our. I pulled my hand out of Harry’s, making him stop and turn back to me. I wrapped my arms around myself feeling useless.

“Talk to me,” Harry said to me quietly but I could hear the pain in his voice.

“Do you still love me?” I asked him my voice cracking. His eyes widened.

“Of course I do!” He said moving forward. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because I lost our child.”

“How could you think that I would not love you because of that, of course I still love you! This wasn’t your fault my love.” Harry said before grabbing my hips and pulling my body into his. I leant into him as his arms circled around me holding me tightly against him. I felt the warm tears slide down my face as I cried into his shoulder.

“Come on, you need to rest.” Harry whispered into my ear. I shook my head into his shoulder. I heard Harry sigh before he bent down and wrapped his arm under my legs, picking me up bridal style. I wrapped my arms around his neck burying my head into his chest. I heard Harry shut the door before he gently placed me on the bed.

He crawled over me to his side before pulling the blankets up.

“I don’t want to sleep Harry,” I mumbled to him. He placed a kiss on top of my head lightly.

“You will feel better in the morning if you do,” he whispered softly into my ear wrapping his arms around me.

“How could I ever feel better?” I whispered to him. I heard his intake of breath before he pulled my body against his warm one. Giving in I turned towards him and curled up against his side.

“I love you, no matter what,” he told me softly. I sniffled.

“I love you too,” I replied back before closing my eyes and letting sleep take over.

-

I woke up the next morning to Harry’s body still snug tight against my side. I stretched and yawned before curling my body back around Harry’s. He shifted slightly as I watched his face contort before his eyes slowly fluttered open. He stared upwards for a moment before his beautiful green eyes turned to meet mine. He offered me a small smile.

“How did you sleep?” He asked softly. I shrugged at him, I had slept okay. He pressed a soft kiss to my head.

“I’m sorry about yesterday. I didn’t mean what I said.”

“It’s okay, there’s no need to apologise.” Harry said quickly. Rolling over to face my properly. I shook my head.

“No you didn’t deserve to be yelled at, you’re hurting too. I know you got to me as fast as you could and I know you didn’t put the band before us.” I said softly. This earned me a kiss. I glanced towards the clock to see it was nearly 11.

“Harry don’t you have an interview this morning?”

“The boys and I cancelled it.”

“You didn’t have to...” Harry cut me off with a kiss.

“Don’t be silly. I’m not leaving you anytime soon and besides I wasn’t really up for an interview right now.” I stared into his eyes for a moment before moving forward and burying my head into the crook of his neck. His arms tightened around me.

“I am sorry Harry. I didn’t mean to lose our baby.” I said softly.

“This wasn’t your fault Skye. You couldn’t help this; this was not your fault!” I sobbed lightly into his shoulder as he rubbed his hands up and down my back comfortingly.

“Are you hungry?” Harry asked me softly. I nodded into his neck, sniffling slightly.

“How about you go for a shower and I’ll make some food.” Harry offered sweetly. I glanced up at him.

“That sounds good,” I whispered back before reluctantly pulling away from Harry and heading towards our connecting bathroom.

The scalding hot water made me feel better as I rubbed roughly at my slowly reddening skin. Sighing slightly at the pain the water gave me before climbing out of the shower and changing into some sweats and one of Harry’s tops.

Not bothering to dry my hair properly, I left the room and made my way towards the stairs. One look into each spare bedroom and I knew that the other had all slept over. I hesitated before slowly making my way down the stairs and towards the kitchen where the low voices were coming from.

The buzz of talk stopped however once I stepped inside. Everyone turned to glance at me. I felt the tears in my eyes as I saw the pain, sympathy and love in each of the pairs of eyes looking at me. This was my family, and no matter how awful I had been to them yesterday they were unwilling to leave me. I wrapped my arms around myself and rubbed my arm, not really knowing what to do. Harry luckily approached however and took my hand, leading me to a spare seat at the kitchen counter.

Harry placed two pieces of toast in front of me. I gave him a weak smile in thanks before picking at the pieces, eating very slowly. Everyone stayed silent as they began eating again before a slow buzz of talk began again. I stayed silent and listened to the people around me talk softly; I found the noise of their voices comforting as I continued to slowly eat. Harry stood behind me with his arms wrapped around my waist, joining in on the conversation at some points.

I had finished one piece of toast but I pushed away the other. I couldn’t eat anymore otherwise I knew I would be sick. The scraping of my plate against the counter made everyone glance over and go quiet again. I knew that I had to say something.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered out, not meeting anyone’s eyes. “I’m sorry for screaming yesterday. I didn’t mean what I said.”

Before the silence had time to settle in again, Anne had pulled me into her arms. I could feel her body shaking against mine as I rubbed her back comfortingly with the help of Harry. She sobbed softly into my hair before letting me go and pressing a kiss to my forehead.

“Sorry, sorry.” She said quickly wiping the tears away. I smiled at her softly and patted her hand.

Everyone began to clean up after breakfast and I was instructed to go rest. Harry led me out into the living room before telling me he was going to go for a quick shower. I sat on the couch hugging a cushion tightly against my stomach as I stared at the blank TV. A noise by the archway caught my attention. I glanced over to see Louis standing there awkwardly. I smiled at him softly before patting the seat next to me.

I watched as he immediately walked over and took the seat next to me. His hand reached out and held onto the one of my hands that were clutching the cushion. He squeezed it tightly and rubbed his thumb over the back of my hand. I smiled and continued to stare at our joined hands.

“I didn’t mean what I said yesterday Lou.” I said softly. His hand squeezed mine tighter and he smiled at me softly.

“I’m really sorry. I was being horrible.”

“It’s okay love.” Louis whispered wrapping his other arm around my shoulder and pulling me into him. I instantly curled up into his chest.

“I love everything about you Lou, I didn’t mean what I said. You’re like a brother to me.” I whispered softly, glancing up at him. His eyes softened as he stared back down at me.

“And you’re my little sister.” He replied back pressing a kiss to my forehead. Tears welled up in my eyes.

“It hurts Lou. It hurts so much. It hurts to be alive.” I whispered as the tears slowly fell from my eyes. The tears welled up in his eyes as he pulled me tightly against him.

“I’m not going to tell you it’s going to be okay. Because it’s not love. It’s never going to be okay. But it will get better eventually. Slowly and painfully but eventually it will hurt less to be alive. I promise.” His voice floated down to me. I sighed in relief and glanced towards the archway to see Eleanor standing there tears falling down her face. I whimpered slightly and beckoned her over. She was by my side in a minute, holding me tightly so I was squished between them both. And it was here that I slowly fell back asleep between two of the people that had become my family over the last two years.

-

I woke up later on, back in my bed with Harry asleep next to me. I glanced at the time to see it was late afternoon. Sighing I rolled out of bed, making sure not to wake up Harry before heading out of the room and down the hallway. I glanced into a few bedrooms to see them mostly empty. The last bedroom before the stairs however was occupied. By the person that I was looking for.

I knocked on the open door as Zayn glanced up from his spot on the bed. He sat up the moment he saw me and motioned me over. I walked over and made myself comfortable with him on the bed.

“How are you feeling?” Zayn asked softly. I shrugged.

“I don’t really have a feeling,” I responded. He nodded at me.

“I’m sorry for what I said yesterday.” I said turning to face him. “I didn’t mean to blurt that out. I’m really sorry if I’ve caused trouble between you and Lacey.” Zayn shook his head at me.

“It’s okay. And you didn’t cause anything, since there’s no me and Lacey.” Zayn told me.

“Then what is there?” I asked him softly. He shot me a look.

“You don’t really want to hear about my life right now.”

“It would really help to take my mind off of mine.” I reasoned. He sighed and closed his eyes before looking back at me.

“Lacey and I have just slept together a couple of times...” I cut him off.

“A couple?” I asked surprised. “I thought it was just once!”

“How did you find out?” Zayn asked narrowing his eyes at me.

“Tate and Dani saw her sneaking out of your apartment after the first time we went clubbing together.” I explained.

“So everyone knew and didn’t say anything?”

“Harry made me promise not to.” Zayn smiled at me.

“So do you like her?” I asked him softly. He sighed.

“Sure she’s a nice person.”

“You know what I mean Zayn.”

“I don’t know okay. At the start, I just thought she was some rich girl but we’ve talked more since.”

“She’s engaged.” I said softly. He nodded.

“I know. It’s not like I’m in love with her or anything. She’s just different,” He said not meeting my eyes. I reached over to grab his hand.

“You should probably stop this before something more comes out of it.” I told him.

“I’ve been thinking about that.” He sighed squeezing my hand. I gave him a short smile. I watched as Zayn’s eyes left mine and he glanced behind me. I turned around as well to see Harry standing in the doorway, wearing just a pair of pants.

“I’ll let you get back to your nap.” I said to Zayn, he smiled and pulled me forward, pressing a kiss to my cheek. I smiled back and made my way over to Harry.

“I’m glad you’re smiling,” he whispered down to me as he moved out of the doorway and shut the door behind us.

“Even if I don’t mean it, I find it helps just a little.” I told him softly. “Fake it until you make it right?”

He stared into my eyes for a moment before pressing a sweet kiss to my lips and wrapping me up in his arms. It was here that I could feel the pain. In his arms I could feel the pain of losing our child but I also could feel the fact that eventually things would get better. Even if I couldn’t see it yet.

Notes

Double update!! :D

Also I didn't get a chance yesterday but Happy Belated Birthday to lmi181's best friend!! :D

All your comments are amazing guys! I love you all and I'm sorry that I made so many of you cry but also secretly glad ;P