It Haunts Me
Summertime
“So you and dad knew each other since you were both eleven?” I asked my mom.
“Correct.”
“When did you develop feelings for him?” I, curiously, asked her. That’s when I saw a flicker of fear in her eyes and the smile that was on her face, fell.
------
The summer when Zayn and I were fourteen years old we attended a summer camp together. It was the standard summer camp that kids would attend. We were there for two weeks and we had the most fun. Although the beginning of camp wasn’t cupcakes and rainbows because Zayn and I had gotten in a fight.
It was the third day of camp and I was completely frustrated because Zayn had been ignoring me. The boys’ cabins were on the other side of the camp but the two groups were always together. Zayn would hang out with the boys all the time and I respected that, but every time I tried to talk to him he would look at me as if I were stupid and then walk away without even responding to me. Finally, I got so fed up I confronted him during free time.
“Zayn Malik! Come here right now!” I yelled to Zayn who stood twenty feet away from. Zayn simply turned around to look at me, and turned right back to his friends. That made me, incredibly, angry so I stomped over to him and tapped him on the shoulder forcefully.
“What do you want, Kacey?!” He yelled at me as he turned around. That threw me off guard, Zayn has never yelled at me.
“Why are you giving me the cold shoulder?” I, quietly, asked him.
“I don’t know what you’re going on about.”
“You don’t talk to me! You hang out with those boys and every time I try to talk to you, you ignore!” I yelled, growing impatient with how he was acting.
“I’m hanging out with my new friends, Kacey. You aren’t my only friend you know,” he spat in my face.
“No, but I’m your best friend!” I said to him.
“No you aren’t! You’re a girl, you can’t be my best friend,” Zayn said and it was as if those words stabbed me in my heart, over and over again.
“But..we pinky promised?” I whimpered.
“Everyone knows pinky promises don’t mean anything,” Zayn, nonchalantly, said and turned back around.
“I hate you,” I spat to his back, and that made him turn around instantly. “I hate you so much!” I yelled as tears started to spill over. “I regret ever being your friend.”
“Good. You were my sympathy friend,” he said to me and then walked away and laughed at me with his new group of friends. I couldn’t help but sit on the ground and sob. There is no way he could mean those things, we have been best friends for three years and we have been inseparable for three years. How could he let a small group of boys interfere with that? There was just no way. I had no idea how to feel at this point, I’ve never experienced such pain before.
------
“So that pain you felt was your love for dad?” I, anxiously, asked my mom.
“No. I felt betrayed. Now let me finish,” my mom said to me and I signaled for her to go on.
------
It had been four days since Zayn told me we weren’t really best friends, he was only my friend for sympathy. I’d been a wreck the first two days but then I met a great group of girls that really welcomed me into their circle of friends. Bridget, Chelsea and Tatum had invited me to do everything with them and quickly replaced Zayn. I wouldn’t even look Zayns way anymore because he was wasted time. But on the seventh day of camp everything went wrong. It was a beach day so all the boys and girls in my age group were running wild on the beach. Jumping in and out of the water, sun bathing, building sand castles, doing everything you could think of. I was seated in the sand sun bathing with the girls when out of nowhere I heard screams of laughter coming from the dock. I abruptly sat up and turned my attention to where all the noise was coming from, that’s when I saw Zayn’s group of friends standing at the end of the dock, cackling and doubled over in laughter, but I didn’t see Zayn. I adverted my attention to the water and that’s when I saw splashing and Zayn’s head bobbing up and down, my heart immediately dropped, he was going to drown. I stood up as fast as I could and sprinted over to the dock, just as I was approaching the dock Zayn went under the water and wasn’t coming back up. I pushed through the laughing boys and jumped into the water and tried searching for Zayn, as soon as my hand came into connect with his arm I pulled him up to the surface of the water. I quickly dragged him to the shore where I began chest compressions to get the water out of his throat. Nothing was working, Zayn wasn’t responding. So I did what my mom taught me to do, I pressed my lips to his and began blowing air into his mouth and then doing chest compressions again. After performing mouth to mouth twice he finally started coughing up water. I immediately grew angry and stood up to face his so called friends.
“Are you insane?! You don’t just push someone into the water! He doesn’t know how to swim, you could have killed him!” I yelled and began pushing his friends out of anger. “You could have killed my best friend, all because you thought your little joke was funny! It wasn’t funny!”
“We didn’t know, we swear,” one of the boys responded. I couldn’t help but laugh, coldly, in his face.
“That’s rubbish! You should have asked him if he knew how to swim! Have you seen him in the water at all this week? You all are terrible friends! Who finds humor in another person’s suffering!” I yelled and then I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist and pulling me away from the situation. “I hope life gets back at you for this!” Once I was a few yards away from the group of boys I finally looked behind me and saw it was Zayn who was dragging me away.
“Are you okay?” I asked him as soon as we came to a stop. He didn’t respond, he just enveloped me in a hug.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Zayn pleaded as we stood in our embrace.
“Don’t mention it. I wasn’t going to just let you drown,” I said to him, a smile gracing my face knowing that my best friend was okay.
“I’m so sorry I’ve been a jerk to you,” Zayn apologized once we pulled apart.
“It’s okay,” I mumbled as I looked down at my feet.
“No it’s not, Kace. I was out of line. I didn’t mean a word I said to you a few days ago,” Zayn told me, with aggression in his voice.
“Then why’d you say all those things?” I asked him, my eyes meeting his.
“They were giving me crap about you. Saying you were my girlfriend and all that kind of rubbish,” he said as he flung his arms in the air. “It was getting on my nerves, I just wanted them to shut up, Kace.”
“Well still. The things you said hurt,” I told him as a single tear slid down my face.
“Don’t cry. You’ll always be my number one lass in life,” Zayn said as he pulled me into another hug.
“Promise?” I said into his shoulder.
“Pinky promise.”
The rest of the day Zayn spent it hanging out with me, Bridget, Tatum and Chelsea, we’d grown to be a very tight knit group of friends in a few mere hours. It was night time and lights out was thirty minutes ago, yet I couldn’t sleep, one of the girls in my cabin was snoring. Just as I fixed my position for the thirtieth time that night I heard a small tapping on the window by my bunk. I, instantly, got frightened but when I turned around I saw Zayn’s face smiling at me and telling me to sneak out. I did as he asked.
“Are you mental, Zayn? It’s 11:00 at night and its freezing!” I whisper-yelled at him once we got out of distance from my cabin.
“Here, take my jumper. I just wanted to see my best mate,” he said as he jumped over a log.
“You couldn’t wait to see me in the morning?” I asked him, with laughter in my voice.
“Nope!” He said, popping the ‘p’.
“What’s on your mind?” I, curiously, asked him.
“What makes you think something is bothering?” He asked, not looking at me.
“Because I know you and you love sleep. As soon as your head hits the pillow you are out cold. So, it’s very unusual for you to be up right now,” I told him as I shot him a smile.
“We spend way too much time together,” he mentioned and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Really Zayn, what’s the matter,” I asked him again.
“Okay. Why’d you jump in after me today? Especially after I said all those mean things to you,” He asked, while looking everywhere but at me.
“Because, when I saw you trying to stay afloat everything you said to me just went away and I forgot about it. All I remembered was that we were best friends and that you couldn’t swim. I didn’t want to lose my best friend,” I honestly told him as I sat down on a nearby log.
“You have such a good heart,” he said as he took the seat next to me. “I still regret saying those things to you even though you forgave me.”
“You have a conscience, you’re going to feel guilty. Just don’t beat yourself up about it,” I told him as I kicked a rock that was at my feet. We sat in silence for quite some time when it began to get to awkward for my liking.
“Zay—“ I started to say until I was cut off by Zayn attaching his lips to mine. Just as I realized he was kissing me he pulled away and got up.
“I’m so sorry, Kacey. I didn’t mean for that to happen, don’t hate me,” Zayn said as he ran in the direction of his cabin. I pressed my fingers to my lips where electricity from the kiss still sat. What the heck just happened?
“Seriously? You just kiss me and leave me in the middle of the woods! Who does that!” I said to myself as I got up and headed for my cabin. “If anything happens to me I am KILLING that boy.”
The next morning I walked into the breakfast hall and immediately spotted Zayn standing in line waiting to get his food, I strutted over to him and stood directly in front of him.
“Hey, who said you could cut?” He asked.
“I did.”
“Whatever,” he mumbled as he handed me an empty tray. “So about last night...can we forget about it?” He asked.
“Forget about what? I’m not sure I know what you are talking about. I was asleep in my cabin at lights out,” I told him, a playful smirk on my lips.
“What?” Zayn asked, confusion written all over his face.
“It’s forgotten, Zayn. It was a simple mistake,” I told him and he smiled at me before flicking me in the fore head.
-----
“So you saved dad’s life?” I asked her, a smile on my face.
“Yep. He didn’t know how to swim, and just because he was rude to me doesn’t mean I would let him go like that,” my mum told me.
“That’s so cute!” I exclaimed and my mum laughed at me. “So when you saw him drowning is that when you realized you had feelings for him?” I asked.
“Sort of. But when he kissed me, I didn’t get a wink of sleep that night,” my mum told me, a smile appearing on her face at the memory.
“Correct.”
“When did you develop feelings for him?” I, curiously, asked her. That’s when I saw a flicker of fear in her eyes and the smile that was on her face, fell.
------
The summer when Zayn and I were fourteen years old we attended a summer camp together. It was the standard summer camp that kids would attend. We were there for two weeks and we had the most fun. Although the beginning of camp wasn’t cupcakes and rainbows because Zayn and I had gotten in a fight.
It was the third day of camp and I was completely frustrated because Zayn had been ignoring me. The boys’ cabins were on the other side of the camp but the two groups were always together. Zayn would hang out with the boys all the time and I respected that, but every time I tried to talk to him he would look at me as if I were stupid and then walk away without even responding to me. Finally, I got so fed up I confronted him during free time.
“Zayn Malik! Come here right now!” I yelled to Zayn who stood twenty feet away from. Zayn simply turned around to look at me, and turned right back to his friends. That made me, incredibly, angry so I stomped over to him and tapped him on the shoulder forcefully.
“What do you want, Kacey?!” He yelled at me as he turned around. That threw me off guard, Zayn has never yelled at me.
“Why are you giving me the cold shoulder?” I, quietly, asked him.
“I don’t know what you’re going on about.”
“You don’t talk to me! You hang out with those boys and every time I try to talk to you, you ignore!” I yelled, growing impatient with how he was acting.
“I’m hanging out with my new friends, Kacey. You aren’t my only friend you know,” he spat in my face.
“No, but I’m your best friend!” I said to him.
“No you aren’t! You’re a girl, you can’t be my best friend,” Zayn said and it was as if those words stabbed me in my heart, over and over again.
“But..we pinky promised?” I whimpered.
“Everyone knows pinky promises don’t mean anything,” Zayn, nonchalantly, said and turned back around.
“I hate you,” I spat to his back, and that made him turn around instantly. “I hate you so much!” I yelled as tears started to spill over. “I regret ever being your friend.”
“Good. You were my sympathy friend,” he said to me and then walked away and laughed at me with his new group of friends. I couldn’t help but sit on the ground and sob. There is no way he could mean those things, we have been best friends for three years and we have been inseparable for three years. How could he let a small group of boys interfere with that? There was just no way. I had no idea how to feel at this point, I’ve never experienced such pain before.
------
“So that pain you felt was your love for dad?” I, anxiously, asked my mom.
“No. I felt betrayed. Now let me finish,” my mom said to me and I signaled for her to go on.
------
It had been four days since Zayn told me we weren’t really best friends, he was only my friend for sympathy. I’d been a wreck the first two days but then I met a great group of girls that really welcomed me into their circle of friends. Bridget, Chelsea and Tatum had invited me to do everything with them and quickly replaced Zayn. I wouldn’t even look Zayns way anymore because he was wasted time. But on the seventh day of camp everything went wrong. It was a beach day so all the boys and girls in my age group were running wild on the beach. Jumping in and out of the water, sun bathing, building sand castles, doing everything you could think of. I was seated in the sand sun bathing with the girls when out of nowhere I heard screams of laughter coming from the dock. I abruptly sat up and turned my attention to where all the noise was coming from, that’s when I saw Zayn’s group of friends standing at the end of the dock, cackling and doubled over in laughter, but I didn’t see Zayn. I adverted my attention to the water and that’s when I saw splashing and Zayn’s head bobbing up and down, my heart immediately dropped, he was going to drown. I stood up as fast as I could and sprinted over to the dock, just as I was approaching the dock Zayn went under the water and wasn’t coming back up. I pushed through the laughing boys and jumped into the water and tried searching for Zayn, as soon as my hand came into connect with his arm I pulled him up to the surface of the water. I quickly dragged him to the shore where I began chest compressions to get the water out of his throat. Nothing was working, Zayn wasn’t responding. So I did what my mom taught me to do, I pressed my lips to his and began blowing air into his mouth and then doing chest compressions again. After performing mouth to mouth twice he finally started coughing up water. I immediately grew angry and stood up to face his so called friends.
“Are you insane?! You don’t just push someone into the water! He doesn’t know how to swim, you could have killed him!” I yelled and began pushing his friends out of anger. “You could have killed my best friend, all because you thought your little joke was funny! It wasn’t funny!”
“We didn’t know, we swear,” one of the boys responded. I couldn’t help but laugh, coldly, in his face.
“That’s rubbish! You should have asked him if he knew how to swim! Have you seen him in the water at all this week? You all are terrible friends! Who finds humor in another person’s suffering!” I yelled and then I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist and pulling me away from the situation. “I hope life gets back at you for this!” Once I was a few yards away from the group of boys I finally looked behind me and saw it was Zayn who was dragging me away.
“Are you okay?” I asked him as soon as we came to a stop. He didn’t respond, he just enveloped me in a hug.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Zayn pleaded as we stood in our embrace.
“Don’t mention it. I wasn’t going to just let you drown,” I said to him, a smile gracing my face knowing that my best friend was okay.
“I’m so sorry I’ve been a jerk to you,” Zayn apologized once we pulled apart.
“It’s okay,” I mumbled as I looked down at my feet.
“No it’s not, Kace. I was out of line. I didn’t mean a word I said to you a few days ago,” Zayn told me, with aggression in his voice.
“Then why’d you say all those things?” I asked him, my eyes meeting his.
“They were giving me crap about you. Saying you were my girlfriend and all that kind of rubbish,” he said as he flung his arms in the air. “It was getting on my nerves, I just wanted them to shut up, Kace.”
“Well still. The things you said hurt,” I told him as a single tear slid down my face.
“Don’t cry. You’ll always be my number one lass in life,” Zayn said as he pulled me into another hug.
“Promise?” I said into his shoulder.
“Pinky promise.”
The rest of the day Zayn spent it hanging out with me, Bridget, Tatum and Chelsea, we’d grown to be a very tight knit group of friends in a few mere hours. It was night time and lights out was thirty minutes ago, yet I couldn’t sleep, one of the girls in my cabin was snoring. Just as I fixed my position for the thirtieth time that night I heard a small tapping on the window by my bunk. I, instantly, got frightened but when I turned around I saw Zayn’s face smiling at me and telling me to sneak out. I did as he asked.
“Are you mental, Zayn? It’s 11:00 at night and its freezing!” I whisper-yelled at him once we got out of distance from my cabin.
“Here, take my jumper. I just wanted to see my best mate,” he said as he jumped over a log.
“You couldn’t wait to see me in the morning?” I asked him, with laughter in my voice.
“Nope!” He said, popping the ‘p’.
“What’s on your mind?” I, curiously, asked him.
“What makes you think something is bothering?” He asked, not looking at me.
“Because I know you and you love sleep. As soon as your head hits the pillow you are out cold. So, it’s very unusual for you to be up right now,” I told him as I shot him a smile.
“We spend way too much time together,” he mentioned and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Really Zayn, what’s the matter,” I asked him again.
“Okay. Why’d you jump in after me today? Especially after I said all those mean things to you,” He asked, while looking everywhere but at me.
“Because, when I saw you trying to stay afloat everything you said to me just went away and I forgot about it. All I remembered was that we were best friends and that you couldn’t swim. I didn’t want to lose my best friend,” I honestly told him as I sat down on a nearby log.
“You have such a good heart,” he said as he took the seat next to me. “I still regret saying those things to you even though you forgave me.”
“You have a conscience, you’re going to feel guilty. Just don’t beat yourself up about it,” I told him as I kicked a rock that was at my feet. We sat in silence for quite some time when it began to get to awkward for my liking.
“Zay—“ I started to say until I was cut off by Zayn attaching his lips to mine. Just as I realized he was kissing me he pulled away and got up.
“I’m so sorry, Kacey. I didn’t mean for that to happen, don’t hate me,” Zayn said as he ran in the direction of his cabin. I pressed my fingers to my lips where electricity from the kiss still sat. What the heck just happened?
“Seriously? You just kiss me and leave me in the middle of the woods! Who does that!” I said to myself as I got up and headed for my cabin. “If anything happens to me I am KILLING that boy.”
The next morning I walked into the breakfast hall and immediately spotted Zayn standing in line waiting to get his food, I strutted over to him and stood directly in front of him.
“Hey, who said you could cut?” He asked.
“I did.”
“Whatever,” he mumbled as he handed me an empty tray. “So about last night...can we forget about it?” He asked.
“Forget about what? I’m not sure I know what you are talking about. I was asleep in my cabin at lights out,” I told him, a playful smirk on my lips.
“What?” Zayn asked, confusion written all over his face.
“It’s forgotten, Zayn. It was a simple mistake,” I told him and he smiled at me before flicking me in the fore head.
-----
“So you saved dad’s life?” I asked her, a smile on my face.
“Yep. He didn’t know how to swim, and just because he was rude to me doesn’t mean I would let him go like that,” my mum told me.
“That’s so cute!” I exclaimed and my mum laughed at me. “So when you saw him drowning is that when you realized you had feelings for him?” I asked.
“Sort of. But when he kissed me, I didn’t get a wink of sleep that night,” my mum told me, a smile appearing on her face at the memory.
Notes
Comments are appreciated!XOXO,
Jade
11/30/13