*Reagan’s POV*
Her hand touched his, tracing over the newly inked crucifix before she grabbed his wrist bringing it closer to her as if to get a better look at it. Harry went to pull away but stopped after more conversation between them was exchanged. Tamsin reached in her purse pulling out what looked to be a little piece of paper before I made my way over to the two of them. I had seen enough.

“Reagan?” Harry looked at me and I could see the small traces of a smirk grace his lips. It was however quickly replaced by confusion.

His hand was still in Tamsin’s and she made no moves to let it go. She began to rub over his knuckles slowly caressing his hand when he pulled away making a face at her that would have killed if it could. Tamsin simply smiled up at him from her position at the bar before she grinned at me and nodded her head as a gesture.

“Hi Reagan, Harry I’ll probably by your mums tomorrow with Gemma.” She stood from the bar and walked away, but the look on her face made me want to snatch her back by her hair.

I swallowed my jealousy and remained the bigger person, smiling back at her before I sat in front of Harry who seemed to be searching me for a reaction.

“What are you doing here?” H. asked eyeing me intently

“Laurie dragged me out. She said everyone would be here and that I need to be able to get out of the house.” Harry nodded his head and leaned on the bar putting his weight on his elbows so he could be closer to me.

“Are you okay?” His face was right in front of mine and the intensity of his eyes distracted me momentarily from forming words. I nod my head not able to speak because in this very moment, I feel as if there is no one else here but him and I and it’s the best I’ve felt for days.

“Reagan, don’t just nod. I need to hear you say you’re okay right now.”

“I’m fine, right now.”

Harry nodded his head shortly in understanding and I pushed Tamsin’s unfinished glass of what the hell ever out of the way. When Harry reached to grab the glass and put it behind the bar, my eyes landed on the hand that she had no business touching. There was a bandage on Harry’s knuckle and around the outside of it was red irritated skin. I now realize that the paper she had in her hand was bandage casing, but there was no reason for her hand to linger on his the way it did after she had applied it. I kept my mouth shut not wanting another argument to come tonight especially when we have so much to talk about already.

“What happened to your hand?” Harry snatched away from me.

“I cut it on a piece of broken glass its fine. I’m glad you’re out.” Harry changed the subject quickly and though I noticed I didn’t speak on it. He gave me a small smile and went to fill a drink order but before he could get out of earshot, I grabbed his hand.

“Harry?” He turned back to me immediately.

“I’m sorry for earlier. I just, I don’t-”

“Don’t worry about it, I get it. I mean I don’t get your specific situation obviously, but I know what it’s like to not want to let anyone in. We won’t talk about it now, yeah? Later.” Harry grinned at me again but it didn’t reach his eyes. It hurts him and I know it does, but I don’t know how else to deal with it.

I walk back over to Laurie and Niall feeling like the third wheel. I don’t want to be a brat and tell her that I’m ready to leave when she’s clearly having a good time. I sit on the couch and sip my drink eyeing the room around me as everyone around me enjoyed themselves. Laurie tried to drag me into drinking games and she sat with me for a while just talking to sooth my less than well hidden nerves. I assured her that I was alright because the more I thought about it the more I realized that I couldn’t be a shut in forever. I’ll be going back to work soon and there will be several events that call for me to be in the company of others. I figure that this is like being taught how to swim, in a sea of people I can either sink or quickly get my sea legs and learn that it would be better to keep my head above water.

I sat unmoving for a long time, and the more I sipped my drink the more paranoid I felt. No one was doing anything out of the ordinary that wouldn’t normally happen at a bar, but I was starting to feel claustrophobic and exceedingly warm. As the time passed, the walls came in closer to me, not allowing me to take a proper breath. Laurie came to check on me in five minute increments to make sure that I was alright, to be sure that I didn’t want to leave and every time she did, I told her that I was fine and gave her my best fake smile that throws my own mother off.

She continued to play beer pong with Niall less than five feet in front of me when I saw him. He was tall and slender and had a slight muscular build. I would even be lying if I said that he wasn’t attractive. He had rugged features and a strong jawline, though it would be totally looked over if he were standing next to Harry and so would he. We made eye contact, but I was instantly put off. His eyes were blue, almost the same baby blue as Peyton.

I stood from the couch and quickly put my drink down on the bar top. Harry was busy mixing a drink, so I went to Laurie instead.

“I need to go, I uh, I’m going to get some air.” The look on Laurie’s face was full of concern, but before she could say anything I was halfway to the exit.

I could feel my breathing start to pick up and my palms sweat as I reached the door. When I stepped outside I rubbed my hands along my pant leg and willed myself to calm down before an anxiety attack occurred.

“This isn’t fair.” I spoke to myself quietly as I leaned the brick of the building. I just want everything to be back in place again. Everything is so different now and I hate it. I hate me, and the shell of myself that I’ve become.

“This isn’t fair, this isn’t fair.” I could feel tears sting the back of my eyes.

Have I not cried enough?

I’m not like this. This is not who I am. This is not how things are supposed to go. I study people who have mental breakdowns; I’m not supposed to be having one of my own.

“It’s not fair, it’s not-” I felt two small arms pull me close and envelope me in a hug. When I turned around the long blonde locks let me know that it was Laurie. I hugged her back and allowed my body to reject the strength that I thought I had once again as I sobbed on her shoulder.

Laurie began to back away from me and push me towards another. Stronger arms took her place and through my blurry vision, I could see a black t-shirt and the tip of two swallow wings peek out the top of the V-neck.

“Harry, this isn’t fair.” I grabbed his t-shirt sobbing into it. I tried to bury my face in it. I know I’m acting like a baby right now and I’m ashamed of myself for it.

Harry didn’t speak but he began to rub my back in a circular motion and I once again felt like a child in his arms, even though I have a full year and three months on him in age.

He planted a small kiss on the top of my head and I could feel the vibrations of his chest as his raspy voice broke the silence that fell between the three of us.

“I’m going to take her home. Thanks Laurie.”

“Are you sure you’ll be alright with her?”

I could feel Harry nod his head and I can only imagine the face he made at her from her questioning. Laurie walked up beside me and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before she went back into the bar, wiping her eyes on the sleeve of her sweater as she did so.

We walked quietly back to Harry’s car and his arm stayed protectively around me. He turned on the heat as soon as the car started up and the warmth of the vehicle made it hard for me to keep my eyes open but I fought against the sudden drowsiness.

“I keep seeing him.”

Harry steers the car out into traffic and turns his head towards me. He looks in my direction briefly, but doesn’t speak, waiting for me to continue instead.

“I keep seeing flashes of that night now and I don’t know why. Why would it start happening now? I could barely remember anything before.”

Harry’s jaw tenses, and he places his hand on top of mine. He begins to rub small circles with his thumb and I begin to feel calm. It astounds me how the simple touch eases how I felt moments ago, but I don’t try to understand the logic behind it all.

“Is that what happened the other night?” Harry asks keeping his eyes on the road.

I nod my head, sure that he can see me out of his peripheral vision and I can see his jaw flex and then tighten again before he sighs taking in a deep breath. I’m confused by his reaction; wondering if his sudden frustration is with me.

“I’m sorry, Harry.”

“What are you apologizing for?” He snaps his head in my direction when we reach a stop.

“You seem frustrated and-”

“I’m not mad at you Reagan; it’s just fucking hard to listen to. I don’t know what to say. It pisses me off so much that he did this to you. It makes me so angry...But don’t apologize for anything. That wasn’t your fault. I wish you would have told me this sooner so I could try to grasp it better, but it wasn’t your fault.”

I nod my head as we pull into his driveway and I notice that his mother’s car is gone. When we come into the empty house my thoughts prove to be a fact. I saunter over to the kitchen table and take a seat. It’s only ten, but I feel drained.

“Are you hungry? I’m famished, fucking starving really.” Harry looks at me over his shoulder as he lets the cold air out of the refrigerator. He seems agitated now, but it could be because he’s hungry like he says he is.

I haven’t really eaten today, or for the past couple of days for that matter. I’ve picked over what’s placed in front of me at best.

“No, I’m good.” Harry closes the refrigerator.

“When is the last time you ate, glasses?”

“This morning at breakfast.”

“What the fuck Reagan?! It’s ten at night now and you haven’t thought that maybe getting some food in your system would be a good idea? What did you eat?”

I looked at the ground, not wanting to answer knowing that it will make his mood shift worse.

“Cereal... a bowl, maybe a cup? But, I’m fine. I’m not hungry.” Harry looks at me narrowing his eyebrows and scowling as he takes food out of the fridge ignoring my proclamation of feeling well.

Harry makes us garlic chicken and rice and I’m shocked of how well it turned out. H. has never really cooked for me. He assures me that he’s no top chef, but the meal was flavorful. I’m glad I ate it after a good thirty minutes of arguing with him about how I wasn’t hungry.

“Thank you, Harry.” He grins at me and nods his head while pushing a piece of stray hair behind my ear. I place my phone on the table and take my hair out of its bun, allowing it to fall past my shoulders and land wildly around my face while I run my hand through it and massage my scalp.

“Well that defeated the purpose of me trying to straighten you up a bit didn’t it? You look like a lion, a nerdy lion with glasses” Harry chuckles, putting his large hand on my cheek, “but I like it when you’re wild and untamed.” I grin at him and then yawn, the tired feel that I had earlier returning full force especially after eating.

“I’m never going to be the same. I’m not myself and I know it. I’m sor-”

“Don’t fucking say sorry,” Harry cuts me off, “you’ll be okay soon. I promise you’ll be back to yourself...” I nod my head hoping that he’s right and my eyes land on his plump lips. I haven’t kissed him all day today and I’m sure that I can manage that without breaking down, or at least I hope I can.

I lean my face down to his slowly and capture his lips. The kiss continues and I even allow myself to use tongue. Harry holds back for me and I appreciate it, even though I know it’s hard for him. I pull away to take a breath but, kiss him again after I fill my lungs with air. I stand from my seat to straddle his lap and when I do Harry draws the line.

“Stop. You’re pushing yourself too far again.” I kiss him once more. This I can handle. This is nice.

“I wish I could keep going,” my lips trail from his and go tantalizingly slow down his neck, “I want to keep going...” Harry takes in a sharp breath when I suck at the spot that I drives him up a wall.

“Reagan we tried to,” He grabs my face and brings it to his connecting our lips again, “and that was only two days ago. You’re not ready for this. We have to stop.” I kiss him again and feel the bulge grow beneath his jeans as I sit on his lap at the kitchen table.

“Do you remember what we did on the kitchen table in my apartment when I was working at Maudsley?” Harry groans as I allow him to kiss down my neck for a moment before I pull his lips back to mine.

“I could never forget that,” Harry kisses me one more time before he breaks the contact, resting his forehead against mine, “That was amazing... Was the day you told me you loved me cause we were fucking and you’d been horny for a few days.” He grins briefly before he lets me go.

“That is not why I said it.” I scoff and slap his arm and he smiles and stands me from his lap.

“Sure it’s not.”

I yawn again and Harry ushers me towards the stairs after turning quickly from the table. His eyes shift before he puts his hand on the small of my back.

“You should go to bed. You look tired.” I yawn and nod, not able to argue with him there, but I still can’t wrap my head around the irony of everything.

“Will you sleep in your room with me tonight?” I ask timidly.

“Yeah I’ll be up in a minute. I’m just gonna clean up down here.” Harry fiddled with the bandage on his knuckle when he answered, forcing himself to look elsewhere.

I turned to walk up the stairs, and allowed sleep to take over even though now I felt as if something was wrong.

Notes

Hi New and Faithful loves HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!!! I have an update for you as promised and I hope you all enjoy it (even though the characters are going through some things lol) What did you guys think of this chapter? What is Harry up to? Leave me loads of comments when you can because I've exchanged oxygen for them! This chapter made me emotional! (Get well soon Reagan! ;] ) I love you all and hope you have a wonderful Valentines day! You are all my Valentines and as always I LOVE YOU ALL FOR READING!!!!

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