Louis POV

I am the biggest fuck up on earth and I hate myself – and Louis Tomlinson does not do self-loathing well. What the hell came over me? I panicked and ruined everything. Loren is never going to forgive me. I never saw anyone look so hurt and angry in my life – and, trust me, I’ve pissed off a lot of people. Normally, I wouldn’t care, but I feel sick about this.

Now, Loren won’t speak with me. I’ve run all over these grounds and up and down three stories of this mansion – in both wings – and I can’t find her anywhere. The worst thing is I can’t talk to anyone about what I did, especially not Harry because he will kill me. If I could take it all back, I would in a heartbeat.

Honestly, it’s Loren’s fault for scaring the shit out of me. I honestly thought she drowned and I lost her forever. Here I am supposed to be saving her life by marrying her and I thought I killed her. And, it pained me deeply. Realizing how bad I wanted to will her back to life when I thought she was dying – which she was never in danger might I add – messed with my head. When she kissed me by the pool, and I realized she was alive and well, I wanted to devour her right then and there. I was so relieved and happy, so desperate for her that I scared myself stupid.

All I know is staring into her eyes, there was nothing more I wanted in life than her. If she asked me to walk away from everything to be with her, I would have done it without hesitation right then and there. Loren stared at me with those big eyes and I swear I saw something in them that made me feel complete. And then the word vomit hit me.

“Lor, I want to be with you. For some reason, I need what’s between us to be real. Will you give me a chance to make you fall in love with me?”

Why in the hell did I just blurt that out? Why didn’t she respond to my question? She just looked at me dumbstruck and I couldn’t read what she was thinking. Then, she finally spoke – well, if you want to call it speaking.

“Lou. Uh, I-I-I…” The look on her face told me she was going to reject me.

That’s when the panic set in. I knew she was going to reject me and I flew into self-preservation mode.

“Gotcha!” I shouted in her face with a fake smile making her think I was just playing games with her.

That’s also when I think my heart broke into a million pieces. I watched Loren’s face transform in seconds from awe and shock, to hurt, and then full blown anger.

“You ass! I hate you! Get off me! NOW!!!!” She shoved me hard and that’s when I knew I fucked up. I had her. For a brief second, I actually had her and then I ruined it. She was going to say yes to me and I fucked it up by panicking. At that point, I knew I had to get her back. I put my full weight on Loren to keep her pinned down.

“No! I’m sorry Lor! I was joking!” I plead.

“Yes, you made that clear! NOW. GET. OFF. ME!!!!!!” She screamed so loud that I think she shattered my ear drum. Loren started kicking at me and thrashing to throw me off her.

“No please Lor. I meant it! I meant every word I said! I panicked! Please forgive me!”

“Fuck you and quit calling me Lor!!!!” I guess when they say ‘hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’ it’s the truth. Loren found some herculean strength and threw me off of her and slammed my head onto the cool deck. Momentarily stunned and my vision blurry, she made her escape while I struggled to get my balance.

By the time I got to my feet, Loren was disappearing from my vision. I couldn’t breathe. I felt like someone kicked me in the gut and ripped out my heart. How could I blame her for her reaction? What I did was unforgiveable. All I know is I had to find her and beg her forgiveness. The problem is that finding someone in a mansion filled with secret passages, multiple wings, and hundreds of acres of land is no small feat. I had no choice except to enlist the lads to help me find her and lie about the reason for the fight.

I feel like it took forever before I finally found the guys and Perrie in one of the lounges watching a football match.

“Hey mate, where’s Loren? I hope you drowned her after that stunt,” Harry laughs.

“Uh no. Actually, we got into a huge fight. She refuses to speak to me and she slammed my head on the cool deck,” I say as I rub my head where it’s still sore when suddenly Harry jumps up with anger written all over his face. He storms over to me, grabs me by the t-shirt, and slams me into the wall. Shit.

“What the hell did you do to her Lou? I told you not to fuck up with her!” Harry screams in my face. Liam and Niall jump up and pull him off me.

“What the hell is your problem Harry? She’s MY fiancé! Couples do get into fights! I need to find her and apologize! It’s not like I’m proud of what I did to her!” I scream back in his face and charge at him. Suddenly, I think I’d feel better if I punched him.

“Again, what the hell did you do to her Lou?” He actually snarled at me while Liam and Niall held him. Zayn jumped up to block me from getting to Harry, which pissed me off even more.

“Chill out Harry! How many fights have you seen me and Perrie get into? Let’s just help Lou find Loren and let them work it out,” Zayn says as the voice of reason and I relax a little knowing that Zayn is going to help me.

“He doesn’t deserve her,” Harry spits and I can’t say I disagree with him after what I did to Loren. He’d kill me if I told him what I did.

“Hey mate, that’s not for you to say. They’re in love and getting married. We need to support Lou,” Liam chastised Harry. I see Perrie get up and walk towards me.

“Lou, I really like Loren. Honestly, she’s too good for you. I know how you’ve been with girls and it sickens me even though I love you to death. I’m with Harry. If you hurt Loren, I will break your neck myself. I’ll help you find her, but you better make it right,” Perrie actually hisses at me and scares the shit out of me because I know it’s not an empty threat. At the heart of what she says is the reason I fucked up to begin with – I know I don’t deserve a girl as good and smart as Loren. I’m a superficial arse who was too consumed with getting laid than being in a relationship and now I’m lost. I’ve never wanted to be in a real relationship with someone before and along comes Loren in the craziest of situations and I want to be with her – and not just sexually. I want to get to know all of her. I want her to see the kind of man I am capable of becoming. More than anything, I want her to love me and I want her to let me love her as irrational as this all sounds.

“I’m not going to disagree with you Perrie. Just please help me find her. I feel terrible. Let’s all split up and text me when you find her.”

Thankfully, they all agree to help me. We decide who will go in which direction and set out to find my very pissed off and hurt fiancé.

Loren POV

That son-of-a-bitch! Wait! No! I take it back. Jay is wonderful. Louis is the biggest arse I’ve ever met! I mean I am used to the comments about my nerdy appearance. Guys making their snide comments when I walk by. I get it. I’m not a beauty. I’m not that girl that guys fall all over. I’m the one they pull their nasty tricks on, but for a little while I thought Louis was better than the fuck ups I’ve been abused by in the past. I’m an idiot to think that, even in an arranged marriage, my soon-to-be husband would develop feelings for me.

Maybe we can just live in separate locations. He’s going to be gone on tour for a good year. I’ll stay behind and maybe with that much time and distance between us, things will be civil again. How will I go through with this wedding? I don’t want to see or speak to him.

For one brief moment, I thought he actually wanted me. I’m so stupid. That’s what I get for daring to think that I could make him happy in any way. All I will be to him is a body to warm his bed. Those daydreams I had this morning about babies and raising a family with him – all lies I told myself and believed.

Six weeks. I have six weeks until he leaves and I will do my best to stay away from him and then I will have a year of peace. The problem is, after that, I will have to figure out how to survive the rest of my life living with him. Hopefully, this One Direction will stay together for a long time and I can go several years without him ever being home. I could be very happy living at his estate in Doncaster without needing him around.

I am furious and I need to blow off steam. Of course, the first order of business is to get out of these wet clothes. I didn’t want that ass to follow me. So, I went around the side of the house and entered through the garden door so he wouldn’t see the dripping water in the grass and trail me. As soon as I got into the house, I slipped into one of the secret passageways and down to my dance studio in the basement level where I could change into some dance clothes.

Dance is my escape. After I changed and put my hair up, I decided I need something aggressive to release my anger. I opt for some hip hop and work myself into a good sweat. The more energy I exert, the more I release the tension and anger that course through my body right now.

Perrie POV

Okay, I am legitimately getting worried. We’ve all been searching every place we can find for nearly 45 minutes. Maybe she left the estate and we failed to miss the car leaving. I decide to venture down to the basement level of the mansion thinking it’s the only place I know we haven’t searched yet.

I am amazed at the size of this floor. The first room I pass by is a fully equipped recording studio, which I find astounding. I pass a lounge and downstairs kitchen and in the distance I hear music. That has to be Loren. I follow the sound of the music and my journey ends when I reach a dance studio. I peer inside and I am surprised by what I see and I cannot take my eyes off the scene before me for what must be close to another 10 minutes.

Loren is in sweats and a t-shirt hitting it hard. Liam’s ex-girlfriend, Dani, was arguably the best dancer I ever met, but Loren has her beat by a mile. If she wasn’t an obscenely wealthy and smart heiress who was marrying a multimillionaire, she could make her living as a top dancer. Finally, I decide it’s time to let Loren know that I am spying on her so I walk right in the room unapologetically.

“Hey there,” I say and Loren jumps when she sees me. When I see her face, I realize she’s been crying and my first thought is I want to punch that sassy little prissy fiancé of hers in the face.

“Hi,” she says shyly and I walk right up to her.

“Are you okay hun?” I ask and Loren’s response is a simple shake of her head and a tear rolls down her cheek. I envelope her in a hug. “I’m going to kill him for hurting you,” I say and she actually manages a small smile.

“That would be nice,” she says with a sniffle.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“It would be nice to have someone to talk to, but I can’t. It’s too embarrassing.”

“Loren, we all have to have someone we can talk with about our problems. It’s not healthy to keep it in.”

“That’s why I came down here to let my anger out.”

“How’s that working for you?” I ask sarcastically since she’s still visibly upset and crying over an hour after their fight.

“Well, I’m exhausted, but still really pissed off at him.”

“Louis has a way of really pissing people off. If you’re going to be married to him, you might as well get used to it.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t marry him then.”

“Don’t say that. I don’t know what he did, but he knows he fucked up royally. He’s sick with worry about you and has all of us running around for the past hour trying to find you for him. He feels terrible about upsetting you and that just shows how much he loves you. He never cares about saying something and pissing off a person. So, even though he is an arse, he’s an arse that’s very in love with you.”

“Please don’t. I don’t want to hear about how much he ‘loves’ me right now.” Whatever this fight is about is serious because the way she said ‘loves’ was not good.

“Okay. If you don’t want to talk about why you’re upset with him, can I just stay and watch you dance? Maybe we can plan your makeover while you get out your frustrations? You are an absolutely incredible dancer. Has Lou seen you dance like this?”

“No, he definitely doesn’t know. And, you’re welcome to stay. I won’t be too much longer. I’m a sweaty, exhausted mess and I am so looking forward to a long soak in the tub. You don't know how excited I am about this makeover; a new lease on life is just what I need right now.” Loren says as she goes back to dancing and I sit there amazed as I watch her. After she finishes another song and is catching her breath, I decide now is a good time to plan her makeover.

“So Loren, what do you think about the two of us flying to Paris and Milan for your makeover? A two night girls’ trip?”

“I think that sounds perfect. Would Zayn mind you being gone for two nights? We could take my jet.” Loren perks up at this new topic of conversation.

“Your dad’s jet was amazing, but I would feel terrible putting him to that expense.”

“No, I mean my jet,” she giggles, “It’s smaller and perfect for just the two of us and all the things we’ll bring back from our shopping trip.”

“You have your own jet?” I ask in disbelief.

“Yes. My father thought it was safer for me to travel by private jet when I travelled between here and England. He uses his jet so much that he bought a smaller one for me.”

“Has Louis been on your jet?”

“No, I don’t think he even knows I have it,” she says thoughtfully and shrugs, “I can’t imagine he’d be impressed with all the private jets he probably travels in around the world.”

“Louis does not have his own jet and I’m so excited I get to ride in it before Lou!” Sad how I get ecstatic I get at that thought.

“If you talk with Sonja, she’ll make all the arrangements for us. Anywhere you want us to go, she’ll be able to arrange for us to get in right away. How soon do you want to leave?”

“I don’t know Loren. We just can’t snap our fingers and have designers and stylists at our feet, but I’m nervous with your engagement party coming up this weekend. It’s going to be your big coming out event. We need to make you the ideal of perfection,” She giggles at my words.

“That might be pushing it a bit aiming for perfection with me. And, I’ve never been one for cashing in on my father’s name, but I promise you that any stylist or designer you want to see will make time for us tomorrow. Just tell Sonja the itinerary you desire and she will make it happen. I am leaving myself in your capable hands to transform me and my father told you that you have carte blanche. This is going to be fun! I’ve never done anything like this before!” It’s fun to see how excited Loren is getting about this. She’s a lovely girl and after I get done with her, Louis is going to lose his mind.

“Do you have any problems with leaving tomorrow? We could be back the morning of the party.” I ask.

“The sooner I get some space between me and Louis, the better.”

“Loren, you’re getting married. Trust me, I remember how stressful it is planning a wedding – and we had plenty of time to plan our wedding – but don’t let that get between you and Louis. It’s not worth it.”

“Perrie, it’s not the wedding that came between us. It was Louis being a cruel jerk to me.”

“You’ve got to work it out with him. He loves you and he wants to apologize.”

“I’m just not ready yet.” She looks like she wants to cry again and my heart breaks for her and I want to kill Louis.

“Just promise me you will give him a chance to apologize before we leave tomorrow. You can’t take off for two days, come back for the engagement party, and think things will magically be okay.”

“I promise I will talk with him and I don’t expect things to be okay that easily.”

“Alright. I am off to see Sonja to get this adventure planned. I leave you to clear your head.” I walk over to Loren and give her a hug, which she returns, and I leave.

As I walk through the hallway, I realize Louis really needs to get down here. He should see her dance. All of the guys would die if they saw Loren’s moves because none of them can dance a step to save their lives. More importantly, Louis needs to be here with Loren so they can work through whatever caused this fight. I feel bad for what I’m about to do to Loren, but I know I’m doing it for the right reason.

I quickly text Louis telling him where Loren is and to get down here right away. Within seconds, he responds that he is on his way and giving me his gratitude. I lay in wait for him at the foot of the stairs. About a minute later, I hear someone running down the steps and seconds later Louis appears in front of me sweating and out of breath.

“Not so fast lover boy,” I slam my hand onto his chest to keep him in place.

“Perrie, thanks for finding Loren for me. I appreciate it, but I need to go to her now.”

“No, you will hear me out first.” He sighs and runs his hand through his hair and looks completely impatient.

“What? Make it fast. I need to see her.”

“She doesn’t want to see you Lou. I feel like I’m betraying her by telling you where she is, but you two need to work this out. Harry is right, you really don’t deserve her if this is how you are going to treat the greatest girl to ever walk into your life. I want to beat the shit out of you myself, but right now you need to make things right with Loren.” He nods and I am shocked when I look into his aqua orbs. I’ve never seen Louis like this – remorseful, broken, and lost.

“You don’t think I know all of that Perrie? I know I don’t deserve her. I panicked and fucked up bad.” Louis completely surprises me with his earnest response.

“Then go make it right. Now.” I pull Louis into a hug and then push him in the direction of the studio.

“I’m going to give it my best shot,” he says with a small and hopeful smile on his face. With that, I departed up the stairs and said a silent prayer that Loren and Louis would make up.

Notes

Yeah, you hate me. I know, I hate me too for that.

Hopefully you love me enough to keep voting and subscribing! :)

I'll probably update more this week. I got rear ended today and got pretty banged up. So, I'll just be hanging around in bed. :(