Breathe

“The injuries you sustained during your accident made it virtually impossible for this child to be born, he was developed in an unhealthy manner, he was missing crucial parts to brain and heart development, this isn’t your fault Nina, the circumstances you were under were nothing farther than your fault” The doctor talks kindly to Harry and I trying to explain as best as he can that me being kidnapped is why my baby died. I can’t breathe, Harry ravels his hand around mine and I watch his chest rise and fall slowly.

“So will I be able to have kids in the future” My voice is nothing louder than a whisper. Harry narrows his eyes at the doctor anxious for the response. I’m not back together with Harry, I just want someone to be there for me for once. We kissed… and it felt like it always has… there is still so much that needs to be talked about but right now I feel dead. I feel like I’ve failed as a parent, and as a human being. I lost the one thing I wanted the most. I was so exited to have my son, he would have been the only thing that was 100% mine. My face is white, it’s been white since I found out. I feel numb, like darkness has come over me, rain clouds following me around everywhere. That’s how I feel. I’m an eternal storm and escaping is inevitable.

“I think it is possible, when the time comes I suggest you see a specialist and make sure everything is safe” He looks from Harry to me. I close my eyes and cover my face with my hands. I might not ever be able to have children with Harry or with anyone.

“We had you discharged, since you aren’t in any major pain I don’t think it’s necessary for any prescriptions. I’m so very sorry for your loss” He shakes Harry’s hand and leaves the room. I look down at my stomach, empty. Harry rubs my shoulders. I place my hand on his.

“Can we go home please” I croak.

“Anything for you love, are you hungry?”

“Not in the slightest” I reply dully and his face molds into a frown. He wraps his arm around me as we walk out of the hospital. Empty handed. I can’t bare it. We reach outside and I shiver, it’s late, dark and cold. Paps swarm us. Harry hides my face in the side of his chest, shielded by his jacket. We reach the car Wyatt and Jessica left for us. I quickly hop into the passenger seat as flashes bounce off every inch of the car. Harry starts driving and soon we’re free.

“I’m so sorry”

“It’s not your fault” I say quietly looking out the window. He turns and looks at me for a moment before resuming his look out the front window. I pull out my phone and see the countless calls and texts.

“Your mom called me 7 times” I tell him, he looks saddened. I know this affected him to, the little time he was with me while I was carrying didn’t matter.

We sit in silence the rest of the trip. Thirty minutes later we pull up at a house, but it’s not the complex Harry and the boys live in.

“Where are we” I say as Harry opens his door.

“Home, I don’t live in the complex anymore, neither do any of the boys, is this okay?” He asks worried, I look at the large white house and see the line up of cars in the driveway.

“It’s perfect, is everyone here? I can stay at a hotel with Jessica and W-“ He cuts me off and the look on his face is pure horror.

“No you- I want you to stay with me please” He stutters and I see his eyes turn glossy. Truthfully I don’t want to stay anywhere but with him, he brings me warmth and without him I’m cold.

“Okay” I look down at my hands. I wanted to smile, but its like two bricks are tied to the ends of my mouth weighing it down into a frown.

“Jessica brought all your stuff here and it looks like everyone is here yes” he pulls me close to him again and that side of my body warms up. I lean my head on him, I’m so tired I could pass out right here. He opens the door and I see everyone crowded around in the living room. Their eyes pop and stare at us. I grab Harry’s shirt as he starts walking and I stay put. He looks at me and I pull him closer to me my head against his chest. I swallow down all the tears.

“What’s wrong love” He presses his head against mine. Besides the obvious I reply.

“I just want to go to sleep please, I can’t see them all right now” He looks at all them and back to me. Then he takes my hand and we turn into a hallway, everything is so beautiful but I don’t know where anything is. He opens a door and I see a huge bed with white sheets and a white duvet, the room is huge.

“This is my room” He explains. I look up at him

“Shouldn’t I stay in a guest room?” I play with my fingers, they’re freezing.

“No, you’ll stay here, I’ll sleep somewhere else” He says slowly and hurt.

“I don’t want to kick you out of your room”

“Please, just sleep here alright?” He places his hands on my hips and once again I let my self-fall into him, he wraps his arms around my back and I wrap mine around his midsection.

“You need pajama’s and I’m assuming you don’t want to go through all your luggage” He breaks the hug and walks to his dresser, he pulls out a black shirt and and places it on the bed.

“I should go deal with all our… guests” He looks at me, lovingly, like he always has. All I can focus on is how horrible I feel.

“Everything is going to be okay, goodnight Nina” he kisses my forehead and heat radiates off his touch.

I miss him saying goodnight to me.

Harry’s P.O.V

I shut the door slowly, I wish I could be in there with her.


“Where’s Nina?” Jessica rushes up to me looking everywhere, behind me, beside me, and around me.

“Is she alright?” Niall questions nervously, the boys all look worried.

“She’s fine, health wise. She’s destroyed emotionally. She barely talked on the way here, she just wanted to go to sleep. She’s not ready to see you all” I explain in the best way I can.

“So what happened… to the baby?” Dani asks cautiously. I gulp as pain fills my stomach. I shake my head and blink quickly as tears threaten to fall.

“Oh Dani it was horrible” I sit next to Louis who pats my back. I put my elbows on my knees and cover my mouth then move my hands to forehead.

“Since Nina was starved and almost killed the baby wasn’t developing right”

Wyatt breathes out and curses silently. “I should’ve known”

“What do you mean?” I ask curiously

“She said she thought she was pregnant one day on the boat, I was so scared I didn’t want to believe it, I should’ve known”

“This isn’t your fault baby” Jessica says from the couch with two sleeping children on her.

“No it’s not, it’s no ones fault”

“I wish we could see Nina” Zayn expresses and wraps his arm around Perrie who is crying silently. I look at all these people who are hurt, not as badly as Nina or I, but hurt. I hate the people who did this to Wyatt and Nina and if I ever got my hands on them I’d fucking kill them.

“Listen Styles, I don’t know what happened completely, but I swear to god if you leave her again, I’ll rip you in two pieces” Wyatt says angrily, I cant be mad, I understand where he’s coming from.

“I’m never leaving her again” I state simply.

“Why don’t you all come by tomorrow, maybe in smaller groups. It will be less overwhelming for her”

They all agree and one by one they leave.

After they all left I look at the clock 1:46am. I walk into the kitchen and see it’s been over run by baby stuff. My heart aches. I run to the front closet and grab as many boxes as I can. Nina can’t see this stuff.

Slowly I start putting it all in boxes, all the clothes, toys, diapers everything.

An hour later I have it all in the garage ready to be donated. I yawn, it’s almost three o’clock.

“Harry!” I hear a blood curdling scream and my heart races at three hundred beats per second. Nina… I sprint to my room and swing the door open. Nina’s still in bed her body moving from side to side.

“Nina, Nina baby” I shake her shoulders. Her eyes open and tears flood around them. She jumps up and wraps her arms around my neck. I sit on the end of the bed and hold her like a child with her arms still around me.

“What’s wrong my beautiful girl” I whisper in her ear as she sobs.

“I was dreaming- ab- about wh-when you-you lef- left- m- me” And then she cries harder and it rips me into a million tiny pieces.

“I’m here, and I’m never going anywhere again” I never wanted to do this to her, put her through so much pain.

“Sl-sleep he-re please” She sits on my lap looking at me, tears streaming down her cheeks. I wipe them away and she grabs my hand gently and kisses the top of it before our hands open together.

“There’s no place I’d rather be” I whisper, she brings her forehead down to mine. I anchor my arms back on the bed and lean back as she sits on my lap with crossed legs. She places her small cold hands on my cheeks softly. There’s no words to describe how beautiful she looks wearing my shirt, I love this girl, this woman, with everything in me.

She yawns and my eyebrow’s furrow she looks exhausted.

“Let’s sleep love” She climbs off me and curls up on the left side of the bed, I quickly change into pajamas and when I’m back she’s passed out. I smile and pull the blankets over her while sliding into the bed.

The light goes out and Nina moves over to me, as close as she can get, she puts her head on my chest and her arm around my stomach. I place my arm around her and everything that was bad that happened to day is meaningless because I have her and she makes everything better. Nothing else matters but her. I look down at her in the dawn of the night and I can see her closed eyes and her lips slightly parted.

“I love you” She murmurs with her eyes closed. I stare down at her.

“I love you more” I whisper so quietly so she won’t wake up. I close my eyes with a grin plastered across my face.



The next morning (Nina’s P.O.V)

The sun fills the room and I feel someone beside me. It’s a nice feeling, waking up to someone. I’m way too hot, Harry is draped over me. I look at his sleeping face and a weird feeling enters my body, which has felt nothing but pain for the past 24 hours. I tuck away a piece of hair that has made its way into his mouth. I don’t know what’s going on with him and I, all I know is being with him takes away the pain for a little while, and without him the pain is unbearable. He makes me stronger.

Harry stirs and then opens his eyes to me.

“Morning Nina” He rumbles, sleepily. I stare at him with open eyes, he’s beautiful, even in the morning.

“Morning Harold” I smile at him with teeth and I’m shocked, so is he.

“That’s the first time I’ve seen you smile in like a week” he sits up and rubs his face. I look down at my hands, the pain is coming back.

“How are you feeling” He asks worriedly

“I don’t know, I don’t want to talk about it”

“We can’t avoid it”

“Please can we just, do something, like make you breakfast or watch T.V”

He stands and stretches, his shirt moves up revealing his midsection.

“You coming?” He catches me staring and smirks. He holds out his hand I take it willingly and he leads me to the kitchen.

He pulls me into the large kitchen and I sit myself on the counter. He moves around the pantry and fridge getting out eggs, bacon, pancake mix.

“I’m not hungry Harry so I hope you’re making all that for you”

He looks up at me with concern

“You haven’t ate since the airport, that’s more than 24 hours, that’s unheard of” He sounds mad.

“I lost my appetite” I frown.

“Well get it back, and get it back fast because breakfast will be ready in 30 minutes” He starts cooking the bacon and I roll my eyes.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me” He says with his back turned to me.

“You can’t even see me how do you know I rolled my eyes”

“Because I know you” He states simply

“Just stop” I snap, this is all too much. Him here me here, him cooking like we’re back in my apartment in New York.

“What” He looks confused

“You’re acting like we’re fine, like nothing is wrong between us” My voice is raised slightly, he looks taken back, confused to say the least. We’re parading around the house like a married couple, like everything is fixed when it’s not and it annoys me.

“I’m not the one who woke up screaming, calling your name in the middle of the night” He whispers harshly, I close my eyes.

“Do you know what you said to me last night Nina?” He leans against the opposite counter, facing me. I shake my head.

“You told me you love me”

My stomach drops, I don’t remember saying that. My eyes widen and he notices my reaction

“Were you lying?” he speaks low, avoiding my eye contact. I think about it, for a few long seconds, and I think about being with other guys and being without harry and I feel sadder and sadder every minute I don’t think about him.

“No” I whisper, his face screams relief.

“No, I wasn’t, you take the pain away” I mumble.

“So why can’t we go back to how we were, before all this” He pleads

“I love you more than anything, I’ve been there for you through everything these past few weeks, and I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere. You need me, well I’m here.. and I’m not leaving”

I look down as tears flood around my eyes. He walks up to me, grabbing my face with his hands.

“When you were taken, I did everything in my power to get you back, I hired the best detectives in L.A and I even hired a whole private squad in New York and London we had over 100 people looking for you and Wyatt, when you were found I was in the helicopter with them, I know I left, and I’m not making excuses for that but I was trapped”

His eyes say a thousand more words and I understand everything, he’s the reason I was found. I lean my head down and smash my lips against his. Our mouths move in sync with each other as I wrap my arms around his shoulders. He furthers the kiss, attacking my neck and chest. I forgot how good this feels.

“If I don’t stop now I never will” He pulls away breathless.

“Who said stop?” I slide off the counter and grab his face pulling it back to my lips, he runs his hands along my body and up my shirt cupping my braless breast.

“Excuse us” Someone speaks from behind us Harry shakes his head laughing and I turn to see Louis and Eleanor standing in the archway

“Harry you left your front door open” Eleanor’s face is red.

“Nina” Louis looks extremely happy to see me, despite the fact he walked in on Harry and me.

“Lou!” I run up and hug him, the hug is sad though. I didn’t know a hug could be sad.

“I’m so sorry” He whispers in my ear, He pulls away and I give him a small sad smile.

“Lets not talk about it” I whisper back and turn to Harry who has assembled the pan to make eggs.

“Who wants breakfast!”

30 minutes later like Harry said, breakfast is ready.

“Eggs?” Harry asks, I shake my head and he gives me a stern look.

“I can’t eat Harry, I’ll throw up, I’m really not hungry” I say quietly to him

“You have to eat something, I wont let you not eat anything” I look around the kitchen and grab the smallest banana I can.

“Seriously” he narrows his eyes at me.

“I’m not a child”

“Stop acting like one” He growls back

“Eat your breakfast Styles” I snap back and go sit beside Eleanor at the table.

“So are you guys back together?” Eleanor has no hesitation.

I almost choke on my banana, Harry looks quizzically at me.

“Um I don’t know” I answer honestly

“We’re just taking things one step at a time” Harry saves me

“But you’re not allowed to see other people I’m assuming?” Louis intervenes

“No, fuck no” Harry answers angrily and I kick his leg

“Language” I warn

“Well you’re mine” He states

My body warms at the words. Harry elopes his hand with mine under the table.

“We wont stay long, but you’re coming over tomorrow right?”

“If Nina’s up for it” Harry smiles fondly at me

“Maybe” I smile nervously

---

3 hours later

“Do you think we’d make it this time” I say as Avatar plays on Harry’s T.V, I lay on the side of his chest his arm over me.

“I think we would” He answers truthfully smiling down at me, dimples being revealed. I’ve missed them so very much.

Notes

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huge shout out to Beany_Baby! for making my wonderful cover <3