Breathe

One week later (Nina’s P.O.V)

I finish folding the last of the baby clothes and start putting them in suitcases. I sigh and rub my aching stomach; it’s been hurting all morning. This week has been hectic, Harry has been staying here, and he refuses to be away from me. I don’t mind. I’ve had a week to think and it always comes down to the fact I want our son to be born and have two happy parents. Yet the images of him with other women and how he left me so easily taint every good feeling I have.

“May I come in” Someone knocks on the door I look up and see Harry. I smile small and nod. He strides to the end of the bed and picks up a small shirt for the baby.

“This is how small he’ll be?” He unfolds it and looks at me bewildered.

“Yeah, give or take a few pounds of course, Zac says he’s already close to 5 pounds”

He runs his hand through his hair; I can tell he’s getting nervous.
“What’s wrong?” I inquire, zipping up a suitcase.

“What if I’m a bad father” He closes his eyes and bows his head. My eyebrows furrow.

“You wont be, you love children, your caring, loving, kind and gentle, he’ll be more than lucky to have you as his father” I find myself smiling.

“Nina…” He starts and I put my hand up

“Let’s not start it again today please”

“I made mistakes, mistakes that were completely avoidable. I’m so sorry” He looks helpless it makes my heart pound. I want to forgive him, forget about everything and pick up where we left off but I just cant. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get over this.

“I need to finish packing the baby’s stuff, wanna help?” I try to change the subject. He breathes out annoyed that I avoided the conversation.

“Yeah, I’d love to” He stands beside me, and starts putting the baby’s shirts in the small bag.

I ruffle through my side drawer and find a pile of pictures, half of them are sonograms but I come across one of Harry and I, I remember keeping it and looking at it from time to time.

“What’s that?” He inquires, I stand smiling and hand him the sonograms concealing the other picture behind my back. While he turns to look at the sonograms I hide the picture away in my luggage.

“That’s incredible” He says breathlessly the picture in-between his fingers. He looks over to me and then back to the picture.

“I’m ready to go” I pack the last of the stuff. He smiles largely, dimples revealed. I’ve missed them.

I try to lift a bag but pain shoots through me, “No let me get that please” Harry rushes and picks up the bag.

“Go sit, we’ll take everything out”

I rub my back “Thank you”

He grins “I’ll follow you” He picks up two suitcases.

“Ready to go!” Zac, Wyatt, Dani, El, Jessica and the kids wait for us by the door. Anne left this morning with Gemma.

“Yes, very” I look over at Harry, he still looks at me the same, the same way he looked at me months ago.

-
5 hours later.

Harry’s P.O.V

The flight from Spain to London is roughly 3 hours and we’re close to landing. Nina sits beside me, across from the doctor...Zac…. I cringe just thinking about him. I’m grateful for him being there for Nina but I would have been there too…

I see Nina drifting off with her hands clasped around her stomach, she leans against the chair but her face molds into an unpleasant reaction. She moves her head and leans against my shoulder; she smiles slightly as I hold my breath. She’s here with me, she’s alive and I’m going to get her back.

Zac stares at me I can feel his eyes burn into me. I smirk. She’s mine buddy.

I lean my head down to hers and close my eyes.

--

“This is your captain speaking we are now flying into Heathrow Airport today is a beautiful day in London England”

Nina’s body jolts up and she sleepily rubs her eyes before looking over at me with a shocked expression “I’m so sorry” she’s quick to apologize before her cheeks turn red.

I give her a reassuring grin “We’re landing love”

She nods and sips her water and then applies her seatbelt.

-

Nina’s P.O.V

Harry and Zac have what seems to look like a fight over who carries my luggage. Harry won because he had virtually no luggage to carry with himself.

I walk down to the exit where I see a car waiting while everyone waits for his or her other bags when a liquid runs down my leg…. I stop and shoot my head up. Jessica stares at me, before covering her mouth. Pain follows the disperse but not regular pain.

“Harry” I call out before doubling over clutching my stomach. He runs towards me.

“What’s going on?” He rambles fast, sweat beads appearing on his forehead. He lifts me up.

I clench my teeth “Baby” Zac gets the car door open fast and orders the driver to take us to the hospital. We can’t wait for the bags,

“Stay here and get all our stuff and meet us at the hospital” Zac orders Wyatt and Jessica they don’t argue. I squeeze Harry’s hand as the pain gets worse and worse and its not going away. Harry looks vulnerable and scared. I’ve never seen his eyes so wide and alert. I lay down on the back seat with my head in Harry’s lap.

“It’s too soon, he’s not ready,” I cry, Zac’s face says something’s not right. I throw my head back, please be okay, please be okay.

“Drive faster” Harry urges the man in the front.

“We’re almost there sir”

Harry’s face is painted in worry and fear. It looks like he is going to pass out. I squeeze his hand as more pain seers through me.

“Aah!” I cry out and move around in the seat.

“Do something!” Harry shouts at Zac, he stares at him with hatred.

“I can’t unless you want her to deliver in the car?” He snaps back. Harry shakes his head.

“We’re here” The car stops abruptly, I scream as the next round worsens.

Harry starts shaking again, like he did when he first saw me. He never once lets go of my hand. They rush me out of the car and into the hospital. Harry running while pushing the wheel chair down the hallway.

“We need help!” He yells. The entire room stares at us, thankfully Zac explains everything to the nurses and doctors.

“Get her to a room immediately, I’m going to go prep” A obstetrician talks to the nurses and I’m wheeled down a ramp and into a hospital room.

“We need to put you in a gown” The lady hands me a package of garments I cant even stand.

“I can’- can’t”

“We’ll help you” She smiles understandingly

“Men please leave the room for a moment”

“No I’m not going anywhere” Harry responds stubbornly planting his spot beside me. Zac leaves the room quietly

“He can stay,” I quickly say before an altercation starts.

The nurses work to change me and quickly I’m put into the bed and hooked up to everything in the room. The pain all over my body is so much I’ve numbed. I start steadying my breath.

“What are you doing?” Harry raises an eyebrow.

“They do this in all the shows and movies” I say and start breathing fast and then slow.

Harry mocks me, doing it too.

“You did this to me” I say on my breath out

“Hee hee hoo hoo” Harry laughs

“St-“ I curl on my side from the oncoming contraction. Zac comes back in the room and straight to my other side. He pauses and grabs my chart, looking over it with precession.

“Something’s not right,” he whispers

“What” Harry quivers

“I’m not sure, but she’s completely healthy so I don’t know why she’s in labor early”

My head feels like it’s going to explode and the pain of contractions are like people dragging 1000 knives down my body. The obstetrician comes in, dressed in full attire with plastic top to bottom.

“So I see you’re here a bit early, lets hook you up to the monitor and see the babies heart beat”

“Why wasn’t she hooked up before?” Zac argues

“We’re short on staff today if you haven’t seen, my apologies that it didn’t happen sooner” He’s nothing but nice

“Thank you” Harry says kindly as Zac steps back. The doctor hooks this band around my stomach and my baby appears on the screen.

Harrys face shows relief and I can’t stop looking at it.

“Having a little trouble finding the heart beat” the obstetrician moves the object around on me.

It’s been a few minutes and he still can’t find it. My heart rate grows by a thousand. He resorts to an ultra sound and squeezes the cold blue liquid on my stomach. He moves the probe around and a disturbing look comes across his face.

“Oh god” Zac covers his face with his hands. Harry and I stare at them utterly confused.

“I’m sorry, we can’t find a heartbeat” He looks at his fingers. I can’t breath anymore. My body feels like it’s shutting down.

“So look harder?!” Harry trembles, screaming at the doctor. My chest heaves up and down.

“Nina, whens the last time you felt your baby move?” His words sound distorted I can barely answer.

“I don- I don’t know” I whisper.

“I’m so sorry, I’m afraid your baby isn’t living, there is no beating heart”

“No” Harry’s devastated. I can’t breathe, I can’t cry, I can’t move. I have this pain in my stomach that reminds me he’s still there.

“We’ll give you some time” The doctor leaves and Zac follows.

I stare blankly at the wall in front of me.

More aches run through me.

“Make it go away” I whisper. Harry looks at me, confused, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Make it go away” I scream, I want this pain gone. I hyperventilate as Harry grabs onto me. Hugging me, I can’t bring myself to hug him back.

“Please make it stop make it go away” I turn on my side and back over, moving violently.

Harry’s P.O.V

“Please Harry” She breathes, small water beads down her soft cheeks. I’ve never seen her so hurt.

“Nina stop” I say quietly in her ear, and then she breaks down. Full out crying heaves, dry heaves, hyperventilation, her whole face turns white and she looks like she’s going to throw up.

“I cant do this” She bellows “I- I cant Harry”

“Please take me away please” She begs me, clutching her stomach. I can’t look at it, I can’t look at the monitor. I feel empty. He opens her arms to me and I grab hold of her, even pregnant she’s still tiny.

“I love you so much, we’re going to get through this” I tell her, I feel the back of my shirt getting wet with her tears.

“Stay with me” She says softly in my ear. I hold her tighter.

“I’m not going anywhere ever again”

The doctor comes back in.

“Nina we need to get the baby out of you, you’re at risk of infection-“

she cuts him off “Do it please” He nods and makes his way back to the bed.

Nina puts her legs up and she’s told to push. She pushes and then stops.

“One more time”

She does and then I see the small child slip into the doctors’ hands

“I don’t want to see him” Nina turns her face into my chest and closes her eyes. I see the doctor turn away with the baby I press my cheek against hers.

“I’m going to go” Zac sulks out of the room.

“Is the pain gone love” I kiss her collarbone as she sobs into my neck.

“No”


-- 3 hours later.

I stroke Nina’s back as she sleeps soundly on the hospital bed. She just stopped crying. I’m trying to be strong for her. I step out of the room when I get a call from Jessica

“Hey where are you guys!” She sounds cheery and exited to see the brand new baby, my heartaches when I realize there is no baby.

“3rd floor” I hang up and dial Louis’ number

“Haz, where are you guys?”

“At the hospital” I sound horrible

“What happened”

“Nin- We lost the baby” I slide down the wall and my stomach turns, my whole body shaking, new tears streaming down my cheeks.

“Wh- how?”

“I don’t know the doctor is going to come talk to us soon but she’s going to be discharged today so we’ll be home later tonight”

“I’m so sorry lad”

I see Jessica, Wyatt and the kids come down the hallway.

“I got to go, I’ll call you later, tell the others please”

“What’s wrong” Jessica announces carrying a bunch of balloons and flowers and stuffed animals.

“We- we um lost the baby” I sniffle in and wrap my jumper around me.

“Where’s Nina” She brings her hand up to her mouth.

“She’s sleeping and she wont see anyone other than me”

“I need to see her” Wyatt looks through the window.

“She fine, she’s healthy she just needs time” I plead with them they nod their heads.

“We’ll come by the house tomorrow” Jessica folds her arms

I thank them and they turn around.

1 hour later

“Harry!” I hear Nina scream from inside the room. I stand and sprint through the door to see her sitting up, sobbing saying my name.

“I’m here” I grab her and her body curls around mine. She cries more.

“I’m here, I’m not going anywhere” I reassure her.

“I tho- thought you left” She whispers, whimpering softly.

“I’m never ever leaving your side again” She pulls her head out of my neck and stares at me, her eyes red and swollen, her cheeks stained with hours of sadness, her lips wet from crying. But she’s still so beautiful. I lean in and press my mouth against hers. She doesn’t pull away she lets me kiss her.

I move back and she stares at me, big brown eyes to mine. I push my forehead against hers. She says nothing, I say nothing, we just sit here and stare at each other and that says everything.

Notes

comment.rate.subscribe <3

this needed to happen for a reason and when the story plays out you'll all know why!

very sad tho :(