Breathe

Today is better and by better I mean I’m able to sit up straight, no standing yet and the doctors anticipate me being unable to walk for the next 6 weeks. It’s torture, I try not to think about it but if I don’t think about the accident, the kidnapping, the injuries, my mind floods with thoughts of a certain curly headed boy and frankly I don’t know which thoughts are more painful. I want to know why he left but I already know the answer, I was too much, a burden. I would have left me too if I was him, I don’t fit his life style. It’s better like this. I take a cool breath in and notice the rain outside. I can hear it hit the hard pavement and how I wish I could be outside, how I wish my hair could get damp from the falling drops. I’d do anything to feel the mushy grass under my feet or the wetness of a puddle in my toes. I can’t be here anymore. I stare at the cast around my leg, I wont be out for a long time.

A knock on the door interrupts my thoughts.

“Good morning Nina, looking better today” Doctor Williams smiles warmly at me, he’s young, and I cant help but look at him, he’s basically gorgeous.

I stay silent, and just nod. Talking makes my body hurt.

“We have some visitors for you” His face splits into another grin, I’ve never seen someone smile so much.

“Wyatt!” I say louder than expected as he and his family proceeds into the room

“You’re alive” He hugs me as tears flood into my eyes.

“I’ve dealt with everything, the police, everything we can move on it’s over” He sobs into my hospital gown.

“I didn’t know where you were I was so worried” I confess

“They moved me to a different hospital and I was out within 4 days, I’m fine, my arm hurts sometimes and I’m on a ton of pain meds but I’m okay” He says fast, I frown. I’m not okay I wish I were.

“We cant thank you enough for saving Wyatt, for saving their father” Wyatt’s wife has tears streaming down her face as she holds the twins in her arms. I smile fondly at them, I cant wait to get to know them.

“He saved me, he took care of me, I have you to thank” I close my eyes a take a deep breath, the pain is coming back.

“Where’s Harry?” Wyatt questions looking around

“Gone” I answer simply and his face turns into rage.

“Please don’t call him, or do anything,” I reason as I see him turning to pick up his phone, he stares at me before placing it down.

“The police suggested we change all our numbers, addresses, go into hiding for a bit, until they capture Dominic, they have a steady path but they want us to be safe” He says through gritted teeth.

“Which is why we’re moving you to a recovery home on the south coast” Doctor Williams intervenes enthusiastically clapping his hands together.

“Is Wyatt coming?!” I panic

“Of course” Wyatt reassures me “My family and all” He smiles

“And I will be coming with you as well to follow your case and insure of the best recovery, this will be a long, painful process Nina but I assure you it will be worth it, we leave just after lunch” He grins at the group and then leaves the room.

“I’ll give you your new number and phone” Wyatt rustles around his wife Jessica’s purse and then hands me a iPhone 5s and a sticky note with a number on it.

“It’s southern area code, you can change it when we’ve left the coast in a few months” He explains my confusion at the long number

“It’s a new start” He says slowly and I know he’s referring to Harry and the accident a new phone, a number Harry doesn’t have, Harry doesn’t have Wyatt’s new number either, he has no way of reaching me. The thought makes me ache and I realize I need to sleep; sleeping gives me a temporary break from all the sadness. I just want to get better, I feel like a small child having everyone wait around on me.

I yawn and the family gets the hint “We’ll come back just after lunch when we all leave” Jessica picks up Mallory and parker again and they leave the room.

“Get some rest” Wyatt smirks before leaving as well.

-----

4 hours later


“Good afternoon Nina” I wake up to doctor Williams flashing lights in my eyes

“Whoa” I complain and slowly open and close my eyes

“Sorry sweetheart” he laughs

I furrow my eyebrows he called me sweetheart.

“We’re transporting you to the private airplane” He says and I look around to see that I’m in a gurney. I hate this I fucking hate this. I hate having to depend on people for everything. I hate being immobilized.

“Can I use crutches or something please?” I beg him he shakes his head quickly.

“Absolutely not, your other leg has tissue damage, your organs have just undergone extensive sugary, your head has a major concussion, so relax and enjoy the ride” He smiles a toothy smile and a glare at him with hatred. He’s enjoying this, well he is a doctor and this is his job but I don’t care I fucking hate all of this.

“Where’s Wyatt” I snap and I’m surprised my body had enough energy to produce that type of reaction.

“He’s already on another plane to the coast”

I turn my head and close my eyes again, I hear doctor Williams laugh again.

----

When I open my eyes again I’m on a plane, and to my surprise I’m not in a bed, I’m on a seat, an actual seat, it’s reclined and my legs are on a bed like ottoman but it still counts, it looks like a make shift gurney and it’s uncomfortable but It’s better than a bed. I smile but then start panicking when I see nothing attached to me, or my stomach, no monitor.

“Relax, peds said the baby is stable, and we should see no problems for the rest of your pregnancy.” I see Doctor Williams seated next to me… how did I not notice him.

“Thanks” I look out the window

“You were saying how you wanted to walk with crutches and I felt bad for saying no, I went against hospital protocol and Wyatt and I moved you into the airplane chair, I thought it would be better, I know how hard this must be” He says sincerely “You’re pretty tough, I read up on your story, the kidnapping, one of the kidnappers being your adoptive dad, being tortured like that, and then your One Direction boyfriend leaving you with his child, I don’t know how you handle all of that and act completely normal” He looks at me with glossy eyes, I cant be mad for what he’s saying, it’s all right.

“I’m use to loss,” I answer simply

He smirks and I catch a glimpse of something, something more than just a doctor asking questions.

“Zac, please call me Zac” He stares at me with hooded eyes, I smile small.

Harry’s P.O.V

“Harry lets get the song right once okay?” Liam asks nicely as I mess up ‘Strong’ for the 10th time in rehearsal.

“Fucking Eh, Harry get your shit together!” Louis yells with the microphone

Everybody laughs except me, it’s been days since Simon told me anything about Nina. I can’t handle this anymore. He keeps saying everything is alright and it’s good but I know something is wrong.

“I’ll be right back mates” I jump off the stage when I see Simon appear in the back of the auditorium.

Simon’s P.O.V

“So she’s out of the country now Sarah?” I ask quietly

“Yes Sir and she has no contact with Harry whatsoever. She has a new phone and number, she’s going to the southern coast of Spain for the duration of her recovery and then she will decide where she wants to be”

“Harry will be long over her by the time that happens” I laugh but quickly end the call when I see Harry walking my way, I sniffle in and prepare myself to tell him bad news.

Harry’s P.O.V

“Simon, I need to know if Nina is safe” I spit at him angrily.

His face drops and turns white as his lips turn into a frown.

“I’m afraid I have some bad news” He looks at his feet. My body feels like it drops off a cliff, my heart leaps into my stomach.

“Wh-What” I squint

“I’m afraid Nina” He starts and my body slowly shuts down

“No” I whisper

“She’s gone Harry, she died this morning, Sarah just called” He looks distressed, everything becomes a blur, my body feels motionless my hands shake and feel numb. I feel tears coming in but I’m so angry I can’t manage to. I put my hands up to my face and step back.

“Harry” He puts his hands out to me

“No” I spin out of his reach and run towards the closest room.

I open the door and slam it behind me. I run my hands through my hair. No…

My Nina….

There has to be a mistake….

Tears run down my cheeks angrily as I punch the mirror placed on the inside side of the door, the glass cascades to the floor as pain trickles on my knuckles.

The baby…

Our baby….

I hyperventilate in attempt to catch my breath. I throw my head back and the tears trail to my neck.

What am I going to do, what am I going to do when I cant ever touch her skin again, or hold her in my arms or kiss her soft lips or tell her how much I love her. I long for her dainty hand in mine, her delicate fingers tracing over mine. I cant breathe, the pain is unbearable. I’ve lost the one thing in my life that was perfect, the one thing that kept me sane…







I need to go, I need to go see for myself. I take three shaky breaths in and stand.

I leave the room and Simon is waiting outside the door.

“Where are you going”

I say nothing I hate this man.

“Harry!” Louis and the boys run after me

“Mate what’s wrong” Niall grabs my shoulder and I swing out of it.

“Nina’s dead” I scream, more tears pressing on but I don’t care

They all still eyes wide open

“Are you guys happy? We’re here on tour and my girlfriend is dead, I never should have left” I shout angrily at them

“Now I have nothing” I whisper

“I cant be here, I need to go” I dismiss them and walk to the entrance of the stadium. I know they’ll be fans out there, paps, I don’t care.

I walk through the group of people without looking back once. I slip into the drivers seat of the car and head for the airport.

I look at my phone and the image of Nina and I pops up, the pain that appears in the gut of my stomach is relentless, it makes me heave. I sob louder than I ever have before dry heaves kick in, my whole body shakes, I’m freezing cold. I’ve lost everything. Everything that meant something to me. She can’t be dead, she just can’t be, not my baby, not my Nina.

I pull over to the side of the street and collapse onto the steering wheel.


6 hours later

The flight to California was pure agony. I cant focus, my nerves are too much on end. I took a cab to the hospital.

I walk though the foyer of the 6th floor until I reach the room, room 611, Nina’s room. I see nothing wrote on the white board attached to the door. I have a horrible feeling in my gut, I swing open the door. The bed is completely made with fresh linens, she’s gone, she’s not here.

I walk in and fall onto my knees sobbing at the end of the bed. I lost her, she’s gone. The thought has a hard time clicking into my mind.

“The family wants privacy during this time” Sarah appears in front of me

“They don’t wish to talk to you, Wyatt doesn’t want you at the funeral”

I look up “Wh-what” my eyes are blood shot red and the top of my shirt is soaking.

“You left her Harry, Wyatt doesn’t want you at the funeral”

“I love her, I will always love her” I sob quietly

“You will move on”

“No” I shout scared “No I wont, I love Nina, I want Nina”

“Nina’s gone Harry”

“No she cant be, she promised me she’d never leave me” I utter foolishly

“I need her, I need her” my sobbing becomes louder.

“I need my baby, I need my Nina”

“I’ll leave you alone for now” She walks out and shuts the door.

Simon’s P.O.V

“He’s a mess Simon” Sarah speaks quietly into the phone

“He’ll get over it”

“No I don’t think he will, he’s been in her hospital room for two hours, the staff is getting suspicious” She notes

“Get him out of there and back here”





1 day later

Louis’s P.O.V (Harry’s House)

I sit and stroke Eleanor’s head as she cries into my lap

“She’ She cant be dead” She stutters. I gulp down the lump forming in my throat.

“Hush love it’s okay”

“What are we going to do without her” Dani cries while rocking Ella. Liam hasn’t said a word since we got the news.

“Poor Harry” Perrie frowns as tears fall down her cheeks, Zayn is quick to comfort her, even though he’s struggling himself. Niall has isolated himself in his room.

“We’re going to get- get though this together” I clench my eyes shut, I don’t want to cry I don’t want them to see me crying, I’m trying to keep everyone together.

The door opens and Harry walks though, he looks white as a ghost, like a zombie that just woke up from 1000 years of sleep, his eyes are beady and puffy. His lips are white and his body is stiff.

“Mate” I look at him he doesn’t look at me


“She’s gone” He whispers, lip quivering, he walks slowly down the hall and into his room. The door shuts.

Notes

So sad :(

Nina isn't actually dead I hope you all have caught onto what is happening

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<3

I will try to update more regularly now but I'm so busy with homework that it gets tough.