Breathe
Realize
“Here, all these pictures are from the 70’s” Wyatt hands me a stack of photos and returns to the guest room closet.
I groan, we’ve been going through this house for 2 weeks and all we’ve found is pictures. Its frustrating nothing is helping us. I close my eyes briefly before placing the pictures in the right box. I’m sorting them in years, 60’s when dad was born then 70’s, 80’s and so forth.
I look through them and simper. My mother was so beautiful. I want to go back home, and no not to New York we sold the apartment and I haven’t talked to my parents in months, New York isn’t my home anymore. London isn’t either. All my stuff is here but it doesn’t feel like home. I want to go home.. Where the sun hits the sand and the water flows over my feet. Careless and simple, I want to go home and figure things out.
My phone ringing breaks my train of thought.
“Hello” I stutter
“Are you coming home to me now love? It’s almost 1am” Harry whines
“Yes I’ll be home soon” I quickly hang up, I’m not into talking right now. Not having things figured out is scary and I don’t want to drag Harry down with me.
I stand up and look around the room, it’s not as morbid as it was when I first got here, its cleaner and homier, and I could live here. I shut off the side lamp and walk down the creaky staircase to Wyatt.
“Ready to go?” I ask he seems pretty preoccupied.
“I think so,” He reveals. I frown
“I’m done here, we’ve found nothing but pictures and old family stuff”
“Where is our next move?” he looks at me, face full of dread, this hunting has taken a toll on us physically and emotionally.
“California” I look down at the floor.
“When?”
“You tell me” I walk out the door and into the car.
“I’m going to stay here tonight, call me tomorrow” Wyatt yells out the door. I nod and drive away.
“Nina’s home!” I hear as I unlock the apartment door. I look to see Niall, Harry and Tia sitting around the coffee table.
“I’m going to go to bed” I say quickly. My mind is too crowded with thoughts to talk to people.
I’m not pushing Harry away or at least I’m not trying to. But sometimes I just want to be alone you know? So much is going on in my life and I’m trying to keep it all together but its hard and I’m struggling.
“Love” I hear a tender voice fill the room.
“Hi” I whisper as I escape into the bathroom, quickly changing into my pajamas.
“Why are you running away from me” Harry says wounded, it makes my heart split in two.
I open the door and he staggers in.
“I’m not running away” I wrap my arms around his neck and he rests his hands on my hips.
“Promise?” He presses his forehead against mine, I close my eyes as sparks and butterflies radiate throughout my body.
“Pinky promise” I reply and earn a smile from his saddened mind.
“Lets go to bed please” I urge him out of the bathroom. I’ve never been so tired before and my aching body and brain take in the crisp sheets and comfy duvet warmly, it’s pure bliss.
Harry engulfs me, snaking his arms around my midsection pulling me close and tight to his chest. He leaves small gentle kisses on my forehead to the top of my head.
“Goodnight, I love you” He says quietly.
“I love you too,” I whisper back.
“We’ll start here in Sacramento and then head up to San Jose” I point frantically at the huge map of California that Wyatt has spread across the living room floor.
“We’ll be gone 4-6 weeks which isn’t bad,” I say to myself
“Does Harry know you’ll be gone that long?” Wyatt looks up from the floor
“I’ve made it so we go in two weeks, the day they start their tour and then we come back when they get their first break” I say proudly, I’ve planned this out perfectly with no mistakes or errors.
“I miss my kids” Wyatt says frowning “and my wife”
“Go home, go to them,” I say kindly. There’s no reason I should be keeping a man from his family.
“I can’t leave you” He smiles
“Yes you can, go and then if you still want to, come back and we’ll go to Sacramento together in two weeks” he gives me a stern look
“Wyatt I’m serious, go to Mallory and Parker they need a father more than I need a brother right now” I say sharply
“I’ll see you in two weeks though right?” he stands
“Of course, I’m not going anywhere” He hugs me briefly before exiting the apartment.
“Hey girl!” Dani, El, Ella and Tia come into the room.
“Hey” I reply, I’ve been distant lately, the only people I talk to are Harry and Wyatt.
“So Ella smiled yesterday” Tia divulges and my mouth splits into a grin
“She wont go to Liam at night either, only me” Dani frowns
“So are you coming on tour?” El quickly changes the subject
I look down at my knotted fingers “ Um no I don’t think so”
“ Nina you have to come we’re all going” Tia replies angered, I squint my eyes at her, she has no right to be angry with me she hasn’t been being a good best friend or good sister lately.
“Didn’t know I mattered to you all of the sudden” I half shout half laugh at her
“What’s that even suppose to mean,” she snarls
“Where have you been lately Tia?” I growl
“Where have YOU been lately Nina? You don’t talk to anyone you barley talk to Harry and you haven’t talk to mom or dad in months. You push people away and then blame everyone else when the problem is you!” She screams at me and I’m taken back. Ella starts crying and Tia breathes rapidly. It all becomes clear to me. I stand and notice the peanut gallery viewing from the doorway; they boys got off rehearsals early today. Harry stares at me, watching my every move.
I nod and walk off to the bedroom; I need to get away from her I need to get away from everyone. I hear footsteps behind me, probably Harry’s.
“Nina, I’m sorry” I hear her shout but I fall into the bedroom and lock myself in behind the door.
“Please let me in” I hear Harry plead from the other side
“Just leave me alone” I sob and it all becomes too real.
I groan, we’ve been going through this house for 2 weeks and all we’ve found is pictures. Its frustrating nothing is helping us. I close my eyes briefly before placing the pictures in the right box. I’m sorting them in years, 60’s when dad was born then 70’s, 80’s and so forth.
I look through them and simper. My mother was so beautiful. I want to go back home, and no not to New York we sold the apartment and I haven’t talked to my parents in months, New York isn’t my home anymore. London isn’t either. All my stuff is here but it doesn’t feel like home. I want to go home.. Where the sun hits the sand and the water flows over my feet. Careless and simple, I want to go home and figure things out.
My phone ringing breaks my train of thought.
“Hello” I stutter
“Are you coming home to me now love? It’s almost 1am” Harry whines
“Yes I’ll be home soon” I quickly hang up, I’m not into talking right now. Not having things figured out is scary and I don’t want to drag Harry down with me.
I stand up and look around the room, it’s not as morbid as it was when I first got here, its cleaner and homier, and I could live here. I shut off the side lamp and walk down the creaky staircase to Wyatt.
“Ready to go?” I ask he seems pretty preoccupied.
“I think so,” He reveals. I frown
“I’m done here, we’ve found nothing but pictures and old family stuff”
“Where is our next move?” he looks at me, face full of dread, this hunting has taken a toll on us physically and emotionally.
“California” I look down at the floor.
“When?”
“You tell me” I walk out the door and into the car.
“I’m going to stay here tonight, call me tomorrow” Wyatt yells out the door. I nod and drive away.
“Nina’s home!” I hear as I unlock the apartment door. I look to see Niall, Harry and Tia sitting around the coffee table.
“I’m going to go to bed” I say quickly. My mind is too crowded with thoughts to talk to people.
I’m not pushing Harry away or at least I’m not trying to. But sometimes I just want to be alone you know? So much is going on in my life and I’m trying to keep it all together but its hard and I’m struggling.
“Love” I hear a tender voice fill the room.
“Hi” I whisper as I escape into the bathroom, quickly changing into my pajamas.
“Why are you running away from me” Harry says wounded, it makes my heart split in two.
I open the door and he staggers in.
“I’m not running away” I wrap my arms around his neck and he rests his hands on my hips.
“Promise?” He presses his forehead against mine, I close my eyes as sparks and butterflies radiate throughout my body.
“Pinky promise” I reply and earn a smile from his saddened mind.
“Lets go to bed please” I urge him out of the bathroom. I’ve never been so tired before and my aching body and brain take in the crisp sheets and comfy duvet warmly, it’s pure bliss.
Harry engulfs me, snaking his arms around my midsection pulling me close and tight to his chest. He leaves small gentle kisses on my forehead to the top of my head.
“Goodnight, I love you” He says quietly.
“I love you too,” I whisper back.
“We’ll start here in Sacramento and then head up to San Jose” I point frantically at the huge map of California that Wyatt has spread across the living room floor.
“We’ll be gone 4-6 weeks which isn’t bad,” I say to myself
“Does Harry know you’ll be gone that long?” Wyatt looks up from the floor
“I’ve made it so we go in two weeks, the day they start their tour and then we come back when they get their first break” I say proudly, I’ve planned this out perfectly with no mistakes or errors.
“I miss my kids” Wyatt says frowning “and my wife”
“Go home, go to them,” I say kindly. There’s no reason I should be keeping a man from his family.
“I can’t leave you” He smiles
“Yes you can, go and then if you still want to, come back and we’ll go to Sacramento together in two weeks” he gives me a stern look
“Wyatt I’m serious, go to Mallory and Parker they need a father more than I need a brother right now” I say sharply
“I’ll see you in two weeks though right?” he stands
“Of course, I’m not going anywhere” He hugs me briefly before exiting the apartment.
“Hey girl!” Dani, El, Ella and Tia come into the room.
“Hey” I reply, I’ve been distant lately, the only people I talk to are Harry and Wyatt.
“So Ella smiled yesterday” Tia divulges and my mouth splits into a grin
“She wont go to Liam at night either, only me” Dani frowns
“So are you coming on tour?” El quickly changes the subject
I look down at my knotted fingers “ Um no I don’t think so”
“ Nina you have to come we’re all going” Tia replies angered, I squint my eyes at her, she has no right to be angry with me she hasn’t been being a good best friend or good sister lately.
“Didn’t know I mattered to you all of the sudden” I half shout half laugh at her
“What’s that even suppose to mean,” she snarls
“Where have you been lately Tia?” I growl
“Where have YOU been lately Nina? You don’t talk to anyone you barley talk to Harry and you haven’t talk to mom or dad in months. You push people away and then blame everyone else when the problem is you!” She screams at me and I’m taken back. Ella starts crying and Tia breathes rapidly. It all becomes clear to me. I stand and notice the peanut gallery viewing from the doorway; they boys got off rehearsals early today. Harry stares at me, watching my every move.
I nod and walk off to the bedroom; I need to get away from her I need to get away from everyone. I hear footsteps behind me, probably Harry’s.
“Nina, I’m sorry” I hear her shout but I fall into the bedroom and lock myself in behind the door.
“Please let me in” I hear Harry plead from the other side
“Just leave me alone” I sob and it all becomes too real.
@march5th
Please update again pwease!
2/22/16