Breathe
Stupid
You have to be cautious when you fall in love, it can get to a point where it almost becomes dangerous, where you put everything on halt and all that matters is your partner, where you would die for them, do absolutely anything for them, careers, family, and everything is second in your life….
“Harry” I moan as his kisses linger down my neck, past each breast and down my stomach.
He reaches my sex and brushes two fingers past my clit; I arch my back and squirm my legs.
“Stay still baby” He warns and anchors my legs down with his hands. I listen and try to stay as still as possible while his tongue moves to work.
“Ah” He circles his tongue around and around me, I wither under his touch. I lose my hands in his hair, grabbing knots of it and pulling gently.
“Harry please” I beg for harder entrance. He smirks and hovers over me; he brushes his lips along my collarbone as I latch my arms around his neck. In one swift motion he enters himself inside me. I moan quietly as he starts moving.
“Nina” He breathes against my cheek “Harder Harry please” I beg and he obliges rocking the bedpost against the wall. I scream and throw my arms to my side clenching the sheets and arching my back. “Don’t stop,” I slur into his ear. He slows and our body’s flip, now me on top of him, I bounce my hips up and down, back and forth on his length. He steadies me by placing his hands on my waist tightly. Slowly I rock back and forth as his breathing becomes heavier and small moans leave his mouth. He sits up and I continue riding him, his hands meet at the small in my back as his mouth runs over my breasts. I throw my head back.
“Baby” He whispers “This feels so good” He groans. He was right, it felt amazing, having sex with someone you are in love with makes it a thousand times better. “Fu-Fuck Harry” I curl my toes in as I find my release, Harry’s body tenses up and I feel his open mouth against my skin and then heavy panting.
---------
“Morning beautiful” I slowly open my eyes to a gleaming Harry, the sun reaching his eyes through the half shut blinds. I complain at the early awakening.
“It’s 6:45, I have work today” He kisses my forehead. I wrap my arms around his midsection “Don’t go, stay with me” I oblige
He laughs quietly “ I wish, love, I wish” I pout and his mouth lands on mine. His hands travel along my back and rest on my backside.
“As much as I’d like to stay in bed with my beautiful girlfriend all day, we have to start getting ready for the tour” He replies saddened. Ah, yes the dreaded tour I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about.
“Ok, have fun at work, I love you” I turn away from him and shove my head back into the pillow. He leaves tender kisses along my shoulder and down my arm before leaving the room.
----
I arch my back and stretch before leaving the room. I see Dani, El, Tia and the baby, sitting in the living room.
Tia gently plays with tiny Ella’s arm.
“You look happy” El scans over my body with her eyes. I smile
“We all heard you and Harry last night” Dani jokes and laughs loudly.
Shit.. “Oh boy” I cover my face with my hands
“You guys are safe…right?” El gives me a concerning face. I was about to answer when Tia says, “Yeah, she’s on the pill, right Nina?”
“Of course!” I reply, I would never be able to raise a child now, neither would Harry. Frankly the thought is scary.
“Good cause you guys were going pretty hard” Dani winks childishly at Tia.
I ignore her comment and quickly swoop down to pick up the smiling infant.
“I think I’m happy with you being the only baby in the group” I kiss the child tenderly on the forehead as she opens her big brown eyes at me.
“I’ll be right back” I hand the baby to Tia and run back into Harry’s room. I scatter all the things on the floor and quickly recover the pink packet of birth control pills. Shit shit shit…. I stare blankly at the 5 pills there… that shouldn’t be there…
Quickly I swallow them down with a sip of old water present on the side table. I should be okay right? I mean it takes allot to get pregnant. I feel the sweat beads push through the skin on my forehead, how could I be so stupid. I literally have one job. Nevertheless I should still go see a doctor to be double sure..
I pick up my phone and contemplate calling Harry, but he’s in an interview with Zayn, and Liam, I don’t want to worry him. I rub my temples, I don’t want Tia to freak out as well. Fuck I’m in London.. I don’t even know where a doctor’s place is. Still though, I can’t leave without telling people where I am.
I take the phone and click on Louis’ contact, thankfully he didn’t have work today.
“Shello?” He answers. I gulp down quickly
“Hey, Louis can I ask of a favor from you?” My voice is shaky and nervous.
“Nina, what’s the matter?” He asks confused and concerned.
“Um, can you take me to the doctors?” I close my eyes and breathe through my nose.
He pauses and doesn’t talk for a few seconds “What’s wrong Nina” He says sternly.
“Please Louis, I’ll explain later” I clench the phone with both hands.
“Are you sick?” He’s reluctant. I sigh “Not exactly, look, I’d go myself but I’m not exactly in my fucking country” I snap annoyed at him
“Meet me at my car and I’ll take you now, I’m just upstairs” I hear a set of keys clang together.
“Please don’t tell anyone you’re taking me Lou, I don’t want to worry anyone” I ask sincerely
-----
I step into the car with a very aggravated Louis in the drivers seat.
“Talk, now” He says while pulling out of the parking lot. I look down at my fingers, each one tangled with each other.
“I forgot to take my birth control pills” I admit foolishly.. I don’t know how I could be so stupid.
His eyes snap open, I have my head turned to the side but the went so wide I could see them.
“Oh boy” He whispers and runs his left hand through his hair “How could you be so dumb?” He half yells and at first I’m taken back but then I know he’s right.
“I don’t know, I just forgot” I lean my head against the window, it feels like he’s my father and I’m some petty teenager.
He makes a left hand turn “Does Harry know?” He asks, voice softer but still angry.
“No!” I gasp “I don’t know if I am, I don’t want to put attention on something that isn’t 100%”
He rubs his temples “What if you are?” he says quietly
I shrug “ Then I am” Honestly if I am I don’t know what I would do, I cant be, I cant to that to Harry.
I feel a tear run down my left cheek, I frantically rub it away and try to prevent anymore from developing, crying in front of Lou isn’t on my to do list today. Unfortunately he notices my state and grabs my hand, softly squeezing it.
The rest of the trip is silent.
-----
He pulls into the lot of a white building.. here we go.
I walk behind him in silence. We arrive at the receptionist desk and he tells the lady behind the glass my name. Thank god the place is close to empty, I don’t want a TMZ special on Lou and I at the doctors.
“Vinci” She calls out after 20 minutes of waiting I stand and look at Louis “ Come with me please” I practically beg.
I follow her into a confined room “The doctor will be with you momentarily please lay up there” I sit myself up on the stretcher/bed/counter I’m not sure what it’s called but it’s not comfortable.
“You look more nervous than I do” I say to the quiet Louis sitting patiently in the corner.
“I’m worried for you, and Harry. He’s not mature enough for a child, for fuck sakes Dani just had Ella and Liam isn’t ready for a child and now he’s stuck with one. A baby is a lifetime commitment Nina! You and Harry shouldn’t be having sex if you aren’t being safe” He develops three wrinkles on his forehead. I’ve never seen him so serious.
“I know Louis I’ve had the talk about sex and It was an accident” I try to fight back but I know I’m the wrong one in this situation.
He opens his mouth to talk when the doctor walks through the door.
“Miss Vinci! I’m Doctor Thomas, how may I help you today” She glances from me to Louis and I know she recognizes us and is trying hard not to be effected by our presence. It’s somewhat awkward.
“I forgot to take some of my birth control pills” I avoid her gaze, she brings her hands up “Say no more, I can to a quick test to see if you are pregnant”
She looks through a cabinet and hands me a test with a cup and a big ol smile.
“And would this be the father?” She looks over to Louis, all color drains from his face, it makes me laugh “No, he’s just a friend”
“Doctor, I’ve been told tests aren’t always 100% right, could we do something else so I know if I am or not for sure?” I suggest. I just want to get to the bottom of this.
“Oh, surely. I can do a ultrasound and tell you if you are or not, If you’d kindly lay back and reveal your stomach”
I do as I am told and roll my shirt up to below my breast. She brings a contraption over and squirts blue gel on my navel. It’s a weird sensation, very cold. I notice Lou has stood up and is watching intensely.
“Here we go” She starts moving the probe around my tummy and everything becomes too real. She pushes hard on my skin and it becomes somewhat painful. I look to see the gel spread all around.
“Hmm” She hums and pushes harder. My nerves are killing me. I push my hands against my temples.
“Nina, I don’t believe you are pregnant, I cant find anything that says you are” She removes the probe from my tummy and hands me some paper towel. Louis lets out a breath of relief, and I wipe off the blue gel.
“Thank you” I shake the doctors hand before the exits the room.
---
“That was too close” I say as we return to the complex
“You’re telling me, go inside, Harrys’ home and I’m sure he’s wondering where you are” He dismisses me.
I’m happy, I’m in a good mood, I’ m not pregnant I don’t have to worry about getting fat and swollen and caring for a child.
My mood changes when I open the door to a very cross Harry.
“Where have you been? And why are you all over the media photographed going into the doctors with Lou?” He snarls at me.
I open my mouth but nothing comes out.
“Nina” He says calmer but still mad “What’s wrong with you please tell me”
“Nothing Harry” I say simply hoping he’ll drop the conversation
“Why did you go to the doctors?” He presses on, following me into the bedroom. I take off my coat and throw my purse on the chair.
“You’re my girlfriend, I have the right to know what is going on” He grabs my shoulders.
“Please, thinking something might be wrong with you is killing me” He whispers, staring at me, eyes glossy and hurt.
I sigh “ I forgot to take my birth control”
His face falls and turns pale, he steps back and grabs the top of his head.
“You’re pr-pregnant?” He stutters and looks me up and down.
“No, I thought I was but the doctor told me I wasn’t” I smile small and stare at my feet.
“Oh thank god” He drops himself onto the end of the bed and takes three deep breathes of relief.
“Nice” I say staccato. Would me being pregnant really be that horrible? He makes it seem like the most awful thing.
I walk out of the room. He follows me at instant, “I didn’t mean it like that”
“It’s fine Harry” I open the fridge and take out a bottle of water.
“Do you want to have a kid? Right now?” He continues to question me
“No, and you clearly don’t want to either”
“So what’s wrong?” He walks up closer to me. I walk the opposite way and feel a dizzy rush over me. I close my eyes and open them again, things start blurring.
“Nothings wrong I just want to be alone” I start for the bedroom, and then it hits, nausea, dizziness and the feeling of throwing up. I’m not pregnant so why do I feel like this.
“Nina” Harry rushes to my side and examines me, suddenly I feel hot, quickly I start removing clothes “ You’re burning up” He feels my head and the assists me with removing.
I think and come up with the answer “ I took 5 birth control pills today”
“You’re fucking kidding right? How could you be so stupid” He yells at me.
That’s enough, all the criticism and being called stupid and dumb today gets to me. I fall onto the bed and release all the built up tears into the pillow. I know I’m not going to die, Tia overdosed on birth control once, she just got sick for a few days. But the pressure from thinking I’m pregnant to Harry being more than happy I’m not and now this. I’m exhausted.
I feel the bed shift under Harry’s weight “Please don’t cry” He strokes my back and places his head on my shoulder blade. “I’m sorry baby, please stop”
I actually just want to be alone for once. “Go away” I manage through sobs. I know he wont leave from me telling him to simply go away.
“I. Want. To.” *Breath* “ Be. Alone” I squirm away from him and without looking at him, I know he’s hurt. He bends over and plants a gentle, soft kiss on my head before exiting the bed.
“You can sleep or lay there for the rest of the night, but I’m not leaving the room, you’re sick and I want to be here if anything happens” He walks over and sits on the large plush chair. I take a deep breath and slip under the covers, removing all clothes left. Leaving me naked, I close my eyes and cuddle into the fabric, it’s not the same without Harry.
“Come lay with me” I say, “Please” I hear him stand and walk back over to me. He slips off his clothes and slides into bed with me.
His arms snake around my waist, pulling me close. I smile, even though I feel sick he makes it somewhat better.
“You’re a pain in the ass you know that?” He whispers half smiling
“I know, but you know I love you right?” I snuggle into him with closed tired eyes.
“Harry” I moan as his kisses linger down my neck, past each breast and down my stomach.
He reaches my sex and brushes two fingers past my clit; I arch my back and squirm my legs.
“Stay still baby” He warns and anchors my legs down with his hands. I listen and try to stay as still as possible while his tongue moves to work.
“Ah” He circles his tongue around and around me, I wither under his touch. I lose my hands in his hair, grabbing knots of it and pulling gently.
“Harry please” I beg for harder entrance. He smirks and hovers over me; he brushes his lips along my collarbone as I latch my arms around his neck. In one swift motion he enters himself inside me. I moan quietly as he starts moving.
“Nina” He breathes against my cheek “Harder Harry please” I beg and he obliges rocking the bedpost against the wall. I scream and throw my arms to my side clenching the sheets and arching my back. “Don’t stop,” I slur into his ear. He slows and our body’s flip, now me on top of him, I bounce my hips up and down, back and forth on his length. He steadies me by placing his hands on my waist tightly. Slowly I rock back and forth as his breathing becomes heavier and small moans leave his mouth. He sits up and I continue riding him, his hands meet at the small in my back as his mouth runs over my breasts. I throw my head back.
“Baby” He whispers “This feels so good” He groans. He was right, it felt amazing, having sex with someone you are in love with makes it a thousand times better. “Fu-Fuck Harry” I curl my toes in as I find my release, Harry’s body tenses up and I feel his open mouth against my skin and then heavy panting.
---------
“Morning beautiful” I slowly open my eyes to a gleaming Harry, the sun reaching his eyes through the half shut blinds. I complain at the early awakening.
“It’s 6:45, I have work today” He kisses my forehead. I wrap my arms around his midsection “Don’t go, stay with me” I oblige
He laughs quietly “ I wish, love, I wish” I pout and his mouth lands on mine. His hands travel along my back and rest on my backside.
“As much as I’d like to stay in bed with my beautiful girlfriend all day, we have to start getting ready for the tour” He replies saddened. Ah, yes the dreaded tour I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about.
“Ok, have fun at work, I love you” I turn away from him and shove my head back into the pillow. He leaves tender kisses along my shoulder and down my arm before leaving the room.
----
I arch my back and stretch before leaving the room. I see Dani, El, Tia and the baby, sitting in the living room.
Tia gently plays with tiny Ella’s arm.
“You look happy” El scans over my body with her eyes. I smile
“We all heard you and Harry last night” Dani jokes and laughs loudly.
Shit.. “Oh boy” I cover my face with my hands
“You guys are safe…right?” El gives me a concerning face. I was about to answer when Tia says, “Yeah, she’s on the pill, right Nina?”
“Of course!” I reply, I would never be able to raise a child now, neither would Harry. Frankly the thought is scary.
“Good cause you guys were going pretty hard” Dani winks childishly at Tia.
I ignore her comment and quickly swoop down to pick up the smiling infant.
“I think I’m happy with you being the only baby in the group” I kiss the child tenderly on the forehead as she opens her big brown eyes at me.
“I’ll be right back” I hand the baby to Tia and run back into Harry’s room. I scatter all the things on the floor and quickly recover the pink packet of birth control pills. Shit shit shit…. I stare blankly at the 5 pills there… that shouldn’t be there…
Quickly I swallow them down with a sip of old water present on the side table. I should be okay right? I mean it takes allot to get pregnant. I feel the sweat beads push through the skin on my forehead, how could I be so stupid. I literally have one job. Nevertheless I should still go see a doctor to be double sure..
I pick up my phone and contemplate calling Harry, but he’s in an interview with Zayn, and Liam, I don’t want to worry him. I rub my temples, I don’t want Tia to freak out as well. Fuck I’m in London.. I don’t even know where a doctor’s place is. Still though, I can’t leave without telling people where I am.
I take the phone and click on Louis’ contact, thankfully he didn’t have work today.
“Shello?” He answers. I gulp down quickly
“Hey, Louis can I ask of a favor from you?” My voice is shaky and nervous.
“Nina, what’s the matter?” He asks confused and concerned.
“Um, can you take me to the doctors?” I close my eyes and breathe through my nose.
He pauses and doesn’t talk for a few seconds “What’s wrong Nina” He says sternly.
“Please Louis, I’ll explain later” I clench the phone with both hands.
“Are you sick?” He’s reluctant. I sigh “Not exactly, look, I’d go myself but I’m not exactly in my fucking country” I snap annoyed at him
“Meet me at my car and I’ll take you now, I’m just upstairs” I hear a set of keys clang together.
“Please don’t tell anyone you’re taking me Lou, I don’t want to worry anyone” I ask sincerely
-----
I step into the car with a very aggravated Louis in the drivers seat.
“Talk, now” He says while pulling out of the parking lot. I look down at my fingers, each one tangled with each other.
“I forgot to take my birth control pills” I admit foolishly.. I don’t know how I could be so stupid.
His eyes snap open, I have my head turned to the side but the went so wide I could see them.
“Oh boy” He whispers and runs his left hand through his hair “How could you be so dumb?” He half yells and at first I’m taken back but then I know he’s right.
“I don’t know, I just forgot” I lean my head against the window, it feels like he’s my father and I’m some petty teenager.
He makes a left hand turn “Does Harry know?” He asks, voice softer but still angry.
“No!” I gasp “I don’t know if I am, I don’t want to put attention on something that isn’t 100%”
He rubs his temples “What if you are?” he says quietly
I shrug “ Then I am” Honestly if I am I don’t know what I would do, I cant be, I cant to that to Harry.
I feel a tear run down my left cheek, I frantically rub it away and try to prevent anymore from developing, crying in front of Lou isn’t on my to do list today. Unfortunately he notices my state and grabs my hand, softly squeezing it.
The rest of the trip is silent.
-----
He pulls into the lot of a white building.. here we go.
I walk behind him in silence. We arrive at the receptionist desk and he tells the lady behind the glass my name. Thank god the place is close to empty, I don’t want a TMZ special on Lou and I at the doctors.
“Vinci” She calls out after 20 minutes of waiting I stand and look at Louis “ Come with me please” I practically beg.
I follow her into a confined room “The doctor will be with you momentarily please lay up there” I sit myself up on the stretcher/bed/counter I’m not sure what it’s called but it’s not comfortable.
“You look more nervous than I do” I say to the quiet Louis sitting patiently in the corner.
“I’m worried for you, and Harry. He’s not mature enough for a child, for fuck sakes Dani just had Ella and Liam isn’t ready for a child and now he’s stuck with one. A baby is a lifetime commitment Nina! You and Harry shouldn’t be having sex if you aren’t being safe” He develops three wrinkles on his forehead. I’ve never seen him so serious.
“I know Louis I’ve had the talk about sex and It was an accident” I try to fight back but I know I’m the wrong one in this situation.
He opens his mouth to talk when the doctor walks through the door.
“Miss Vinci! I’m Doctor Thomas, how may I help you today” She glances from me to Louis and I know she recognizes us and is trying hard not to be effected by our presence. It’s somewhat awkward.
“I forgot to take some of my birth control pills” I avoid her gaze, she brings her hands up “Say no more, I can to a quick test to see if you are pregnant”
She looks through a cabinet and hands me a test with a cup and a big ol smile.
“And would this be the father?” She looks over to Louis, all color drains from his face, it makes me laugh “No, he’s just a friend”
“Doctor, I’ve been told tests aren’t always 100% right, could we do something else so I know if I am or not for sure?” I suggest. I just want to get to the bottom of this.
“Oh, surely. I can do a ultrasound and tell you if you are or not, If you’d kindly lay back and reveal your stomach”
I do as I am told and roll my shirt up to below my breast. She brings a contraption over and squirts blue gel on my navel. It’s a weird sensation, very cold. I notice Lou has stood up and is watching intensely.
“Here we go” She starts moving the probe around my tummy and everything becomes too real. She pushes hard on my skin and it becomes somewhat painful. I look to see the gel spread all around.
“Hmm” She hums and pushes harder. My nerves are killing me. I push my hands against my temples.
“Nina, I don’t believe you are pregnant, I cant find anything that says you are” She removes the probe from my tummy and hands me some paper towel. Louis lets out a breath of relief, and I wipe off the blue gel.
“Thank you” I shake the doctors hand before the exits the room.
---
“That was too close” I say as we return to the complex
“You’re telling me, go inside, Harrys’ home and I’m sure he’s wondering where you are” He dismisses me.
I’m happy, I’m in a good mood, I’ m not pregnant I don’t have to worry about getting fat and swollen and caring for a child.
My mood changes when I open the door to a very cross Harry.
“Where have you been? And why are you all over the media photographed going into the doctors with Lou?” He snarls at me.
I open my mouth but nothing comes out.
“Nina” He says calmer but still mad “What’s wrong with you please tell me”
“Nothing Harry” I say simply hoping he’ll drop the conversation
“Why did you go to the doctors?” He presses on, following me into the bedroom. I take off my coat and throw my purse on the chair.
“You’re my girlfriend, I have the right to know what is going on” He grabs my shoulders.
“Please, thinking something might be wrong with you is killing me” He whispers, staring at me, eyes glossy and hurt.
I sigh “ I forgot to take my birth control”
His face falls and turns pale, he steps back and grabs the top of his head.
“You’re pr-pregnant?” He stutters and looks me up and down.
“No, I thought I was but the doctor told me I wasn’t” I smile small and stare at my feet.
“Oh thank god” He drops himself onto the end of the bed and takes three deep breathes of relief.
“Nice” I say staccato. Would me being pregnant really be that horrible? He makes it seem like the most awful thing.
I walk out of the room. He follows me at instant, “I didn’t mean it like that”
“It’s fine Harry” I open the fridge and take out a bottle of water.
“Do you want to have a kid? Right now?” He continues to question me
“No, and you clearly don’t want to either”
“So what’s wrong?” He walks up closer to me. I walk the opposite way and feel a dizzy rush over me. I close my eyes and open them again, things start blurring.
“Nothings wrong I just want to be alone” I start for the bedroom, and then it hits, nausea, dizziness and the feeling of throwing up. I’m not pregnant so why do I feel like this.
“Nina” Harry rushes to my side and examines me, suddenly I feel hot, quickly I start removing clothes “ You’re burning up” He feels my head and the assists me with removing.
I think and come up with the answer “ I took 5 birth control pills today”
“You’re fucking kidding right? How could you be so stupid” He yells at me.
That’s enough, all the criticism and being called stupid and dumb today gets to me. I fall onto the bed and release all the built up tears into the pillow. I know I’m not going to die, Tia overdosed on birth control once, she just got sick for a few days. But the pressure from thinking I’m pregnant to Harry being more than happy I’m not and now this. I’m exhausted.
I feel the bed shift under Harry’s weight “Please don’t cry” He strokes my back and places his head on my shoulder blade. “I’m sorry baby, please stop”
I actually just want to be alone for once. “Go away” I manage through sobs. I know he wont leave from me telling him to simply go away.
“I. Want. To.” *Breath* “ Be. Alone” I squirm away from him and without looking at him, I know he’s hurt. He bends over and plants a gentle, soft kiss on my head before exiting the bed.
“You can sleep or lay there for the rest of the night, but I’m not leaving the room, you’re sick and I want to be here if anything happens” He walks over and sits on the large plush chair. I take a deep breath and slip under the covers, removing all clothes left. Leaving me naked, I close my eyes and cuddle into the fabric, it’s not the same without Harry.
“Come lay with me” I say, “Please” I hear him stand and walk back over to me. He slips off his clothes and slides into bed with me.
His arms snake around my waist, pulling me close. I smile, even though I feel sick he makes it somewhat better.
“You’re a pain in the ass you know that?” He whispers half smiling
“I know, but you know I love you right?” I snuggle into him with closed tired eyes.
Notes
A LITTLE CHANGE
WAAAAH
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@march5th
Please update again pwease!
2/22/16