Sweet Disaster
Chapter Ten
Harrys P.O.V
I open up my eyes to see Emma sitting next to me while I'm laying in this uncomfortable bed. It takes me a minute to remember what happened. I have leukemia. How is this even possible? It feels like any minute now some guy is going to pop out of nowhere saying "surprise, you've just been punked."
"Hey.." I say hoarsely. I sound awfully. Emma lifts her head up from the edge of my bed and smiles brightly.
"Oh my god, Harry, you're up. I was so worried the doctor wouldn't tell me what happened to you," she says while awkwardly hugging me.
So she doesn't know. Good one less person feeling pity for me. Wait she was there when Dr. Green told me the dreadful news. How does she not know what happened to me? Did she not hear him?
"You were there. You were there when I went to Dr. Greens office--"
"Well yeah you were acting so weird so I decided to follow you and when I got to his office I saw you falling to the ground. How are you feeling? Is anything hurting?"
"I'm fine. Nothing hurts." Lies. All lies. My heart hurts. "Is my mom here?" I ask wearily.
"Uhh yeah she just left to go talk to the doctor. He wouldn't tell her what's wrong with you either. She's a lovely lady by the way. Very sweet," she smiles while thinking about my mom.
My mom is sweet. She is lovely. She's just amazing. But when she finds out the truth she's going to be crushed. There's no way to prevent any of this to happen. Guess this is what you call 'fate'
"Yeah she's incredible. Hey, shouldn't you be resting? You were just in an accident like 2 days ago," I say trying to ease the tension in the room. I can tell she's trying to figure out what's wrong with me but I cant tell her. I don't want her knowing what's wrong with me. She'll treat me differently just like the others will once they find out.
"No, I'll be fine. Harry, don't avoid this question okay? What happened to you in there? Why did you faint like that.. Is something wrong?"
Is something wrong? Yes.. Everything is wrong. Am I going to tell you? No I'm not.
"Oh that? That was nothing. I've just not been taking care of myself. Not a big deal you don't need to worry," I smile at her.
"Alright if you say so. I'm going to go get your mom," she says unconvinced but she doesn't push me to tell her what's wrong. That's Emma for you. She knows when not to push someone. If they want to talk than they'll talk. She gets up and leaves the room. Now I'm left all alone with my thoughts. My dark, dark thoughts. After today everything is going to change. Nothing will remain the same. The boys.. How are they going to take this? This bullshit isn't only going to ruin my life but it's going to ruin theirs too. Their careers.. I obviously have to leave the band. What will they do? Will they stay together too? Will they keep going on with their lives without me?
"Harry?" I hear my beautiful moms voice.
"Hey, mom." I want to break down crying now. She goes and sits down where Emma was sitting just moments ago.
"Harry, what's going on? Please tell me the truth. The doctor said it's not his place to tell me what's wrong with you. That you'll tell me. So please tell me, I am so worried."
"Mom.. I--I don't know how to tell you," I say. I can feel the tears rolling down my face. This is harder than I thought.
"Oh, love.. please don't cry. It's okay. Everything will be okay. Don't cry," she says while wiping my tears away. I'm so stupid. How could I think I could keep this from my mom? She's going to be devastated but I got to tell her. She has the right to know.
I grab onto her hand, "Mom.. I-- I have Leukemia. It's.. It's a fast spreading type of Leukemia an--" she puts her hand over my mouth causing me to stop talking. She gets up, turns her back to me and runs her hand through her hair.
"Stop. Harry just stop," she turns around to face me, "tell me you're kidding. Tell me this is a big joke and that you're fine. That nothings wrong."
"I cant do that. I cant tell you that, mom. I have Leukemia. I cant change that. Trust me if I could than I would but I cant. This is reality." It finally hits me. I have Leukemia and there's nothing I can do to change that. It's time that I accept the facts.
"My boy. My dear boy. Why is this happening to you.. Happening to us? I--I don't know what to say," she slowly walks back to the chair and sits down putting her head in her hands. Her shoulders start to shak making me realise that she's crying. She's cried so much this week cause of me. I put my hand on top of her head.
"Please don't cry, mom. I won't be able to take it. Just.. don't cry. Everything will be okay. I'll be fine. We'll talk to all of the greatest doctors. I'm not going to leave you this quickly. You can't get rid of me so easily," I let out a laugh trying to lighten up the mood. Little does she know that none of those words I just spoke are true. I'm not going to get better. I'm just going to get worse and worse until.. I die.
"It's funny. Shouldn't I be comforting you right now instead of the other way around? Of course you're going to be fine. You're so strong! I'm not going to let anything happen to you. You're my little boy for heavens sake! You're too young for any of this. I won't let anything harm you. I promise you that. I'll talk to the top of doctors. You WILL get better. No matter what anyone says. And I'm going to be here by your side for all of this. I won't leave your side."
"That's all I want to hear, mom. That you're going to be here. You being here is all I want, you're what I need right now."
She sits up straight and wipes her tears, "I'm here honey. I'm here to stay! Okay first of all we need to call Gemma and get her to come here. Oh dear, the boys. We have to call the boys here too. Louis hasn't even came back since the day of the car accident. He has no idea what's going on."
"That's the thing, mom. No one knows what's going on. When you call everyone here don't tell them anything okay? I want to tell them. I want to tell them face to face. I need to apologize for being so distant. For being a jerk to them most of the time. I just.. I have so much to do."
"Okay you need to stop. You're acting like you're never going to speak to them again. They'll understand you all are like brothers and brothers stick together no matter what. There's one thing bothering me, Harry," she says. Shit, I think I know what she's talking about, "did you know that you have.. that you have Leukemia beforehand?"
"No! Of course I didn't know. I had a hunch though. Remember when I started to get really sick? Four months ago?" She nods, "yeah well I went to the doctors and they did all these tests but they all said that I was fine so I was like "okay nothings wrong with me" but in the back of my mind I always knew that something was wrong with me. Dr. Green told me to come back after four months so he can run the tests again and here we are."
"Oh my baby. Why didn't you tell me before when all of this started?" I look her in the eyes and see that she is genuinely worried about me. I don't see pity or sympathy.
"I.. I didn't want you to feel bad for me. I didn't want to be treated differently and you would've gotten so worried if I had told you when I first went in to get the tests done. I didn't want you to worry!" I say but once I say the words out loud I realise how stupid I sound. How could I have not told my own mother something like this? Something that could change all of our lives. I guess I thought I could handle it on my own.
"Don't ever say that again, Harry. I'm your mother. I have every right to be worried about you. I want you to promise me to tell me everything that is going on in your life from now on. Do you promise?"
"Yes of course, mom. I'm so sorry."
"Its okay, darling don't be sorry. Everything will be fine. I'm going to go call everyone," she says while getting up giving me a kiss on the forehead and walking out the door. She's trying to stay strong for me. I know for a fact on the inside she's breaking piece by piece. All cause of me.
Now the hard part is over.
But telling the boys? And Gemma? .. How am I going to do this on my own.
I open up my eyes to see Emma sitting next to me while I'm laying in this uncomfortable bed. It takes me a minute to remember what happened. I have leukemia. How is this even possible? It feels like any minute now some guy is going to pop out of nowhere saying "surprise, you've just been punked."
"Hey.." I say hoarsely. I sound awfully. Emma lifts her head up from the edge of my bed and smiles brightly.
"Oh my god, Harry, you're up. I was so worried the doctor wouldn't tell me what happened to you," she says while awkwardly hugging me.
So she doesn't know. Good one less person feeling pity for me. Wait she was there when Dr. Green told me the dreadful news. How does she not know what happened to me? Did she not hear him?
"You were there. You were there when I went to Dr. Greens office--"
"Well yeah you were acting so weird so I decided to follow you and when I got to his office I saw you falling to the ground. How are you feeling? Is anything hurting?"
"I'm fine. Nothing hurts." Lies. All lies. My heart hurts. "Is my mom here?" I ask wearily.
"Uhh yeah she just left to go talk to the doctor. He wouldn't tell her what's wrong with you either. She's a lovely lady by the way. Very sweet," she smiles while thinking about my mom.
My mom is sweet. She is lovely. She's just amazing. But when she finds out the truth she's going to be crushed. There's no way to prevent any of this to happen. Guess this is what you call 'fate'
"Yeah she's incredible. Hey, shouldn't you be resting? You were just in an accident like 2 days ago," I say trying to ease the tension in the room. I can tell she's trying to figure out what's wrong with me but I cant tell her. I don't want her knowing what's wrong with me. She'll treat me differently just like the others will once they find out.
"No, I'll be fine. Harry, don't avoid this question okay? What happened to you in there? Why did you faint like that.. Is something wrong?"
Is something wrong? Yes.. Everything is wrong. Am I going to tell you? No I'm not.
"Oh that? That was nothing. I've just not been taking care of myself. Not a big deal you don't need to worry," I smile at her.
"Alright if you say so. I'm going to go get your mom," she says unconvinced but she doesn't push me to tell her what's wrong. That's Emma for you. She knows when not to push someone. If they want to talk than they'll talk. She gets up and leaves the room. Now I'm left all alone with my thoughts. My dark, dark thoughts. After today everything is going to change. Nothing will remain the same. The boys.. How are they going to take this? This bullshit isn't only going to ruin my life but it's going to ruin theirs too. Their careers.. I obviously have to leave the band. What will they do? Will they stay together too? Will they keep going on with their lives without me?
"Harry?" I hear my beautiful moms voice.
"Hey, mom." I want to break down crying now. She goes and sits down where Emma was sitting just moments ago.
"Harry, what's going on? Please tell me the truth. The doctor said it's not his place to tell me what's wrong with you. That you'll tell me. So please tell me, I am so worried."
"Mom.. I--I don't know how to tell you," I say. I can feel the tears rolling down my face. This is harder than I thought.
"Oh, love.. please don't cry. It's okay. Everything will be okay. Don't cry," she says while wiping my tears away. I'm so stupid. How could I think I could keep this from my mom? She's going to be devastated but I got to tell her. She has the right to know.
I grab onto her hand, "Mom.. I-- I have Leukemia. It's.. It's a fast spreading type of Leukemia an--" she puts her hand over my mouth causing me to stop talking. She gets up, turns her back to me and runs her hand through her hair.
"Stop. Harry just stop," she turns around to face me, "tell me you're kidding. Tell me this is a big joke and that you're fine. That nothings wrong."
"I cant do that. I cant tell you that, mom. I have Leukemia. I cant change that. Trust me if I could than I would but I cant. This is reality." It finally hits me. I have Leukemia and there's nothing I can do to change that. It's time that I accept the facts.
"My boy. My dear boy. Why is this happening to you.. Happening to us? I--I don't know what to say," she slowly walks back to the chair and sits down putting her head in her hands. Her shoulders start to shak making me realise that she's crying. She's cried so much this week cause of me. I put my hand on top of her head.
"Please don't cry, mom. I won't be able to take it. Just.. don't cry. Everything will be okay. I'll be fine. We'll talk to all of the greatest doctors. I'm not going to leave you this quickly. You can't get rid of me so easily," I let out a laugh trying to lighten up the mood. Little does she know that none of those words I just spoke are true. I'm not going to get better. I'm just going to get worse and worse until.. I die.
"It's funny. Shouldn't I be comforting you right now instead of the other way around? Of course you're going to be fine. You're so strong! I'm not going to let anything happen to you. You're my little boy for heavens sake! You're too young for any of this. I won't let anything harm you. I promise you that. I'll talk to the top of doctors. You WILL get better. No matter what anyone says. And I'm going to be here by your side for all of this. I won't leave your side."
"That's all I want to hear, mom. That you're going to be here. You being here is all I want, you're what I need right now."
She sits up straight and wipes her tears, "I'm here honey. I'm here to stay! Okay first of all we need to call Gemma and get her to come here. Oh dear, the boys. We have to call the boys here too. Louis hasn't even came back since the day of the car accident. He has no idea what's going on."
"That's the thing, mom. No one knows what's going on. When you call everyone here don't tell them anything okay? I want to tell them. I want to tell them face to face. I need to apologize for being so distant. For being a jerk to them most of the time. I just.. I have so much to do."
"Okay you need to stop. You're acting like you're never going to speak to them again. They'll understand you all are like brothers and brothers stick together no matter what. There's one thing bothering me, Harry," she says. Shit, I think I know what she's talking about, "did you know that you have.. that you have Leukemia beforehand?"
"No! Of course I didn't know. I had a hunch though. Remember when I started to get really sick? Four months ago?" She nods, "yeah well I went to the doctors and they did all these tests but they all said that I was fine so I was like "okay nothings wrong with me" but in the back of my mind I always knew that something was wrong with me. Dr. Green told me to come back after four months so he can run the tests again and here we are."
"Oh my baby. Why didn't you tell me before when all of this started?" I look her in the eyes and see that she is genuinely worried about me. I don't see pity or sympathy.
"I.. I didn't want you to feel bad for me. I didn't want to be treated differently and you would've gotten so worried if I had told you when I first went in to get the tests done. I didn't want you to worry!" I say but once I say the words out loud I realise how stupid I sound. How could I have not told my own mother something like this? Something that could change all of our lives. I guess I thought I could handle it on my own.
"Don't ever say that again, Harry. I'm your mother. I have every right to be worried about you. I want you to promise me to tell me everything that is going on in your life from now on. Do you promise?"
"Yes of course, mom. I'm so sorry."
"Its okay, darling don't be sorry. Everything will be fine. I'm going to go call everyone," she says while getting up giving me a kiss on the forehead and walking out the door. She's trying to stay strong for me. I know for a fact on the inside she's breaking piece by piece. All cause of me.
Now the hard part is over.
But telling the boys? And Gemma? .. How am I going to do this on my own.
Notes
Okkkkk sooo here it is. Chapter Ten. :D I have the next chapter already thought about and it'll be out tomorrow. :) On a serious note. Does anyone watch Teen Wolf on here? Cause if you do.. OHMYGOD! I am still crying from watching it and I watched it 5 hours ago. It was too much to handle. I just cant take it! This episode was far most the saddest one. I have never cried so hard. Well I have for the movies walk to remember and the titanic but this teen wolf episode is literally on my top 3 favourites. I keep re watching it hoping that some how the ending will change. :'( Anyone else as sad as me?:/If you want to chat about it or you just wanna talk about anything.Than follow me on twitter. My username is TheFanGirl_98 . I just made it like 2 days ago. :) Love you allll! Byeee <3
Chapter 11 was soo good and definitely a nice touch with the gifs Ugghh how are the others going to react? I love how supportive they are of his situation. This chapter was emotional I loved it!
3/21/14