Show Me The Way

ZAYN’S POV:

Bright blinding lights, just like the ones I saw through the driver’s side of the car, shine directly in my face.

Am I still in the car?

No, no way. There’s beeping, and voices, but they’re whispering. And there’s some sort of pressure on my right leg. And jesus, my throat burns like a motherfucker. And-

Evie

Shit! SHIT! Evie? What the hell happened?!

“Evie?” I mutter, unable to speak at a normal volume.

“He’s awake!” I hear my mother’s voice exclaim. Suddenly, there are people holding onto my hands and more voice, at least four. But none of them are her’s.

“Evie?” I say, hopefully louder this time.

“Shh, Zayn, don’t talk right now. You’re gonna be fine.”

“Mum?”

“It’s me. Just stay still, sweetie.”

But I can stay still, I can’t think about anything else other than the fact that no one will answer my damn question!

“Is she alright? I need to know.”

There is a pause, and I’m petrified that they’re all just to nervous to tell me the truth. I open my eyes more, adjusting to the bright lights, and look around at the faces of doctors, nurses, my mother, sisters, and even my father.

“She’s gonna be alright.” My mum said quietly, patting my hand that she still clutched.

Her response didn’t put me at ease. If anything, it just scared me more.

- -

I was forced to go through numerous tests, a mountain of paperwork, and a visit from my entire family, until I could sit down with my doctor and be told exactly what happened.

It was a car accident, that much I knew. I was told that they still weren’t sure what brought it on, and that the driver of the other car was unharmed, and fled the scene immediately. The doctor would tell me next to nothing about Evie, which just made me hate the bastard.

“Can I go see her?” The guy looked at me like I was insane.

“Zayn, you’ve got a broken leg, at least two broken ribs, plus the bruising is pretty bad. We’re still running tests to make sure there are no internal inguries. So no, you can’t go see her.”

“Well when do you think i’ll be able to?” I asked, trying to stay as calm as possible. The way to get this guy to help me wasn’t by yelling at him, I knew that.

“She’s in a different room, going through the same process you had to, and then when all that’s finished, i’ll let you know. Alright?”

“Do I have a choice?”

He chuckled, like I was making a joke. “No, not really.”

I tried to relax, but it was impossible. I tried replaying what happened, but my memory always cut off right after seeing those headlights. Evie and I had just made up, I was drunk, tipsy maybe… but what the hell happened? She had been driving alright, I think? I remember swerving slightly right before I saw the other car, but that’s it.

Shit, I wish I could just remember. But most of all, I wish I could just see eher. If I could see her, then at least I would know she was alright, and be able to start moving past this. I don’t even care what the hell happened, as long as she’s okay.

* * *

EVIE’S POV:

“Can you please follow this light with your eyes?”

“Do you know your full name?”

“Do you know the date?”

“Had you been drinking?”

“Do you remember what happened?”

“Are you in any pain?”

The questions seemed to go on for hours. I tried my best to answer them, but the only thing I could think about was Zayn. He had passed out in the car. I remember just sitting in the car, the front window smashed, my seatbelt uncomfortably tight across my body, crying uncontrolably as I gripped onto him, praying he would wake up. There was blood on my arms, on his face, on both of our shirts. I couldn’t stop crying. Even after the ambulence arrived, even after we were both out of the car, even once we got to the hospital. I could not get myself to stop crying.

Because I know

I know what I did.

And I know that this is all my fault.

“Miss. Baylor?” A nurse asked, stepping into the room where they had placed me a few hours ago. “We’re still running a few tests. But your boyfriend is awake. He’s already spoken to his doctor and family. But he was asking for you.”

“I can see him?!” I exclaimed, practically jumping out of the bed they had made me lie down in, despite the fact that I didn’t have any major injuries.

“Yes, follow me.” I shuffled behind her down the hall, just a few doors down from my own. She was gone before my hand even touched the doorknob. My heart was suddenly pounding, I was petrified of what might be on the other side of this door. I knew he was hurt, but I had no idea how badly. But that wasn’t what scared me the most.

I had to tell him, before anyone else found out.

I opened the door slowly, trying to calm down my erratic breathing.

“Mum?” Zayn’s voice was quiet and husky, but I still would recognize it anywhere. I opened the door further until he saw me.

“Evie!” He said, with about as much enthusiasm as I assumed he could muster up. “Get over here. Jesus, i’ve been waiting forever to be able to see you, they wouldn’t tell me a damn thing. I’m just so glad you’re alright, babe.” I took a few tentative steps into the room, making sure to shut the door behind me. I sniffled, already feeling the tears burning my eyes. I wasn’t going to be able to get through this without crying, that much was obvious.

I did my best to look up at him without breaking into hysterics. He looked a wreck; there was a cast on his leg, a large bandage on his shoulder, and cuts and bruises across his skin.

“Oh my god, Zayn-” I said, being cut short by the knot that had formed in my chest. I couldn’t help it, I just let the tears fall. I rushed over to the side of his hospital bed, reaching out to touch him, but stopping myself.

“It’s alright, babe. I’m okay. Come here.” He lifted a hand and took mine, pulling me down towards him. Tears continued to fall, hitting his sheets and hospital gown and skin as he kissed me, moving his other hand to gently stroke my cheek. “You’re here…you’re okay… thank god…” He breathed as he kissed me. I wanted to throw my arms around him, but he looked so fragile right now, I was scared I would just make it worse.

“I was so scared, Zayn.” I cried when we finally pulled away from each other. “-I’m so sorry, i’m so so sorry-” I wiped my tears from his cheeks, thankful to just be able to touch him and see him.

“Hey, hey, stop it. There’s nothing to be sorry for. Shhhh…” I couldn’t take it anymore.

“But there is. I- This is all my fault.”

“Evie, you’re only saying that-”

“No, Zayn, you need to listen to me. I don’t know how long it’ll be before they come back so I need you to listen to me-” I pulled a chair up to the side of the bed, still holding onto his hand.

“You’re scaring me, what’s going on?” He tried to sit up but failed and flopped his head back onto the pillow.

I wiped my eyes, trying to compose myself. “Um, alright. I haven’t been sleeping well lately. Terribly, actually. I could barely stay asleep for a few hours, it was horrible. I was taking Nyquil for a few nights, and that helped, but I read some stuff online saying it’s really bad to take unless you really need it. I was desperate Zayn, I just needed some time to not have to think about it all, you know?” I paused, but he didn’t say a word. He just gripped onto my hand, looking at me intently. “- So, I found these pills that were Will’s, from right when we moved here. I think his therapist in Boston gave them to him… I remember he wasn’t able to sleep back then either. I would hear him in his room, or in the kitchen or something…” I was diverting, I knew this. I just needed a second before continuing. “So, I took one. And it worked, I slept through the night. I thought it was harmless, a one time thing. but then, It wasn’t. God, I hate myself. I’m so stupid. And I’m just so, so sorry.” I dropped my head to the mattress, still gripping onto Zayn’s hand for dear life. I felt like shit, complete shit. “- And I don’t want you to try and downplay this for me just to spare my feelings, I can’t let you do that. I know that this is my fault. And I know that nurse is going to come here any minute with my test results, and she’s going to know. And then Zoey is going to know, and god your Mom, she’s is going to hate me! But she has every right to-”

“Evie!” His voice was more forceful than before, louder. I snapped my head up, vision blurred by tears. “Look at me.” He said when my gaze drifted to the cast on his leg. I quickly went back to his face. “I am not going to blame you for this. I swear. No matter what you say, or how many time you try to convince me i’m wrong. I don’t care.” I tried to protest, but he stopped me. “You’ve been through hell, babe. And through it all, for as long as i’ve known you, you’ve stayed so strong. You’ve put on a brave face, and you’ve pushed through it. This shit with your brother, it was what pushed you over the edge. That’s nothing to be ashmaed of. If it were me, I would’ve crashed a long time ago. But not you, because you’re better than that. You’re so damn brave-” His voice cracked, showing his emotion, along with the glassiness of his eyes. I felt like my chest compressed, seeing him like this, it was my undoing. “- Listen to me, okay? You’re right, they are going to come in here with your test results. You’re going to have to be honest, and tell them the truth. But after that, i’m gonna help you. I’m gonna do whatever I have to do make both of us better again.” One single tear fell from his eye and I quickly brushed it away, never doing the same with my own.

“You’re too good for me. I know you always think it’s the other way around, but it’s not.” I continued to cry as I leaned down and pressed my lips firmly to his, trying to show him exactly what I was feeling in the simplest way possible.

“Don’t cut yourself short. Because it’s you who made me like this. Before you came along I was a stupid twat, never even been in love. Now look at me.” We both smiled against the other’s lips.

“God, I love you.” I breathed, stroking his stubbly cheek.

“Been waiting to hear you say that.”

How Zayn could smile and joke right now was beyond me. But I was so thankful for it I wouldn’t dare complain.

“We’re gonna be alright, you know?” He held onto my face with both hands, tubes and wires hooked up to him making this entire moment slightly more difficult.

“I hope so.” I muttered, tracing the outline of the tattoo on his wrist.

“We are. I know it.”

But before I could respond, I heard the door open. Both of our heads shot up and turned to see who was there. And just like I expected, a nurse stood in the doorway, a clipboard clutched to her chest and a stern look on her face.

“Evie Baylor? The police need to speak with you.”

I stod up, my entire body shaking as I got up form the chair and took a step away. But Zayn still hadn’t let go of my hand.

“I’m okay, the last thing you need to do is worry about me.”

“It’s the only thing I need to do.” He stroked my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “And after all of this, you and I are going to talk about exactly what happened. Because I can’t seem to remember shit.” I smiled, thankful for his light and playful tone. It contrasted terribly with the rest of the situation, but it did make me feel just a little bit better.

he always knew just what to say.

Notes