~NELLY'S POV~

His eyes softened and he got up to shut the door before coming back to me.

"I don't know what to do. " I said though my tears, which Niall wiped away.

"Me neither. But you could throw them away. Or burn them." He said.

"I'm just sick of him! I don't know what I ever did to have him so angry with me. And when I ask he doesn't give me an answer he just points out things about me." I cried to Niall who held me tight to him on my bed. I was curled up into his side.

"I know babe I am too, we all are. You didn't do anything he's just sick in the head. I know we've all said it but I actually think there's something loose up there." He said and rested his head on mine while mindlessly playing with my hair with one hand.

"I never thought off that in an actual serious way. I just thought he hated my guts." I muttered.

"No. He has no reason to if you haven't done anything. Look, how about we clean your room up? With all this clutter 'it' caused we can't think straight." Niall suggested with a small smile.

"Yeah, okay. Sounds like a plan." I agreed.

"Right, get your jamas or something on and I will be back in a minute." He said.

"Yes dad." I joked and got off the bed slowly.

"Good child." Niall played along. He left the room and I got changed into my comfy clothes.
http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=131942312

A few moments later he returned dressed in his sweatpants and a plain gray tshirt. Tucked behind his forearm was a bottle of vodka, a bottle of lemonade and he had two plastic cups.

"Thought it would help you calm down a bit. Today has been fucking hectic." He said and I gave a smile and a nod to agree and he passed me a cup and the bottles. I poured a bit of the vodka into the cup then finished it with lemonade, with Niall copying me after. I had a mouthful and sighed. The drink already started to calm me a bit.

"Let's do this." Niall said and we stood for a moment not knowing where to start. Liam and Zayn already cleared a hell of it and it's still bad.

I got to work on the wardrobes and Niall was disposing of the broken glass. My underwear draw was hanging open a bit but clearly no one had looked which I was thankful for. I fixed that along with the other draws that were pulled out and moved onto my wardrobe which looked like it had been bombed inside. Which I'm struggling to understand.

"I don't get how he made so much mess in such a short time." I sighed.

"I know, well it is Joe. He has his ways doesn't he." Niall said and I hummed in agreement before having more of my drink.

After we were completely done with re organizing my room to the way it was supposed to be, and there being about a quarter of a bottle of vodka gone between us, we stood staring at my bed where the bra and panties lay. I would have been awkwarded out with a boy seeing my underwear, in addition to where they're from... but is Niall and its almost impossible to be awkward or embarrassed around him. No matter how big of a deal the situation is i know he will always be there for me.

"What are we gonna do with them?" Niall asked softly with his head on mine and his arms around me. An idea came to mind.

"One sec." I said and ran downstairs to get a plastic bag from the kitchen.

"Hey." Kayleigh said with a smile which I returned; she had caught me en-route to upstairs.

"Hey, I'm sorry about before. I will tell you at some point though." I whispered to Kayleigh. and smiled to everyone in the room.

"Hey guys!" I said hoping they believed my overly happy tone of voice. I went upstairs before they could question me.

When Niall saw the bag he gave me a look. I put the underwear into the bag and tipped some of the vodka over them before tying the bag and knotting it.

"Come with me." I said wit the vodka in one hand and the bag in another. We got to the garden and I set the bag in an empty, metal trash can.

"Oh one moment." I said again and went back inside.

I got some kitchen paper and an old newspaper from like last week that we hadn't thrown out, which was laying on the coffee table. They all gave me funny looks but didn't question me and Niall was stood at the garden door waiting. I also gabbed a box of matches from the draw belleow the cutlery draw and went outside. When he saw the things I had collected, Niall had a look of realization on his face and he began tearing the newspaper up while I did the kitchen towel. When we finished that I grabbed the matches by Niall grabbed my hand before I could strike one.

"You know, burning this is burning the memory. You won't forget it but you can let it go." He said and kissed my head as a tear rolled down my cheek.

"I never thought of it like this. I thought of it as just getting rid of something he was tormenting me with. Your idea is a thousand time better. Thank you." I whispered and Niall held me tightly as if he thought I was gonna breakdown. I felt like I was gonna inside, but i kept it together for now.

"Your still right. But things like this should have meanings with them. I did something similar a few years ago and I'll tell you about it later if you want." He said and I nodded.

"Yeah. Let's just do this first." I said with a small smile and Niall grabbed a match too. We both lit them and stood back before dropping them into the trash can.

We stood there watching the fire blaze. I though about Niall's words. What Joe did, most of it is being let go of. Burning in the fire in front of us. It can't go completely though. I'd have to die with it, or Joe at least and I'm not a murderer and I'm definitely not gonna commit suicide.

"It doesn't smell good." Niall commented out of the blue and I laughed lightly.

"Yeah. I think its the plastic bag." I suggested.

"Yeah, that is the worst. I set a Walmart bag on fire once with the lads and almost died off the fumes." Niall said and I burst out laughing.

"Your so clever." I said sarcastically, still looking into the flames.

"I know. Your Jealous." Niall said cockily.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, you'll reach a dead end within your first mile." I shot back.

"Someone's been working on their come-back's." Niall smirked and I smacked his chest lightly.

"Hey." He said and I rested my head on his arm.

"Love you Niall." I sighed as our laughter died down.

"I love you too princess. You know that right?" He said as he held me close to him.

"Yeah and you know I love you don't you?" I asked his question back to him.

"Yeah. But I love you more." He said with a knowing smirk and I groaned.

"Not this again! I though we agreed a long time ago that we love eachother equally for the sake of not arguing about it." I said to him.

"I may or may not have crossed my fingers behind my back..." Niall said.

"Well, in that case you can think what you like but I love you more. I'm not arguing and that's that." I pouted and looked back at the fire. It was beginning to die down a bit.

"Well I know what I know. And I'm always right." Niall said.

"Yeah, that's why you thought it was a great idea to set a plastic Walmart bag on fire." I said cheekily and winked at him.

"Ha. Ha. You should think of stand up comedy." Niall said and I rolled my eyes. Finally, the fire stopped and I sighed. Niall got a metal rod from somewhere and poked around the trash can.

"All ashes now." He said in a serious tone.

"Well, let's go inside." He added and rubbed my arm lightly in a comforting way.

We went inside and the others all turned to us. They were watching Scrubs with a big ass bowl of mixed Doritos and dips between them.

"Well, what were you two doing out at this time of night? You could have been killed or...or...murdered." Ally said jokingly.

"You just said the same thing..." Harry laughed and nudged Ally who rolled her eyes and leaned her head against his arm. They've been getting closer each day, its adorable.

"I was-uh- just burning some old clothes I didn't want." I half lied.

"What?! You could have gave them to me! I love your clothes! I could do with some new-old outfits." El blurted which caused me to grin and chuckle.

"I promise you, on my next clear out." I promised and began on my way to go upstairs to shower and change clothes again.

"You smell of fire. And burning plastic." Sean commented and crinkled his nose.

"Thanks. And fire smells good. Burning plastic-not so much. Back soon." I said and went upstairs. I reached my room and sighed before sitting on my bed. Today has been so stressful. And chaotic.

"Knock knock." Kayleigh said and I looked up to see Sean behind her.

"Hey guys." I smiled. I know what this is about.

"We know something is wrong. We've known you long enough to be able to tell when my twin, and our best friend is worried or upset. We won't force it from you but were always there if you want to tell us. We know its not something stupid like a crush who doesn't like you back or something...obviously..." Sean trailed off. You could see the genuine worry in his eyes which is heartbreaking because he's such a free and outgoing spirit.

"Obviously...but even if we don't find out before we go you can always call us. Or Skype. Or whatever. I gave you our new numbers already. We hate seeing you so down. Your clearly bothered and all of us are worried." Kayleigh continued for him, also serious. I dragged them both into hugs.

"Yeah, us two are here on behalf of everyone downstairs too. They thought hat since we've known you longer that you'd like...I don't know..prefer it. They didn't put it like that I can't remember what they said. Damn British people with their long words." Sean said and I laughed.

"Hey. One of them is Irish!" Kayleigh laughed along.

"Niall knows. I will tell you soon, I just need to shower." I said.

"That you do. Smelly Nelly!" Sean shouted as he and Kayleigh left the room and I cracked a grin.

I went to my wardrobe and grabbed some random PJs that don't even match and some underwear and put them on my bed. I went to my window and locked it with the small key before pushing the bolt across. I closed the blinds and pulled the curtains over as well. Jeez, I don't even feel completely safe in my own bedroom. I frowned and went to the bathroom, stripped and stepped into the shower and let the steamy water drown out my thoughts.

After my shower, I dried and changed outfits for like, the third time today: http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=131943398
I towel dried my hair then brushed it and went downstairs to see what everyone was up to.

"Want something to eat?" Harry asked from the kitchen. Unexpectedly, my stomach growled.

"Take that as a yes." Harry commented with a smile and I laughed. I plopped down on the sofa next to Niall who's hair was tousled and damp so he'd clearly showered also. He looked really young and cute with his hair all messy and unkempt.

"How are you doing?" He asked quietly and I knew what he meant.

"Better. You said that you did something like this a few years ago..." I trailed off.

"Yeah, um I will tell you later when we go to bed." He said and I raised my eyebrows.

"We?" I said and Niall chuckled.

"Yeah. You know I love falling asleep next to you!" He admitted and I grinned.

"Good because I love sleeping next to you. Your an amazing cuddler...if that's even an actual word." I said.

"Its what I'm good at. I'm gifted in the hug/cuddle/snuggle department." Niall said sassily.

"Well sorry your a store." I said sarcastically.

"Your just too jealous of me." He brushed it off and put his arms around me.

"I am. Very." I smiled and snuggled into his side and waited for Harry to bring my food. A few minutes later, he came through to the living room.

"You like chilli cheese fries right?" Harry asked me already knowing the answer.

"Hell to the fucking yes!" I said and he gave me a bowl of it with a fork.

"Thank you so much Haz!" I said and dug in.

"Want some?" I asked Niall and he shook his head with one of those smiles that said 'thanks though' and I nodded. He seemed deep in thought about something; probably what he's gonna tell me later.

After I had eaten all of my food, which tasted fucking delicious, I took my bowl out and put them in the dishwasher. I got me and Niall a glass of water and we headed upstairs. We decided to stay in his room tonight.

"Just gonna brush my teeth, I will be in soon." I said and he nodded and took our glasses into his room. I just remembered that I was supposed to tell Kayleigh and Sean about what Joe did, but what Niall is gonna tell me seems a lot more important right now.

I did my teeth and swilled my mouth with mouthwash before getting my phone and my charger then went to Niall's room. He was looking through a small, pink, flowery box which had an unusual but pretty name on it. 'Dakota'. He was sat on his bed with it in front of him.

"Hey. What's this?" I asked softly, this obviously had vast meaning to him.

"Well, this is Dakota's box." He started and I urged his on with a smile.

"Beautiful name." I commented and he smiled.

"She was supposed to be my little sister." He added and showed me a picture of a baby scan. I had no idea he had a sister. I only knew he had a brother called Greg.

"What happened?" I asked him.

"She was still born. She didn't make it." He said and I felt like crying for him, honestly. Holy shit.

~NIALL'S POV~

I'm telling Nelly about Dakota. Your probably wondering where this is all coming from but we both let go of important things, at different times, in similar ways. I also realized that I knew everything about her and she didn't know all that much about me so it wasn't really fair.

"She was still born. She didn't make it." I said and I could see the shock and sadness in Nelly's eyes. She was sat opposite me on the other side of Dakota's box which was between us.

"Oh Niall." She said and came to sit next to me, rather than opposite me, and hugged me which I gladly returned.

"Well these are some things that were supposed to be hers. She was born on November 2nd two years ago. It probably seems weird that I kept some of her stuff, but it keeps her memory since we had none together. No brotherly advice or beating up horrible ex boyfriends for her, you know?" I chuckled at the thought and Nelly laughed.

"Its not weird at all. Its lovely. You would have been a fantastic brother to her, I can imagine you trying to keep the guys away from her." She giggled and I smiled.

"She was so cute. She looked so at peace lying there, I just don't know why she had to go. She hadn't even taken her first breath and she was already leaving us. No newborn screams or cries. Just an eerie silence." I said and my eyes brimmed up from the memory of see in her tiny, lifeless body. Nelly was smiling happily at the thought of Dakota until I got to the second part of the second sentence and she was holding back her own tears too. Mood killer alert.

"How did you let go of her?" Nelly asked quietly.

"A few days after my mom was let out from the hospital, me, Greg and my mom and Bobby, my stepdad each got something that would have been Dakota's, the thing we thought she would have liked the most." I started and a tear rolled down my cheek but Nelly wiped it away.

"And we went to a pretty meadow full of daisies and flowers. We knew she would have loved it there. We wrote our own personal message to her and tied it to the gift, then we tied a bunch of balloons to them. We waited a moment for the wind to pick up, then we let them go. We let the wind carry them and take them up to Dakota so she would have something with her from us. So she knew we loved her and would never forget her." I finished and we cried silently together for a moment.

"That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard Niall. I'm positive Dakota loved it. I-I'm sorry." Nelly said while she wiped her eyes.

"What for?" I asked her copying her actions.

"You had to go through that. You lost your little sister Niall, no one deserves such a thing." She said and I pulled her close.

"She's in a far better place though. No one can hurt her and I know she's happy." I said with a sad smile.

"I couldn't agree more." Nelly agreed. I went through the box with her.

"Its mainly just things like teddy's, toys, dummy's and bibs. And baby scans and...this." I said and passed Nelly a copy of the message I put with Dakota's gift. She read it slowly and took the words in.

-'To the most beautiful baby sister ever.

Even though I never got the chance to hold you or talk to you, I want you to know I love you and your the most beautiful baby sister I will ever have had. I'm so sad you never got a chance to have a life in this world with us all but I will never forget you Dakota, you'll always be in my heart when your not on my mind.

From your big brother Nialler xxx'-

She finished reading it and looked to me with sad eyes.

"That so beautiful." She said and she gave it back and i read over it.

"I think she would have had blue eyes and natural brown hair. Like you." She added with a smile.

"I couldn't agree more. I would have spoiled her and helped her get her own way when we both knew she wouldn't be allowed to do something... Like go to a party or something." I chuckled.

"I can imagine it. She would have been three years old in two months and 29 days, right?" Nelly said and I nodded.

"Yeah. Its cheesy but I've been keeping track of her birthdays on this little calendar." I said and pulled a small flip chart style calendar from the bottom of the box.

"Aw, its cute." She said and looked through the months from the beginning.

"Niall, this is probably a strange question..." She started probably checking that she can ask whatever it was first.

"Sure. Anything." I said to her.

"Well, what do you do for her birthday? Like, I completely get it if you don't do anything." She asked.

"I go to Ireland and spend a few days with my family. The meadow is in Ireland so I go there, on the date we let the gifts go, and I take a pink rose or a lily for her and leave a birthday note on the tree. Everyone knows its Dakota's tree so they don't go near it unless they are paying their respects. Seems silly because she's just a baby and she never got to live. But that's the thing. She's living all around us. Like, I can almost feel her presence some days." I said and Nelly nodded understanding.

"What do you do for Wes, your mom and dad?" I asked and my hand found hers.

"Well, I light a 24hour candle starting at 12am and let it burn for the full 24hours. I go to their graves and leave a white rose for my dad, a pink rose for my mom and a red rose for Wes. I visit their grave at 6pm because its the exact half of the day and I talk to them... I'm kinda OCD with the timing like, but yeah. Obviously I make sure no ones around or I'd get arrested for talking to myself. I pretty much dedicate that day to them, but not in the unhealthy and obsessive way, you know?" She said making sure I get her.

"Yeah. That's really, really nice. But you stay up for 24 full hours, three days a year?" I asked her.

"Yup. April 26th for my mom, December 19th for my dad and September 15th for Wesley." She said.

"My birthday is two days before Wes'." I smiled.

"Oh yeah! I forgot..."She said sheepishly.

"Your lucky I reminded you!" I joked and she pulled tongues.

We cuddled in silence for a bit, just enjoying the quietness.

"Today has been a long ass day." Nelly said.

"The longest." I agreed and sat up slowly so I could put Dakota's box away.

I put the things back in and put the lid on before putting it on the top shelf in my wardrobe. Nelly got herself comfy and waited for me with a warm smile. I turned the light off but I could still see her from the light that crept through the curtains. I went back to my bed and climbed in next to her before wrapping my arms around her slim waist and pulling her closer to me.

"I love you so much Nelly." I said to her meaning every word, as usual.

"I love you so much too Niall. Don't ever think twice about it." She replied and I kissed her soft lips.

"Goodnight princess." I said with her still in my arms but I loosened my grip slightly so she could move around freely.

"Goodnight to you to my prince." She said with a smile and snuggled into my chest as we went asleep in each others arms.

Notes

Awww! This chapter seriously gives me the feels.
What do you think of it? :)<3