-1 week later-
It’s hard without Harry here. However, I have a lot of motivation. I want to get back on tour as soon as I can. The police have been in contact with me. Apparently my dad has denied everything and there needs to be a court investigation to get him prosecuted as there is no evidence that it was him, apart from that note saying he was going to kill me and obviously that he was in the same house as my beaten body. It’s in a couple of weeks, and Harry has assured me that he’ll come back to support me. I need to speak, because I’m the victim. Harry also fell victim to him, so he will probably be asked to talk as well. I’m not looking forward to that. I’m not looking forward to facing my worst nightmare again. I just don’t want to do it.
I have to speak to lawyers and things to make sure that I know what to say when asked questions. Fitting that in as well as my therapy, which I need so much at the moment, and physio, is quite hard. I hate it. I hate that I have to give up my time and therapy sessions which are so vital just to make sure that an evil man is put away forever. If I could turn back time, I would never have gone out on New Year’s Eve, never come home with Harry. As much as he has changed my life and made it better, if I hadn’t have been with him that night, one of the most brutal beatings of my life wouldn’t have happened.
I have therapy today, and we’re going to go through what I should do when I face my dad. It’s not something I’m looking forward to, that’s for sure.
“Are you okay, honey?” Anne asked as I stared into space.
“Yeah, just lost in my thoughts,” I smiled at her, or at least tried.
“I know you miss him, and I know you’re scared. You don’t have to hide that from me,”
“I never thought it would be this hard, you know?” I replied.
“None of us did, he left for the X-Factor and never came home. We know you want to be on that tour, you want to be with him, but honestly, none of us believe you’re strong enough yet. The last time you went on tour with him, he was shot and you were taken away from him. Going back to that will only bring back memories that you’re not strong enough to block out yet. You need a home environment, you need to stay where the memories are good, and that’s in this house. You need stability, and tour life is not stability. I know you know that as well as I do,”
“No matter how many good memories there are in this house, I remember laying over there, unconscious, injured, in excruciating pain. Every time I close my eyes I see him, and I know I should be over it by now. I know I shouldn’t still see him, and I shouldn’t be waking up every night screaming. It’s just still there. The only thing that ever made it better was having Harry here, therapy doesn’t even really help. It’s then that I realise how truly pathetic I am, I have no one except for Harry, my mum left me and never came back, my dad tried to kill me, twice, my brother and sister hate me so much for staying here and not going with them, and then not bothering to call. I have no one in this world, and as dramatic as it sounds, I don’t know what the point in living is anymore.”
“My son is the reason you have to keep on living. He loves you so much. He doesn’t care how damaged you are, he loves you to the moon and back. Even when he was recovering from a gunshot wound, he only cared about you. I’ll tell you exactly what he said to me when I flew out to Germany to see him. He said he couldn’t see his life without you, and I told him to stop thinking like that, he said to me, ‘You didn’t see her last time Mum! She was almost dead, and now he’s got her again. I want my baby back, but I don’t want her back in a wooden box.’ He was so upset for the entire time. He is the reason you have to live. He is the reason you need to keep fighting. Harry. Because I don’t know what he would do without you by his side anymore,” Anne admitted and I nodded.
I guess I never thought about his side of things, I just thought how hard it was for me, and didn’t think what it was like for him. It must have been hell, not knowing where I was and worrying about me when he was hurt too.
We have a show tonight so we’re sound checking at the moment. Amanda is standing by the side of the stage, taking pictures to post on Twitter. I honestly do wish it was Kylie doing that, Kylie is smart enough to use Cal’s photos, whereas even when he offered, Amanda was like ‘nope, I don’t need you, it doesn’t need to look staged’.
“Boys, act like you like each other at least,” she yelled and we rolled our eyes. We’re tired, of course we like each other, we’re just tired.
“Hurry up and get your girlfriend back out here,” Niall whispered to me as he walked past.
“I’m working on it,” I replied. I am trying to find a way to get her back out here, but I am conscious that even when she is out here, management are still going to have Amanda do her job because they don’t trust her. The court case that Kylie has coming up isn’t going to help matters either, and I know I won’t be able to get her to come out here before that happens. So we’re stuck with Amanda for at least another couple of weeks. I’m pretty sure Mum is fed up of the texts asking whether Kylie is okay or not by now and it’s only been a couple of days, I don’t know how I’m going to manage a couple of weeks. I can’t stand being away from her, and I never want to be again. I need her here with me, in my arms, where I know she’s safe. Well I say that, but last time she was on tour she was kidnapped and I lost my baby for days. I never ever want that to happen again.
What do you think is going to happen with the court case?
Only a couple more chapters left! It's really exciting and sad for me because I've been working on this story for so long.
How are you enjoying 'My Saviour' so far? Let me know.
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