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The mentally brave ( Editing)

forgive, don't forget

It has been a little over fortnight since Harry ordered Ed and Luke to go erase me from my family's memory.
I've been staying at the cabin with the group, but kept my distance, still grieving the loss I suffered.
They all new to leave me be, giving me the time I needed. Even Harry after trying his best, let go, waiting for me to come round.
The only person I let by my side was Niall. He just kept me company, not trying to get me to forgive not trying to make me talk, just sat himself quietly so I won't be alone.
Sometimes I asked him to use his abilities to ease my pain, to give myself a rest from my sorrows, sometime I asked him to turn it off wanting to be angry, wanting to feel sad.
If Harry walked into the room I would get up and walk out not being able to see his face. I knew he was truly sorry, but I also knew he would do it all over again believing it was the right thing to do, and it was the only way.
Slowly I started spending time again with people other than Niall, Like Luke, even though he took part in that scam that was once again made against me, I just couldn't for some reason be upset with him. Something about his face, about the way he was, what he was about.
Yesterday I joined Louis, Eleanor and Perrie for breakfast, though leaving the table when Harry showed.
This afternoon I sat with Liam, watching him hack into the street cameras looking for my mum and sister, keeping tabs on them, making sure they were alright.
My mum seemed older, as if she aged overnight a few good years. Also Natalie seemed more mature, Tim as it seems, finally asked her out, watching them walking hands linked.
Liam left me with his laptop for a little while so I can have some me time with the footage.
Harry was whispering with Ed in the kitchen, I have a feeling they don't know I'm here, since their subject is me.
"You should try talking to her again" Ed told him
"Every time I walk into the same room as she, she leaves" I hear Harry's husky voice answer
"Make her listen to you"
"I've learned my lesson mate, I'm not making her do anything she doesn't want to anymore"
"Until the next time she forgives you" Ed chuckles
"No, this time I mean it"
"You're hooked"
"You might be right" Harry lets out a sigh "If I could just get her to hear me out, better yet- read me so she could see how sorry I am"
"There is a different way to get her to forgive you" there is a little silence before I hear Harry's voice again "No way Ed, I can't do that it is too dangerous"
"Not both of them, only her sister then" That comment out of Ed's mouth makes me stop and really listen in to them.
"Her sister is doing fine and she is safe, let's leave it like that" Harry was final with his decision and for some reason that made me really upset. I get up and stride over to them.
"Why not listen to Ed?" They both look up at me startled
"Lizzie, we've been through this" Harry tried to say
"No, you've been through it. You decide for everyone here, you have the final word who died and made you king?" I fold my arms looking at him with an angry glare.
I can see my words struck a nerve, but he controlled himself, maybe the fact I'm finally talking to him kept him at bay, seeing it as an improvement, not wanting to go backwards.
"Listen Liz, maybe it was a bad Idea, but going back now and changing it is even worse. You don't know what it can do to Natalie emotionally, and-"
"So now you remember to think of her emotional state?" I cut in
"Lizzie.." Ed says
"SO take away my memory too" I turn to Ed. Both boys went still.
"Not happening" Harry got up after getting over the shock.
"Please Ed" I hold his hands leaning down on the table so I'm at the same eye level as him.
"Why do you always listen to Harry? Do what you feel is right" I beg him
"Lizzie, I don't think this is right" I can see how much pain this is causing him, but I'm not ready to give up yet.
"Please, I beg of you! I can't take it anymore, my heart is broken, I can't live with this pain. She was all I had! All I care about and I can't talk to her ever again, or touch her, hug her nothing! So I rather not remember" I didn't notice my tears until one fell on our linked hands.
I know Harry is standing at the door watching, I hope he feels my pain, knows he is the cause of it.
"Lizzie, you see why you should remember your sister? You should remember your times together, the memories you shared, I'm sure she is cherishing them too" Ed's eyes were drilling in to mine. I just stood there looking at him, the feeling of hurt in his eyes, sharing my sadness.
"It's too hard" I whisper
"If he takes your memory of Nat away you will never know the love of a sibling, of a little sister, do you really want to lose that?" Harry said quietly behind me. I got up, leaving Ed's hands and turn to look at Harry. I lock eyes with him noting his red ones and then walk out, leaving them boys to follow me with their gaze.
"Come with me" Niall who was standing behind the wall took my hand and pulled me out the cabin to the fresh air outside.
"I figured you might want some change of scenery for a while" He said leading the way into the woods.
I follow him quietly thankful for his understanding and pure heart.
"Don't you feel like just leaving sometimes?" I ask him
"Sometimes it might get too much, but where will I go to? This is my family" He answered simply.
"You know Liz" He started again after a few more steps "Can I let you in on my point of view?"
"Go on than" I say, grateful of him asking me to hear him out before just telling me what he thinks I should do.
"I know you've been through a lot, and it seems as if it's the end of the world but it's not" He held up his hand to let me know he's not finished before continuing. "A lot of us can't go back to their families, did you know that? We have more in common then you might think"
That made me stop and look at him, I never took the time to think where their families are.
"WE all went through loss in one way or another, I don't know what you're going through knowing your family think your dead and not being able to tell them other whys. But I do know what you're feeling emotionally" He smiled referring to his ability. I knew Niall can make people feel different but only recently have I learned he can feel what I can too.
"How could you spend time with me when I'm like this?" I ask him
"As I said we all went through this one way or another, and we all got past it, you'll be ok love, I can feel your heart mending"
"Niall, you never told me how you found out about your abilities?"

Niall's POV
I walked into the kitchen and I was hit with a force of sadness hurt and sorrow. Even before seeing my mum I knew something was wrong. Walking up to her I already had tears in my eyes just from seeing her there in the state that she was in.
"Oh baby, I didn't mean to make you cry" She wiped her eyes and opened her arms for me.
"What is it mum?" I ask, I was only 12 but that was old enough to know something was seriously wrong.
"Jen didn't make it pumpkin" new tears running down her face.
My cousin Jen was battling cancer for over two years now, but these last few months were really hard, her condition deteriorated.
The feeling of loss overtook me blinding me with pain. I was close to Jen her being my age, we grew up together and shared the same friends. As I cried my mum did to, when I started calming down so did she, and when I was hit with another force of tears and sadness so did my mum, matching my pace.
At the funeral it was so unbearable for me to be there feeling as if my body is channeling everyone's sadness and loss, feeling paniced knowing I cannot accommodate everyone's pain.
Sitting there listening to obituaries, I was thinking people should feel warmth and happiness, remembering Jen, her shiny smile and kind heart. Just thinking of her and her blond her blowing in the wind when she bent to help her little brother tie his shoes when he wanted to join our catch game at the play ground. She didn't care her brother was interrupting the big kids game, she stopped what she was doing to include him. Just thinking of that day made me feel blessed that I knew her , that I spent time with her, and grateful for having these memories to keep. As my pain eased I notice the smiles on the rest of the crowd's faces, listening and remembering the lovely Jen as I knew her, my cousin, my best friend.
That is when I realized I had the power to control people's emotions, and that I had a price to pay, which was feeling what they did too.


"That explains so much" I smiled up at him
"How's that?"
"Why you're always so kind trying to make everyone feel better, you know what everyone is feeling, what everyone is going through"
"Everyone but Harry"
"Everyone but Harry.. aahhh" I gave a small frustrated growl.
"You changed him" Niall said suddenly
"What do you mean?" I can't see how I have done anything to change that stubborn boy.
"You think he is bad now? You should have known him after the accident" Niall chuckled.
"He would look for trouble, fighting people, always people who deserved it but still.. It always seemed as if he is looking for something, to feel something.. at some point I was sure I couldn't feel his emotions since he had none. That he couldn't feel pain, not physical and not emotional"
"But you don't think that anymore" I say
"No.."
"What changed your mind?"
"You, you came back and he found what he was looking for"
"You don't know that.. you can't feel Harry, so you don't know that for sure"
"I don't need to feel him, his eyes are enough for me" Niall said "I'm quite happy I can't channel his feelings, I have a feeling he is in almost as much pain as you, and I can't take on both of you"
I kept quiet analyzing what was just said to me.
"Come, let's head back I have something to give you"
"What is it?" I ask wondering
"Na, not telling you, you'll need to come back with me to find out"
We got back to the cabin. Louis Harry and Liam sitting in front the laptop talking quietly about something, while Ed and Luke played chess on the side.
"Where are Perrie and Eleanor?" I ask Niall
"Went food shopping" Ed called from where he sat.
"Come it's in here" Niall pulled me to the kitchen. There on the side was a beautiful classic guitar.
"How did you know I play?" I ask him?
"I didn't but Louis had a vision of you playing, so Harry went out to get it for you last night" Niall picked it up and handed it over to me.
"He thought it would be best if I gave it to you" Niall shrugged
"Good call" I smile inspecting it.
"Louis said he saw you play and you were happy"
"Thank you" I kiss Niall's cheek, touched by his kindness once again, but most of all by his little reassurance that I will be happy once again.
"You know who you should really be thanking" He said and walked out.
I take the side way door outside, sitting down on the stairs leaning the guitar on my knees.
I strum at the strings. A clear sweet voice sounds. I start plucking at them with my fingers humming along.
It's amazing the hold music has on me. Straight away I feel the heaviness lift from me.
I am lost to the sounds of the guitar, not realizing I had company. That is why when I finally did notice it startled me.
"Don't stop" Harry said "Please continue"
I tried to ignore him standing beside me, tried letting the music take over me once again but with no successes.
"I can't play, knowing you're watching me" I look back up at him.
He come and sat himself next to me. "You play beautifully" He was serious, no trace of smile in his eyes.
"Thank you for getting this for me" I finally say
"You're welcome" a hint of a smile crossed his face making a trace of a dimple show. My heart flattered by the notice of his dimple, me being a little upset with myself that he could still make me so weak at the knees even after what he has done to me.
"What were you playing?"
"Almost love, by A fine frenzy.. Do you know it?"
"No but it was lovely" He was looking at his hands playing with the leather bracelet on his right wrist.
"Harry, I know you think you did the right thing, and I know you're feeling bad, and you didn't mean to hurt me- I know that" I look at him
"But…" He was still looking at his hands
"But it will still take me time to forgive you.. I won't be able to forget, but I am looking for a way to live with it"
"You don't hate me then?" He finally looks up at me
"I'm trying hard to still hate you" I laugh "No I never did hate you, that is why it hurt me so much, you hurt the most when you're at the mercy of the people you love" I get up and go back inside, leaving him to roll over in his head what I just said.
"Good! You're here, its final where is Harry?" Liam said
"Outside why?"
"I'll call him" Luke past me to get Harry.
"Are we ready?" Harry came back in with Luke.
"We are, who will be going?" Niall asked
"Going where?" I ask
"Louis had a vision of a boy- his abilities are really helpful" Liam said
"Why? What can he do?"
"He draws, sketches, out of memory, or following people's guidelines and memory, he is incredible" Liam said "And he does it extremely fast"
"Where is he?" Eleanor asked. She and Perrie walked in just then hearing the last sentence
"Bradford" Louis said.
"I want to go" Eleanor said raising her hand
"Ok, El will be going.. So will Niall" Harry said "And Lizzie, I think it will do you good to go with them" A happy feeling washed over me, finally being able to leave the cabin more than just to the woods out the door. I smile up at him, his eyes meeting mine for the first time since my last sentence to him. His eyes were bright green, shining. And I can tell he understood what I have said in between my words, being hurt the most when you're at the mercy of the people you love. He understood… understood that even though everything in some miracle way I love him.

Notes

Happy new year to all of you!
Hopefully 2014 will be the best year ever yet =)
love
Raylee
xxx

Comments

@sydney_is_a_giraffe
I feel the same but overall it was an amazing story!

Hazeleyes13 Hazeleyes13
11/27/17

@sydney_is_a_giraffe
oh my... didn't mean to do that.. sorry.. hope your heart's ok xx

i just finished it.... you literally just ripped my heart out, stomped on it and through it into giant fire....

@raylee
Oh cool :) I just turned 20

Sheniqua... Sheniqua...
9/11/14

@Sheniqua...
In my early twenties x

raylee raylee
9/10/14