Holmes Chapel was like medication for the soul. Every day we spent there, I’d make a point of going for a walk in the fields. Just feeling completely relaxed was all I needed.

Our largest task, was to tell Harry’s family about my pregnancy. Anne was so supportive, so happy, not even questioning our age. We were not much younger than when she had given birth to Gemma.

We had already done the news deed with my family days before we left to come up north. I was shocked by their reaction. My mother was ecstatic, my father very calm and trusting that Harry would take care of me and our baby, and Frankie.. Frankie was always easy-going. I could have told him anything and he’d be shocked for all of five seconds and then he’d be over it.

I guess everybody just thought the same as we did. We were young adults, we’d do our best, we have a good family and environment to raise a baby. We were just two individuals that loved each other and wanted to make life amazing for the little boy or girl who would join our unit.

Harry took some time to come round to the idea. Harry is a very complex, sensitive person. He worries. He over thinks. He cares too much. He’d still take one negative comment from some random person off of twitter and think about it all day. You needed to give Harry time, with everything. I knew when, on a random Sunday evening, when he came up to join me watching television in bed, he was happy with our situation.

“I’ve ordered something.” He smiled, flopping down on the bed. “Don’t be angry, I know you’re going to say it’s too soon."

I looked up at him from my reading glasses, I usually threw them on in the evenings when my eyes were tired. Harry pulled his iPad from the side table and turned it to face me. He smiled and looked very pleased with himself. It was a tiny, toddler’s fedora from Saint Laurent. I laughed, because I recognised it to be a miniature version of the very oversized version Harry owned.

“It’s great, isn’t it? Isn’t it great? She can wear it when I wear mine!” He laughed happily. I shook my head, but I couldn’t hide my delight that he had finally become supportive.

“She?” I asked, realising what he said.
Harry dropped his big grin and looked at me very seriously. “Yeah. I think it’s a girl. Well, I’ve decided, I really, really want a little girl. I want her and Lux to be best friends.”

I shook my head again. The boy never ceased to amaze me. Harry scooted up and into his bed, throwing the covers over himself. He snuggled up to me straight away, and it surprised me. We hadn’t been very close lately.

“I love you.” He said, absent-mindedly. I moved my hand to rest on his tattooed chest.
“Love you.” I replied.

---

As everything was going so well with the pregnancy, I wanted to scream it from the rooftops. I was usually pretty active with twitter, and I toyed with the idea of telling the world that Harry and I were going to be parents. I decided against the idea when I realised how Harry’s management would react.

People were becoming suspicious of me. I’d pulled out of every single job I had been offered. I called the modelling agency back, finally, and they insisted on setting up at the very least, a meeting. Obviously I would have to break it to them that I wasn’t sure because I was vastly approaching three months pregnant.

Then there was the tour. The newspapers had run a story about me being a dramatic bitch because somebody leaked the fact that Harry had spent £10,000 booking me into luxury hotels for every stop of the tour I would be joining him on. In actual fact, the bookings were made because I would be there for four months, taking me all the way to almost seven months when I would probably resemble a whale. No bunk in a bus was going to do.

Louise had been up to visit Harry and I at his family home, and I had never seen anybody so happy for us. Every time one of us held Lux, Lou wanted to photograph it. “Look!” She’d say, “Look how good-looking you are as parents!"

As well as being so supportive, she knew everything. Anything I didn’t know about, pregnancy wise, anything that happened to my body, I would text Lou and she would reply instantly to put my mind at rest.

Harry had taken Lou to a nearby market, something they both loved to do, and I had decided to spend the day on my own. I made my way into the village, deciding to pop into the bakery that I had only visited once or twice, despite it’s heritage of being so important to Harry.

“Is that her? Oh my god, it can’t be!”
“That’s definitely her!"

I turned around from buying about thirty cakes that I planned on taking home and eating, all to myself. My pregnancy cravings were abysmal. Two girls, around fourteen, were clutching their iPhones and standing awkwardly behind me with two silly, big grins on their face. I smiled awkwardly.

“Can we take a picture with you, Annie?” One of them said.
“We love you and Harry!” The other said.

I was naturally a bit of an awkward person and I never really took photos with fans. What the hell was I famous for? Why did they want a picture of me? I happily obliged, though, and kneeled down to pose for them both.

“Where’s Harry?” The blonde asked me.
“Harry’s gone shopping, today.” I smiled. “We’re just visiting family.”
“That’s cool. You’re so beautiful in real life! You make an amazing couple!” The brunette grinned and her cheeks reddened. I thanked them sincerely, told them it was lovely to meet them and went on my way.

It wasn’t until I got home, that I looked at my mentions. My twitter had been so inactive lately that my mention activity definitely slowed down. I saw a tweet from one girl, and immediately opened it.

Just met @AnnieJames in the bakery during our visit to Holmes Chapel. She was rude and honestly really not good looking enough for Harry. Bitch!

I couldn’t believe my eyes. Those bitches. My hormones suddenly surged and I found myself in tears, and then sobs. How could anyone be so two-faced? Is that what people thought of me? I honestly couldn’t think of any way that I could have been rude to those girls. I sobbed so hard that I made myself feel ill. Maybe they’re right. Harry could do so much better. And if I was so nasty, I’d definitely make a terrible mother.

“Hey, doll.” Harry walked through the house into the kitchen, bringing his purchases with him. “Hey, hey, Annie what’s wrong? What’s happened? Is it the baby?"

I couldn’t even form a sentence and Harry had to wait a good ten minutes for one. I blurted out the pathetic story, and Harry looked at me like I was insane.

“So you met two fan girls in the bakery and they said something nasty about you because they’re jealous! You’re not rude, you’re not ugly, they’re just jealous, Annie. Stop being so silly."

He soothed my back, placing light kisses on top of my head. I eventually brought myself back down to a normal breathing level.

“I’m going to be a rubbish mum, Harry.” I sniffed. “You’re going to hate me when I’m big, and fat. You’re going to find someone better.” My voice broke again.
“Annie! For fucks sake! You’re having my baby, I’m still as obsessed with you as the first day you ever spoke to me. I love you.”
“You don’t!” I suddenly stood up and anger coarsed through me. I couldn’t even stop and realise that I was acting psycho. “You don’t love me! You always leave me! You don’t even want this baby!"

Harry just stood there, his mouth basically hitting the floor. His expression turned into a dark frown. I suddenly realised what I was saying.

“Annie.. I do my best,” He whispered, and I saw then that he was more sad than angry. “I’m not a hero but I do my best for you.”
“Oh you do your best? You throw money at me and leave me in your mansion alone and go partying with your friends. You don’t even want this baby because it’ll fuck up your rock and roll lifestyle.” Now I knew I was taking it too far. I knew I was being spiteful.

Harry was visibly heartbroken at my comments, and that’s when I snapped out of it.

“Annie this baby is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, it’s my baby,” Harry muttered, quietly and sadly. “I love it already and I love you. I’m sorry if you think I buy you too many things.. or take you to too many nice places. I do that because I love you so much and I don’t know why you’re being like this."

Suddenly, I was crying again.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so, so, so sorry.” I sniffed. “I love you more than anything in the world. Honestly, scary amounts. Right from your headbands down to your old beaten up boots.”

Harry sighed, but embraced me, knowingly. He was a smart boy and I could tell he knew that these were side effects of my pregnancy hormones.

“You just need to try and stay calm, Annie.” He smiled, finally shaking his sad expression. “Just stay calm."

I nodded and we stayed like that, for a while. Harry cleared his throat.

“The tour leaves in a week. It’s a big one, baby.” He sighed. “But don’t ever think those things, alright? No matter how tired I am, no matter how stressed I get, don’t ever think I don’t love you. Don’t ever say I leave you. I only ever want to come home from those shitty events and be with you. And in six months time I will be at home, in bed with you, and our baby will be lying between us. No parties, no celebrity lifestyles. Just you, me, and a lot of nappies."

I looked up at Harry and wondered how I ever got so lucky. His perfect soft features. His brown, messy hair. Everything just fit. It all fit with him.

Notes

thought Id throw in a bit of drama! the next chapters will hopefully be more exciting, I don’t really know what I’m doing at the moment.. aha :)