I don’t know why I decided it was the best idea, but I did go back to Harry’s. I was relieve when I let myself in and Eleanor hadn’t somehow made it back here last night. I walked into the house like a zombie, dropping my shoes, dropping the keys, and walking slowly up the stairs. My body was in pain, properly now.

I ran a shower and stripped from last nights clothes. I sat on the toilet lid and half burst into tears, before quickly trying to stop them just enough so I could shower. I lathered my body in soap but paused when I got to my legs. There was a thick, purple bruise on my inner thigh. I cringed. I felt so dirty. My skin itched with disgust. I didn’t even make it out of the shower before I got nauseous again. I don’t think I was even hungover anymore, just sick at the sight of myself. I tortured myself as much as I could. Remembering Harry, in this bathroom, in his bedroom, when he wiped my tears with the sleeve of his sweater. The way he held himself so tightly against me when he slept and how he always wanted to rest his head on my chest. The epitome of perfection, he had saved my life from so much pain.

And this is how I repaid him.

I cursed, in a begging tone, as I remembered last night. Thinking he could even dream of an infidelity with Kendall, when I was the one who had betrayed him. Then I remembered how he so badly didn’t want me to go. How he almost knew something would happen.

Still, of course. I didn’t listen. And now I was set to lose everything in this perfect, comfortable, new world.

When I made it out of the bathroom, I didn’t even wrap a towel around myself. I walked, naked and dripping, into Harry’s room. I pulled a hoodie from the back of his door, my whole body feeling vacant. I was shivering with the cold, as I slipped into the sheets and started to cry when the scent of him, still left on his sweater, circled around me. I knew I would get sick, but I didn’t care. I almost willed it to happen. I wanted nothing more than to be unconscious for a long period of time.

---

The next morning, some sort of rationale must have come back to me because I remembered I hadn’t checked my phone. I scrambled to plug it into the charger beside the bed, feeling chilled to the bone and already feeling my nose run. Calls, texts, face times, whatsapps, twitter direct messages, everything flooded onto my phone. I was only looking for one sign, though: hoping Eleanor didn’t know about my whereabouts on that night.

I quickly went onto her messages.
Annie, where are you, you okay? i went to get us a cab and u disappeared! where’d you go?!
annie, text me! im worried! don’t know where you’ve gone!
annie, I’m going to give you until 12pm tomrro and I’m calling the police! and harry!

The messages went on like that for a while. I quickly typed the first thing I could, and sent it. Just a message to say I had lost my phone. She seemed clueless about the whole thing, so I tried my luck and told her I had come back to Harry’s. To my utter relief, and guilt, she replied cheerily that it was fine, and started another conversation, not sensing my disdain.

Then there was Harry. My phone had been turned on all of ten minutes and even in that time the messages hadn’t stopped coming through. I thought about calling him, but there was no way I could have the balls to do that. I felt my heartstrings tug as I composed a message to him.

sorry, i left my phone at home. couldn’t find it, only just got it back. how are you?

I knew it wasn’t enthusiastic enough, but it was all my guilt could muster. His reply was instant.

annie i’ve been going out of my mind! we were gonna cancel the show tonight. i was gonna fly home. god im so glad you’re safe. all I’ve thought about is you! how was your night? you looked gorgeous in eleanors instagram pictures .xx

Pictures? My heart started to beat rapidly again and I quickly checked her photos. Thank God, I don’t know what I was expecting to see but at this point I was terrified that even having one hair out of place would tip Harry off.

I hadn’t even thought about what I would do. Tell him? Have him kill Will, and me, or bury it deep inside me and hope it never came back to haunt me. My head was pained at the options. I set the phone down, not even able to stomach replying and lying to him again.

---

In the coming two weeks, I had not stopped thinking about what happened. Will had tried to text me multiple times. He was sorry. He felt terrible on Harry. He was such a great guy. Bullshit. Will hated Harry, and he loved the fact that he had one over on him. I just became a zombie. I spoke to Harry much less, because I hated myself for trying to pretend to him that everything was okay.

In all the turmoil, I had completely forgotten that it was my birthday the following week, and I would be turning twenty. I had hoped, before I… cheated on Harry, that he would be able to make it home for even just a day. But I was thankful now that he couldn’t. I had been spending more time at home, because it was just becoming too difficult to be in Harry’s house and deal with the guilt. My family weren’t too suspicious of my solemn behaviour, putting it down to being lovesick. I spent my days locked in my room, watching mindless television, trying to keep up my facade with Harry, and also, Eleanor.

---

Harry’s POV

“Fuck off Louis.” I growled, losing my temper. He had been messing around in soundcheck, trying to tape me up with warning tape. We were here for our gig in Atlanta, and usually his behaviour would consist of doing things that on any other day would make me laugh, but not today. Louis stared at me like I had lost it. I had.

Annie and I were finding things awful. I could tell she was becoming more and more disenchanted with the distance. I tried everything to gain her interest, but it was nothing compared to before. I just prayed that things could blow over until I could surprise her on her birthday. I would have thirty-six hours at home, that was all I was given. It was enough. I think I’d have gone, even if I had an hour with her.

“I know you’re finding it hard, mate.” Zayn said quietly, when we were done. “But don’t be a prick, Harry. We’re all finding it hard.”

Feeling guilty, I tossed my microphone away and headed back to the dressing room.

Notes

:( sad
like i said stick with it!
sub/comment/rate pleeeeeeeeeease!!!