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Silence and Sound

Did they ever fight, like us?

“I figured it out,” she whispers, eyes downcast and hands wringing in her lap.
“What, love?” I say, desperate, pleading with her to talk to me. I can feel the expression on my face, wide eyes and drawn brows. The screaming has subsided, finally. The past few minutes have been hell, me waiting for her to say something, her trying to form the right words. We had been arguing over whether or not to go public; I was tired of hiding and she was terrified of being exposed.
“I..I can’t do it,” Her eyes flick up for a second, meet mine where I’m leaning against the wall across from the couch, and flick back down. “I cant be what you want me to be, Liam.”
“You don’t have to be anything but you, babe. You know I love you for you. I wouldn’t want you to feel like you have to change for me or anything like that,” I’m losing her. I can see it in her body language, the way she leans away from my words as if she’s already decided to leave. “I can’t lose you, please..”
She stands up and paces in front of the couch, lips moving but no words coming out. “You know how I feel about you, you know that I love you, I just- I can’t commit to something I know I can’t do,” She stops pacing and faces me, unshed tears shining in her eyes. “People aren’t going to be happy, Liam. People are going to say awful things and I don’t think I can handle that, not after Chad, not after everything with my parents, not afte-“
“Baby, I know, I know,” I cross to her, and take her face gently between my hands. “I know it’s been hard, and I know that you are so so strong. If this is what you want, then we’ll keep things just as they are. I promise.”
She sniffles, and it’s so endearing I can’t stop myself from placing a tender kiss on her swollen lips. Her lips part in a sad version of the brilliant smile she normally wears.
“Maybe in a couple weeks, okay? Just not right now, I can’t right now,” She says softly. I nod, and wrap her in a warm hug, grateful that she’s in my life for even a little while longer.

***

Tonight was… more difficult than I thought it’d be. Liam had texted me earlier today, asking if we could talk about going public again. My heart seized up and my breath caught in my throat- Liam knew how much I hated the idea, how scared I was of potentially losing him to my fear of his fans. I know they consider themselves “dedicated”, but after all of the horrible comments I had seen Eleanor get, or Perrie, I knew I couldn’t handle that kind of negative attention. My ex had been so verbally abusive that it’d taken me months to even trust Liam enough to tell him about it. And my parents, well they weren’t too happy with my decision to move to London in pursuit of my writing career, and hadn’t been at all shy about letting me know what a huge disappointment I’ve been for not going into the family business. Liam was my safe haven, my light at the end of a tunnel so dark I never thought I’d escape it. We had met in a coffee shop, of all places, almost a year ago. We had ordered the same drink, and he reached for mine instead of his; we got to talking, and he asked me out. Very Rom-com-y, if I do say so myself. I quickly fell for him; his wonderfully soulful eyes and warm loving laugh drew me like a moth to a flame. I’d known who he was of course; I didn’t live under a rock, and it intimidated me to be in a relationship with him, but it was worth it. He was so amazing, so sexy yet so unbelievably goofy, and his voice like pure chocolate moved me into a relationship that I’d never thought I would be in. Regardless, I was happy, so extremely happy with him, and it killed me to fight with him. But he knew how I felt about it, so why bring it up again? I know it would mean a lot to him for us to go out and not have to hide, not have to avoid the paparazzi at every turn, to act “normal” instead of like we were criminals. I liked my private life, and I wanted to keep it private. But would that want end up costing me Liam?
“Hey babe, what do you want to do tomorrow?” Liam’s sleepy question interrupts my reverie. We’re cozied up in his bed, fireplace on and movie playing.
“Well, we could go to that new toy store downtown,” I say. “I heard they just got a huge shipment of the new Batman action figure.”
As I knew it would, my comment makes Liam sit straight up, eyes wide and childlike in their intensity. “Batman?? They have Batman toys??”
“Yes, honey, they do,” I can’t help but grin at this twenty-year old’s excitement over a cartoon.
“And you’ll take me there??”
“If you’d like.”
“Yes please!”
“Okay, baby, we’ll go,” I chuckle and snuggle up next to him again as he lays back down.
And I know we’ll be okay.

***
My phone buzzing on the bedside table next to me awakes me. Groggily, I check the time. 3:04 am. I groan and see what’s wrong, what is so important that it needs to be attended to at this ungodly hour. It’s a text from Harry.

“Liam, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to I swear I didn’t but I am so sorry you should probably look at this please don’t hate me I’m so sorry”
The text makes my heart race; what is going on??
I unlock my phone and click the link Harry sent in His text. It takes me to an article with a headline reading-
ONE DIRECTION’S LIAM PAYNE HAS A SECRET GIRLFRIEND- MOB, ASSEMBLE

Shit.