Harry's P.O.V

I am awoken by bright sun rays hitting my face. I shield my eyes and groan a little with the pain I feel in my head. I look around realizing I'm now in Louis' house. I feel a shift beside me and look down to see Riley laying next to me. I smile at the sleeping girl, she's even more gorgeous when she's sleeping. I carefully move a couple of strands of hair from her face, trying not to wake her. Her arm is draped over my stomach, her hand on top of my butterfly tattoo. I smile as I rub my finger on her hand. I slowly drag my finger down her hand and along her arm. I pull my eyebrows together when I see a few pink lines along her forearm. I turn her arm slightly so I can get a better view. My eyes widen when I notice the scars on her arm. There are some that look older than others, but the amount of scars makes me nauseous. How could someone do this to themselves. I continue to study the scars but suddenly her arm flies away from me. I turn my head to see a terrified look on her face.

"Riley? What... What happened?" I ask hoping for an explanation. Her face goes pale and she bolts up from the bed.

"I uh, I need to go." She says rushing to get her things together. I jump up from the bed and block the door in time. "Harry please just move." She says not looking at me.

"No, not until you tell me what happened to your arm." I say with a bit of anger laced in my voice. I obviously know what happened but I can't understand it. She seems so happy all the time, how could she even think about doing that to herself.

She looks up at me, eyes glassy. Oh no, please don't cry, I didn't mean to make her upset. "Harry, you wouldn't understand. Please just let me leave." Her voice cracks at the end and a tear spills over. I reach to wipe the tear away but she moves her face. My brows furrow in sadness. I move to the side reluctantly and she runs out of the room.

I run down the stairs after her. "Hey Riley, want some break-woah! Riley?" Louis says walking out of the kitchen as Riley shoves past him and through his front door. He grabs my arm just as I'm about to go after her. "Mate whatever it is just let her cool down." He says.

"LOUIS I CANT LEAVE HER ALONE!" I erupt. He is surprised at my sudden outburst. I take a deep breath and run my hand through my hair and sit on the bottom stair in defeat. Louis closes the door and turns to me waiting for an explanation, El also appears in the entryway to the kitchen. "I woke up and her arm was on me. I saw...." I sigh in frustration and run my hand through my hair again "She had scars all along her forearm Lou." I finish. I shake my head and rub my temples. I don't look up from the floor but El comes to sit next to me and rubs my back. "When I tried to ask her to explain she just ran out. I just.... She's always so happy Lou, how could she be so upset with herself that she does that?" I say holding back my frustrated tears. I close my eyes and take deep breaths.

"She's been gone for a while Harry. There's a whole other part of her life that we don't know about." He explains to me and I can feel El nodding her head in agreement next to me.

"I could have protected her! If she didn't leave..... I could have been there to stop it." I am so frustrated. If we didn't lose contact I could have stopped it, I could have helped her through it. "I was her best friend. I could have stopped it." I say shaking my head.

"Harry don't beat yourself up over this. She was halfway around the world love. You're with her now and now you can protect her. Okay?" El soothes me. I know she's right but it takes me a minute to agree. I nod my head and run my hand through my hair one more time before standing up. "Let's get you something to eat." She says pushing me to the kitchen. After breakfast I'm going straight to Riley.

Riley's P.O.V

"Mate whatever it is let her cool down." I barely hear Louis say as I make a run for it to my house.

I can't believe he saw. I've been doing so good at covering them up. If I didn't sleep with him last night this never would have happened, I'm such an idiot. I couldn't help myself, he was just so vulnerable last night in his drunken state I couldn't just leave him alone. I shake my head at the memory. He wasn't supposed to find out, no one here was.

My parents made the decision to move from Arizona after my last suicide attempt. My depression was overwhelming and a lot of it had to do with the environment I was in. The doctors had suggested a change of scenery and it took my parents a while before they decided it would be best to come back to Holmes chapel. When they told me I was so happy and they felt horrible that they hadn't thought of it before. After being in the hospital for almost a month we packed up our house and came back here. Ever since we got here I can feel myself feeling better. I mean I still take meds but just being here makes me happier. One of the main reasons is because I have my best friend back.

I finally enter my house, my parents aren't home so they must have gone into work. I head up to my room and decide I need a shower to relax. When I get in and the warm water hits me I go into deep thought. I stare down at my arm and run my fingers along the scars. I remember when it all started.

*Flashback*
-Freshman year-

"Hey Riley." I turn around and am shocked to see Brett, one of the most popular and most attractive guys in the school. I immediately blush and he flashes a smile at me.

"Uh h-h-hi." I stutter idiotically. Smooth Riley. He chuckles at my nervousness and moves closer. My breathing hitches as he grabs my hand.

"So, I don't know if you know this but there's a party tonight at one of my friend's house and I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go with me." He said looking deep into my eyes. I couldn't even process what he was saying so I just nodded. A smile appears on his face. "Great." He leans in close to my ear and whispers "Wear something nice for me." he pulls away and winks. As he walks away realization hits me. I just got invited to a party, by Brett. My eyes go wide and I gather my things and get out of school quickly. I NEED TO GET READY!

---

"What about this?" I ask Sam. She's one of my closest friends, we've been friends since we were ten. She kinda replaced the hole I had for Harry when I left Holmes Chapel.

"Still not sexy enough!" She says jumping up from my bed and running to my closet. "I can't believe Brett asked you to this party! You are so lucky!" She gushes as she pulls some outfits out tosses them in my arms. She has a much better fashion sense then I do. She's the more outgoing one out of the two of us, she's been to tons of these parties so I know she knows what she's doing.

"Okay how's this one?" I ask walking out of the bathroom, I felt a little uncomfortable showing so much skin but her eyes lit up with excitement.

"YOU LOOK AMAZING! The black brings out your blue eyes." She says smiling. She grabs my arm and we run downstairs and out the door.

I take a deep breath as I wait for Brett with Sam. Not only is it my first party but also my first date. This is scary. My hand is shaking and I fiddle with my fingers to try and calm down. I feel Sam elbow me in the side and I look up to see that Brett is here.

"You look amazing." Brett says as he approaches me. I smile and thank him. "The party is just a block away so I figured we could just walk. That okay?" He asks. I am too nervous to speak so I just nod.

"I have to go get ready really quick, I'll just meet you there." Sam says to me as she runs across the street to her house.

The walk was quicker then I thought since we made conversation the whole time, me and Brett actually get along pretty well which is nice. When we get into the house all I smell is alcohol. The music is so loud I barely hear Brett speak. "Come on, we'll grab some drinks and then we can dance." I nod and follow him to the kitchen. "Here. I didn't make it too strong." He says smiling and handing me a red cup. I take a sip and luckily it just tastes like pure soda, he really is being careful with me which I appreciate.

I feel like we've been dancing for days. We've had a few more drinks and I can feel a buzz, Brett however is past the buzzed stage. "You. Are so. Hot." He slurs into my ear. Chills run down my spine. "How about. We go somewhere quieter." He whispers again. I nod my head stiffly. He pulls me through the crowd and we find an empty room. Brett immediately starts kissing me and it takes me a minute to realize what to do. I kiss back and he pulls us towards the bed in the corner of the room. "So. Sexy." He says as he runs up and down my thighs. The sensation sends chills through my body and my head falls back as he starts kissing my neck. He reaches under my skirt and tugs at my underwear. I freeze and he notices. "Don't worry baby. I'm gunna make you feel soooo goooood" he slurs. I try and push him away but he's too strong.

"B-Brett, I-I-I'm not r-ready." I say trying harder to push him away. This seems to make him angry as he pulls my skirt up angrily.

"But I am." He says as he kisses me roughly. I am too scared to kiss back. He fumbles with his jeans but finally manages to get them off. "You're making me so hard right now babe." He says into my ear as he rubs himself on me. I whimper and he kisses my neck. "Don't worry, you're going to be fine in just a minute." He says as I hear a package open. He pulls he's boxers down and slides a condom on. Oh god this is not happening.

"Brett. Please! Stop!" I yell as loud as I can, hoping to get someone's attention. He covers my mouth angrily and positions himself properly.

"Shhh. I need you Riley. You know this is what you wanted. That's why you dressed so sexy for me tonight." He says removing his hand and kissing me roughly again. Suddenly he thrust roughly and I cry out in pain. He takes my cry as one of pleasure. "See baby." He says thrusting again. "I told you." Thrust. "I can." Thrust "make you feel good" Thrust. I start crying. The pain is so excruciating I lose all my strangth to fight back. He continues, going faster. His moans are so loud I can't understand how no one hears him. I feel him freeze and something inside me twitches. He moans loudly once more before parting from me. I whimper as he falls next to me. "Oh baby that was so good." He says as he removes the used condom and pulls his pants back up.

I lay there frozen. He tries to get me to go back out with him but I can't move. I lay there for what seems like hours before I gather up the strength to fix myself. I wince at the pain between my legs. I manage to stand up as straight as I can and walk to the mirror in the room. I look a mess. My mascara is running along my face from the tears I shed. My hair is sticking in different directions. My eyes are red and puffy. I start to cry harder at the realization of what just happened. I just let him take advantage of me. How could I be so weak and stupid? I feel disgusting. I need to go home. I run out of there as fast as I can, ignoring the looks I was getting. Everyone must know what happened, they're probably already talking about how nasty I am to let a guy have sex with me at only 14.

When I get home I run up to my room and lock the door. I run to my bathroom to wash my face. I claw at my face to remove the hideous makeup. I look at myself and immediately breakdown again. How could I be so weak? I slump to the side up my bathtub and lay there for what feels like hours. This emptiness I feel won't go away. How could I be so stupid to think that a guy like Brett would like me, he only wanted to use me. The tears have stopped, I probably don't have anymore to cry out. A numbness takes over me. I feel disgusting. This pain inside me is so overwhelming that it numbs all my senses. I lull my head to the side and my eyes land on my razor. I wonder if I could feel physical pain. I lazily reach for the razor. I stare at it in my hand for a moment. Maybe if I can feel physical pain then I can stop this numbness my other emotions are giving me. I take the razor in my left hand and glide it along my right arm. I wince at the sensation. I watch as beads of blood appear. Not enough, I still feel numb. I repeat the motion three more times before I am satisfied. I can feel again. I breathe a sigh of relief. Looking at the razor I have found peace.

*End of flashback*

I finish getting dressed and lay on my bed. After that night I felt numb for a long time. Eventually Sam got tired of trying to figure out what was wrong with me and eventually stopped talking to me all together. Since I just went through the motions of school my grades slipped. My parents would try and get me to talk to them but I didn't see the point. I became an emotionless zombie. My parents eventually took me to a therapist and I was diagnosed with depression and put on some pills. It helped a little and I actually started talking to people again, only to realize that everyone thought I was a freak. I didn't realize people were making fun of me before because I didn't care enough but I was apparently the topic of everyone's gossip. The pills didn't help that depression that I sunk into so I continued to find my relief in my razor. The end of sophomore year Brett and his friends decided to play a prank on me. One of his friends asked me out. I was so excited that I actually said yes. I waited for him at the park like he told me, hours went by and he never showed, as I was walking home it started raining. Him and his friends drove by and soaked me with muddy water, making sure to take pictures. After that I couldn't take it anymore, that was the day I tried to kill myself. I spent a few weeks in the hospital, then therapy and then we came here and I've actually been happy.

I was taken from my thoughts when I heard the doorbell. I went down and when I opened the door Harry was in front of me. He tried to smile but I could tell he was concerned. I let him in and we stood there before her spoke. "Riley...." He started but something in me snapped when I heard his voice. He saw my face change and hugged me and I did something I hadn't done in such a long time. I just cried. And he held me. Although I was sad, I was at peace in my best friend's arms.

Notes

Sooooo there you go. A bit of back story to what Riley's life in Arizona was like. I got chills while writing some of this. It's pretty insane. And I apologize if anyone got uncomfortable.

anyway hope you enjoyed.

please comment and tell me what you think. I would really appreciate it.