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Listening to Niall

Messed up

I sit closed in the room waiting for Niall to call. Eleanor was in the living room, telly on low, giving me the privacy that I need.
When Niall's skype photo appears on my screen I freeze. I watch it for a moment, taking a deep breath and then answering.
We just stare at each other. I bring my knees into my chest hugging them, leaning my chin on the tips.
"How are you?" He finally asked
"Not that well actually.. and you?" I say quietly trying my best to control my voice.
"What's wrong?"
Even though I find it quite funny, him asking what's wrong, since he obviously knows, I start my rambling.
" You know, it's the final project and its due soon and I'm getting up tight with it, and there is so much school work besides that, and remember I told you I started that old American show that finished? 'Friday night lights'? The one about the American football team?" When Niall nods at me, my voice cracks
"So I got to the second season and it just breaks my heart- I mean you have this amazing team who have this brilliant coach who takes them to the state champion and they win- and the coach has this amazing family, wife- and a daughter who is dating the quarterback who is this wonderful guy- this is all in the first season, and then the second season starts and the coach leaves the team for a college team and they suck without him, and the wife and daughter stay behind- and, and" I start crying at this point "Julie the daughter feels her parents don't care for her anymore since they have a new baby, and she breaks up with her boyfriend and everything is so messed up, and I just- I can't.. My heart can't take it and.. are you breaking up with me?" I finally look up at the screen gazing at Niall's face.
He exhales and I can see the emotion in his eyes.
"You are aren't you" I whisper
"Listen Jamie" He starts
"Oh my gosh, don't give me that it's not you shit Niall, I disserve more than that! We've been through so much together I disserve a real answer" I cry.
"Jamie- I love you" He says
"You have a 'but' there" I sniff
"I do… It's just, things are so hard on you and on me, and I've been thinking that maybe some time apart will do us some good" He was looking at his hands.
"I'm supposed to believe this shit? When you can't even look me in the eye telling me this? You aren’t even here- we've been apart- we are apart- how much more apart do you need?" I raise my voice.
"Come on, Jay.. Don't be like that" His look Is pained but I don't care
"Don't be like that? Are you listening to yourself? Tell me the truth Ni- is there someone else? Did you meet some Russian girl? Is that it? Is she smarter? Prettier? Tell me.. I can handle the truth"
Niall finally looks up and at my eyes.
"I did not meet someone else" He cut in "I can't believe you would even think to go there"
"Well, you don't leave me much choices Niall" I wipe the new tears that run down my cheeks.
"I love you, with all of my heart and I stood by you with your decision to go, and I promised to wait- we have promise rings! You promised me too! You lied! You're a liar" I screamed at him.
"Jamie, listen to me.. I just need time.. I need time to think all of this through"
"I am done listening to you Ni- I've been listening and doing what you say and what you want forever and I am done! Don't do me any favors I'm a big girl I'll get over it" I cross my arms.
"Jay, please, I just need time to think… please don't hate me" He was hurt, a tear escaped his right eye and he wiped it away fast.
"I don't hate you Ni" I whisper "I love you, that's what makes this so painful".


I was walking back to the flat cutting school early. I just couldn't face anymore of it today. Last night Eleanor sat on my bed with me, hot tea and Kleenex talking late into the night. I was tired, and I was hurting and I just wanted to sleep.
"Jamie" I hear my name being called but I don't turn, not feeling like talking.
"Hey Jay, wait" My arm gets tagged and I turn, facing Harry.
"I've been calling you, why didn't you stop?"
I just stand there looking at the ground.
"I waited for you this morning, but you never showed are you all right?" He leaned slightly to try and get a better look of my face.
I shake my head no, but don't look up.
"Hey.. What is it? What's wrong?" He touches my chin to lift my head up so he can see my face. His words reminding me Niall's words from last night, sending a stab to my chest.
"Jay.. what happen?" I can hear alarm in his voice as his eyes fall upon the dark circles under my eyes, from the lack of sleep.
"Are you sick?"
Once again I shake my head.
"So why didn't you come running this morning?"
"I don't want to run anymore- I'm tired, and I am done running, I am done" My voice is shaking, I try to hold it together, telling myself over and over again not to cry.
"What? But why? You love running" Harry said quietly
"I love running? Well I love a lot of things that I- I don't- not today- not anymore, I hate it! I hate him! I hate that he made me feel this way" I am crying again, and I hate myself. I promised after Peter to never let a boy make me cry again, and I am standing here outside crying in front of Harry.
"Jamie" He pulls me into a hug, stroking my hair as I cried on his shoulder.
"Niall and I broke up" I finally pulled away.
"No.. That can't be.. Niall and you were made for each other, you'll get back together" Harry gave me a little smile.
"He said he wants time to think.. What does he need to think about? If he needs to think then it means that- that- god.. I- how did this happen?" I Push away from Harry, catching my head between my two hands.
"Jamie, listen to yourself… he is just confuse… being away for such a long time.. and-"
"And what Harry? Made him think things through? Ha? That it? You have no I idea what you're talking about! You have no Idea what this feels like, just forget it all right? I'm going" I run off leaving Harry behind me.
"Jamie- come on! Don't be like that" He called out after me. However I did not turn around, I did not stop, just continued walking to the flat. When I reached it, I slammed the door shut behind me and threw myself on my bed.
I believed that if I'll be good, and think positive than everything will turn out just right. That good things happen to good people, and I tried my best. I put on a smile and I was nice and understanding, and tried to help whenever I could. I wasn't mean to people and I tried my best not to talk back at people who were mean to me. I stood by my friends, and by Niall, always listening to him and supporting the things he wanted to do, and in the end, I am left alone. I am alone in my room, crying my heart out on a boy who promised to love me and then broke my heart.
I thought we were strong and we could get past anything that is put in our way. But Niall just gave up on us! He gave up on me… And maybe it is all my fault? Maybe if I didn't put that much effort into the projects and just went to see him in Russia this would all be different. No! He should not make me choose between him and school, like I didn't make him choose.
So why was it ok for him but not for me? I punch at my pillow and let out a scream. I hate him! I love him and hate him so much!
I hear the door to the flat open. I can hear Louis's voice. At first I thought he was talking to Eleanor, since I can tell there are two people who just walked in, but after listening carefully I understand Louis is on the phone, and he was cross.
"You have it hard? Mate you chose to go! That is what you wanted so you don't get to complain" Louis told the person on the other side of the line.
"I saw her this morning when Zayn drove us in, she's a mess man, El said she was crying and everything last night- they went to sleep really late, and she still heard her cry"
I feel my cheeks grow hot as I understand who Louis is talking to. I am also slightly upset that Eleanor told him about last night. I felt humiliated now that Niall knows how I acted after him breaking up with me.
"Listen Ni, You messed up, you made a huge mistake mate- she is the best thing that ever happen to you! And you know what? If you don't fix this fast, the word that Jamie is single again will spread and someone else will come and take her from you, and then it will be too late"
My heart warms up hearing Louis say these things to Niall.
"If you know you had it good, then why did you do it? Dude, you should talk to me before doing things like this" There was a pause "No- don't listen to Liam! What does he know?"
I hear footsteps outside the door. I pull the blanket up over my head making it look as if I am sleeping.
The footsteps belong to El and she is leaning over me know. I feel her touch my hair, but I don't move. She walks out quietly, and I hear her tell Louis I am in the room asleep.
"Yeah well, you already did it, but think it through will good… Yeah.. I will, and the girls will too… sure.. punch him for me… El sends you that it's good you're not here since she would beat you up.. ah ha.. Yeah well.. all the best.. bye"
It goes quiet and then I hear Louis again "She's here? You think she heard this? Well in that case let's go to my place"
They leave the flat and I am left alone once again. I push the blanket off my face and take a deep breath.
I wonder who called who.. If it was Louis calling Niall to give him a piece of his mind or Niall telling Louis what he did. Thoughts were running in my head, making fresh tears leak out the corners of my eyes.. with those salty tears I fall into a deep sleep. One without any dreams, just a dark sleep, that block all emotion and thoughts out.
When I finally wake a few hours later, it is dark outside. I check my phone. I had two messages. I check the first

From: El

Hi love, call me when you wake up so we could do something together love you!!

I smile at that, knowing I will always have her by my side to make me feel better no matter what. I check the other message and my breath catches at my throat.

From: Niall

So right that show you started watching? FNL? Spoiler alert- The coach's girl and the quarterback at some point they do get back together. x

Notes

So I know, probably some of you are really mad it me right know, well.. just wanted to let you know- the story didn't end yet.. there is more to come, so there might still be some hope for Niall and Jaime...

Anyway.. I hope you liked the chapter even though what happened in it...
More is yet to happen!
Share your thoughts below, and vote and subscribe if you haven't yet..
xxx

Comments

I LOVED THE ENDING.... but haz is still alone... oh well

Yassss they kissed! :) i cant stop smiling!

I an so happy

I think her and hazza should be together

They have to get back together :'(((

I just got my friend hooked and so she can tell me :D
But they really have to stay together if they don't I will cry and never stop