Listening to Niall

As I was sitting thinking how ironic this situation is, grandpa becoming what he was constantly complaining about, the doctor finally comes in followed by the nurse I shouted at.
I stood up and started rumbling about what was going on really fast. The doctor raised his hand to make me stop.
"I'll give him what I gave him last time, but you have to understand what bone cancer means. It means that every tiny move will cause a massive amount of pain, which is very hard to moderate" The doctor looked over his thick plastic rims at me.
"There has to be a way to help him" My voice cracks. I feel like a little girl who didn't get her wish. "It can't be there is nothing we can do to help" I'm trying so hard to keep my tears in check, but one escapes and slides down my cheek to my neck.
"I know it's a very hard thing you're going through but you have to understand we are doing our best, working around the clock to make our patients comfortable." He gives me a sympathetic look.
"Why don't you come with me to the station in front? I'll make you a cup of tea?" The nurse suggested. I looked back at my grandpa, watching the doctor inject something into his infusion. "He won't be going anywhere, he'll be here when you get back. I promise" The nurse smiled at me. I nodded and left with her.
"I'm sorry for yelling at you before" The tears where streaming down my face now.
"I was out of line" I didn't even attempt to wipe at them, knowing there is no point since they'll continue running down my face anyway.
"It's ok, it happens" She smiled.
"How do you do it?" I ask her sitting down on a chair as she made us some tea.
"It's hard but I'm helping people, so I just hope for the best" She shrugs at me.
"How long do you reckon it will take.. you know.. until.." My voice died out not able to say it.
"Not long now, though having your grandmamma here surely helps to ease his pain, she calmed him down nicely before" She said nodding to my grandma and auntie walking by us.
Lucie waved the food she bought me.
"Thanks for the tea, I really appreciate it" I give her a small smile as I get up to join my family.
"Jamie right?" She asked me
"Yeah"
"You're a good granddaughter staying her with your grandpa and helping out, not a lot of people do"
"We can't just let him stay here alone" I say
"Some do you know, there families who come only for a couple of hours and then leave".
"Shame on them" I say feeling bad for the poor patients who need to stay at a hospital alone with no family or friends to help them through their illness, fear and pain.
"Jamie you should go back to school" She tells me.
"Why? I can't leave grandpa here" I say taken aback
"Yes you can. You're young. You shouldn't be spending so much time in a place like this. You have family here. Soon he won't even notice who's here and if at all. Go back to school live a little, I'm sure that's what he would have wanted" She said gently. I looked into her eyes. How would this woman know what my grandpa wants?
"That's what he told your cousins when they were here" As if she just read my mind.
I thank her once again for the tea and then walk back to grandpa.
I watch my grandma in her seat like before, whispering and petting his head. Lucie is reading a book. Could the nurse be right? Should I go back? But what if he does know if I'm here or not? My tears start up again, I make my way to the bathroom to wash my face. But once I get there I'm not able to stop. I'm chocking on sobs. I wish Niall was here with me. That's when I remember I never got a call from him saying he got back all right. As I reach to get my phone it starts ringing, but it isn't Niall's tune.
"Hi" I answer
"Are you crying?" Harry asked me
"Harry!" A sob escapes my lips once more
"What's wrong? How is your granddad?" He asked alarmed
"I don't know what to do anymore, the nurse said I should go back to school but I can't. I want to leave but then I want to stay" My eyes were stinging from my salty tears and tiredness "And what if I come back and then he wakes up or what if he dies and I'm not here?" I'm starting to have a panic attack. I can't breathe.
"Jamie, calm down you're going into an attack. Just breathe, where is Niall?"
"I don't know he needed to call and he didn't I don’t know" I hear the sound of a waiting call and look at the screen. Niall is calling
"He's calling me I need to go" I hang up not waiting to hear his goodbye and call Niall back.
"Ni" I cry when he answers
"Jay! Where are you?" He asks
"At the bathroom, I needed a minute" I say still having a hard time controlling my breathing.
"Open up" He says. I am confused. Why would he want me to open the door?
"What?" I ask
"Open now" He says. I hear a knock. I walk to the door and unlock it.
"Ni" I throw myself at him. I didn't think I had any tears left, but seeing Niall just proved me wrong. Niall while holding me leaned back to the wall, and then slid down so he was sitting with his back to the wall and me on his lap crying on his shoulder. As I cried Niall stroke his fingers through my hair, and rubbed my back with the other hand.
"Jamie" He said, stopping what he was doing, taking my head in his hands, forcing me to look up at him. "look at. It's ok baby"
Gasping and crying I drag my unfocused gaze to his. I was held by those blue eyes, by the way he stared at me as if he knew me inside and out. He was calm and steady, compelling me to be here with him, guiding me out of the darkness that over took me.
"I came to take you back to school" He said
"What do you mean?"I asked carefully.
"Your mum thinks it's a good Idea to take a break from all of this and go clean out your head at school. We can come back on Saturday" He said
"She talked to you?" I gasped
"She did.. So why don't you wash your face, and we can go say goodbye to your grandma and auntie Lucie" I get up from his lap, and walk over to the sink. I sprinkle some cold water on my face. Niall hands me a paper towel to dry myself with.
"Thanks I say" Looking in the mirror I see how red my eyes are.
"Thought you might need this" Niall handed over my eye drops.
We walk back to my grandpa's room.
"It's for the best love" Lucie got up to hug me "I'll see you two again on Friday yeah?" She said. I motioned a yes with my head as I leaned down to hug and kiss grandma.
"Take care precious" She said "I'll see you soon enough" A tear escaping her eyes.
"Don't cry" I tell her handing over some paper to wipe her tears.

"Eleanor is waiting for you. So is Perrie. She said she saw your friends, they've been asking after you" Niall said quietly once we made way down the road to the highway.
"I feel like I haven't slept in a million years" I close my eyes.
"I'll wake you when we get there" He says to me.
But I'm not able to sleep. Every time I close my eyes the image of grandpa yelling out in pain is there and it breaks my heart over and over again making tears escape my closed eye lids.
"I feel like a little baby who can't hold her emotion in tact" I say
Niall stayed quiet not knowing what to say to that.
As we neared the dorms I was getting the feeling of anxiety. What have I done? I should be with my family. I sit up fast.
"Jamie relax we're going back on Friday.. only two days to go, let it be" Niall said looking at me. I breathed in and blew out air.
"Feel any better?" His mouth twitched
"Come" I say as I open the door to get out.
When we enter the flat Eleanor stands up and walks over to me. She doesn't say a word just gives me a long comforting hug.
"Hi sweetie" Perrie walked up to me too as Eleanor let me go.
"Hey there" I give her a hug
"How are you love?"
"I'll be ok" I smile at her.
"Come I'll make us some tea" Eleanor went to the kitchen
Louis and Zayn made me room on the sofa in between them both, and gave my cheeks small kisses. That was enough for me, I didn't need comforting words, just knowing my friends are here for me.
"So how was it today?" Perrie asked as we all held our cups of tea picking at biscuits that were set on the coffee table by El.
"When my grandma was there so he was calm, but when she left he got fidgety and kind of aggravated, like he was really uncomfortable. There is nothing you can do in this kind of situation". I sigh
"Did you call the nurse then?" Louis asked
"Ha, I did.. had a little melt down. Shouted her head off actually" I gave a little chuckle
"That's not like you" Eleanor laughed.
"Why did you shout?" Zayn asked
"Well she comes up and says to me 'if you want I can give him this or that' so I lost it! I started shouting 'what do you mean if I want? You're supposed to be the expert"
"She really asked you that?" Perrie was amazed
"Yes and then once I yelled she said she'll give him morphine" I looked at Niall
"But that didn't help last time! They gave him something else" Niall raised his eye brows
"I know right? So then I started shouting again and sent her to get the doctor"
"What a nitwit" Louis shook his head
"Mind you when she came back with the doctor she took me to the front desk and made me some tea to calm me down. She was really nice so I felt bad for yelling so I apologized to her" I took another sip from my tea
"That is such like you- Why apologize? It wasn't right what she did" Zayn said
"Well, you know, these nurses work 24\7 and they work really hard and sometimes mistakes happen" Eleanor said
"It's not the nurses' fault it's the hospitals'. They aren't supposed to work so long without sleep and mistakes shouldn't be made especially not on Jamie's granddad" Niall told her.
"Well. You're here to get a break. So let's watch a movie shall we?" Louis got up to clear the tea cups.
"We shall!" I smile up at him handing him my cup.
"Should we call Liam and Harry?" Niall asked me
"Sure, give them a call"
As Niall phones them and invites them over I go change into some sweat pants, so I'll be more comfortable.
We watch 'The Hobbit' since the new movie is about to come out, so we had to remember what happen.
"Did you see that? There's a blunder!" Louis pointed out
"What are you on about?" Harry asked him
"Go back, go back!" Louis orders Zayn, so he can show us what he was talking about.
"Look there on the bridge!" Louis points to the screen once again
We look carefully but still had no clue what he was on about.
"My god I'm surrounded with twits- give me that" He pinches the remote from Zayns hand
"Look, who is helping them cross over?" He stops the movie at the scene he was talking about.
"Hey! It's a bad guy!" I look carefully
"Oh finally! Someone with eyes! Give it here Jay" Louis bumps my fist.
"How did you notice that?!" Eleanor was amazed
"I'm brilliant" Louis smiled at her.
"Can we go on watching?" Liam asks him
"Yes" Louis pressed the play button.
"Jamie, popcorn" Harry held out his hand. I put one piece in his palm.
"What is this?" He looks from his hand to me and back again.
"You asked for popcorn, I gave you one" I said looking at the screen and putting a handful of the snack in my mouth.
"You can't just give a person one popcorn" He was stunned
"Umm.. I just did" I still wasn't looking at him. I can hear El and Niall laughing quietly at the situation.
"Don't give him anymore he has a rather big bum if you ask me, we want to look after it, so it should stay small and sexy" Liam said reaching into the bowl on my lap to take some of the popcorn himself. Harry threw one of the pillows and hit Liam in the head.
"I can't watch a movie with you acting like children- Harry go stand in the corner and think about what you just did" Perrie pointed at him.
"Sorry mum" He said and threw another pillow at her, though this time he missed and got Louis in the face- as he just turned to see what was going on.
"Now you've done it!" Louis got up and launched himself at Harry. That started a big power fight between the boys. Liam joined helping Harry, While Niall took Louis' side. Zayn stopped the movie and was throwing at both sides pillows. And us girls? As always.. Filming.
My phone rang in my hands. Looking at the I.D I answer my 15 year old brother shushing my friends.
"Oliver?" I answer "Hi bud, what's happening?"
"Jamie! What is all that noise?"
"My friends started fighting each other.. Children" I sigh
"Sounds fun.. so I guess you aren't with grandpa then" He sounded disappointed
"No, mum made Niall take me back so I should have a break" I answered "Why?"
"It doesn’t matter" He says quietly. I leave the room as Niall is sitting on Harry's head and Liam trying to take Louis' shoe off while Zayn is covering his eyes with a pillow. I shake my head and put the light on in El and my room. "Spill" I tell Oliver as I sit on the bed.
"I.. aahh this is so stupid, I'm going to sound like such a twit" He said. I can see him in my head ruffling his hair like he always does when he feels stupid.
"Come on Oly.. We tell each other everything no matter how much I might make fun of you after" I smile to myself. I truly miss him. Even though we have many year between us we are extremely good friends.
"Well I was thinking since you might be by grandpa's side, you could have put me on speaker phone and I could have a chat with him". He said every word growing quieter
"Oh Oliver" My heart broke to pieces right there and then "You can call dad, I'm sure he would do that for you" Though I know he would never call my dad up. They're some things you only ask certain people to do for you or not at all.
"No, I told you it was stupid.. forget it" He says.
"No Oly, it's not stupid.. I talked to grandpa and so did grandma today.. We all did what you thought of"
"Did he answer you?" He whispered. I know Oliver is sitting on his bed back home ready to go to sleep, with the door shut closed in complete darkness just like me.
"Oh sweetie, he didn't.. I don't think he'll ever will" I'm trying really hard to keep my emotions in check. I didn't want to upset my brother for one, and I finally was able to put my family aside and have dry cheeks for a few hours.
"I never got to say goodbye" Oliver's voice broke, and with that so did my heart in to a few more pieces.
"Are loved ones will always be with us watching" I say to him. I lay down on my bed looking at the ceiling. I was looking at the glowing stars Eleanor and I stuck there our first night here at our first year.
"What did you tell him Jay?" Oliver asked
"I told him I love him, and I'm going to miss him and that I'm sorry" I felt tears dripping down the sides of my face seeping into my pillow. It was a silent crying, my voice stayed steady.
"Sorry for what?"
"Sorry for not making more time for him"
"What should we say then?"
"What do you mean?"
"Jamie you always made time for grandma and grandpa, made us all look bad.. What more did you want to give?"
"I just.. Don't know.. I feel like even though I was there and even though I said goodbye, I feel like I didn't have enough time as I would have liked to" I wipe my eyes
"It must be hard for you more than me.. You two were so close" He sighed
"No, it doesn't work like that Oly. He is your grandpa just as much as mine. It's hard on you too. I know it, you can't even have a last goodbye". I can hear my little brother sniffle
"I should have done more. Came more and now it's too late, I'm losing the only granddad I have left." He was crying "I won't have the chance to tell him I love him one last time"
"He knows! Believe me he does and he loves you too"
"I think we are coming soon.. You know" He doesn’t finish his sentence since we both already know what he means.
"Why don't you stay here a little with me after" I offer him "A little time off from school, come out to play with the big boys for a bit"
"You think mum would let me?" he was getting excited
"Leave that to me ok? Now why don't you get some sleep? I'll call you tomorrow"
"Thanks Jay" He said
"I love you Oliver"
"Love you too sis"
I look at the mirror to make sure my face isn't red and go back out to my friends.
They stopped fighting but didn't start up again with the movie.
"Took you long enough! Come on lets finish this film already" Louis waved everyone back to the sofa
"Lost the fight, haven’t you?" I smirk at him
"I never lose! Harry won- But it's only because he had Liam and Zayn on his side"
We continued the movie from where we stopped. I snuggled up to Niall once again tucking my hands under his so he can keep them warm.
"Who was that on the phone?" He whispered in my ear.
"Oliver, he missed me" I smiled at him. I can see Harry looking at us with the corner of my eye but I ignore him.
We finally finished the film, stretching and yawning, it was 1:30 in the morning and we had school in a few hours.
"Time for bed" Liam gets to his feet.
"Long day tomorrow" Harry taps his back
"I have a test" Eleanor made a sad face
"Cry me a river" Niall stuck out his tongue at her
"If you'll continue being mean to me I won't let Jamie play with you" She waved a finger to his face.
"Ok fine! Don't pock my eye out" He shifts back to get away from her.

Everyone left and it was just Eleanor and me.
"So what did Oliver have to say?" She asked as we each got into her own bed.
"Not much, I think he's having a hard time. With me and Daniel away at college and my dad not being home these past days he is feeling left behind"
"Poor bugger" Eleanor said. She loves my two brothers as if they were her own especially as she didn't have any herself. Growing up with them she had the same memories I had.
"How was it these past few days?" I change the subject to her
"Well, you know.. we walked to school.. And sat at our table without you guys and it was quite sad since we are so used to being round each other.. But other than that.. The same"
"Good" I smile
We wish each other goodnight and turn of the night light. Once again I see in my mind my granddad in his hospital bed suffering. I know I need to push that memory out if I want to sleep so I try thinking of other things. I think about how Niall was with me these past few days, how supportive he was and loving. How gentle he was with my grandma and how he joked with Lucie. I won the jackpot with him. That was the last thought that went through my head as I fell to unconsciousness.
'California here we come right back where we're coming from' my ring tune woke me up. I look at the time before I answer Oliver. It is 5:30 in the morning
"Oliver?" I answer in a sleepy voice
"Jamie" He says. I sit up when I hear his voice, full of sorrow
"When?" I ask him tears running down my cheeks as if they never stopped
"An hour ago"

Notes

Love the people god gave you, because one day he'll need them back