They Don't Know About Us
Cuts
I fell asleep before I answered him, so the next thing i feel is strong arms carrying me around. Harry must have wanted to go to bed as well, he laid me down gently. I pulled the covers out from under me. Harry came under the covers holding me close again. It was like he had to protect me, like if he didn't he would die. He held me tight, but it wasn't uncomfortable, in fact it was the most comfortable I've been, ever as I drifted off into dream land.
I was glad to have fallen asleep. Talking about my scars and stuff often made me think of the reason why I had the hideous marks all over my wrists. My ex. He never failed at making me fell crappy. He never failed at causing the pain in my heart causing me to do this to myself. I'd like to say it wasn't because of him, but there was no way it wasn't.
I was so glad to have rid my life of him, coming to London, going to Uni, meeting Eleanor, meeting Harry.
Maybe it wasn't so bad, the scars, because I mean maybe I was supposed to have them, so I could connect with Harry, share something so intense. I never thought I'd be thankful for the scars, the pain, but in that moment I was.
"I'm so glad to have met you." Harry said sounding thankful, like he was thanking someone, like there was someone else in the room.
And Liam. We were in deep trouble, as he saw how our eyes held tight on each others. But it couldn't keep myself from looking anywhere but his eyes. I too had never met anyone who could relate, so exactly. It seemed Harry had never talked about it before. His skin was very pale there where his waist band had been. That would hurt, the elastic rubbing on the wounds.
Harry's PoV
It killed me to think Lexi had ever felt the way I felt. That she'd ever hurt herself like I hurt myself. And when she kissed my scars, I was shocked and completely amazed that she could do that to something so ugly.
"Are you tired?" She put her head on my chest, I wondered if she could hear my heart beating.
"Yes."
"Are you comfortable here or would you like to go sleep in my bed?" And like that she was asleep. I wasn't sure if we were still trying to hide it, but if we were I decided it would be better for us to be hidden away. I lifted her up off the couch with no difficulty, It felt almost natural to carry her to my room like I did. Almost like I'd done thousands of times before. When I set her down on my bed, she pulled the covers over her with her eyes still closed. I watched as it was one of the most adorable thing I'd ever see, aside from Lux. I joined her in bed, putting my arms around her the same way they were this morning when we were woken. I hoped we wouldn't be woken like that in the morning. I watched her as her breathing evened, I watched how her mouth was left just slightly open and a bit of drool was already dripping out. I looked at how her hair was scattered all over the pillow, and how her hands were loosely clasp together.
In the van with Lou and El, when our fingers were just barely touching, the electricity was intense. It felt like there should have been fireworks going off behind us. I don't really want to hide my feelings for her anymore, I wanted the world to know this girl is the perfect and that I love her. Wait, love, did I? Had I really fallen this fast? No, I'm not sure what it is, maybe it is love, all I know is that I've NEVER felt this way before, never.
I don't know why I told her, I haven't even told my mum yet. As cheesy as it is, she's got that one thing, that allows me to be myself, more then I've ever been myself with anyone ever before. I think shes really beautiful, but that's not my focus, it never was with her. I just wanted to know everything about her, I wanted to know everything she's ever done, I wanted to know her dreams and I wanted to help her each those. I kissed her gently on the top of her head before closing my eyes to try to sleep. Why'd she tell me? Who was her ex boyfriend and if he had anything to do with making her feel that way... I shook my head at the thought.
Sleep eventually came over me.
Lexi's PoV
I was standing outside, hidden away in like a shed. There was a lady near me, she had on a headset microphone thing, and she carried a clip bored around with her. I looked down to see I was wearing a whitish, cream colored dress. It was strapless, and the front of ip came just above the knees as the back flowed long down to the ground. It was made out of lace. I went to look for the first reflective surface I could find, I peered at it without blinking. My hair was done up nicely and my face looked as though it didn't have any make up on it, and yet all the acne scars were gone, My face looked perfect. I came to the conclusion I was about to get married. I wondered to who. I tried to look out the door of the shed to see who it was that should be waiting for me at the end of the isle. There wasn't anyone. Not at the end of the isle, not anyone sitting in chairs waiting to watch.
"Umh, there's no one out there." I turned around and the lady was gone. I looked around for her. When I couldn't find her I looked around for anyone. I walked outside, I had no idea where I was. I went to the closest building. There doors were locked all the way around. I went to the bigger building I saw off in the distance. I began running as a fear of not having enough time rushed over me. "Hello!!!" I screaming and pounded on the locked door. "Please!! Is anyone there?" Tears starting making their was down my face, I could feel the makeup running and getting messed up.
I turned, leaning my back against the door, sliding down to the ground as my legs gave in. The door swung open gently causing my to fall on my back. There were papers with arrows pointing up the grand staircase plastered to the walls. They were covering pictures and paintings, and clocks and doors. I followed them. I got up the stairs to find more arrows pointing towards a room. Above the door handle to the desired door a piece of paper read, "open". I turned it. The door slowly opened. There was blood everywhere, and a person laying on the ground in a puddle of it. The curls soaked. The person laying there had on a nice suit, he was wearing a bow tie. It was Harry, his once green eyes not a very pale grey. His cheeks that had that slight pink color, were now drained, he was the palest of pales.
Tears came falling down my face like I could cry for years. I didn't care that I was wearing my dream wedding dress, my knees fell into the puddle and my arms flung themselves around him. I could feel the blood soaking into my perfect dress. I could see the cuts on his arms, but they weren't just there, they were all over his body, the lines under his mostly blood soaked shirt, there were cuts everywhere.
"Lexi," I heard. It was quiet, like it was off in the distance. "Lexi. Love." I could hear concern in the way the words were spoken. Then I felt someone moving hair out of my face. "Sweet Heart." My arms were suddenly empty, My head was suddenly on a pillow, the room was dark, and someone had there arms wrapped around me. I inhaled sharply as my eyes shot open.
"You're alive!" I gasped.
"Of course love, yes of course I'm alive. Why wouldn't I be?" He sounded confused, of course who wouldn't be. My breath was heavy, my chest was heaving up and down, tears were exploding out of my eyes. "Whats that matter, Lexi! Lex, just breath." He had me sitting up in his arms, rubbing my back, trying to comfort me. It helped a lot, just him being there. When I was calm i climbed out of his embrace tot sit cross legged across from him. I held his hand as I spoke.
"It was my dream. It started out good, really good, then at the end it was bad. I was in a wedding dress, it seemed like I was about to get married, I had no idea who though. Then when I went to see who my husband would be, everyone disappeared. I went looking for someone, anyone, but there wasn't anyone around. I was alone. Then I was in a giant house thing, there were arrows everywhere pointing to a room. I go inside the room and you're laying there." I took a deep breath. "Dead."
"It's all right, it was just a dream, it wasn't real. I'm alive." I pulled me close into a hug. It was comforting. I could feel how much he cared for me in it, it was something about the way his arms felt.
"I know, please don't ever cut again, and if you really feel like you have to, please call me text me, talk to me, or one of the boys or just please don't. Now that I know about it, you can tell me anything, please just don't ever cut again."
"I take it I wasn't just dead."
"No, you had cuts all over your body, your arms on you torso, everywhere. You'd killed yourself." A single tear fell from my eyes. Although it was dark in the room, Harry still saw it.
"Don't cry, love. I'll come to you and talk to you about it, okay? I haven't felt that way in a few months so, yeah. But I promise, I'll talk to you." He hugged me again and then we laid back down. "Why did you start doing it?" We had laid there for a while, neither of us able to quiet our minds.
"Uhh, I never really knew why I did while I was doing it. It was just something I heard people did when they hurt so unbearably bad. It was almost like my hand had a mind of it's own, it just kind of happened. Later i came to conclusion that the physical pain was easier to deal with then emotional pain." I bit my lip. I wanted so desperately to ask him why he did it. "Why did you do it?" After a few moments of debating a asked him.
"Because I didn't know what else to do." He admitted. He fell asleep after that. I was still afraid to shut my eyes, his dead body still fresh in my mind. I looked out the window he had. I could see taller building around us and a very tiny portion of the night sky. The stars were bright, shining like any other night. I turned my body ove to face Harry, his shirt a ridden up exposing more scars. They more fresh then the others. Eventually my eyes fell shut and I was sleeping again.
I woke up the next morning to a door slamming. Harry was still sound asleep next to me. My eyes were wide as I gently pushed him awake. He inhaled deeply before saying anything.
"What is Lexi?" His eyes were closed. He stretched, his arms extended out accidentally hitting me in the head. "Ops, sorry." He kissed my head where he hit.
"I just heard someone slam a door." I told him.
"What time is it?"
I was glad to have fallen asleep. Talking about my scars and stuff often made me think of the reason why I had the hideous marks all over my wrists. My ex. He never failed at making me fell crappy. He never failed at causing the pain in my heart causing me to do this to myself. I'd like to say it wasn't because of him, but there was no way it wasn't.
I was so glad to have rid my life of him, coming to London, going to Uni, meeting Eleanor, meeting Harry.
Maybe it wasn't so bad, the scars, because I mean maybe I was supposed to have them, so I could connect with Harry, share something so intense. I never thought I'd be thankful for the scars, the pain, but in that moment I was.
"I'm so glad to have met you." Harry said sounding thankful, like he was thanking someone, like there was someone else in the room.
And Liam. We were in deep trouble, as he saw how our eyes held tight on each others. But it couldn't keep myself from looking anywhere but his eyes. I too had never met anyone who could relate, so exactly. It seemed Harry had never talked about it before. His skin was very pale there where his waist band had been. That would hurt, the elastic rubbing on the wounds.
Harry's PoV
It killed me to think Lexi had ever felt the way I felt. That she'd ever hurt herself like I hurt myself. And when she kissed my scars, I was shocked and completely amazed that she could do that to something so ugly.
"Are you tired?" She put her head on my chest, I wondered if she could hear my heart beating.
"Yes."
"Are you comfortable here or would you like to go sleep in my bed?" And like that she was asleep. I wasn't sure if we were still trying to hide it, but if we were I decided it would be better for us to be hidden away. I lifted her up off the couch with no difficulty, It felt almost natural to carry her to my room like I did. Almost like I'd done thousands of times before. When I set her down on my bed, she pulled the covers over her with her eyes still closed. I watched as it was one of the most adorable thing I'd ever see, aside from Lux. I joined her in bed, putting my arms around her the same way they were this morning when we were woken. I hoped we wouldn't be woken like that in the morning. I watched her as her breathing evened, I watched how her mouth was left just slightly open and a bit of drool was already dripping out. I looked at how her hair was scattered all over the pillow, and how her hands were loosely clasp together.
In the van with Lou and El, when our fingers were just barely touching, the electricity was intense. It felt like there should have been fireworks going off behind us. I don't really want to hide my feelings for her anymore, I wanted the world to know this girl is the perfect and that I love her. Wait, love, did I? Had I really fallen this fast? No, I'm not sure what it is, maybe it is love, all I know is that I've NEVER felt this way before, never.
I don't know why I told her, I haven't even told my mum yet. As cheesy as it is, she's got that one thing, that allows me to be myself, more then I've ever been myself with anyone ever before. I think shes really beautiful, but that's not my focus, it never was with her. I just wanted to know everything about her, I wanted to know everything she's ever done, I wanted to know her dreams and I wanted to help her each those. I kissed her gently on the top of her head before closing my eyes to try to sleep. Why'd she tell me? Who was her ex boyfriend and if he had anything to do with making her feel that way... I shook my head at the thought.
Sleep eventually came over me.
Lexi's PoV
I was standing outside, hidden away in like a shed. There was a lady near me, she had on a headset microphone thing, and she carried a clip bored around with her. I looked down to see I was wearing a whitish, cream colored dress. It was strapless, and the front of ip came just above the knees as the back flowed long down to the ground. It was made out of lace. I went to look for the first reflective surface I could find, I peered at it without blinking. My hair was done up nicely and my face looked as though it didn't have any make up on it, and yet all the acne scars were gone, My face looked perfect. I came to the conclusion I was about to get married. I wondered to who. I tried to look out the door of the shed to see who it was that should be waiting for me at the end of the isle. There wasn't anyone. Not at the end of the isle, not anyone sitting in chairs waiting to watch.
"Umh, there's no one out there." I turned around and the lady was gone. I looked around for her. When I couldn't find her I looked around for anyone. I walked outside, I had no idea where I was. I went to the closest building. There doors were locked all the way around. I went to the bigger building I saw off in the distance. I began running as a fear of not having enough time rushed over me. "Hello!!!" I screaming and pounded on the locked door. "Please!! Is anyone there?" Tears starting making their was down my face, I could feel the makeup running and getting messed up.
I turned, leaning my back against the door, sliding down to the ground as my legs gave in. The door swung open gently causing my to fall on my back. There were papers with arrows pointing up the grand staircase plastered to the walls. They were covering pictures and paintings, and clocks and doors. I followed them. I got up the stairs to find more arrows pointing towards a room. Above the door handle to the desired door a piece of paper read, "open". I turned it. The door slowly opened. There was blood everywhere, and a person laying on the ground in a puddle of it. The curls soaked. The person laying there had on a nice suit, he was wearing a bow tie. It was Harry, his once green eyes not a very pale grey. His cheeks that had that slight pink color, were now drained, he was the palest of pales.
Tears came falling down my face like I could cry for years. I didn't care that I was wearing my dream wedding dress, my knees fell into the puddle and my arms flung themselves around him. I could feel the blood soaking into my perfect dress. I could see the cuts on his arms, but they weren't just there, they were all over his body, the lines under his mostly blood soaked shirt, there were cuts everywhere.
"Lexi," I heard. It was quiet, like it was off in the distance. "Lexi. Love." I could hear concern in the way the words were spoken. Then I felt someone moving hair out of my face. "Sweet Heart." My arms were suddenly empty, My head was suddenly on a pillow, the room was dark, and someone had there arms wrapped around me. I inhaled sharply as my eyes shot open.
"You're alive!" I gasped.
"Of course love, yes of course I'm alive. Why wouldn't I be?" He sounded confused, of course who wouldn't be. My breath was heavy, my chest was heaving up and down, tears were exploding out of my eyes. "Whats that matter, Lexi! Lex, just breath." He had me sitting up in his arms, rubbing my back, trying to comfort me. It helped a lot, just him being there. When I was calm i climbed out of his embrace tot sit cross legged across from him. I held his hand as I spoke.
"It was my dream. It started out good, really good, then at the end it was bad. I was in a wedding dress, it seemed like I was about to get married, I had no idea who though. Then when I went to see who my husband would be, everyone disappeared. I went looking for someone, anyone, but there wasn't anyone around. I was alone. Then I was in a giant house thing, there were arrows everywhere pointing to a room. I go inside the room and you're laying there." I took a deep breath. "Dead."
"It's all right, it was just a dream, it wasn't real. I'm alive." I pulled me close into a hug. It was comforting. I could feel how much he cared for me in it, it was something about the way his arms felt.
"I know, please don't ever cut again, and if you really feel like you have to, please call me text me, talk to me, or one of the boys or just please don't. Now that I know about it, you can tell me anything, please just don't ever cut again."
"I take it I wasn't just dead."
"No, you had cuts all over your body, your arms on you torso, everywhere. You'd killed yourself." A single tear fell from my eyes. Although it was dark in the room, Harry still saw it.
"Don't cry, love. I'll come to you and talk to you about it, okay? I haven't felt that way in a few months so, yeah. But I promise, I'll talk to you." He hugged me again and then we laid back down. "Why did you start doing it?" We had laid there for a while, neither of us able to quiet our minds.
"Uhh, I never really knew why I did while I was doing it. It was just something I heard people did when they hurt so unbearably bad. It was almost like my hand had a mind of it's own, it just kind of happened. Later i came to conclusion that the physical pain was easier to deal with then emotional pain." I bit my lip. I wanted so desperately to ask him why he did it. "Why did you do it?" After a few moments of debating a asked him.
"Because I didn't know what else to do." He admitted. He fell asleep after that. I was still afraid to shut my eyes, his dead body still fresh in my mind. I looked out the window he had. I could see taller building around us and a very tiny portion of the night sky. The stars were bright, shining like any other night. I turned my body ove to face Harry, his shirt a ridden up exposing more scars. They more fresh then the others. Eventually my eyes fell shut and I was sleeping again.
I woke up the next morning to a door slamming. Harry was still sound asleep next to me. My eyes were wide as I gently pushed him awake. He inhaled deeply before saying anything.
"What is Lexi?" His eyes were closed. He stretched, his arms extended out accidentally hitting me in the head. "Ops, sorry." He kissed my head where he hit.
"I just heard someone slam a door." I told him.
"What time is it?"
4/26/13