They Don't Know About Us
Church
"It looks awesome! Thank you so much!!!" It hadn't taken long, it was kind of small, not very long. I'd be able to see it if I hadn't had sleeves on. I was so excited to show everyone.
"I'm glad you like it." Harry said in almost a monotone. We were walking down the street, his hand loosely wrapped around mine. I gave it a gentle squeeze before it almost fell out of my hand completely. He held on tighter. I hadn't wanted to press if mood any further, but he had also promises me we would talk about it.
The day had turned into night, the street lights were on, illuminating a circle about fifteen feet wide every few feet. We weren't walking in the direction of his car or my flat so confusion over came me.
"Where are we going."
"Some where to talk." I wanted to ask him if we could do back at the flat, but he obviously didn't want to do that.
"What ever it is Harry, I'm here for you." I jumped in front of him trying to look into his eyes. The sadness in them was a lot to take in. He looked as though tears were about to fall. I instantly wrapped my arms around him trying to comfort him, like he so often did with me. He head fell to the crook of me neck, his arms pulling me close. I rubbed his back. I felt him take a few deep breaths before lifting his head away from my body. Tears leaked from his eyes. I wiped them away with my thumb, a compassionate smile came to his lips.
"What would i do with out you?" He put his forehead on mine, looking down at me. His lip bit between his teeth. I hadn't a clue what to say.
We stayed like that while a photographer came by, snapping pictures of us. IT was almost like we didn't care anyone was around. We stayed like that while the guy behind the camera tried to talk to us, ask us questions. We ignored him, we ignored the world.
"In the count of three, run," he was whispering. I nodded my head so only he would noticed it moved.
"one... two... three!!" He mouthed one and two yelling out three, taking my hand and pulling me behind him. We ran, like a mob followed us, when really there was only the one guy. I still had no idea where we were going.
Somehow we'd gone in a circle, as we ended up back at his black Range Rover. We jumped into the back seat. He had a smile on his face, he was having fun, but his eyes were held sadness. We sat, his green orbs peering thoughtfully into my weird multicolored orbs. After a while, he cleared his throat and began speaking.
"I'm not christian." I was confused. "I may not know a lot, but I know christian aren't supposed to date non-Christians." He looked down to our hands sitting on the seat between us. "I don't want to lose you." He's right, kind of.
"What?" I was confused because it almost sounded like he was implying he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.
"I mean, I really like you, like a lot, I think you're soo cool and stuff, you're perfect to me, and I know it sounds like I've proposed, I haven't, but I do want this to work. You are the only one that knows about my cuts and I believe you're the only one that can save me."
"But I'm not." I felt bad for saying it so I quickly added, "But I know someone that can. God, yeah Eleanor helped a lot with getting over the need to cut, but I also don't think she could have done that herself. It was getting real bad. I was so close to just ending it all, but I didn't. I was home alone, the pills and blades in my hands. I could have done it so easily, but I didn't. God literally intervened in my life and saved me." I didn't tell many people about that because it almost sounded like I was crazy, and to some I might be, but God saved me... more then once.
"That bad?" My lip was clenched tight between my teeth nodding at him.
"Nothing is impossible with God." I rolled the sleeve my jacket up revealing my tattoo. "Come to church with me next week, it will be good. You can see what its all about before you make your decision." I put my hands over his trying to comfort him. "And for the record, I don't want to lose you either. I don't want to change you if you don't want to be changed. Though" I told him truthfully. That feeling I had, the one where I felt like I supposed to change his life, I hadn't thought it'd be like this. I just thought I was supposed to help stop cutting.
~~~
Harry's PoV
I had spent the night at Lexi's house so I would be ready to go with her and Eleanor to church this morning. It had been a week since telling Lexi I wanted to become a christian. Lexi told me I could wear jeans, so I brought three different pairs with me. I also brought a few button up shirts, just in case one didn't go with the pants I brought.
Lexi walked out of her room, wearing a sweater, just like the first night. Though she wasn't wearing leggings, she wore black skinny jeans. She looked nice. Her hair was straight, the first time I'd seen it like that. It was longer without the curls. I wanted run my fingers through it. I refrained, just gazing at her as she approached.
"You'd better decide quick, we've got to leave soon." She told me as I held out a pair of jeans and a shirt.
"Mind if I change in your room?"
"Go ahead." I slept on the couch last night, in fear of what would happen in church today. She gave me a funny face when I had told her I didn't want to sleep in the same bed... I don't it just seemed like something bad, like if people at church found out we were sleeping in the same bed they would not let me in the doors of the church. When I came out, she giggled.
"What? Is there something on my face?" She continued to giggle while she pointed down. I had forgotten to zip up my pants. After zipping up the zip I sat down next to her on the couch. My hand awkwardly resting in my lap.
"Relax, it will be fine. There is literally nothing to worry about." She had explained the whole process to me many times in the last week, each time causing me to feel more and more nervous. "We just sing for a bit, and then Pastor Dan reads things from the bible relating it to our lives." She told me again, putting her
hands over mine rubbing them.
"I know, that's what you keep saying." I took a deep breath. "You won't have to leave me?"
"No. I'll be there, sitting next to you the whole time." She assured me. Now we were just waiting for Eleanor. She came out of her room four minutes later in a skirt and flowy top. "Wait I thought you said we could dress casually?" I stood up, suddenly freaking out that what I was wearing wasn't good enough.
"What you wearing is fine." Lexi stood up and pulled my chin down to her height so she could look me in the eyes. "Seriously, that shirt is more dressy then my sweater." I breathed deeply again, trying to tell myself to calm down. It wasn't true, her sweater was new, she had bought it sometime in the last few days, she said she'd been looking at in the window for weeks and finally had enough to buy it. I tried to buy it for her, but she wouldn't let me. Anyway, her sweater was new and really nice.
We left the flat walking down Eleanor's car. She'd had that she's had since before met her. But she kept it nice, it still looked practically new. She went to the drivers side, Lexi got in the passengers side.
"Are you sure you want to this?" She asked me. I was nervous, but not about changing everything about myself. I was just worried about the people at t church. Afraid they wouldn't think I was worthy to come to God.
"Yeah." It was her smile that got me again. Suddenly I was calm. I knew this is what was supposes to happen. Change needs to happen, I can't go on like this anymore. The wounds on my hip pulsed with pain.
The sores made themselves known, screaming to let me know they were there.
And that was that, church was exactly what Lexi had explained to me before. The only thing she left out was how much it would relate to me. The sermon given was exactly about leaving something bad behind, changing, making your life new and purposeful. Exactly what I needed to hear. It was a lot to take in, but everything I needed to take in. After we said "amen" Lexi turned to me to see me. Her bright eyes wide.
"Wow." She said to me. Then I told her that I planned on coming next Sunday, and the Sunday after that. The Pastor walked up us.
"Hello!" Holding his hand while greeting me.
"This is Harry, he's thinking about becoming a Christian." Lexi introduced us. "Harry this is Pastor Dan Mack." We shook hands. He was really nice, all the people there were nice. I don't know why I'd been so nervous.
"Glad to have you, hope see you next week." Pastor Dan turned and walked away from us after we'd finished talking. Lex and I walked to El's car hand in hand.
No mater what we'd be doing she made me feel normal again. She didn't treat me like a pop star, and people didn't treat like one when she was around me. There was the occasional paparazzi guy, but that was about. Even at radio things we'd done in the past week, the crowds around didn't seem so crazy. She hadn't even come with us, she was pure magic.
"I'm glad you like it." Harry said in almost a monotone. We were walking down the street, his hand loosely wrapped around mine. I gave it a gentle squeeze before it almost fell out of my hand completely. He held on tighter. I hadn't wanted to press if mood any further, but he had also promises me we would talk about it.
The day had turned into night, the street lights were on, illuminating a circle about fifteen feet wide every few feet. We weren't walking in the direction of his car or my flat so confusion over came me.
"Where are we going."
"Some where to talk." I wanted to ask him if we could do back at the flat, but he obviously didn't want to do that.
"What ever it is Harry, I'm here for you." I jumped in front of him trying to look into his eyes. The sadness in them was a lot to take in. He looked as though tears were about to fall. I instantly wrapped my arms around him trying to comfort him, like he so often did with me. He head fell to the crook of me neck, his arms pulling me close. I rubbed his back. I felt him take a few deep breaths before lifting his head away from my body. Tears leaked from his eyes. I wiped them away with my thumb, a compassionate smile came to his lips.
"What would i do with out you?" He put his forehead on mine, looking down at me. His lip bit between his teeth. I hadn't a clue what to say.
We stayed like that while a photographer came by, snapping pictures of us. IT was almost like we didn't care anyone was around. We stayed like that while the guy behind the camera tried to talk to us, ask us questions. We ignored him, we ignored the world.
"In the count of three, run," he was whispering. I nodded my head so only he would noticed it moved.
"one... two... three!!" He mouthed one and two yelling out three, taking my hand and pulling me behind him. We ran, like a mob followed us, when really there was only the one guy. I still had no idea where we were going.
Somehow we'd gone in a circle, as we ended up back at his black Range Rover. We jumped into the back seat. He had a smile on his face, he was having fun, but his eyes were held sadness. We sat, his green orbs peering thoughtfully into my weird multicolored orbs. After a while, he cleared his throat and began speaking.
"I'm not christian." I was confused. "I may not know a lot, but I know christian aren't supposed to date non-Christians." He looked down to our hands sitting on the seat between us. "I don't want to lose you." He's right, kind of.
"What?" I was confused because it almost sounded like he was implying he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.
"I mean, I really like you, like a lot, I think you're soo cool and stuff, you're perfect to me, and I know it sounds like I've proposed, I haven't, but I do want this to work. You are the only one that knows about my cuts and I believe you're the only one that can save me."
"But I'm not." I felt bad for saying it so I quickly added, "But I know someone that can. God, yeah Eleanor helped a lot with getting over the need to cut, but I also don't think she could have done that herself. It was getting real bad. I was so close to just ending it all, but I didn't. I was home alone, the pills and blades in my hands. I could have done it so easily, but I didn't. God literally intervened in my life and saved me." I didn't tell many people about that because it almost sounded like I was crazy, and to some I might be, but God saved me... more then once.
"That bad?" My lip was clenched tight between my teeth nodding at him.
"Nothing is impossible with God." I rolled the sleeve my jacket up revealing my tattoo. "Come to church with me next week, it will be good. You can see what its all about before you make your decision." I put my hands over his trying to comfort him. "And for the record, I don't want to lose you either. I don't want to change you if you don't want to be changed. Though" I told him truthfully. That feeling I had, the one where I felt like I supposed to change his life, I hadn't thought it'd be like this. I just thought I was supposed to help stop cutting.
~~~
Harry's PoV
I had spent the night at Lexi's house so I would be ready to go with her and Eleanor to church this morning. It had been a week since telling Lexi I wanted to become a christian. Lexi told me I could wear jeans, so I brought three different pairs with me. I also brought a few button up shirts, just in case one didn't go with the pants I brought.
Lexi walked out of her room, wearing a sweater, just like the first night. Though she wasn't wearing leggings, she wore black skinny jeans. She looked nice. Her hair was straight, the first time I'd seen it like that. It was longer without the curls. I wanted run my fingers through it. I refrained, just gazing at her as she approached.
"You'd better decide quick, we've got to leave soon." She told me as I held out a pair of jeans and a shirt.
"Mind if I change in your room?"
"Go ahead." I slept on the couch last night, in fear of what would happen in church today. She gave me a funny face when I had told her I didn't want to sleep in the same bed... I don't it just seemed like something bad, like if people at church found out we were sleeping in the same bed they would not let me in the doors of the church. When I came out, she giggled.
"What? Is there something on my face?" She continued to giggle while she pointed down. I had forgotten to zip up my pants. After zipping up the zip I sat down next to her on the couch. My hand awkwardly resting in my lap.
"Relax, it will be fine. There is literally nothing to worry about." She had explained the whole process to me many times in the last week, each time causing me to feel more and more nervous. "We just sing for a bit, and then Pastor Dan reads things from the bible relating it to our lives." She told me again, putting her
hands over mine rubbing them.
"I know, that's what you keep saying." I took a deep breath. "You won't have to leave me?"
"No. I'll be there, sitting next to you the whole time." She assured me. Now we were just waiting for Eleanor. She came out of her room four minutes later in a skirt and flowy top. "Wait I thought you said we could dress casually?" I stood up, suddenly freaking out that what I was wearing wasn't good enough.
"What you wearing is fine." Lexi stood up and pulled my chin down to her height so she could look me in the eyes. "Seriously, that shirt is more dressy then my sweater." I breathed deeply again, trying to tell myself to calm down. It wasn't true, her sweater was new, she had bought it sometime in the last few days, she said she'd been looking at in the window for weeks and finally had enough to buy it. I tried to buy it for her, but she wouldn't let me. Anyway, her sweater was new and really nice.
We left the flat walking down Eleanor's car. She'd had that she's had since before met her. But she kept it nice, it still looked practically new. She went to the drivers side, Lexi got in the passengers side.
"Are you sure you want to this?" She asked me. I was nervous, but not about changing everything about myself. I was just worried about the people at t church. Afraid they wouldn't think I was worthy to come to God.
"Yeah." It was her smile that got me again. Suddenly I was calm. I knew this is what was supposes to happen. Change needs to happen, I can't go on like this anymore. The wounds on my hip pulsed with pain.
The sores made themselves known, screaming to let me know they were there.
And that was that, church was exactly what Lexi had explained to me before. The only thing she left out was how much it would relate to me. The sermon given was exactly about leaving something bad behind, changing, making your life new and purposeful. Exactly what I needed to hear. It was a lot to take in, but everything I needed to take in. After we said "amen" Lexi turned to me to see me. Her bright eyes wide.
"Wow." She said to me. Then I told her that I planned on coming next Sunday, and the Sunday after that. The Pastor walked up us.
"Hello!" Holding his hand while greeting me.
"This is Harry, he's thinking about becoming a Christian." Lexi introduced us. "Harry this is Pastor Dan Mack." We shook hands. He was really nice, all the people there were nice. I don't know why I'd been so nervous.
"Glad to have you, hope see you next week." Pastor Dan turned and walked away from us after we'd finished talking. Lex and I walked to El's car hand in hand.
No mater what we'd be doing she made me feel normal again. She didn't treat me like a pop star, and people didn't treat like one when she was around me. There was the occasional paparazzi guy, but that was about. Even at radio things we'd done in the past week, the crowds around didn't seem so crazy. She hadn't even come with us, she was pure magic.
4/26/13