All Time Lows and All Time Highs
And here it comes...
I woke up to meowing from Eleanor. I rub my eyes and look at her. She's sitting on my stomach pawing at my face trying to wake me up. "What do you need baby?" I ask while sitting up. She meows again and jumps down, trotting over to her water bowl and sitting next to it. Another meow and I get up and fill it, then I walk into my bedroom, to put some clothes on. Since I've been walking around in my underwear. I reach my bedroom and plop down on the bed, to check my phone. 1 missed call from Juliet, and texts from Micheal, Juliet, Harry, and Louis.
From: Mikey <3
Hey sis. Mom said you made the flight arrangements. I'll meet you at the airport at 12 yeah? You can tell me all about your lunch with One Direction ;D See you then, love you.
From: Jules <3
Gooooodmorning babay! I'll be home tonight, spending the day with Will (if you know what I mean ;D) Don't moap around all day ok? Do something. Hell go see a movie by yourself if you have too. Just get out of the house. Love ya!
From: Hazza ;D
Good morning, love. How'd you sleep? I have today off, was wondering if maybe you wanted to hang out? The boys might tag along, if they're up to it. You don't have too, just wanted to see. Talk to you later then? Cheers xoxo
From: Louissssss :D
Charlie! Want to spend the day with me and the lads? We're bored, figured you might be as well. Plus it'll give you some time with Haz ;D Anyways, let us know. Bye love xoxo
I send back a reply to Micheal telling him I'll see him then, and just ignore Jules' figuring she's probably busy with William. That left my replies to Harry and Lou.
To: Hazza ;D
Morning to you too darlin'! That sounds fun, but I'm not really up for leaving the flat today. Y'all want to just come over and have a movie day or something?
To: Louisssss :D
Lou! Hiya sweetie. I just sent the plans to Hazza. And there's nothing going on between us, though bless your soul you think there is. I've known the boy for two days, that is not enough time to form a relationship. See you soon! xoxo
I sigh as I toss my phone on my bed.
I get up and take a quick shower. when I get out I put some underwear on, a very cute blue and black lace thong, and matching bra. I stand in front of my full length mirror at myself. I like how I look, I almost have an hourglass figure, and I'm not extremely chubby, but I have a little chub. My eyes scan my body stopping at my hips. The one thing I hate about my body, all the scars that are on my hips. It was tough after Cameron died, and I couldn't talk to anybody about it. I dealt with it the only way I thought I could, by cutting. I cut where no one would see it, and I kept it a secret from everyone, even Jules. During a doctors visit she noticed and I was institutionalized for a week. When things get bad, that's the first thing I think of doing. And there are times when I have gone back to it, I can't help it. I relapse, and I can't control myself. Because it was an addiction, and I'm never going to not have that feeling burned into my mind. How good it felt when the blade was against my skin, and how it felt to finally be in control of the immense pain I was feeling.
I'm not proud of my scars. They're not there to show me that I'm strong and that I persevered. They're there because I was weak, and hurt, and depressed. And filled with so many emotions I was unable to process them all and cope with them in a positive way.
I check my phone and see I have two messages.
From: Hazza ;D
Sure movie day at your place sounds fun. We'll be over in 30 minutes. You're on the second floor right? See ya then. xoxo
From: Louissssss :D
Haha, love there is definitely somthing going on between the two of you. Even if you can't see it. I'm very perceptive. I pick up on these things quickly. We'll be at you flat in like 30, see ya then! xoxo
I laugh at the messages and reply to Harry telling him, yes I live on the second floor, and the flat number. I ignore Lou's message and fall onto my bed. I lay there for about two minutes when I hear yelling, and then pounding on my door. And here we go. I'm still in my underwear so I throw some yoga pants on and a hoodie. I race to door and open it. In front of me are 5 boys, significantly taller than I am. I say hello and invite them in. Harry was the last to walk in and as he passed me I could feel his eyes looking at my outfit.
We make our way to the living room and I offer them seats. "Would any of y'all like a drink? We have plenty of options." I say while heading to the kitchen. Lou calls back, "No thank you! If we need something we'll find it ourselves!" I laugh, of course they would. I make my way back to the kitchen with a water bottle for myself. I toss Niall the remote. "Make yourselves comfortable. Put a movie on, I'm going to go change and be back out with pillows and whatnot. Bathroom is down the hall and last door on the left." I head back to my room, the last door on the right.
I strip off the clothes and try to decide on something else. I look at all of my clothes, I hear footsteps down the hallway, figure somebody had to use the loo. I turn back to my closet. All of a sudden I hear my door open and turn to see a wide eyed Louis staring at me.
He shrieks, "OH MY GOODNESS I AM SO SORRY CHARLIE I THOUGHT THIS WAS THE BATHROOM I SWEAR I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING I SWEAR." I laugh and tell him it's fine, the bathroom's across the hall and to come back in here when he's done. I throw the same yoga pants on and a purple tank top that says "Train like a Beast, Look like a Beauty." throw my hair up in a messy ballet bun and slip on some socks. Louis knocks tentatively. "Come in Lou." I call while taking a seat on my bed, crossing my legs.
"I am so sorry love, honest I didn't mean too, I was looking for the loo." I laugh and pat the bed next to me. He takes a seat. "It's fine, Honestly, it's ok. It doesn't matter." I smile at him. Lou laughs and nods, rubbing the backof his head. "So..what was on your hips?" he asks slowly, I knew he was gonna ask. I was just hoping he wouldn't.
I explained to Louis about my scars. I told him everything. I felt like I could trust him, and god i needed to tell someone. Juliet was always there for me and I knew that. I know she gets tired of hearing it though. So I just stopped telling her and kept it to myself. Telling Louis everything, the accident, why Micheal wouldn't talk to me for two years, my parents, my scars, everything.
Lou sat there solemn and quite while I spoke. Once I finished telling him, I looked at his face searching for something, I just didn't know what. He gave me a sad, sad smile, stood up and pulled me into a hug. He held me tight and kissed the top of my head. I relaxed in his arms, thankful that he was understanding. As he pulled back he looked at me.
"I'm not going to make you talk about it anymore than you want too. I'm just so glad that you opened up to me and trusted me enough to tell me all of this. I will always be here for you, no matter what. I just want you to know that. You'll always have a best mate in me, always. Ok, love?
For the first time since we had started talking, I had tears in my eyes. I smiled up at him and replied, "Thank you Louis, it means a lot. It really does. There's just something about you, that makes me feel safe. Like I can trust you with everything. With it being this week, I really needed to talk about it with someone. It's different with Jules. I can't talk about it with her anymore. Just doesn't seem like she cares. I know she does. But it doesn't seem like it. Yano?"
He nodded in understanding. He hugged me one more time and left his arm around my shoulder. "Let's go back out there, yeah?" he said as he steered us towards the door. We head back to the living room to hear laughing from the boys. I take a seat on the love seat and look at the boys curiously. They had got on youtube on my tv and put one of their songs on. 'Kiss You' the kereoke version. Oh gosh. I'm sure I have a very confused look on my face as I stare incredulously. "Just sit here you'll love it. Trust me." Lou said and went up to join the others. Eleanor jumped on the couch wiht me and curled up next to my legs that were tucked underneath me.
The music started and Zayn began singing along.
"Oh I just want to take you anywhere that you'd like, we can go out any day, any night. Baby I'll take ya there take ya there, baby I'll take ya there, yeah."
The boys were dancing around all goofy, just having fun. And I couldn't help the smile that spead across my face. Then Harry started singing, and I swear my heart stopped.
"Oh tell me, tell me, how to turn your love on. We can get anything that you want. Baby just shout it out, shout it out. Baby just shout it out, yeah."
He was still dancing as he sang but he was looking at me the whole time. By the time the chorus started their dancing became absolutely ridiculous. Some of them were on the couch or chairs while others were rolling on the floor.
Niall started his part.
"Oh baby I just want to show you off to all of my friends, making them drool by their chinny-chin-chins-"
As he sang he made the cutest faces while stroking his non-existent beard. Once the "na na nanana na's" started they were all in sync with their movements. Then Harry grabbed Eleanor and started dancing with her. I could tell she didn't particularly care for it.
The last line of the song came on and Harry sang, "And let me kiss you!" While holding my kitten out to me. I laughed and gave my confused pet a kiss, while taking her from the boy. She jumped out of my arms and dashed to my room. Harry plopped down next to me on the love seat, making himself comfortable. The rest of the boys followed suit finding spots throughout the various furniture.
From: Mikey <3
Hey sis. Mom said you made the flight arrangements. I'll meet you at the airport at 12 yeah? You can tell me all about your lunch with One Direction ;D See you then, love you.
From: Jules <3
Gooooodmorning babay! I'll be home tonight, spending the day with Will (if you know what I mean ;D) Don't moap around all day ok? Do something. Hell go see a movie by yourself if you have too. Just get out of the house. Love ya!
From: Hazza ;D
Good morning, love. How'd you sleep? I have today off, was wondering if maybe you wanted to hang out? The boys might tag along, if they're up to it. You don't have too, just wanted to see. Talk to you later then? Cheers xoxo
From: Louissssss :D
Charlie! Want to spend the day with me and the lads? We're bored, figured you might be as well. Plus it'll give you some time with Haz ;D Anyways, let us know. Bye love xoxo
I send back a reply to Micheal telling him I'll see him then, and just ignore Jules' figuring she's probably busy with William. That left my replies to Harry and Lou.
To: Hazza ;D
Morning to you too darlin'! That sounds fun, but I'm not really up for leaving the flat today. Y'all want to just come over and have a movie day or something?
To: Louisssss :D
Lou! Hiya sweetie. I just sent the plans to Hazza. And there's nothing going on between us, though bless your soul you think there is. I've known the boy for two days, that is not enough time to form a relationship. See you soon! xoxo
I sigh as I toss my phone on my bed.
I get up and take a quick shower. when I get out I put some underwear on, a very cute blue and black lace thong, and matching bra. I stand in front of my full length mirror at myself. I like how I look, I almost have an hourglass figure, and I'm not extremely chubby, but I have a little chub. My eyes scan my body stopping at my hips. The one thing I hate about my body, all the scars that are on my hips. It was tough after Cameron died, and I couldn't talk to anybody about it. I dealt with it the only way I thought I could, by cutting. I cut where no one would see it, and I kept it a secret from everyone, even Jules. During a doctors visit she noticed and I was institutionalized for a week. When things get bad, that's the first thing I think of doing. And there are times when I have gone back to it, I can't help it. I relapse, and I can't control myself. Because it was an addiction, and I'm never going to not have that feeling burned into my mind. How good it felt when the blade was against my skin, and how it felt to finally be in control of the immense pain I was feeling.
I'm not proud of my scars. They're not there to show me that I'm strong and that I persevered. They're there because I was weak, and hurt, and depressed. And filled with so many emotions I was unable to process them all and cope with them in a positive way.
I check my phone and see I have two messages.
From: Hazza ;D
Sure movie day at your place sounds fun. We'll be over in 30 minutes. You're on the second floor right? See ya then. xoxo
From: Louissssss :D
Haha, love there is definitely somthing going on between the two of you. Even if you can't see it. I'm very perceptive. I pick up on these things quickly. We'll be at you flat in like 30, see ya then! xoxo
I laugh at the messages and reply to Harry telling him, yes I live on the second floor, and the flat number. I ignore Lou's message and fall onto my bed. I lay there for about two minutes when I hear yelling, and then pounding on my door. And here we go. I'm still in my underwear so I throw some yoga pants on and a hoodie. I race to door and open it. In front of me are 5 boys, significantly taller than I am. I say hello and invite them in. Harry was the last to walk in and as he passed me I could feel his eyes looking at my outfit.
We make our way to the living room and I offer them seats. "Would any of y'all like a drink? We have plenty of options." I say while heading to the kitchen. Lou calls back, "No thank you! If we need something we'll find it ourselves!" I laugh, of course they would. I make my way back to the kitchen with a water bottle for myself. I toss Niall the remote. "Make yourselves comfortable. Put a movie on, I'm going to go change and be back out with pillows and whatnot. Bathroom is down the hall and last door on the left." I head back to my room, the last door on the right.
I strip off the clothes and try to decide on something else. I look at all of my clothes, I hear footsteps down the hallway, figure somebody had to use the loo. I turn back to my closet. All of a sudden I hear my door open and turn to see a wide eyed Louis staring at me.
He shrieks, "OH MY GOODNESS I AM SO SORRY CHARLIE I THOUGHT THIS WAS THE BATHROOM I SWEAR I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING I SWEAR." I laugh and tell him it's fine, the bathroom's across the hall and to come back in here when he's done. I throw the same yoga pants on and a purple tank top that says "Train like a Beast, Look like a Beauty." throw my hair up in a messy ballet bun and slip on some socks. Louis knocks tentatively. "Come in Lou." I call while taking a seat on my bed, crossing my legs.
"I am so sorry love, honest I didn't mean too, I was looking for the loo." I laugh and pat the bed next to me. He takes a seat. "It's fine, Honestly, it's ok. It doesn't matter." I smile at him. Lou laughs and nods, rubbing the backof his head. "So..what was on your hips?" he asks slowly, I knew he was gonna ask. I was just hoping he wouldn't.
I explained to Louis about my scars. I told him everything. I felt like I could trust him, and god i needed to tell someone. Juliet was always there for me and I knew that. I know she gets tired of hearing it though. So I just stopped telling her and kept it to myself. Telling Louis everything, the accident, why Micheal wouldn't talk to me for two years, my parents, my scars, everything.
Lou sat there solemn and quite while I spoke. Once I finished telling him, I looked at his face searching for something, I just didn't know what. He gave me a sad, sad smile, stood up and pulled me into a hug. He held me tight and kissed the top of my head. I relaxed in his arms, thankful that he was understanding. As he pulled back he looked at me.
"I'm not going to make you talk about it anymore than you want too. I'm just so glad that you opened up to me and trusted me enough to tell me all of this. I will always be here for you, no matter what. I just want you to know that. You'll always have a best mate in me, always. Ok, love?
For the first time since we had started talking, I had tears in my eyes. I smiled up at him and replied, "Thank you Louis, it means a lot. It really does. There's just something about you, that makes me feel safe. Like I can trust you with everything. With it being this week, I really needed to talk about it with someone. It's different with Jules. I can't talk about it with her anymore. Just doesn't seem like she cares. I know she does. But it doesn't seem like it. Yano?"
He nodded in understanding. He hugged me one more time and left his arm around my shoulder. "Let's go back out there, yeah?" he said as he steered us towards the door. We head back to the living room to hear laughing from the boys. I take a seat on the love seat and look at the boys curiously. They had got on youtube on my tv and put one of their songs on. 'Kiss You' the kereoke version. Oh gosh. I'm sure I have a very confused look on my face as I stare incredulously. "Just sit here you'll love it. Trust me." Lou said and went up to join the others. Eleanor jumped on the couch wiht me and curled up next to my legs that were tucked underneath me.
The music started and Zayn began singing along.
"Oh I just want to take you anywhere that you'd like, we can go out any day, any night. Baby I'll take ya there take ya there, baby I'll take ya there, yeah."
The boys were dancing around all goofy, just having fun. And I couldn't help the smile that spead across my face. Then Harry started singing, and I swear my heart stopped.
"Oh tell me, tell me, how to turn your love on. We can get anything that you want. Baby just shout it out, shout it out. Baby just shout it out, yeah."
He was still dancing as he sang but he was looking at me the whole time. By the time the chorus started their dancing became absolutely ridiculous. Some of them were on the couch or chairs while others were rolling on the floor.
Niall started his part.
"Oh baby I just want to show you off to all of my friends, making them drool by their chinny-chin-chins-"
As he sang he made the cutest faces while stroking his non-existent beard. Once the "na na nanana na's" started they were all in sync with their movements. Then Harry grabbed Eleanor and started dancing with her. I could tell she didn't particularly care for it.
The last line of the song came on and Harry sang, "And let me kiss you!" While holding my kitten out to me. I laughed and gave my confused pet a kiss, while taking her from the boy. She jumped out of my arms and dashed to my room. Harry plopped down next to me on the love seat, making himself comfortable. The rest of the boys followed suit finding spots throughout the various furniture.
1/26/13