No Regrets

*HARRY’S POV*

When the car finally stopped in front of the hospital’s emergency entrance, I ran up to the front desk without thinking.

“Where’s Liz??” I asked out of breath to a very surprised receptionist at the front desk.

“Excuse me?” She replied as she looked up from the computer.

“Liz- uhm- I mean Elizabeth Braddison. Brown haired girl… uhm, car accident. Where is she???” I attempted to explain but the words kept getting caught in my chest. I couldn’t breathe.

“Honey, you need to take a few deep breaths. I know who you’re talking about, they brought her straight into emergency surgery about an hour ago, let me check to see if she’s out yet.” As she turned back to her computer, I held my head in my hands on the counter. I tried to count my deep breaths to distract myself from the tears that I already felt on my cheeks. “Ah, I’ve got her file. She’s still in surgery, but when she’s done they’ll be taking her up to PICU on the sixth floor. PICU is the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit.” She explained as she looked up and saw the confused expression on my face.

“Erm, thank you so much. Where can I wait for her?” I stammered, trying to keep my voice calm.

“If you take the west elevators up to the sixth floor, you’ll end up right in the PICU waiting room. There will be plenty of doctors and nurses more than willing to help you up there.” She said as she smiled at me warmly.

“Do you know what’s wrong with her?” I finally mustered the courage to ask the question that had been plaguing my thoughts the whole time. I was afraid to hear the answer.

“Not entirely, but what I can tell you is that she suffered a traumatic brain injury as well as some cracked ribs and internal bleeding. From what I heard about the accident, she’s a lucky girl.” She closed her eyes and shook her head as she finished the explanation. I couldn’t even explain what was going through my mind as she told me; it was as if everything just shut off. When I finally remembered to breathe again, I took a few deep breaths, thanked the receptionist, and began my way up to the PICU.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I had sat in the PICU waiting room for a total of two hours, twelve minutes, and fourteen seconds when the elevator doors opened, and my Liz was actually inside of them. I had been hopeful every time they had opened, and this time it was her. However, the sight of how injured she was almost made me sick to my stomach. She had a bandage around her head and was obviously still unconscious. I immediately got up and accompanied the doctors that were walking along side her as they wheeled her down hallways.

“Excuse me?” I attempted to get someone’s attention as I continued to struggle and figure out what was going on.

“Are you immediate family?” A doctor turned to stop me as they wheeled Liz’s bed into the room.

“Well no, bu-” I began, but the doctor cut me off.

“Well then you’ll have to wait outside. Only immediate family is allowed in the room at this time.”

“You don’t understand. She has no immediate family. I’m her boyfriend; she’s here with me.” I desperately tried to explain, hoping the stern faced man would allow me entrance to the room.

“Well, hospital policy says immediate family only, but I’m going to allow you to bend the rules on that one. You really have no one else you can call for her? There should be a nurse coming here with her clothes, purse, and other items collected at the accident… maybe there’s someone in her phone you can call?” He questioned, but I was unsure. I knew that Liz does have a father, but I’ve never met him, and from what I’ve heard from Liz- they’re not exactly on the best of terms.

“I’ll figure it out. Thank you so much. Before I go in, can you tell me anything else? Will she be okay?” It hurt me to ask the last question- to think that there was even a possibility of her not being okay.

“She should make a full recovery, and from the extent of her injuries, she’s pretty damn lucky to be doing this well already. However, for now we have her in a medically-induced coma to give her body time to heal internally. It’s going to be difficult for you to see her like this, but just know that it’s for the best.” The doctor explained, and my heart felt like it was being stabbed and twisted and shredded.

“…A coma…?” was all I managed to get out- the rest of my words seemed to have vanished.

“It’s only medically induced; we’ll wake her up when we think it’s okay, but the problem we’ll face then is how much of her brain was impacted during the accident. She could suffer from the lack of oxygen to her brain due to the head trauma. We’ll have to wait and find out though.” I literally sank down along the wall at this point. I couldn’t stop the tears anymore. “How about you just go in there and talk to her for now. Make her comfortable. Talk to her like she can hear you, and try not to mention too much about the accident. Talk about happy things. She’s still your Elizabeth.” He gave me a hand up, “and I’m Dr. Monroe, we’ll talk more after you’ve had some time to digest everything that has happened. This has been a lot for you to take in.”

“Thank you.” I struggled to get those two words out of my mouth. I felt like I had this fog that was surrounding me, entering into my head through my ears and nose and mouth. I felt like I was suffocating. I numbly walked into Lizzie’s room and quietly closed the door behind me. Seeing her like that is hands-down the most difficult thing I’ve ever seen. Here was my Liz hooked up to what seemed like countless machines- relying on them to keep her alive.

Unsure of what to do, I knelt down beside her bed where there was space between certain machines. I found her hand wrapped up in the covers and gently placed it between my own. I was torn, I didn’t want to see her like this… her face swollen and bruised, her head bandaged, stitches exposed by the loose neck of her hospital gown… yet I couldn’t look away.

“Hi Liz,” I decided to begin, and I was surprised when my voice cracked within those first two syllables. “Uhm, it’s me... Harry. I’m here with you. You’re not alone. I- uhm- I love you.” I had to stop for a moment, because my voice was getting too thick from the tears I was holding back. After a moment, instead of continuing, I just decided that I had said all that I needed to say. I just wanted to be with her. Pulling over the hospital chair from the corner of the room, I slid it between the two machines where I was previously kneeling. I laid my head down on the bed right by her hand and simply held it as I eventually fell asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Harry, c’mon mate,” I heard Louis’ voice as I felt him gently shake my shoulder to wake up. “Come take a break.”

“No, I can’t leave her by herself,” I started to protest as I lifted my head up, careful not to disturb Liz or her hand.

“She’ll be okay, Harry. It’s okay. You can come down with me for five minutes to take a quick coffee break.” Louis coaxed as I looked through the glass in the door and recognized the three other guys waiting out in the hall.

“I don’t want her to be alone.” I said quietly as I looked back at Liz. She seemed so broken.

“One of us will stay with her. It’ll be okay.” Louis repeated, “I’m sure Niall will be happy to stay with her.”

“No.” I blurted before I even realized that I had said that out loud. Louis looked confused, “I just mean Niall has so much energy. I think it would be best for either Liam or Zayn to stay. Actually Liam. Liam should stay.” I lied. The only reason I chose Liam was because he had a girlfriend. I knew I was being immature, but I didn’t care at this point.

“All right, well let’s go get Liam. And you can come downstairs to the cafeteria. You look like you’ve aged 10 years since I saw you two and a half hours ago.” Louis half joked, but I could see the concern in his eyes.

As soon as Liam was situated in the room, and I had walked away with Louis, Niall, and Zayn, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. We got to the empty stairwell, and I just lost it.

Sitting down on one of the steps, I finally let myself cry as the rest of the rest of the guys struggled between holding back their own tears and comforting me and each other. We kept repeating the same line that- even though we wanted to believe it with our whole hearts- each of us still doubted…

“She’ll be okay.”

Notes