How can you love me?
It's Only 3 AM
Ana’s POV
Harry leads me through the door and shuts it before Niall and Louis can follow us. He never breaks eye contact with me and I keep a playful smile planted on my lips. They still tingle from our kiss. I have never been kissed like that, even before I moved here. Harry comes closer and pins me to the wall. He grabs my face and kisses me gently.
“Harry-“ I start.
“Shhhh baby. It’s okay,” He places his finger on my lips and leans in again. This time I push him away and look down. His face flusters.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to push you to do anything you don’t want to do,” he reassures me.
“That isn’t the problem, Hazza.”
“Then what is?”
“Why did you kiss me back?” My question catches him off guard. He wasn’t expecting that.
“I really like you, Ana. Scars and all.” Harry searches my face, as if an answer would be written there hidden beneath the faded bruise on my eye.
“You’ve known me all of 24 hours!” This whole situation seems to have shifted perspective. What am I doing? I don’t know this guy and I’m falling for him.
“I know but there’s something about you. I don’t know why but it feels right. We feel right.” He steps forward and grabs my hands. His eyes look into mine begging me to understand. I do, but it could be a trick. Kyle tricked me. I got in the car with him. “I know you feel it to.”
“I do but it isn’t fair to you.”I turn and walk toward the living room. My hand runs nervously through my hair. “I come with baggage. Not the bad relationship baggage either. I was kidnapped and a lot of things scare the shit out of me and you deserve to be with someone who can get tickled without yelling in pain.” I’m exasperated and yelling by the time I finish.
“Do you really feel that way?” Harry whispers. I turn and see him staring at the floor. I walk up and force him to look at me.
“Yes.”
“Then go.” I stare at him with tears in my eyes. Anger overwhelms me.
“So if I don’t sleep with you, you send me away. Real nice, Curly,” I spit my words at him, disgust filling every syllable.
“That isn’t it,” Harry yells back.
“Then what is?” We’re in each other’s faces screaming.
“I can’t be just friends with you. I’ve known that since last night and you made me promise you that’d I’d treat you normally. Well this is me treating you normally. You’re the one who keeps bringing up your baggage!” I don’t say anything. I go into the kitchen and grab the wine bottle that’s still sitting on the counter. I uncork it and take a long swig. I wipe leftover drops from my lips.
Harry is staring at me. I told him I don’t drink and why. Of course it’s confusing but there are things inside me that I need to kill. Alcohol is a pretty easy way to do that. I take off my shirt and throw it at him.
“Then let’s do this.” I’m not yelling anymore. I’m sad because I feel like I escaped Kyle only to fall in love with someone who will turn me away because I won’t sleep with him. It’s instinct to just do what he asks. He looks me up and down with a look of disgust. “Am I not perfect enough for you? I’ve got all these scars and I’m guessing all the other women you’ve been with don’t have any. What’s wrong? Isn’t this what you wanted?” After four months of being naked, I’m not ashamed of my body and not shy about being topless.
“Your body isn’t what disgusts me,” Harry pipes up while shaking his head. He tosses the shirt back to me. “You thinking that I could possibly be anything like Kyle is what disgusts me.” With that, he walks into his bedroom and shuts the door without looking at me. I pull the shirt over my head and wipe the tears from my cheeks.
I walk to the door and look back one last time. I don’t hear anything and Harry doesn’t come rushing out to keep me from leaving. I open it slowly to see Louis and Niall still standing there. They don’t say anything but their faces say everything. Louis envelopes me in a hug and Niall hugs the both of us. We all stand there crying like idiots.
“Don’t worry. Harry will realize that letting you walk out that door was a HUGE mistake by morning,” Niall emphasizes the word huge using majestic hand movements.
“You can stay with us,” Louis offers me his hand and I follow him. He takes me to his place and I sit down on the couch without saying anything. He and Niall sit next to me and before I know it, we’re all asleep. When I wake up, I’m lying down with a blanket over me, and no one in sight. It’s still dark outside so I check the clock on the far wall. It’s only 3 AM.
Harry leads me through the door and shuts it before Niall and Louis can follow us. He never breaks eye contact with me and I keep a playful smile planted on my lips. They still tingle from our kiss. I have never been kissed like that, even before I moved here. Harry comes closer and pins me to the wall. He grabs my face and kisses me gently.
“Harry-“ I start.
“Shhhh baby. It’s okay,” He places his finger on my lips and leans in again. This time I push him away and look down. His face flusters.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to push you to do anything you don’t want to do,” he reassures me.
“That isn’t the problem, Hazza.”
“Then what is?”
“Why did you kiss me back?” My question catches him off guard. He wasn’t expecting that.
“I really like you, Ana. Scars and all.” Harry searches my face, as if an answer would be written there hidden beneath the faded bruise on my eye.
“You’ve known me all of 24 hours!” This whole situation seems to have shifted perspective. What am I doing? I don’t know this guy and I’m falling for him.
“I know but there’s something about you. I don’t know why but it feels right. We feel right.” He steps forward and grabs my hands. His eyes look into mine begging me to understand. I do, but it could be a trick. Kyle tricked me. I got in the car with him. “I know you feel it to.”
“I do but it isn’t fair to you.”I turn and walk toward the living room. My hand runs nervously through my hair. “I come with baggage. Not the bad relationship baggage either. I was kidnapped and a lot of things scare the shit out of me and you deserve to be with someone who can get tickled without yelling in pain.” I’m exasperated and yelling by the time I finish.
“Do you really feel that way?” Harry whispers. I turn and see him staring at the floor. I walk up and force him to look at me.
“Yes.”
“Then go.” I stare at him with tears in my eyes. Anger overwhelms me.
“So if I don’t sleep with you, you send me away. Real nice, Curly,” I spit my words at him, disgust filling every syllable.
“That isn’t it,” Harry yells back.
“Then what is?” We’re in each other’s faces screaming.
“I can’t be just friends with you. I’ve known that since last night and you made me promise you that’d I’d treat you normally. Well this is me treating you normally. You’re the one who keeps bringing up your baggage!” I don’t say anything. I go into the kitchen and grab the wine bottle that’s still sitting on the counter. I uncork it and take a long swig. I wipe leftover drops from my lips.
Harry is staring at me. I told him I don’t drink and why. Of course it’s confusing but there are things inside me that I need to kill. Alcohol is a pretty easy way to do that. I take off my shirt and throw it at him.
“Then let’s do this.” I’m not yelling anymore. I’m sad because I feel like I escaped Kyle only to fall in love with someone who will turn me away because I won’t sleep with him. It’s instinct to just do what he asks. He looks me up and down with a look of disgust. “Am I not perfect enough for you? I’ve got all these scars and I’m guessing all the other women you’ve been with don’t have any. What’s wrong? Isn’t this what you wanted?” After four months of being naked, I’m not ashamed of my body and not shy about being topless.
“Your body isn’t what disgusts me,” Harry pipes up while shaking his head. He tosses the shirt back to me. “You thinking that I could possibly be anything like Kyle is what disgusts me.” With that, he walks into his bedroom and shuts the door without looking at me. I pull the shirt over my head and wipe the tears from my cheeks.
I walk to the door and look back one last time. I don’t hear anything and Harry doesn’t come rushing out to keep me from leaving. I open it slowly to see Louis and Niall still standing there. They don’t say anything but their faces say everything. Louis envelopes me in a hug and Niall hugs the both of us. We all stand there crying like idiots.
“Don’t worry. Harry will realize that letting you walk out that door was a HUGE mistake by morning,” Niall emphasizes the word huge using majestic hand movements.
“You can stay with us,” Louis offers me his hand and I follow him. He takes me to his place and I sit down on the couch without saying anything. He and Niall sit next to me and before I know it, we’re all asleep. When I wake up, I’m lying down with a blanket over me, and no one in sight. It’s still dark outside so I check the clock on the far wall. It’s only 3 AM.
9/8/13