The Doubtful Truth
Chapter 1
The doubtful truth ~ Chapter 1 ~3 and a little years later~
I was still in the house, everything was the same, I didn’t change much. I was reminded every day of Harry, and reminded of the day it all just ended. I couldn’t move on, it felt like I was just stuck, and unable to move on. I had to do it all alone, it hurt me to know Harry had missed the first steps of Darcys world, her first word, her first steps, her first birthday the little things that are important. I was in the kitchen where Harry and I once stood on many occasions, cleaning up. Darcy was in the living room just watching TV, she never really understood what was going on. I finished cleaning the kitchen and moved to the living room. Everything was the same, Harry’s things were never touched, everything he picked out to decorate the house still stood, and I never moved them. Darcy asked me many times why I never moved them, I didn’t know what to say, so just shrugged. “Mummy I’m hungwwy” Darcy yawns, “you just had dinner Darcy” “we have a sweet?” she cutely asks. I didn’t like going out at night alone, but I had to get over my fears. “Alright let’s go get our jackets and we can go to McDonalds and get an icecream” I say, going to where she was and picking her up, I carry her upstairs and grab her jacket, “play in your room while I get ready okay” I smile at her and she nods. She was a pretty obedient little girl, and listened, she was also a fast learner so picked up walking and talking earlier than expected. I had to admit for a 3 and a bit year old she was smart. She was still only little, she was smaller than the average 3 year old, that was her only problem. She could honestly pass as a 2 year old. I walk to my room, the room Harry and I shared, where we had many memories both good and bad, his clothes were still in the draws I didn’t dare touch them. I was always hopeful. I opened my draws and the picture of Harry and I in a frame was looking directly at me, I couldn’t help but let a tear shed. His beautiful features, his bubbly personality and loving nature filled my thoughts with all the memories, I couldn’t let go of. My hand went to my neck to fiddle with my necklace, which wasn’t there, all that was there was the paper plane necklace which never left my neck. “shit” I mumble, before I start frantically searching my bedroom for my necklace, “no no no no” I whisper crying, “Mummy what you doing?” Darcy asks creaking the door open, “sweetie have you seen mummies necklace?” I ask stuttering a little, “Mmm tis?” she questions walking away, I walk after her and see her in her room. She goes to her bed and picks up my gold chain, “Darcy why do you have this?” I ask her taking it from her little hands, “I f-find it and it looked p-p-pwetty” she innocently responds. She tried to say big words she has heard me say before, which was cute she was attempting to expand her vocabulary. “When you find things you need to tell me” I say as I clench the chain in my hand, holding my wedding ring tightly. “Why it have a wing on it?” she asks, pointing to the ring, which was the ring Harry had proposed to me with, in the street after we had the arguement and Matt got me. My wedding ring still stays on my finger. “it just does” I sigh, and put my necklace on, “why you cryin?” “I uh” “what mummy?” she asks concerned, “mummy hurt herself” I lie, “you okay?” she asks nicely, “I’m fine, come on princess” I say picking her up and going downstairs. “Why don’t I have a daddy mummy?” Darcy asks and my eyes widen in shock, I wasn’t expecting her to ask about her dad so quickly. I pretended not to hear as I locked the house up and walked to the car. “Mummy?” “yes?” I say, putting her in her car seat, “why don’t I have a daddy?” she asks again, I didn’t have an explanation for her, I didn’t have an explanation for myself to be honest. I close the door and walk to the drivers side. “Mummy” Darcy whines, clearly wanting an answer. She was like Harry and always wanted an answer and never gave up. “Not now Darcy I need to watch the road” I answer her as I drive to McDonalds. I hear her sadly sigh, she went quiet and so did I. All that could be heard was the radio playing. I arrive at McDonalds and I take her out, and carry her in. “What would you like?” “icecream” she smiles happily, I nod and order her an icecream. We go sit down and I watch her eat her ice cream. Her bright green eyes, shimmered as she was contentedly eating her icecream, and her curly hair annoying her as she brushes it behind her ears. “you want some?” she offers, and I shake my head letting her eat. “Mummy?” “yes Darcy?” I yawn getting tired, “Can we see A-a-aunty Eleanor?” “uhh not tonight” “A-a-aunty Danielle?” “maybe another night” I answer. I still kept in contact with the girls, and the boys have tried talking to me, but I thought it was weird, Harry’s best mates will talk to me and offer to come see Darcy and I, but Harry won’t. I don’t even know where Harry is anymore, the last time I heard of his whereabouts was when they were on the news ages ago. I don’t watch their interviews, I don’t listen to their songs, For my own heart I had to stop. “Mummy?” Darcy whines, “yes?” I sigh, “play pweety pwease?” she cutely asks, “hmm 5 minutes that’s all” I say and watch her run off into the playground and I watch from my seat. I pull my phone out and start to scroll through my Facebook. A message from Eleanor came through.
"Heey haven’t seen you in a while, want to come around with Darcy, we miss you!!! Louis is here too though,he wants to see You and Darcy, but you and I can go out if you don’t want to stay here and stuff? :) xx"
“hello, I know, Darcy just asked for you!!
I guess the band is in town? Give me 10 minutes I’ll be over, it’s fine I feel bad for keeping her away from Louis, and the boys when they were there for me. :) xxx”
I respond, and go grab Darcy, “can’t we stay?” Darcy complains, “sorry we are going to see Aunty Eleanor” I smile, she smiles and takes my hand, before we start to walk. She lets go of my hand a little excited to see Eleanor, her mood right now was excited. She wasn’t looking where she was going and runs into a lady, “Darc” I scold, “I’m sowwy” I say taking Darcy’s hand, “it’s okay” a familiar voice says. I look up and gasp, of all people Darcy runs into her. My eyes widen as I realize who she was, and she was just as shocked to have bumped into me. “Mum what takes so-” another voice says walking up behind the lady Darcy bumped into, but stops when her eyes locked with mine.
"Mia" Gemma smiles, "h-hello" I stutter, "I can’t believe it’s you, we thought you left" Anne says and hugs me, and the. Gemma does the same. "Why would I leave?" "that’s what we were told" "I never left, why didn’t you call?" "we weren’t allowed, how come you didn’t?" "because I didn’t want to cause trouble, and get anyone hurt" I respond, Anne lays her eyes on Darcy, and I pick her up, "Darcy can you say hello to Anne and Gemma for me?" I softly say to her, and she hides her face in the crook of my neck, "she’s really shy, sorry" I smile at them, "come on Darc they won’t bite" I whisper and she slowly looks at them, "hewwo" she cutely greets, "hi beautiful" Anne smiles shedding a little tear, "hello sweetie pie" Gemma coos, "does she know?" Anne asks referring to know if she knows Harry, and I shake my head. "Can we talk?" Anne asks and I nod "Hey Darcy do you want to play for a few more minutes?" I ask her, "yay" she claps, and we walk to a table and I let Darcy go play, while I watched and her and spoke. "So she doesn’t know about Harry?" "no, she asked me why she doesn’t have a dad and I didn’t know what to say, I don’t know how I’m meant to tell her anything, I was hoping he would come back before she starts asking questions." I sigh looking down, "it’s okay, you know Mia, he’s coming to town soon" "I don’t think he will want to see me, it seems like he’s moved on" "Mia you know those articles are fake" Gemma adds in, "but how can all the pictures be fake?" "photoshop?" Anne suggests, "every single picture which has been taken?" I reply, "Mia there is a lot none of us know and understand and we all want answers. I am so glad Darcy ran into me, I believe in fate and this was meant to happen" Anne smiles and I nod, "but what about the whole it’s for my protection and everyone else’s thing?" "I don’t care, let them hurt me, I want to see my granddaughter" "Anne if it’s going to get you in trouble-" I start to say but she interrupts me. "Please?" "okay, you can see her when you like" I smile and her face brightens up, and Darcy comes in, and climbs onto my lap. "Can I maybe spend the day with her?" Anne asks, "uh is tomorrow okay with you, I have to go to work?" "that’s fine, and are you working again?" "yeah I’m at the hospital, I’ve been working there for a few weeks now." "What have you done with Darcy?" "I would sit her in the lunch room, or my office and she would colour, or play with her toys." I respond, "mummy do you have work?" "yes princess tomorrow, but you’re staying with Aunty Gemma and-" I say but I didn’t know how I was going to explain to Darcy that Anne was her dads mum, "aunty Anne" Anne adds in, "what time would you like her?" "uh what time do you start?" "I start at 8 but I can drop her off when you’re ready" I respond, "I’ll be up and ready, is there anything she is allergic too?" "alright I’ll drop her off at 7:45?" "perfect" Anne smiles, "and she isn’t allergic to anything, you just need to keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn’t run too much, her lungs are a little smaller." I add, "okay, I’ll be sure to take good care of her" "alright, well I need to go, I’ll see you tomorrow" I smile getting up with Darc on my hip. "Say bye Darcy" "bye" she smiles, "bye cutie" Gemma coos, "bye gorgeous" Anne smiles, before I say goodbye and I walk back to the car. I put Darcy in her seat and drove to Eleanor’s. I got out and Darcy was asleep in her seat. She looked so peaceful sleeping, I took her out without waking her, and walked up to the house. I knocked on the door and Louis opened it, "hey Louis" "hey I haven’t seen you in ages" He happily greets, "yeah I know" I softly say, "wow she’s grown since the last time I saw her" Louis smiles closing the door, I greet Eleanor and sit down on the couch with Darcy. Eleanor, Louis and I got talking, and of course Louis brought Harry up. "He is flying back, for our concert here" he informs me and I just nod, not sure what to do. "He misses you, a lot, he wasn’t the same this tour, we had to cut truly, madly, deeply out of the performance, he refused to sing it, he pretty much cried all the time over you." Louis says and I feel my eyes bubbling up, "Louis you shouldn’t have dumped it all on her, it’s hard for her too" Eleanor says, "sorry but she needs to know he cares for her and never stopped thinking about her" "it’s fine" I say stopping the tears from falling.
Darcy woke up in my arms and looked around, “Aunty El!” she happily smiles crawling off me and into Eleanors lap, “hello beautiful” El smiles tickling Darcy. “Do you remember me Darcy?” Louis asks, “are you my daddy?” she blurts out and I was shocked, “uhh not exactly” “he is your uncle Darcy, he is Eleanor’s boyfriend.” I say and I see her look down sadly, “come on Darcy lets get going I have an early start” I say and she crawls back into my lap. I stand up and say goodbye to Eleanor and Louis, before going home. I take Darcy out of her car seat and walk up to our house and walk in. I walk to her room and change her into her pajamas, before I place her in bed. “Mummy?” “yes sweetheart?” “doesn’t daddy love me?” “of course he does, he loves you a lot” “then why can’t I see him?” “it’s complicated” “what does that mean?” “it’s, it’s hard to tell you, Go to sleep I love you” “when can I see daddy?” “I don’t know go to sleep” I whisper tucking her in and kissing her cheek. “Goodnight Darcy” I say as I walk to her night light and turn it on, “night mummy” she tiredly responds, I close the light and close the door a little before walking out. I walk to my room and see a text on my phone.
“Hey babe, haven’t seen you in a while, the carnival is in town, do you want to go?
Lots of love Danielle xxxx”
“heey stranger, yeah sure we will organize something tomorrow I have to go to bed, Have an early start yay. -.-
Talk soon lovely!
Love Miaa xxxx”
I put my phone down and got in bed, and started thinking of Harry as my finger twisted around his necklace around my neck. I flash back to the airport, his text to be precise and his loving words.
"Every time you feel you’re losing hope, faith, yourself, or losing me as every day passes remember.
Love is patient, love is kind it doesn’t endure in evil, it always protects it always trusts, and always perseveres.”
I repeat the love is patient saying over and over in my head as I fall asleep, missing him even more.
I was still in the house, everything was the same, I didn’t change much. I was reminded every day of Harry, and reminded of the day it all just ended. I couldn’t move on, it felt like I was just stuck, and unable to move on. I had to do it all alone, it hurt me to know Harry had missed the first steps of Darcys world, her first word, her first steps, her first birthday the little things that are important. I was in the kitchen where Harry and I once stood on many occasions, cleaning up. Darcy was in the living room just watching TV, she never really understood what was going on. I finished cleaning the kitchen and moved to the living room. Everything was the same, Harry’s things were never touched, everything he picked out to decorate the house still stood, and I never moved them. Darcy asked me many times why I never moved them, I didn’t know what to say, so just shrugged. “Mummy I’m hungwwy” Darcy yawns, “you just had dinner Darcy” “we have a sweet?” she cutely asks. I didn’t like going out at night alone, but I had to get over my fears. “Alright let’s go get our jackets and we can go to McDonalds and get an icecream” I say, going to where she was and picking her up, I carry her upstairs and grab her jacket, “play in your room while I get ready okay” I smile at her and she nods. She was a pretty obedient little girl, and listened, she was also a fast learner so picked up walking and talking earlier than expected. I had to admit for a 3 and a bit year old she was smart. She was still only little, she was smaller than the average 3 year old, that was her only problem. She could honestly pass as a 2 year old. I walk to my room, the room Harry and I shared, where we had many memories both good and bad, his clothes were still in the draws I didn’t dare touch them. I was always hopeful. I opened my draws and the picture of Harry and I in a frame was looking directly at me, I couldn’t help but let a tear shed. His beautiful features, his bubbly personality and loving nature filled my thoughts with all the memories, I couldn’t let go of. My hand went to my neck to fiddle with my necklace, which wasn’t there, all that was there was the paper plane necklace which never left my neck. “shit” I mumble, before I start frantically searching my bedroom for my necklace, “no no no no” I whisper crying, “Mummy what you doing?” Darcy asks creaking the door open, “sweetie have you seen mummies necklace?” I ask stuttering a little, “Mmm tis?” she questions walking away, I walk after her and see her in her room. She goes to her bed and picks up my gold chain, “Darcy why do you have this?” I ask her taking it from her little hands, “I f-find it and it looked p-p-pwetty” she innocently responds. She tried to say big words she has heard me say before, which was cute she was attempting to expand her vocabulary. “When you find things you need to tell me” I say as I clench the chain in my hand, holding my wedding ring tightly. “Why it have a wing on it?” she asks, pointing to the ring, which was the ring Harry had proposed to me with, in the street after we had the arguement and Matt got me. My wedding ring still stays on my finger. “it just does” I sigh, and put my necklace on, “why you cryin?” “I uh” “what mummy?” she asks concerned, “mummy hurt herself” I lie, “you okay?” she asks nicely, “I’m fine, come on princess” I say picking her up and going downstairs. “Why don’t I have a daddy mummy?” Darcy asks and my eyes widen in shock, I wasn’t expecting her to ask about her dad so quickly. I pretended not to hear as I locked the house up and walked to the car. “Mummy?” “yes?” I say, putting her in her car seat, “why don’t I have a daddy?” she asks again, I didn’t have an explanation for her, I didn’t have an explanation for myself to be honest. I close the door and walk to the drivers side. “Mummy” Darcy whines, clearly wanting an answer. She was like Harry and always wanted an answer and never gave up. “Not now Darcy I need to watch the road” I answer her as I drive to McDonalds. I hear her sadly sigh, she went quiet and so did I. All that could be heard was the radio playing. I arrive at McDonalds and I take her out, and carry her in. “What would you like?” “icecream” she smiles happily, I nod and order her an icecream. We go sit down and I watch her eat her ice cream. Her bright green eyes, shimmered as she was contentedly eating her icecream, and her curly hair annoying her as she brushes it behind her ears. “you want some?” she offers, and I shake my head letting her eat. “Mummy?” “yes Darcy?” I yawn getting tired, “Can we see A-a-aunty Eleanor?” “uhh not tonight” “A-a-aunty Danielle?” “maybe another night” I answer. I still kept in contact with the girls, and the boys have tried talking to me, but I thought it was weird, Harry’s best mates will talk to me and offer to come see Darcy and I, but Harry won’t. I don’t even know where Harry is anymore, the last time I heard of his whereabouts was when they were on the news ages ago. I don’t watch their interviews, I don’t listen to their songs, For my own heart I had to stop. “Mummy?” Darcy whines, “yes?” I sigh, “play pweety pwease?” she cutely asks, “hmm 5 minutes that’s all” I say and watch her run off into the playground and I watch from my seat. I pull my phone out and start to scroll through my Facebook. A message from Eleanor came through.
"Heey haven’t seen you in a while, want to come around with Darcy, we miss you!!! Louis is here too though,he wants to see You and Darcy, but you and I can go out if you don’t want to stay here and stuff? :) xx"
“hello, I know, Darcy just asked for you!!
I guess the band is in town? Give me 10 minutes I’ll be over, it’s fine I feel bad for keeping her away from Louis, and the boys when they were there for me. :) xxx”
I respond, and go grab Darcy, “can’t we stay?” Darcy complains, “sorry we are going to see Aunty Eleanor” I smile, she smiles and takes my hand, before we start to walk. She lets go of my hand a little excited to see Eleanor, her mood right now was excited. She wasn’t looking where she was going and runs into a lady, “Darc” I scold, “I’m sowwy” I say taking Darcy’s hand, “it’s okay” a familiar voice says. I look up and gasp, of all people Darcy runs into her. My eyes widen as I realize who she was, and she was just as shocked to have bumped into me. “Mum what takes so-” another voice says walking up behind the lady Darcy bumped into, but stops when her eyes locked with mine.
"Mia" Gemma smiles, "h-hello" I stutter, "I can’t believe it’s you, we thought you left" Anne says and hugs me, and the. Gemma does the same. "Why would I leave?" "that’s what we were told" "I never left, why didn’t you call?" "we weren’t allowed, how come you didn’t?" "because I didn’t want to cause trouble, and get anyone hurt" I respond, Anne lays her eyes on Darcy, and I pick her up, "Darcy can you say hello to Anne and Gemma for me?" I softly say to her, and she hides her face in the crook of my neck, "she’s really shy, sorry" I smile at them, "come on Darc they won’t bite" I whisper and she slowly looks at them, "hewwo" she cutely greets, "hi beautiful" Anne smiles shedding a little tear, "hello sweetie pie" Gemma coos, "does she know?" Anne asks referring to know if she knows Harry, and I shake my head. "Can we talk?" Anne asks and I nod "Hey Darcy do you want to play for a few more minutes?" I ask her, "yay" she claps, and we walk to a table and I let Darcy go play, while I watched and her and spoke. "So she doesn’t know about Harry?" "no, she asked me why she doesn’t have a dad and I didn’t know what to say, I don’t know how I’m meant to tell her anything, I was hoping he would come back before she starts asking questions." I sigh looking down, "it’s okay, you know Mia, he’s coming to town soon" "I don’t think he will want to see me, it seems like he’s moved on" "Mia you know those articles are fake" Gemma adds in, "but how can all the pictures be fake?" "photoshop?" Anne suggests, "every single picture which has been taken?" I reply, "Mia there is a lot none of us know and understand and we all want answers. I am so glad Darcy ran into me, I believe in fate and this was meant to happen" Anne smiles and I nod, "but what about the whole it’s for my protection and everyone else’s thing?" "I don’t care, let them hurt me, I want to see my granddaughter" "Anne if it’s going to get you in trouble-" I start to say but she interrupts me. "Please?" "okay, you can see her when you like" I smile and her face brightens up, and Darcy comes in, and climbs onto my lap. "Can I maybe spend the day with her?" Anne asks, "uh is tomorrow okay with you, I have to go to work?" "that’s fine, and are you working again?" "yeah I’m at the hospital, I’ve been working there for a few weeks now." "What have you done with Darcy?" "I would sit her in the lunch room, or my office and she would colour, or play with her toys." I respond, "mummy do you have work?" "yes princess tomorrow, but you’re staying with Aunty Gemma and-" I say but I didn’t know how I was going to explain to Darcy that Anne was her dads mum, "aunty Anne" Anne adds in, "what time would you like her?" "uh what time do you start?" "I start at 8 but I can drop her off when you’re ready" I respond, "I’ll be up and ready, is there anything she is allergic too?" "alright I’ll drop her off at 7:45?" "perfect" Anne smiles, "and she isn’t allergic to anything, you just need to keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn’t run too much, her lungs are a little smaller." I add, "okay, I’ll be sure to take good care of her" "alright, well I need to go, I’ll see you tomorrow" I smile getting up with Darc on my hip. "Say bye Darcy" "bye" she smiles, "bye cutie" Gemma coos, "bye gorgeous" Anne smiles, before I say goodbye and I walk back to the car. I put Darcy in her seat and drove to Eleanor’s. I got out and Darcy was asleep in her seat. She looked so peaceful sleeping, I took her out without waking her, and walked up to the house. I knocked on the door and Louis opened it, "hey Louis" "hey I haven’t seen you in ages" He happily greets, "yeah I know" I softly say, "wow she’s grown since the last time I saw her" Louis smiles closing the door, I greet Eleanor and sit down on the couch with Darcy. Eleanor, Louis and I got talking, and of course Louis brought Harry up. "He is flying back, for our concert here" he informs me and I just nod, not sure what to do. "He misses you, a lot, he wasn’t the same this tour, we had to cut truly, madly, deeply out of the performance, he refused to sing it, he pretty much cried all the time over you." Louis says and I feel my eyes bubbling up, "Louis you shouldn’t have dumped it all on her, it’s hard for her too" Eleanor says, "sorry but she needs to know he cares for her and never stopped thinking about her" "it’s fine" I say stopping the tears from falling.
Darcy woke up in my arms and looked around, “Aunty El!” she happily smiles crawling off me and into Eleanors lap, “hello beautiful” El smiles tickling Darcy. “Do you remember me Darcy?” Louis asks, “are you my daddy?” she blurts out and I was shocked, “uhh not exactly” “he is your uncle Darcy, he is Eleanor’s boyfriend.” I say and I see her look down sadly, “come on Darcy lets get going I have an early start” I say and she crawls back into my lap. I stand up and say goodbye to Eleanor and Louis, before going home. I take Darcy out of her car seat and walk up to our house and walk in. I walk to her room and change her into her pajamas, before I place her in bed. “Mummy?” “yes sweetheart?” “doesn’t daddy love me?” “of course he does, he loves you a lot” “then why can’t I see him?” “it’s complicated” “what does that mean?” “it’s, it’s hard to tell you, Go to sleep I love you” “when can I see daddy?” “I don’t know go to sleep” I whisper tucking her in and kissing her cheek. “Goodnight Darcy” I say as I walk to her night light and turn it on, “night mummy” she tiredly responds, I close the light and close the door a little before walking out. I walk to my room and see a text on my phone.
“Hey babe, haven’t seen you in a while, the carnival is in town, do you want to go?
Lots of love Danielle xxxx”
“heey stranger, yeah sure we will organize something tomorrow I have to go to bed, Have an early start yay. -.-
Talk soon lovely!
Love Miaa xxxx”
I put my phone down and got in bed, and started thinking of Harry as my finger twisted around his necklace around my neck. I flash back to the airport, his text to be precise and his loving words.
"Every time you feel you’re losing hope, faith, yourself, or losing me as every day passes remember.
Love is patient, love is kind it doesn’t endure in evil, it always protects it always trusts, and always perseveres.”
I repeat the love is patient saying over and over in my head as I fall asleep, missing him even more.
12/11/13