Blunt
Can't stop, won't stop.
http://www.polyvore.com/untitled/set?id=97371128
I don’t go to clubs, that’s not who I am. I’m the girl who prefers to be alone, who can only handle so much social interaction before she becomes bored and annoyed, i’m a complete introvert.
The night was freezing and my haphazardly chosen outfit was not helping. With no coat and no desire to be here, I made my way towards the entrance of the venue I had seen tweeted thousands of times by directioners.
After my strange encounter with Harry today, I arrived home with every intention of never seeing him again. I never break promises with myself. When I started drinking after Mason left the first time, I promised myself after my third encounter with a hospital bed that I would stop, and I did. However, this situation was different, I had no choice but to log in to twitter check the boys profiles and any trending topics about them to find their location, because Harry Styles had stolen my phone.
Yes, that’s right. Harry had once again managed to force me back into his life. I didn’t know when he had done it, but it had to be at some point during the meeting. I also didn’t have proof, but I wouldn’t put it past Harry to intentionally make my life more difficult for his own wicked humour. I can’t believe I even had the thought that he might like me, no, this was all a ridiculous game to him.
Loaded with thoughts about him hating me and emotionally unstable I walked past the screaming fans, ignoring the photographers screaming my name, straight to the security at the front.
“I need to be in there” I spoke through gritted teeth.
“Uh, sorry love private event” He retorted sarcastically. I glared at his balding head.
“Listen ‘love’ there is a boy in there who has stolen my phone and all I want is to receive it, and maybe hurt him a little” I replied. He had the nerve to laugh before he turned to the man beside him.
They were whispering and i’d had enough. I snuck behind him and quickly ran for the door. As I went through the doors I quickly walked into the mass of bodies on the dance floor to hide myself from the man now rushing through the entry i’d just snuck through.
Walking through the bodies of people reminded me of my sour mood. I looked around trying to locate the source of my discomfort. People were crowding the bar and as my mind drifted to thoughts of my past temptation a surge of sadness washed over me. Harry of course probably had no idea how messed up I was when he met me, but everything he had done was a small reminder that I was weak. No matter how much I tried to keep away from people in London, no matter how emotionless, cold-hearted and careless I acted here, I was still that timid girl from Australia who was filled with so much self-hatred she failed to function as what society deemed to be normal.
I could feel a panic attack coming on, as I dizzied myself with thoughts i’d been trying to suppress since I got to London.
“EMILY!” I heard my name being called and cheering. I turned to face the sound and saw Harry looking at me with a massive grin, next to him were a bunch of faces I couldn’t place and Louis.
When Harry noticed my fear, everything changed. I panicked and quickly turned back the way I had entered. I should have just called the women from the meeting, why did I have to be so rash?
“Emily” His voice was stern and it was much closer then I wanted. Suddenly hands were on my shoulder and the man I had managed to escape upon entering the club was glaring down at me.
“You need to leave, now!” He spoke.
“Doug, get your hands off her” Harry pushed the man away from me and grabbed my hand. Doug seemed to get the hint and walked away with one last glare in my direction, i’m sure he didn’t expect it when I called after him.
“I want to leave” I spoke, “Let me leave.” I stared at Doug hoping he’d kick me out. He looked at Harry and turned and walked away.
“What are you doing here?” Harry spoke, “Em? Will you just look at me” I could here the anger in his voice and I wanted to ask for my phone but I was still so panicked from my existential crises previously.
Harry must have noticed my erratic behaviour, because what he did next was very unexpected. I was pulled and pushed into a room, which turned out to be a small closet. Pressed chest to chest with Styles I began to calm down. His arms wrapped around my shoulders and he was holding me tightly and whispering calming words into my ear.
“I don’t know you” I finally whispered, “stop acting like you know me.”
“I’m sorry, I just, I-I want to know you” Harry looked down at me, his eyes pierced mine and I couldn’t handle it anymore, so I cried.
He slid his back down the wall until we were sitting on the floor, I remained securely in his arms as he kissed the top of my head.
“Emily, can you tell me what happened?” He asked. His words rang in my ears and it was like I only just realised that I was inside a closet sized room with Harry Styles holding me. I awkwardly pushed him away as best I could, and attempted to get up, but I was, once again, being too rash and kept falling back into his arms.
“Stop, just stop!” Harry’s arms secured themselves so tightly around me I couldn’t make even the slightest movement.
“You don’t want to know, I can’t tell you, It was my fault, you wouldn’t understand” I was hiccuping random sentences from my past and I was so scared and I just wanted to be home, my real home, in Australia.
“I can help you” He whispered, “but only if you let me in Em”
“It’s Emily, you don’t know me, I don’t know you” I spoke through short breathes.
“You have issues with letting people care about you, don’t you love?” He chuckled, but all I heard was “you have issues,” I know that Harry and that’s exactly why you should stay away from me.
“I want to go home now, with my phone please” I whispered, with more stability. Surprisingly, he reached into his pocket, passed me my phone, and called me a taxi.
Harry waited with me out the back where he had told the driver to come. We didn’t talk but his hand remained enclosed tightly around mine. It was when the car had arrived, that he decided to break the silence between us.
“I want, no, need you to call me. Not only when you arrive home, but also tomorrow” He stared at me fiercely, and as if he knew what I had been thinking he leaned down and whispered into my ear “this isn’t a game Emily, it never was” with a kiss on the cheek he helped me into his coat and then into the car and I drifted away with a new found fear of everything around me.
I don’t go to clubs, that’s not who I am. I’m the girl who prefers to be alone, who can only handle so much social interaction before she becomes bored and annoyed, i’m a complete introvert.
The night was freezing and my haphazardly chosen outfit was not helping. With no coat and no desire to be here, I made my way towards the entrance of the venue I had seen tweeted thousands of times by directioners.
After my strange encounter with Harry today, I arrived home with every intention of never seeing him again. I never break promises with myself. When I started drinking after Mason left the first time, I promised myself after my third encounter with a hospital bed that I would stop, and I did. However, this situation was different, I had no choice but to log in to twitter check the boys profiles and any trending topics about them to find their location, because Harry Styles had stolen my phone.
Yes, that’s right. Harry had once again managed to force me back into his life. I didn’t know when he had done it, but it had to be at some point during the meeting. I also didn’t have proof, but I wouldn’t put it past Harry to intentionally make my life more difficult for his own wicked humour. I can’t believe I even had the thought that he might like me, no, this was all a ridiculous game to him.
Loaded with thoughts about him hating me and emotionally unstable I walked past the screaming fans, ignoring the photographers screaming my name, straight to the security at the front.
“I need to be in there” I spoke through gritted teeth.
“Uh, sorry love private event” He retorted sarcastically. I glared at his balding head.
“Listen ‘love’ there is a boy in there who has stolen my phone and all I want is to receive it, and maybe hurt him a little” I replied. He had the nerve to laugh before he turned to the man beside him.
They were whispering and i’d had enough. I snuck behind him and quickly ran for the door. As I went through the doors I quickly walked into the mass of bodies on the dance floor to hide myself from the man now rushing through the entry i’d just snuck through.
Walking through the bodies of people reminded me of my sour mood. I looked around trying to locate the source of my discomfort. People were crowding the bar and as my mind drifted to thoughts of my past temptation a surge of sadness washed over me. Harry of course probably had no idea how messed up I was when he met me, but everything he had done was a small reminder that I was weak. No matter how much I tried to keep away from people in London, no matter how emotionless, cold-hearted and careless I acted here, I was still that timid girl from Australia who was filled with so much self-hatred she failed to function as what society deemed to be normal.
I could feel a panic attack coming on, as I dizzied myself with thoughts i’d been trying to suppress since I got to London.
“EMILY!” I heard my name being called and cheering. I turned to face the sound and saw Harry looking at me with a massive grin, next to him were a bunch of faces I couldn’t place and Louis.
When Harry noticed my fear, everything changed. I panicked and quickly turned back the way I had entered. I should have just called the women from the meeting, why did I have to be so rash?
“Emily” His voice was stern and it was much closer then I wanted. Suddenly hands were on my shoulder and the man I had managed to escape upon entering the club was glaring down at me.
“You need to leave, now!” He spoke.
“Doug, get your hands off her” Harry pushed the man away from me and grabbed my hand. Doug seemed to get the hint and walked away with one last glare in my direction, i’m sure he didn’t expect it when I called after him.
“I want to leave” I spoke, “Let me leave.” I stared at Doug hoping he’d kick me out. He looked at Harry and turned and walked away.
“What are you doing here?” Harry spoke, “Em? Will you just look at me” I could here the anger in his voice and I wanted to ask for my phone but I was still so panicked from my existential crises previously.
Harry must have noticed my erratic behaviour, because what he did next was very unexpected. I was pulled and pushed into a room, which turned out to be a small closet. Pressed chest to chest with Styles I began to calm down. His arms wrapped around my shoulders and he was holding me tightly and whispering calming words into my ear.
“I don’t know you” I finally whispered, “stop acting like you know me.”
“I’m sorry, I just, I-I want to know you” Harry looked down at me, his eyes pierced mine and I couldn’t handle it anymore, so I cried.
He slid his back down the wall until we were sitting on the floor, I remained securely in his arms as he kissed the top of my head.
“Emily, can you tell me what happened?” He asked. His words rang in my ears and it was like I only just realised that I was inside a closet sized room with Harry Styles holding me. I awkwardly pushed him away as best I could, and attempted to get up, but I was, once again, being too rash and kept falling back into his arms.
“Stop, just stop!” Harry’s arms secured themselves so tightly around me I couldn’t make even the slightest movement.
“You don’t want to know, I can’t tell you, It was my fault, you wouldn’t understand” I was hiccuping random sentences from my past and I was so scared and I just wanted to be home, my real home, in Australia.
“I can help you” He whispered, “but only if you let me in Em”
“It’s Emily, you don’t know me, I don’t know you” I spoke through short breathes.
“You have issues with letting people care about you, don’t you love?” He chuckled, but all I heard was “you have issues,” I know that Harry and that’s exactly why you should stay away from me.
“I want to go home now, with my phone please” I whispered, with more stability. Surprisingly, he reached into his pocket, passed me my phone, and called me a taxi.
Harry waited with me out the back where he had told the driver to come. We didn’t talk but his hand remained enclosed tightly around mine. It was when the car had arrived, that he decided to break the silence between us.
“I want, no, need you to call me. Not only when you arrive home, but also tomorrow” He stared at me fiercely, and as if he knew what I had been thinking he leaned down and whispered into my ear “this isn’t a game Emily, it never was” with a kiss on the cheek he helped me into his coat and then into the car and I drifted away with a new found fear of everything around me.
12/11/13