Lana's POV

I lean my head against Harry's shoulder while we all watch a movie in my living room. He wraps his arm around me, but somehow he feels distant. He's been acting weird ever since we left the parade this afternoon. Something is just off with him. He doesn't hold my eyes for very long and he isn't as affectionate as he usually is. What is going on. After a minute or two he gets up and says he's going to make some popcorn. I watch as he walks into the kitchen, then get up and follow him. When I get to the kitchen I see him leaning against the counter in front of the sink with his back facing me, muscles tense and head hanging low. I walk up and put my hand on his back, making him flinch.

"What's wrong?" He doesn't turn to look at me, doesn't say anything. He just takes a deep breath. "Harry?"

He slowly turns to face me, leaning against the counter and crossing his large arms across his chest. "I'm fine."

"You don't seem fine."

He looks between my eyes with an intensity that I can't look away from. Suddenly he takes my face in his hands and kisses me passionately. I kiss him back, hands hanging by my sides in surprise by the sudden eagerness behind this kiss. When he pulls back to press his forehead against mine my breathing is uneven. His is as well.

"Harry?"

"Yes, love."

"Are you sure you're okay?" I pull face away from his so I can look into his eyes. He stares back at me and smiles weakly, nodding his head. He looks upset. Why is he lying to me? Without a word he steps around me, leaving me cold without his touch. I turn and watch as he pours kernels into the machine. He honestly looks like he's trying not to cry.

"Harry, please talk to me," I whisper, heart breaking at the sight of him looking so upset. He continues to keep himself busy, taking out drinks and glasses, two bowls for the popcorn, melting butter. Eventually I start to get impatient. I step in front of him and take his face between my hands, forcing him to meet my eyes. "What's wrong?" I ask forcefully. He looks a little taken back by actions.

"I have to-" he stops short, shutting his mouth and looking all over face, studying it. Then his expression softens and he gives me a small smile. "I was just thinking about something."

"What?"

He takes a long pause, staring into my eyes again. "I want to be with you forever."

My face breaks into a massive smile and my eyes tear up at his words. So gentle, so honest, and so filled with love. He reaches up and wipes under my eyes. Goodness, I'm so embarrassing. Why am I crying? He smiles back at me, revealing his adorable dimples. There's still a sadness in his eyes though, one the smile doesn't cover up. I wrap my arms around him and bury my face against neck. He hugs me tightly, kissing to side of my head and lifting me slightly off the ground. My heart could just burst right now. Those words mean everything to me.

"I love you so much," I whisper against his ear. I feel him shudder against me.

He sets me down and starts kissing my neck, making his way down and across my shoulder. "I need you," he says deeply, voice raspy. I feel a warm sensation in the pit of my stomach. I know what he means.

"Harry, everyone's here," I whisper, holding back a moan when he hits my sweet spot.

"We can be quiet," he says seductively, looking into my eyes. I take his hand and pull him up the stairs. No one seems to notice us leave; Brooke and Niall are deep in conversation while El and Louis make out on the recliner. I pull Harry into my bedroom and he locks the door before lifting me off the ground and putting me roughly back against the bed, wasting no time in pulling both of our shirts off. He stands and shimmies out of his jeans while I do the same, both of us making quick work of our belts and zippers. I reach out for his neck when he leans back down over me, pulling him tight against me as our lips move in sync, tongues dancing around together. I reach down and pull his boxers down. He finishes the job for me, throwing them on the floor before pulling his mouth from mine and reaching into the side table for a condom. I pull my panties off while he slides it on.

"I love you so much," he breaths, rolling back on top of me and looking into my eyes. He looks so desperate right now, so...broken. I can't put my finger on it, but something just seems off with him.

"I love you too, Harry. More than I ever thought possible."

- - - - - - - - -

"So what did you guys do up there?" Louis asks, raising his eyebrows as Harry and I come down the stairs hand in hand. As hard as I tried to be quiet, there's no doubt they hear us. Oh well.

"Shut up Lou," Harry says playfully, squeezing my hand. I giggle and follow him to the couch. In our absence the four of them had finished making and eating most of the popcorn, as well as starting on two tubs of ice cream. I get a bowl of popcorn and sit next to Harry on the love seat, leaning my body into his. He holds me tight against him, popping some of the corn into his mouth as the movie continues. I steal glances up at him every few minutes, admiring his beauty. Yes, my boyfriend is beautiful.

After about twenty minutes he meets my eyes when I've been staring at him for a bit. "Why do you always stare at me?" he asks, smirking.

"You're pretty," I admit quietly, tapping his nose. He chuckles and kisses my forehead, letting his lips linger there for a few seconds after. My heart rate quickens.

"So are you," he breathes, then kisses me again. I close my eyes and lean my head against his chest when he pulls away. Louis and Eleanor are both smiling and watching us. I blush and Louis winks at me. I look across the room at Brooke and Niall. Brooke is absorbed in the movie, but Niall is watching us with a pained expression on his face. When I meet his eyes he looks back at the TV. What was that?

When the movie is over we all stay where we are, talking and discussing our plans for the week. School got really busy, so we all have a bunch of assignments due this week. Me and El have a project together in history, so we make plans to meet up at some point after school. Niall and Harry both stay unusually quiet, neither of them reacting to any part of the conversation. Every time I look at Harry he's staring at me, so intently that it surprises me. It's like he's memorizing my face or something.

Harry's POV

I should probably stop staring at Lana like this, but I can't help it. I need to learn everything about her perfect face, memorize every feature, every part. Her gorgeous green eyes with a small brown dot on the coloured part of her left eye. Her long dark eyelashes that frame her eyes perfectly, even when she isn't wearing make up. The perfect curve of her nose with a few freckles peppering the tip of it very lightly, so faint you can't see them unless you're close up. Her pink lips, so soft, so inviting. The way the left side of her mouth pulls up a tiny bit higher than the right when she laughs.

I don't look away when she catches me staring. I just take it all in. She's so perfect. And I'm lucky enough to call her mine.

But not for much longer.

I'm trying so hard to keep it together right now and act normal, especially while everyone else is here. I don't even want to think about what I have to do tonight. How can I leave her? How can I tear myself away from someone I love so damn much? I can't imagine my life without her. I don't want to have a life without her. What kind of life would that be? And how can I leaver her right now, after everything we've been through? She's so fragile right now. Just as she's finally starting to recover I'm just going to leave. It'll break her heart. Will either of us be able to be happy after this?

I can tell by the look on her face that she knows something's up. Plus Niall looks like he wants to cry over there. He's just watching us. Obviously he knows what's going to happen, and that Lana has no idea. I told him not to say anything to anyone until after I left, and only if he had to. I meet his eyes and nod towards the kitchen before kissing Lana's forehead and standing up. He follows me in there.

"Harry, you can't be serious about this?" he whispers.

"Niall, we aren't discussing it anymore. I need you guys to leave. I only have a few hours left with her."

"Not if you don't go."

"Niall-"

"Harry, please. She's going to be so devastated. You can't do that to her! And what are you going to do without her?"

"Just shut up, Niall! You don't think I know that? But what's the other option? Letting Zayn kill her? Not a fucking chance. We aren't talking about this anymore. Please just do this for me."

I take out an envelope and hand it to him. "Give this to Louis after I'm gone." He takes it and stuffs it in his pocket. He holds his hand to me and I shake it, and wrap my other arm around him, patting his back. "Thank you, Niall. Please take care of her." My voice breaks and he pulls away from me.

"Take care of yourself, Haz."

I nod and he walks back into the living room. "Brooke, we should get going."

"Why? It's only like six."

"We have school tomorrow."

"So?"

"I want to go home, I'm tired. Plus, I have homework and I know you do too." Brooke rolls her eyes and stands.

"Fine."

"We should probably go too," Louis says, standing and pulling El up with him. Lana stands too, following them to the door and hugging each of them. I shake Lou's hand. He's going to be pissed that I'm not saying goodbye, but that's what the letter is for. It explains everything and asks for him to look after Lana for me. Obviously he will anyway. He'll probably hate me after this. He really is one of the best friends I've ever had.

When they've all left I stand at the door and watch them get in their cars and drive off. I really hope that isn't the last time I see any of them.

"Harry, it's cold, what are you doing?" Lana asks, pulling me back a little and shutting the front door.

I mumble a sorry and walk into the living room to start cleaning up. She follows and we pile everything onto the counter beside the sink. She starts doing the dishes, but that's really not what I want to be doing on my last night with her. I wrap my arms around her from behind and kiss the side of her neck.

"Harry, come on," she says, trying to lean away from me so she can continue. "Let me do the dishes."

"We can do those later, they aren't going anywhere," I say, continuing in my efforts. She suddenly drops the sponge and turns quickly, wrapping her arms around my neck and jumping up so she can wrap her legs around my waist I hold her up with one hand while the other slides under her top. I make the familiar trek up the stairs to her room, laying her back on the bed so we can continue kissing. I'm so torn right now. I know I can never get enough of her. I could just kiss her all night until I have to leave. But I need to talk to her. I want to learn more about her, too. I suddenly feel like I barely know anything about her.

I pull back and lift myself up a little, hovering over her. She looks confused by my actions, or lack there of.

"Is something wrong?" she asks, brushing her hands through me hair. Fuck, I'm going to miss that.

"No, I just..." I stare at her for a few minutes before rolling off her and leaning on my elbow beside her. "What do you want to do after school?"

"What?" she smiles a little in confusion. Yeah, that was a little random.

"You know, university and a job. What do you want to do?"

"I'm not exactly sure. I mostly applied for writing programs, but I also sent in one application for a teaching program."

"Teaching?"

"Yeah. After what we went through I realized that I really like kids. Teaching would be fun." She sits up a little and leans against the headboard, studying my face. I smile at the thought of her imparting wisdom on toddlers.

"You would be really good at that, babe."

"You think so?"

"Of course. You're brilliant, so you wouldn't have problem teaching. And I can imagine you being perfect for teaching little kids. You're so...patient. And kind."

"Aww, thanks, baby," she says running her fingers along my cheek. "Where is this coming from?"

"I just realized we hadn't really talked about it," I lie, shrugging. She studies my face or a few seconds before responding with a question of her own.

"Do you still want to go to school in London?" I nod, unable to answer with my words. That probably won't ever happen for me now. Not with Zayn controlling me. "What would you think about getting an apartment together?" she asks quietly, fiddling with her thumbs and avoiding my eyes.

I think I could literally feel my heart shatter into a million pieces. There is nothing I want more; to live with her, start a life together. I can imagine how insanely happy we would be. A lump raises in my throat, thinking about everything I'm going to miss out on when I leave. I don't know if I can do this. I realize I've been silent for too long when Lana looks up at me with a concerned look on her face.

"I mean, we don't have to. I just thought it would be fun, but if you don't want to that's fun. It was just a thought."

"No, no, that's not it," I say, finally managing to get words out of my mouth. "That would be incredible. I would love it."

Her face lights up. "Really? You're not just saying that, right? 'Cuz I don't want you to feel like you have to and then you get miserable because you don't want to live with me."

"Lana, I would never ever be miserable with you," I assure her, putting my palm against her cheek. She smiles up at me and puts her hand on mine. I can't do this. I'm not strong enough.

How do you walk away from a love like this?

"What else?"

"What do you mean?" she asks, lacing her fingers in mine and bringing them away from her face.

"What else do you have planned?" I want to know everything.

"Harry, where is this coming from?"

"I just want to know," I say simply, kissing the back of her hand. She gives me a worried look and starts to tell me things she's always dreamed of since she was a kid; getting married in a castle (but she doesn't think that one will happen anymore), living in the city and raising kids in a nice neighbourhood. She wants to travel the world and see everything, meet lots of people. Everything she tells me only makes me fall more in love with her, if that's even possible.

After about an hour we end up kissing again; this time she's on top of me. That doesn't happen very often, as she always reminds me. As she's kissing my neck I flip her over.

"I know that wouldn't last too long," she says, laughing and paying her head back to look at me. I've decided that I can't say goodbye to her. I can't speak the words and I can't bear to see her face when she realizes what's happening.

So I'm just going to leave.

I feel like such an ass doing that to her. She's going to wake up alone without any kind of explanation. I wrote a letter for her too, but it's short and simple. There;s no explanation in it. She doesn't need to hear that from me; it's not going to make it better. I stare into her eyes brush my lips against hers, her warm breath caressing my lips.

"Let me make love to you," I whisper, staring deep into her eyes and taking in everything I see there. Someone so beautiful, kind, caring, generous, selfless. Just amazing. She's perfect.

She looks at me, pupils darting back and forth between my own. She nods and pulls my face down to her own, kissing me slowly but passionately. I put everything into every kiss, every touch, knowing that this will be the last time I'll make love to her like this. After a while I can tell she's growing impatient; usually I'm the eager one, unable to get enough fast enough. But right now I need to savour this moment with her.

This last, perfect time.

I pull back before our bodies become one. "I love you with all of my heart, Lana," I say, brushing the hair away from her eyes. She smiles and pulls my face down to hers.

One last time.

- - - - - - -

I lay awake the whole night, holding Lana tight against me and staring at her, memorizing the picture of her sleeping so peacefully. Silent tears stream down my face almost all night. Everything inside me is screaming at me, begging me not to leave. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do without her.

At about 4 am I decide I should probably go before her sleep gets lighter and she wakes up from me moving. More tears flow from my eyes as I look at her in my arms one last time, kissing all over her face softly, so I don't wake her. I hold her against me tightly once more before laying her back against the pillows and getting out of bed. I get dressed slowly, watching her the whole time. She's so beautiful. She's an angel.

And I'm going to break her heart.

I crawl on the bed and hover over her, staring one last time at her beautiful face. I lean down and kiss her forehead, then her lips lightly. I look at her again and whisper to her.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I love you so much." I kiss her forehead once more and get off the bed gently, walking to the door, struggling to get one last look through the tears that are clouding my vision.

"Goodbye, Lana. I love you," I whisper again, then I tear my eyes away and shut the door, going as quickly as I can without making a noise and going out the front door. Silent sobs rack my body as I start walking down the street, away from my house and hers. I already left a letter for my mother, telling her to stay here and not to worry about me. And that I forgive her and I love her.

My mind is clouded with images of Lana. Laughing, crying, smiling, reading, doing homework, laying in my arms, staring into my eyes, sleeping in my arms. She's all I can think about as I round the corner and collapse onto the grass on the side of road. Sobs push their way out my throat as my body shakes and my eyes drain the last of the tears I have. After a while I pull out my phone and dial Liam's number. He doesn't pick up, so I dial it again.

"What the hell, Harry? Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"I need you to come get me, Liam," I say, trying not to sound too upset.

"Right, you're coming back. Does it need to be now?"

"Please, Liam. I'll walk to my school, I'm sure you guys know where that is."

"Yeah," he admits quietly. I can hear him getting up and keys clinking in the background. "I'll be there as soon as I can. Are you alright mate? You sound like hell."

"No. I'm not alright. Just get here as soon as possible." I hang up and take a deep breath as I stand and start walking in the direction of the school. It's cold outside, but the fresh air helps me get myself together a bit. A few tears still roll down my cheeks. I can't get the image of Lana sleeping in my arms out of my head. I can feel myself being physically pulled back to her, but I know I can't go back. I can't let her be put in danger like that. It would be selfish.

I get to the school after about 40 minutes and sit on the steps in front to wait for Liam. I take my phone out and scroll through all the pictures of Lana on my phone. Some of them are just her, some are both of us. Most of them are us making goofy faces, usually one trying not to laugh at the other. We both look so happy.

I know I'm never going to feel that way.

I smile when I get to one I've never seen. It's of Lana. She must have stolen my phone. She's making a kissing face and holding up a note.

you're the bestest :)

I smile as a new round of tears roll down my cheeks. I stare at this picture for I don't know how long. Eventually Liam pulls up. I get in the car without a word and we drive in silence while I continue to stare at the picture. The sun starts to rise as we drive away from the city. Despite the rising light, I feel like my life is going in the opposite direction. Without Lana, there's only darkness.

Nothing will ever be the same.

Notes

so I really had to try hard not to cry writing this chapter..i hope it got you guys emotional too. so sad :( it was actually so hard to write for me. i hope you guys like it and dont hate me for doing this im just as sad as you guys are. on top of it all the song you and i came on while i was reading it over. someone get me a tissue

should i do one last chapter in this one? Lana's reaction when she wakes up?
or should i just leave it like this and start the sequel?
please tell me! I dont want to ruin the story with a shitty ending so let me know what you think i should do with this!

i will definitely be writing a sequel, so thats not the issue. just whether or not i should write one more chapter in this story.

thanks :)

to all of my amazing readers, thank you so so so so so so much! i cant tell you guys how much it means to me that you are readying my story and to know that so many of you are enjoying it. i loved writing this story, it was amazing.

let me know what you think! especicially about this chapter
what do you think will happen in the sequel?


what were your favourite parts?

THANK YOU SO MUCH MY LOVELIES!
love you all<3
xx