Fanfiction 101
Promises
(3) Your grammar is great, but explain to me how a girl can last 3 years walking alone on the streets without getting: kidnapped, raped, beaten in an alley, starved… It just makes no sense, especially since she was 16 when she got kicked out.
Unless she magically got a boatload of cash to pay for food all the time to prevent herself from passing out from hunger, I don’t think she would have lasted that long. And what about personal hygiene?! Sure, bathrooms are easy to find, but showering? Brushing teeth? I wonder how much BO that girl has.
I think you need to be a little more realistic here. If you really want the girl to be wandering alone on the streets as part of your story, I wouldn’t make it 3 years… It would be more like 3 days… not even that long.
As for the rest of the plot, I don’t really know what to say because there has only been 5 chapters and I feel like they could all be 1 chapter altogether.
If you found this review to be disappointing, I'm can't say I'm sorry. As I said, I am a brutally honest person, or so people tell me. If you would like me to take this down, I will, just ask me. Don't bitch about it either; I don't care what you think, I'm just telling you what I think. Don't get mad, you asked for it. Don't rate this badly just because you don't like what I say. But on the off chance you like what I'm telling you, I'm glad you could learn something from me.
@That_clifford_girl
Hi! I don't normally do this but I'm just gonna get right on it.
It's in my knowledge that this author isn't coming back. Which means your review isn't coming. But! I recently started up a review store so if you're interested you can link your story there.
All you have to do is click my name and follow the form. :-)
12/31/16