Fanfiction 101

(4) First and foremost, your title is missing punctuation; you need to fix it (Shes Not Afraid -> She’s Not Afraid). So I did this review a few days ago, but when I went to check your story, I realized that you were going through editing and fixed the gaps. It doesn’t make much of a difference from what I’ve already written, but I’ll be cutting out the parts directed towards your editing.

Charlotte doesn’t know One Direction (once again, does she live under a rock?) yet after one night at a club, where she became unbelievably drunk and in reality probably shouldn’t have remembered much, she develops deep feelings for Harry and vice versa. Like, what the fuck? You just met; slow down. There's no such thing as less-than-24-hour-developed love, so don't make them sound like that.

So she signs a contract to be Louis’ girlfriend for the money, but he actually likes her, she somewhat likes him. This part I like; it’s different. However, when you put the two-week gap between the announcement of the contract and their relationship, it got confusing. *it has been confusing.

Then, there’s the whole “mysterious past” where she supposedly got caught up with the wrong people. I’m just not seeing that incorporated into the story, and it looks completely out of context, irrelevant to the rest of the story. I really feel that the whole gang thing doesn’t fit with your story, and you would be better off without it. It’s also unclear why she got kicked out of her house in the first place. Whether it may come later in the story, I don’t know, but right now I’m lost.

Also, if she moved in with Claire, why isn’t she there much? She asked to move there for the rest of senior year, yet she isn’t there often. Might as well find a nice cardboard box and call it home… She doesn’t even go to school for crying out loud! You moved in with Claire to finish school then get out; at least keep your promise.

Overall, I’m just utterly confused. You need to slow down and make differences in time more defined (clearly written), because one second she’s getting kicked out, then she’s at a bar with Nina – I don’t know who Nina is! What happened to Claire?! Also, when you rush, you make a lot of grammatical errors (it’s mostly punctuation and run-on sentences in your case). Just slow down; there is no rushing in great story writing, and I truly believe that you can get better if you just slow down a little.

Also, I completely disagree with one of your other reviews in sense of character names. Whatever author told you that your character names were “wrong” or whatever because “better” stories used those names is stupid. She can’t compare your story to other stories just because they’re more popular. Name your characters whatever the fuck you want.

Notes