*Reagan’s POV*
It’s been five weeks and I feel as if I’ve been in a marathon since the first time I’ve stepped foot into Dr. Koch’s office. His approach to his patients is completely different to that of Dr. Bakers. It seems harsh to me, but patients wouldn’t keep coming to him if he wasn’t any good, and he has a lot of them. I have to sit through every session, answer the phones, run his errands and still be sure to learn methods and terminology for vocal test that he gives me at the end of my ten to fourteen hour day. I’m exhausted but it’s all worth it. Every night for the past four weeks when I get home and into bed, I’ve counted down the days until I get back to London again. I’m in week five and I only have a day and a Half left, two more days if I include flight time, two more days until I see my love.

I wake up the next morning at six thirty more tired than usual. I work so much that I dreamed about work and my dream actually made me feel as if I weren’t sleeping at all. I ran my shower and walked to the kitchen to make myself a coffee, dead on my feet. When I went back into the bathroom steam fogged over the mirror and as I got in and allowed the water’s sting to relax my muscles and give me energy for the day, I remembered the time that Harry showered with me. I closed my eyes and reveled in the memory. It hasn’t been that long ago, but it certainly does feel like it.

I let my hands explore my body briefly as I bathed myself in the shower and got out more frustrated than when I got in. There’s more than one reason why I miss H. and though this particular reason is not the main one it’s definitely top three.

I checked my phone for Dr. Koch’s usual seven o’clock coffee demand and this time instead of just getting one for him, I was apparently picking up for the entire office. I let out a sigh of frustration as I quickly got dressed then made my way to Starbucks.

I stood annoyed in line. Dr. Baker would never do this to me. Dr. Koch is rude, arrogant as all hell, and as Victoria nicely put it, an asshole, but he knows his shit. He’s almost as good as Dr. Baker and judging from all of the plaques on his wall in his office, I would say that it would be a toss-up of who has more between the two of them.

When I left the building and headed back for my car with coffees in hand, I froze momentarily where I stood. I could have sworn I saw Peyton crossing the street and heading into an office building not far from where I worked and if it is him, he’s too close for comfort. I took a second to myself before I proceeded to the car. I’m tired and I wouldn’t put it past my brain to play tricks on me. I couldn’t have been him. I know he said he would be in California, but I doubt that we would be in the same place.

I made it to the office just before 8 a.m. rolled around and quickly set the coffees on the break room table. When I took my seat behind my desk, I took my medication for anxiety out of my purse. That was a close call, too close of a call and I was almost late. I can’t take the risk of getting fired and putting my chances of getting back to London on the line. I set the medicine absentmindedly on my desk contemplating if I needed to take a pill or not when Dr. Koch emerged from his office and picked up the bottle.

“Ativan? You have anxiety attacks Miss Stoger?” I looked at him utterly embarrassed. Why did he have to pick it up?

“I was just recently diagnosed with it.”

“Hmm. Did the doctor who gave you these tell you that they’re highly addictive?” He looked at me with an accusatory glance as if I had prescribed them for myself. I shook my head no and he continued. “You shouldn’t be taking these. There’s a way to deal with your anxiousness without popping a pill for it. How bad are your attacks normally?”

How much more meddling can he get?

“I’ve only had one so far, but I fainted from it.” Dr. Koch scoffed and then put the pill bottle in his pocket.

“Some of these ‘doctors’ are quite questionable. If they were further examined I’m sure they would have their Ph.D.’s revoked. You fainted and that’s serious, but Ativan is a stronger prescription for someone who has attacks constantly. I’m sure you didn’t need this brand. I’ll prescribe you another one.” He took the pill jar out of his pocket and removed one of the tablets putting down on my desk before he walked away with the rest of my medicine.

“I’ll leave you the one if you need to take it now. Call my ten o’ clock and have him know that if he’s not on time today I won’t see him. Then come and join me in my office before my eight thirty arrives. Bring a note pad and paper, no tape recorders. You need to learn to listen the first time.”

I do as he says with a sigh and then follow my egotistical boss back into his office to officially start the twelve hour day ahead... Two more days left.

---

*Harry’s POV*
I pushed Tamsin off my lap and down on the bed as she continued panting and squirming, trying to recover. She’s already had two orgasms, but I still haven’t gotten off yet. I open her legs and slam myself into her again when she screams out with a mixture of pleasure and pain.

“Fuck! Shit Harry!” She winces then moans loudly afterwards but I don’t care. I’m not doing it for her comfort I’m doing it to distract myself. If she didn’t like it she would have told me to stop a long time ago.

I continue to pound into her and I can finally feel myself getting close to my release. Tamsin screams again and I give in shortly after her collapsing on the bed.

“Christ Harry, that was intense.” She tries to trace her fingers through my hair but I catch her wrist before she can touch me. I don’t want her to touch me. That’s getting too familiar and this isn’t about intimacy.

I throw her wrist back to her side as I continue to try and catch my breath. When I hear my phone ring against the hard wood of Tamsin’s floor, I curse to myself before I answer it. I already know it’s my mum.

“H-Hello (I can’t fucking breathe)...No I’m not going to forget about the testing, I’ve been going for the last month haven’t I?... I’m fine, I went for a jog at the park I was just running when you called...Yes, I’ll see you later before twelve I know. Okay bye love you too.”

I stood from the bed to put my clothes back on and Tamsin stays lying down completely naked watching me get dressed. I wish Reagan was as confident in her body as Tamsin is in hers. Her body was perfect, and she has bigger tits and a better curved ass than Tamsin does.

“Do you want me to drive you back to yours? I don’t want you collapsing because you can’t catch your breath.”

“No I can jog back home, the exercise is good for me.” I pulled my shirt over my head and grabbed my keys off her dresser. Exercising is all I’ve been doing. Exercising, going to session, drug tests, working in the bar with Zayn and Lou and occasionally shagging Tamsin’s brains out. Every time we do it I try to imagine that it’s Reagan, but it’s not the same. It’s nowhere near as good or as satisfying as when I was with her. I don’t love Tamsin and it makes a whole world of difference. I quietly curse Reagan for ruining sex for me with anyone else, but I need something, some form of outlet or I’ll end up back in Maudsley for sure.

If I stay in the house too long I have to deal with my emotions and my mum parading that fucking ring around so I go to the gym or out for a jog for a few hours until she goes to work. Then there’s the goddamn drug test I have to take every day. It’s so degrading and annoying to piss in a cup and have the results come back negative every time. Dr. Baker is only making me take the damn tests so that I feel like an ass and I do. It’s working. Then there’s sessions, sessions annoy the fuck out of me and the majority of the time I have to bite my tongue to keep from snapping off. Every time I go she asks me about my dreams, the, overdose and Reagan and every fucking time I avoid those questions. If I wanted to talk about it I would bring it up. I have to swallow my emotions down after I a leave session. I’ve been doing that since I found out that Reagan left without so much as a word. It’s been working for the most part, but when I feel an oddly sharp pain in the pit of my stomach from taking on so much and dodging so much emotion, I call Tamsin. Once or twice while working at the bar with the boys I would take shots with girls that would come in and flirt with them. It usually would end in mindless shagging in the restroom, but I couldn’t be bothered to keep having one nighters with girls I didn’t know that well. Tamsin is a sure thing, and I’m better acquainted with her. The void I feel is covered when she lets me lose the control I try to maintain throughout the day on her. This has been going on for four weeks and the sad part is I don’t feel any better after it’s over, but I know if I stop I’ll lose it.

On top of everything else the dreams are back and I haven’t really slept well in what feels like ages. I don’t know how much more of this I can take before the walls cave in around me and I’m left stuck grasping for a way out that doesn’t exist.

When I leave Tamsin’s place I get another phone call, but this time it’s from Reagan. I stare at the screen and have an internal war with myself like I do every time she calls me, but this time I give in and hit the talk button.

“Harry?! Hello?” She sounds shocked that I answered just about as shocked as I feel that I did. The sound of her voice rips me in two and even though I’m happy to hear her, I see red at the same time. I can’t bring myself to say anything.

“You don’t have to talk just listen. I can’t believe you answered. I love you and I miss you so much. I’m going to make things better between us if you let me. You’ll see... I have a surprise for you. Just give me a few days. Please?”

I sigh into the phone and let out a breath that I didn’t know that I was holding. I don’t trust her. Everything she’s saying is just words. Words, words, words with no meaning behind them! I pinch my bottom lip contemplating if I should say something back; if I did I do what would I say?

“What for?!” My subconscious speaks for me in a harsh snappy tone and I mentally kick him for even opening his mouth.

“To make things right Harry please?” ‘Harry please,’ it used to turn me on when I would hear her breathlessly beg for me to touch her using those two words, but now it sends shudders through me in a bad way. Did she beg that way to him too? I scoff into the phone confused as to what to say or do before I respond slightly shouting.

“I can’t...You can’t! How can you fix something when you’re not here?! How can you call after all this time and expect to make anything better?! There’s shit you can do!”

“I can fix it I can! I’ve tried to call you and send you texts but you wouldn’t answer or reply! Please Harry please just let me try?” She sounds desperate and hopeful at the same time and I still don’t know what to say. I sigh heavily again and pinch the bridge of my nose hoping it will fight the headache that I feel coming on.

“....Fine....” I don’t know if I said it because I wanted the painful conversation to be over or because I really wanted her to try, but I have no clue on how she can make this work and a part of me that I’m too afraid to look at is not even sure if I want it to. I can tell she was smiling on the other end of the phone before we hung up and I have no clue on what I’ve just gotten myself into.

Notes

Hi guys HI NEW SUBSCRIBERS!!! I love you guys you all are amazing! Yay for an earlier update lol. So they finally talk to each other. What did you guys think? Be sure to leave me all your thoughts and comments and concerns. I'm sooooo excited for whats coming up next ahhh! If you're enjoying my little story be sure to vote vote vote, subscribe and leave me tons and loads of comments if you haven't done so yet guys (I need them to survive!). LOVE YOU ALL FOR READING Xx! :D